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Paint a rainbow all around him

Summary:

Aziraphale takes up streaming.

Crowley becomes "Mr. Teapot".

They also really, really love each other, but that isn't new.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

For many years, Crowley had been the one to practically drag Aziraphale to learn about the internet. They were, after all, old, but not old enough to pretend that it was still the fifties (even though Aziraphale would have loved that).

His lessons had included explaining how to use a mobile phone, what a "Google" was and eventually, had come around to describing the joke behind certain memes. Aziraphale had dismissed a lot of it and Crowley had been very annoyed, but he had also been very comfortable in his position as the more knowledgeable one of them.

These days, things were a little different. Crowley couldn't quite pinpoint the moment it had happened, but sometime over the last year, Aziraphale had not only decided that the internet was something worth taking interest in besides looking up future book releases, but also that it was a place worth spending lots of time on. Aziraphale had decided to start streaming, which had absolutely bewildered Crowley, because 'really, Angel, you barely know how to turn the PC on', but after seeing just how much fun it was for his husband to even have two people listen to him ramble about books, Crowley had decided that he liked the new hobby too. And, after all, it was a really harmless, even sweet thing to do; Aziraphale either talked about literature, read a book out loud or tried to help people who came into the streams with their problems.

It was good life advice too, advice that had helped Crowley in the past, helped him in the present and therefore would help lots of other people. On top of that, Aziraphale loved helping people anyway, so it was all a win win. And to make sure no one bothered his husband, Crowley looked into the streams once in a while to see what type of comments everyone left.

 

When I was younger, I always hated Mr Darcy but the way you make him sound I might have just become a fan lol

Wait this part was in the book???

Your tea is getting cold

Really love your voice, sooo calming!

Praying for Aziraphale’s tea again, he made it an hour ago and forgot it just like last week

 

At some point, more and more people had started to watch the streams, which made Aziraphale more and more happy and therefore obviously made Crowley more and more happy. Aziraphale seemed to mistake Crowley’s smile for interest in streaming though.

“You know, if you wanted, you could join me in the streams. I’m sure that would be fun.”

Crowley raised his brows as he continued to water the plants, just like he did every morning. “Nah. Not really my thing.”

“I assure you, it is really fun to chat with the viewers.”

“Oh, don’t doubt that. But I-” He stopped to stare menacingly at the orchids. “Well, call it me being camera shy or whatever.”

Aziraphale smiled in a way that made Crowley’s ears heat up. “My dear, I have to say that comes as a surprise. But of course, I would never want to ask you for something you don’t like, I just thought the streaming could make you happy as well as me.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Crowley watched how Aziraphale petted the orchid and made a mental note to yell at it later. “I’m already happy when you do it.”

 

Over the next months, Aziraphale gained quite a popularity online. In hindsight, Crowley should have expected that so many people would like his husband’s streams; and especially since he had not only started to upload stuff on Youtube (with Crowley’s help, obviously) and started to stream more often, but also to expand his streaming activities, more and more people flooded to his husband with positive feedback. It was adorable, really, how Aziraphale tried his best to make everyone comfortable and happy, but it also came with the side effect that Crowley sometimes forgot just when exactly his husband was streaming in the first place.

“Angel, where did you put the teapot?” Crowley had yelled from outside Aziraphale’s room, but he knew his voice was loud enough to be heard. After a second, he heard Aziraphale’s voice reply, but not to him.

“Oh, you must excuse me for a second there, everyone.” Then the door opened and Aziraphale’s head peeked outside. “I believe it’s in the garden, dear. Sorry, I think I forgot it on the table while I was reading.”

Crowley felt his face get slightly red; it irritated him. “Oh. Yeah, good. Alright.” He knew it was only his voice, but the fact that lots of people had heard him did make him slightly nervous. “Sorry for - didn’t realise you were streaming.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure I forgot to tell you.” Then Aziraphale disappeared again, leaving a slightly flustered Crowley in front of the door, who wondered how many people had picked up on his voice.

 

It turned out everyone had. “But they were quite lovely, dear. Only positive feedback.”

“Sure.” Crowley poked around with his fork till he was able to grab the potato. Today, he had been the one to cook and as it turned out, one did get better, even after years and years.

“Didn’t want to disrupt you, is all.”

Aziraphale put his hand on Crowley’s and smiled. “You really didn’t though. You know I always love hearing your voice.”

