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Jada could feel the humans watching her as she, Alistair, and Morrigan trekked through Denerim. They weren’t exactly conspicuous, seeing as she was a dwarf and Morrigan was wearing that ridiculous outfit that barely contained her breasts.
Feeling the eyes of men watching her, Jada knew what their intentions were. They scrutinized her short and stocky appearance with raised eyebrows, sharing looks with one another that were not complimentary. She wasn’t desirable, not even by dwarven standards, yet these men looked at her differently than the dwarves of Orzammar ever had. While most dwarven men simply looked over her, hardly even seeing her, these men most definitely took notice. They were examining her, taking note of her thick frame, and proceeding to chortle in disgust as they turned their attention to the tall and lean Morrigan.
Her heart began to pound as Jada struggled to turn her mind away from any of this. Knowing there was nothing that could be done about it, she pushed onwards, reminding herself that they all had bigger tasks at hand.
Part of her fantasized that Alistair would take notice of their cruel looks, that he would defend her, maybe even hold her close to him. Unfortunately, he seemed far too preoccupied with the left strap of his armor and sneaking a look at her behind every once in a while. Subtlety was lost on him.
Thankfully the day was nearly over and they were heading towards the inn for the night. As they found refuge inside, she found herself refusing both food and drink despite her roaring stomach. Going up to her room, she left Alistair and Morrigan to bicker at the bar. She couldn’t deal with their squabbling for any longer anyways.
The dwarf warden was slowly and delicately unbraiding her hair as she sat cross-legged at the end of the bed when Alistair walked in. He had one hand on his stomach and was smiling goofily as he proclaimed, “I’m not saying that our meals in camp are not good, although they really aren’t, but I just had these little pastry things-“
“That’s nice, Alistair,” Jada interrupted and immediately felt guilty, lowering her eyes as she continued undoing her hair.
“Is everything alright?” he asked her, standing awkwardly by the door.
“Of course,” she gave the largest fake grin she could muster as she finished with her hair. Crawling up the bed, she slipped underneath its covers sinking into their comfort as she turned away from Alistair.
“You’re going to sleep? Already?” Alistair managed to make the whiniest voice ever as he pouted.
“I’m tired.”
“Now you see, you say that,” he walked over to the bed, kneeling on it as he leaned across to kiss her cheek, “but something’s going on with you.”
Jada sighed. Was Alistair finally figuring out women…. Now? When she would rather he just leave her alone and let them both get some sleep?
She pulled the covers of the bed up around her, not making eye contact with him as she rolled over and closed her eyes. Keeping the bed sheets over her stout little body, she sucked in her stomach as she laid there, running her hand over it and imagining what it would be like to have the lithe form of the elves. Human men especially seemed to desire that... she wondered if Alistair did.
She could hear him moving around and preparing to slip into bed himself as her mind wandered to what his preferences might be. Personally, she didn’t doubt that he was secretly lusting after the Dalish women they had encountered in the Brecilian Forest. They had all been so beautiful, even with the distinct markings on their face and dirt-covered bodies. All of the women had been so toned and thin, even in comparison to human women as slender as Morrigan. Zevran had made it quite obvious how attracted he had been to the Dalish. Alistair had said nothing, but she wondered if it was because he didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want her to know that they were more beautiful than she.
Biting her lip, Jada struggled not to sob as she listened to Alistair blow out the last of the candles in the room. The bed creaked as he slipped in the other side, his warm body curling up next to hers as he went to drape an arm across her. She said nothing, feigning sleep as his large hand wrapped around her, cupping around the extra weight of her tummy.
He would pull his hand away any minute, she knew. The curves of her body had to disgust him. He had only ever been interested in her because she was the only woman in camp besides Leliana and Morrigan, both of whom weren’t exactly his type. Had Morrigan even shown the faintest interest in him, maybe said a kind word once in a while, surely Alistair would have gone for her instead. Now that they had reached Denerim, a place of human civilization, he had probably taken notice of all the fine women. All of the gorgeous humans who would gladly court him even if he was a bastard.
She gave out a small cry. It just slipped out; she had been holding everything together for so long. Now that the day was over, now that there was silence and darkness all around, she could feel her fears taking hold on her.
Jada felt Alistair sitting up beside her as he put a comforting hand on her shoulder, asking what was the matter. She was too embarrassed to answer, feeling beyond foolish as she cried. She was a Grey Warden! A warrior, especially a dwarven warrior, shouldn’t have cared about something so trivial, yet she found her entire body aching in unhappiness.
“Jada?” Alistair asked and she gave up trying to hide from him. Sitting up and letting the blankets gather around her waist, she looked down at her curvaceous body and back at him.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized, knowing he would never understand, “I’m sorry, it was a nightmare. Just a nightmare is all,” the lie slipped off her tongue and she pulled at her hair anxiously.
“You’re lying,” Alistair raised his eyebrow, “It’s not something I said is it? Because I say a lot of dumb things- “
“Not you, Alistair,” Jada sniffled, burying her head in her hands, “The other human men. They say-well at least I know what they say. About me. What I look like.”
“What are you talking about?” he looked her up and down, his gaze lingering on the roundness of her body; yet his gaze was full of longing and not scrutiny.
“I-” she sighed, wishing her breaths would even out, “I look like this.” She looked down at herself, ashamed of everything about her. Everything from the flatness of her nose to the wideness of her feet. She hated it all.
“Like what? Beautiful? Stunning? Gorgeous-“
“No, Alistair, stop saying that,” she turned away from him, “I know none of it’s true.”
“None of it’s true?” he sounded incredulous, “You’re messing with me, for sure!”
“I see the way human men look at women. How they look at other humans. All tall and thin. And the elves. Elves are even more desirable than the humans,” Jada tremored slightly as she rambled, “You don’t think I’ve seen how they look at me? With my short, fat body. I wasn’t even wanted amongst other dwarves, Alistair-“
He leaned forwards, kissing her lips as his hands cupped her face. She let him, her hands gripping his wrists as he pressed into her passionately.
She tried to pull away after a few moments but his he had angled his body over her, his hands moving across her body as he kissed her deeply. As his tongue glided over her own and they moved back and forth against each other, she felt her insecurities begin to lift. Alistair may not have been good with words, but his mouth was telling her everything she needed to know.
When he finally pulled away, the last of Jada’s tears had fallen and her cheeks were aglow with excitement.
“All of the other men must be crazy,” Alistair whispered, sounding breathless as he looked at her. He laid back down on the bed properly, resting his head on the pillow as he ran his thumb over her face to remove the final tearstain from her cheeks, “You are beautiful.”
For the first time in her life, Jada believed it.