Work Text:
Moodboard:
If it was love, and if this is what love means.
Seesaw | BTS (SUGA)
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"Suga-ssi, I'm so lost right now. I do have stable jobs, good friends, and supportive family but it feels hollow and I feel so empty every time. I hope you can read my message and know that I am always listening to you everyday," there's a smile on his voice when he reads the last line. He breathes and hums, maybe digesting the sender's message before relaying his kind thoughts every time.
"You know," he pauses. Tone serious but there's gentleness on it. "there will always be a stagnant phase. Everyone experiences this. What do you have to do? Just keep going," he knows the man is smiling.
"Don’t think so much about it. Just keep doing what you’ve always done. Some people say there’s a special way to overcome a slump, but that’s not true. Just keep going, and you will improve," the words behind him were like a friend when you seek comfort.
There is no pretending that everything will be okay, but instead – you will be okay in no time. His words always touched the deepest core of your being that you tend to crave for it every single time.
"And always respect your season," he continued and some intro of a soft song slowly plays while he is ending his program for that day, "and thank you, for listening everyday. I hope you feel better soon. I hope you guys feel safe everyday," he cracked a smile knowing the tenderness of the man for his passion. And he can't grasp how lovely he always sounds to him.
"And this is SUGA, always reminding you that if you trip and fall, what’s most important is to get up again," he snickers and he knows the man is scrunching his nose for his end-ment every time, "Goodnight and good morning, everyone. See you later," and then the slow music was introduced and it was the end of his radio program.
He closes the site tab after the last song for that day ended and there's a smile on his face.
He knows Yoongi will be in their home 30 minutes from now. After ending his radio program that operates from 11PM until 3AM everyday, the man will catch the first train near the station. He will get their morning coffee – unhurried – he will walk through the crisp of dawn and enjoy the silence of the day.
And he loves that about him. About their relationship. There is individuality. They grow together from college rivals, to cheesy and cliché lovers, and now for almost 7 years of being together, they revolve around each other. He is with him and Yoongi takes what's his.
Seokjin was just with him but they didn't own each other.
And it is easy. To be with Yoongi. The man is kind, gentle, and shows every love that he can give to Seokjin. He is selfishly selfless. He takes everything that Seokjin can give and gives Seokjin everything he needs.
And it is exciting. Everyday, to be loved and to be in love with Yoongi. To stay in love with Yoongi.
They will start the day at dawn with warm coffee and hugs and kisses, they cuddle and wait for sunrise, then Seokjin and Yoongi will feed and tend to their cats and Seokjin will go to work and Yoongi will stay at home and wait for him everyday.
And Seokjin can't wait to go home everyday. To Yoongi's arms. To his broad and steady shoulders. To his cooking that heals the ache of Seokjin's day.
Their shared silence and loud laughters. Fancy wines and cheap snacks.
Home is also seeing Yoongi fall asleep on their couch, a book and his reading glasses on hand. Quiet breathing and curling up to Seokjin's sweater and cute socks and pouty lips and furrowed eyebrows.
Seokjin feels choked up every time he goes home with that. To his Yoongi. And Yoongi will open his eyes, unfocused, and break a smile knowing his home is home. Making grabby hands to Seokjin – kisses his neck, stays there for a minute or long and they will share each other's day in embrace, in between kisses, and silent caresses.
And Seokjin can not and will not have this exchange anything in this world.
"Welcome home, sweetheart," Yoongi's smile is so wide and satisfied knowing he was welcomed by the love of his life first thing in the morning.
"I bought you flowers, hyung," he whispers shyly and Seokjin melts hearing his voice. It does not justify what he spent hearing on the radio for 3 hours. This feels more home.
"That's so sweet, Yoongi-yah," he cradles the man's face and kisses both cheeks. He felt his eyes flutter and he smiled at them.
Yoongi hums and presents the bouquet of flowers – wrapped in an old newspaper – smelling like wood, smoke, coffee, and it feels smooth on Seokjin's grasp.
"It's called Gazania daisy, the vendor says it blooms in the morning and I want you to see that first thing later," Yoongi immediately launches himself into the waiting embrace of his boyfriend when Seokjin places the flowers in their coffee table and Yoongi nuzzles his cold face to his warm chest. An embodiment of a cat.
"I miss you," his voice muffled and Seokjin endeared. He takes his time placing his hands on Yoongi's back up to his nape and stays there. And Yoongi leans more and he can feel him relaxed on his touch.