“Right.” Crowley was only able to put his mind at ease later though, after looking up the particular moment in the stream, his eyes glued to his phone when he saw just how the comments exploded after hearing his voice.

 

Angel???

Knew you had a boyfriend!!!

Awww

He sounds cute

Where is the teapot though?

he called him angel 😭

the way Zira smiles I CAN’T

mr teapot should come around more often lol

 

Over the next weeks, Aziraphale not only informed him that many viewers sent greetings to Crowley, but also that generally, he was referred to as “Mr. Teapot” by everyone in the chat now. He didn’t like the nickname, especially when Aziraphale said it with that voice where you KNEW he was making fun of you without being obvious about it, but after a while, he just got used to the fact that once in a while, he heard Aziraphale talk about him under his discreet new name.

And maybe just because of that nickname, he became a little less flustered about the whole thing.

“Angel? I brought your package from the bookshop!”

Crowley heard a ruffling sound, then Aziraphale practically teleported himself right in front of Crowley. “Aah, it’s here! Thank you, dear, I was looking forward to it-”

“I know.”

“But I thought it would arrive tomorrow morning!”

“Well, I just went there and asked. Turns out, they got it early.”

“Oh, thank you so much! Do you want to open it with me or…?”

Crowley threw a look at the half opened door of their office room, then shook his head. “Nah. I think it’ll be more fun when you open it with the chat.”

Aziraphale gave him a quick kiss, then hurried towards the room. “Thanks, love. You’re the best!”

When the door had closed, Crowley mumbled a “Love you too” towards it, feeling a little nervous again. It took a while to shake the feeling off.

 

On a Friday evening, Anathema of all people sent Crowley a clip of Aziraphale’s latest stream.

Why are you called Mr. Teapot??

He took a look at the message and huffed.

Just asked for the teapot once, I guess people adapted the name

Ah.

What, jealous?

Crowley wondered if she was trying to make fun of him or if this was one of these weird situations where Anathema was trying to find out whether his aura was red or something.

Never. You seem to be a favourite though

Don’t know what you mean

In the clip they all collectively freak out just because you said ‘see you, Angel’ from behind the door

So?

It took a second for her to answer.

They all talk about how Mr. Teapot is the sweetest human being ever and stuff like that. First of all, that’s completely wrong, second of all, I’m sure that bothers you

I think I’m good, actually

You literally didn’t talk to me for a week because I called you ‘nice’ once

Before Crowley could reply, she had sent another text.

Anyway, it IS really cute how they all talk about you. And the whole #couplegoals thing. All very wholesome.

Crowley grunted before he answered quickly.

Shut it

Anathema didn’t reply again, but he knew she was laughing.

 

Aziraphale had already been streaming for a while in the afternoon when Crowley heard him call from their office.

“Are you there, dear?”

He furrowed his brows slightly and stepped closer to the room before he opened the door, although remaining behind it. He was pretty sure it couldn’t be seen from the desk either way, but he didn’t want to risk it.

“Yeah?”

He heard Aziraphale squeak in his chair. “Love, can you remember the first time we met?”

Crowley’s brows furrowed again, although for a different reason. “Of course I can remember, angel.”

“Right, then, can you please tell me who approached who first?”

Crowley blinked. “I- Well, you were the one to talk me up. I never would have- I mean, I wanted to, but I guess you were braver than I.”

“Right!” The confident tone of voice made Crowley chuckle. “So, everyone, as you can see, I was most definitely NOT lying. They thought I was making things up, can you believe that, dear?”

Crowley had to laugh at Aziraphale’s scandalized tone of voice. “I’m sure they all feel very ashamed of themselves now, angel.”

“Well, we don’t have to overdo it. Thank you for coming along, though, love.”

“Sure.” Crowley didn’t feel as nervous as he had expected this time around. “Love you, angel. Have fun!” Well, maybe he had overdone it a little with this. God, he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it till tomorrow now.

 

Mr. Teapot’s voice is VERY hot

The way they interact though? Ugh it’s so cute

I don’t know who is luckier, Aziraphale or Mr. Teapot, but either way I’m jealous

The gay old parents the internet needed!!

 

“You know, I really like your new reading setup. It’s very fancy.”

“Oh!” Aziraphale looked up from the newspaper. “Thanks. I’m having lots of fun with it.”

“I can see that.” Crowley started to get the dishes from the table and signalled Aziraphale to continue sitting down. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean up. How far have you got with Alice in Wonderland?”

“Finished it yesterday. Oh, but I’m dying to talk about it next week in the streams, the chat always has such lovely thoughts about the books!”

“I’m sure they do.” Crowley put fresh juice in Aziraphale’s glass. “It’s not just about the books, though. You’re the one they find lovely, angel.”

“Stop it now.”

“I mean it. You always talk so calmly and sweetly, you think about everyone’s ideas and you make them feel comfortable. It’s great.”

Aziraphale stared at him with big eyes. “I- thank you.” Crowley realised that he should be saying things like this more often. “You know, I was unsure if my hobby makes you feel lonely or left out or-”

“Angel.” Crowley raised his brows and gave Aziraphale a firm look. “I love it when you are happy. This doesn’t make me feel any more lonely than when you go book shopping every week or when you try every single new sweets shop that opens. Alright?”

“Alright.” Aziraphale smiled and that was it. Crowley turned back around to start with the dishes again, but got interrupted.

“You know, it is very hard not to tell them just how hot my husband is whenever they start asking about Mr. Teapot.”

“You- '' Crowley turned around to find Aziraphale seemingly unsuspiciously hiding behind his newspaper. “Teasing me, angel? Really?”

“Oh, I would never.”

 

“You like it this way? We could move the table a little to the right again.”

“No, it’s perfect.” Aziraphale looked at their modified kitchen that now had a full streaming setup around it and then glanced over to Crowley again. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“I just ate, sweetheart, I won’t starve in the next three hours that you stream.”

“I sure hope so, my dear. And if everything goes right, we’ll have a wonderful quiche to enjoy afterwards.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “What do you mean, if it goes right? You’ve made this one a dozen times.”

“Yes, but not while filming it! What if I forget one of the ingredients or I don’t explain it good enough-”

“Relax, angel.” Crowley gave his husband a kiss on the cheek before he fixed his mic. “You’ll do great. Besides, even if you mix something up, the people will still love it. They’re smitten with you.”

“I don’t believe that's the right expression to use.”

“Oh, I believe so. Have fun!”

Crowley entered the kitchen again approximately an hour later. He mostly just wanted a quick peek at how things were going, but when he saw how delighted Aziraphale was, with how much enthusiasm he explained every step while also trying to read the chat, he decided to stay a little.

“It seems we have a guest now. Did you want something, dear?”

Crowley found himself grinning at his husband from behind the camera. “No, I’m good. Just wanted to watch a little. See how you’re doing, you know.”

Aziraphale raised his brow slightly. “Well, that’s obviously very wonderful of you, Mr. Teapot.” Crowley glanced over to the screen of Aziraphale's laptop and watched how the chat freaked out very quickly. “But since you’re here, you might as well assist me.”

“Oh, that’s not-”

“I insist, actually. Or did you not want something from the quiche yourself?” He didn’t let Crowley answer. “No? Good. Fetch me the pot over there, will you, darling?”

It was the voice where Aziraphale knew Crowley couldn’t resist. He carefully leaned over to get said pot, then put it on the table next to the camera to make it easier for Aziraphale to grab. Their eyes locked and without saying anything, Crowley knew Aziraphale would allow him to leave any time he wanted, no questions asked. Funnily enough, though, Crowley rather felt like staying.

“Wonderful chopping work on the zucchini, angel.”

"I did indeed put a lot of work into it. You see how they ended up being perfect little squares?" Aziraphale turned his head to the camera again. "Although the form is, of course, not what determines the end product. You can cut up your vegetables just how you like it; what matters is that you have fun and that you like how your meal tastes." The chat was still going incredibly fast. Aziraphale threw an apologetic glance at Crowley, then gesticulated towards the laptop. "You don't happen to want to help me out a bit more, darling? I'm afraid I can't keep up with what everyone is saying while also cooking."

Crowley contemplated it for a second, then shrugged. "I guess." He was a little nervous about the comments, but standing here, he actually wasn't too afraid of people hearing his voice. Besides, seeing Aziraphale having so much fun made all his doubts seem unimportant. "Wait, I'll take the laptop."

"That's very kind of you, dear. Thank you."

"Ah, not for that." Crowley let his eyes wander over the screen, scanning the messages.

"Well, first of all, they all seem very excited that I'm here."

"Oh, I don't doubt that. Everyone is always very happy when they get to hear your voice."

"Rightio."

MR. TEAPOT AXINENXKDLS

Hiii Teapot Husband!!

If you read this Mr. Teapot I luv u

Mr. Teapot can u cook too?

"Someone's asking if I can cook. What would you say, angel?"

Aziraphale put the used knife away and shook his head. "Oh, Mr. Teapot is a wonderful cook if he wants to. He-"

"What do you mean, if I want to-"

"Oh, we both know exactly what I mean. Either way, I'd say Mr. Teapot is just as good of a cook as I am, maybe even better. But of course, cooking is something that both of us had to learn and that everyone is capable of learning, so please don’t feel discouraged if you think you’re not as good in the kitchen."

Crowley felt the endnote had been too positive to continue bickering, so his eyes went over to the screen again.

Mr. Teapot how do you even survive when Aziraphale looks at you like that every day? I'd already be deceased

"How I-" Crowley stopped. He felt his cheeks burn up again. "Ngh. Whatever. Uh, someone is asking what to do if you don't have access to so many different vegetables? They've become quite expensive, they're saying." Crowley looked over to his husband. "Well, the reason we use so many is that we have our own garden, for a start."

"Oh, definitely. And you don't need to buy so many different ones, obviously. It also helps to buy them frozen; these are usually less expensive and still just as good for you."

"Right."

Mr. Teapot why do u call him angel?

"Why I call Aziraphale angel? Because he is one, obviously." Crowley felt Aziraphale’s gaze burn into him. "What? I- It’s true." Aziraphale’s fond eyes said more than words ever could and after all these years, still managed to make Crowley a little weak in the knees. "Uh- Good. Yeah. Question answered. Back to cooking."

Mr. Teapot is adorable

🥺 🥺 🥺

I want what these two have soo bad

When Aziraphale started talking about the next cooking step, the comments about Crowley got fewer, which helped him relax again. He continued to bicker with Aziraphale just a little, but mostly focused on reading out whatever comments he thought most important or the ones that would amuse his husband the most.

“Someone is asking if you’ve always dressed in this old-fashioned way or at what age you started to do so.” Crowley snickered. “Well, ever since I’ve known him, he looks right out of the 19th Century.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Aziraphale had just put the quiche in the oven and threw Crowley a look. “And developing your own sense of fashion is a very normal and important step in reaching a happy adulthood, I want to add.”

“Oh, you’re right about that. Still hate looking at pictures of me in my twenties because I felt so horrible in my clothes.” Crowley furrowed his brows. “Hey, what do you mean ‘I bet Mr. Teapot either dresses like a homeless man or a try hard cool guy’? Do you want to-”

“Well..” Aziraphale interrupted him, but left his sentence open to interpretation. Crowley raised his brows and grit his teeth.

“What is it, dear angel?”

“Oh, nothing. But if our dear viewer could see you in person, I’m sure they would know right away which one is true-”

“You are so lucky you’re behind a camera right now-”

“But, I want to add, I really love your sense of style. It is one of the things that made me interested in the first place.”

Crowley opened his mouth, then closed it. He really couldn’t win against his angel, couldn’t he?

“Now we have a little spare time while our meal is in the oven. What would you say to a nice tea, dear?”

“Why not.”

“You know, Mr. Teapot actually has lots and lots of plants and herbs in our garden, which is why we can always brew fresh peppermint tea. Now obviously, not everyone has that resource, but if it’s possible for you, I’d encourage you to try and take care of your own plants. There is actually a book I can recommend on how to pick what would fit best for you - hang on, I’ll get the book-” Crowley watched Aziraphale run out of the room and into wherever he remembered having placed that particular book.

“Oh, that’s always fun. You see, my dear angel regularly places his books all over the house and then gets mad at me for putting them back where they belong.”

Mr. Teapot do you love books too?

“If I love books? Nah. Not really my thing. Love buying them for my husband, I suppose.”

The word “husband” sounded different on his tongue when he said it while knowing how many people heard him.

Mr.Teapot, any advice on how to get a sweet boyfriend who reads me books, cooks nice meals and looks like an angel?

Crowley stared at the question and felt so overwhelmed by his own love for Aziraphale that he didn’t manage to answer. His beautiful, kind, wonderful, intelligent, funny, caring husband. He really had to show his love even more, he realised. God, he was so fucking lucky to have Aziraphale in his life.

“I found it! I thought I had put it on the shelf but-” Aziraphale stopped when his and Crowley’s eyes locked and he tilted his head slightly, a questioning look on his face. ‘Are you alright?’ is what he was asking without saying anything and Crowley nodded furiously at it. Aziraphale stepped closer to him, then pulled him into a soft hug. Crowley rested his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder, breathed in his sweet smell and sighed contently, Aziraphale’s fingers brushing comfortingly against his back.

“What do you need from me, dear?” Aziraphale whispered into his ear, quiet enough that Crowley knew the mic couldn’t pick up on it. He looked his husband in the eye and smiled before he leaned in to whisper as well.

“Nothing, angel. I just love you so, so much and I’m afraid I’ll never be able to put it into words.” Aziraphale opened his mouth to respond, but Crowley continued. “And what would make me happy right now is watching you continue your stream. Really, it would.”

And so, Aziraphale did. Needless to say, the food ended up tasting divine and when they went to bed later that evening, Aziraphale didn’t seem to be able to stop smiling - which, needless to say, meant that Crowley couldn’t help but do the same.

 

It was another cooking stream - or rather, a mixture of cooking and reading while the food was in the oven - today. Aziraphale had put on his reading glasses and had dragged his most comfortable chair to the kitchen counter to read “Emma” with a calming and soothing voice. Outside, the first snow had just fallen, it was getting darker and Aziraphale had heated up the room just the way Crowley liked it.

He had come home late today and the smell of whatever was cooking in the oven already excited him. Pairing that with Aziraphale’s cosy setup and Crowley’s general want to see his husband every waking minute, he was instantly drawn to the kitchen and stopped in front of the kitchen counter with his coat still on.

“Austen’s best.”

Aziraphale, absorbed by the book as usual, moved his head up from the book in surprise. “Oh, dear! You surprised me.” He put the book aside. “I thought Northhanger Abbey was your favourite. The humour is just the type you like.”

“Yeah, well. That can’t hold up against good old Mr. Knightley.”

Aziraphale put his finger against his lips. “Pssh, we’re not even halfway through yet! I wouldn’t want any of the viewers to be spoiled.”

Crowley’s lips twitched upwards. “Of course not, angel.” He threw a look over to the camera, then back to Aziraphale. “Enjoying yourself?”

“Oh, I hope so. Everyone has left only positive comments today - we had a discussion about five minutes into the book, but it was all really lovely.” Aziraphale squinted his eyes to see the screen better. “And of course, they’re all greeting you now.”

“Of course.”

“But dear, don’t you want to get out of your coat first? You look like you’re still on the go.”

It wasn’t really that Crowley decided on it, but rather, he gave in to what he wanted to do now. The things in life that mattered most often didn’t require much thinking, he had realised over the years.

With a quick step, Crowley moved around the kitchen counter, leaned down to a surprised Aziraphale and gave him a soft kiss, cupping his cheek gently. It tasted sweet - of sugar and warmth and of all these feelings that Crowley just couldn’t help himself to have around Aziraphale. And that he loved feeling, just like he loved that Aziraphale felt them just the same.

“Will do now. Just needed to say hi first.”

Aziraphale’s eyes, full of love, full of love for Crowley, stared back at him, a beautiful smile on his face. “That’s really sweet of you.”

Crowley smiled, then turned around to the camera. “Hi to you as well. Have a nice evening!”

He knew the chat was exploding, but right now, he didn’t care at all. With a grin on his face and a feathering step outside the kitchen, he got out of his clothes and prepared himself for a very nice and calm evening. It would be nice, he knew it, just like tomorrow would be nice and the day after that. He got to spend them with Aziraphale, after all, and that was the only thing that mattered.

 

MR TEAPOT IS HOT I REPEAT MR TEAPOT IS-

wow this is so fucking wholesome I’m almost angry

The only reason I’m not simping over Mr. teapot rn is because you two are just THAT cute together

The way they both look at each other like the other one hung the moon? Ugh

MY GAY DADS

You two have such different energies yet fit so well together. Life is beautiful :)

Notes:

this was supposed to be shorter but ya know. i wanted to be self indulgent and didn't care. therefore this is just them being cute and Crowley being hopelessly in love without anything actually happening + whatever comments i thought would be fun to throw at them + me still trying to cope with season 2.
this is also partially inspired by a youtuber whose girlfriend once came into the room while he was filming and loudly demanded to know where the egg timer is, you jerk, and has since only been called "Ms Egg Timer" by the community.