"Thank you for the flowers and you did well today, my love," he whispered and planted a kiss on his head. Yoongi hums and places a kiss on his collarbone. Tender and loving touch that Seokjin waits and receives every morning, at night, at day offs, and at random times of the day. "and I miss you too," he smiled because even when they were only apart for 3 hours it feels like 30 years without Yoongi in their house.
"You listen again?" Yoongi tilted his head to see Seokjin. His hand on the small back of his boyfriend and he sways their body slowly.
Seokjin falls in love with Yoongi everyday but he is swooned every morning like this. Soft, tired, satisfied, and gentle Yoongi. He kisses his forehead and nods.
"I always listen to your program, baby. I love hearing your voice and your advice to people," Yoongi has the smile Seokjin wants to see in the morning, at noon, and at night.
And he is sure he will do his everything to not let it falter even a little bit. Yoongi, tiptoeing and kisses his jaw. The swaying of their bodies pulls them into a bubble of dreams and reality they don't want to end but always want to feel.
"But you're gonna be tired later," Yoongi pouts and Seokjin kisses it away. Their faces warms and hearts at rest.
"It's okay, my yoongi boongi," he booped his nose and Yoongi crunched his nose. Seokjin cracks a smile. "I did sleep after you left earlier and woke up just right for your program," he caresses Yoongi's cheek and the man leans on them and nods.
And they stay like that. Swaying their bodies at midnight. Coffee warms on the table. Chirps of birds can be heard outside. Morning vehicles are starting to liven. Sugar and cream asleep on their cat-bed and yellow hue illuminating their shadows in the living room.
Two hearts sway in one song. Two lives in one apartment.
"I love you, Seokjin," Yoongi whispered and took Seokjin's hand and kissed it.
"I love you the most, my Yoongi." he responded and sealed Yoongi's lips.
Yoongi's lips feel like home, coffee, flowers, midnight and sunrise. It tastes of love, kindness, understanding, and forever.
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There's a hot breath in front of his face. He furrowed his eyebrows, still not opening his eyes. He remembered going to bed cold, alone, and lonely so this thing is foreign to him. The hot thing continued, so to his calm panic, he slowly opened his eyes and met with a sleeping, pouty, pale, pink cheeks Yoongi. His Yoongi.
He sighed in content. Gazed his fingers to Yoongi's face before slowly retracting his eyeglasses, he forgot to remove – maybe from exhaustion. He feels bad. His precious dumpling, baby petal, and sunshine must be too worn out to change into comforting clothes and just flopped beside him. He sighs again and there's a hinge of hurt and love forming into his chest and a fickle of tears from his eyes formed.
Yoongi in the peeking sunshine that kissed his skin in their window looks so tired, so worn out, so soft, and vulnerable that it hurts Seokjin seeing him like this.
So, on easy touch, he brings his hand to Yoongi's body and engulfs him to the comfort of his warmth and their sheets. Yoongi moves, whines silently, and pout deepens. He smiles and places a gentle kiss to his nose, admiring the love of his life by caressing his face, and before adjusting the duvet until it makes him a human burrito.
To his content, he snuggle Yoongi close to him – hug him tightly, kisses his forehead, and whispers of welcoming home and sweet words that he wishes can erase the late night stress.
Yoongi relaxes on his touch and kisses the skin he can reach.
"Yoongi?" he softly calls and the man in his embrace stir a little and looks at him with eyes closed and lips pouted. He kissed everything about Yoongi.
"I'm sorry I fell asleep," his voice has remorse on it. Yoongi slowly flutters his eyes open and a smile crosses his beautiful lips, that the peeking sun can't compare with it.
"It's okay, hyungie," voice rough and deep too – that even now, Seokjin still has to shiver every time he hears it – before scooting closer to Seokjin's warm body. "But are you okay, Seokjin?" there is so much tenderness and concern in his voice that the previous tears of Seokjin begin to flow.
They are like this. Vulnerable to and with each other. They don't need to pretend they are okay because they have each other at the beginning of the day and the end of the night.
And Seokjin is way more thankful because Yoongi is home and his bottled emotions he can't show during the day, now he can lay it in between night and dawn to Yoongi.
"I'm okay, you're here now," he whispers and kisses Yoongi's head and Yoongi kisses his chest. Producing a warm breath that reaches Seokjin's cold inside.
"I'm sorry if I didn't ask earlier. You look really tired and I don't want to push you anymore," once again Yoongi looks up to Seokjin and places his hand on his face.
Tracing lines from his eyes, eyebrows, nose, and cheeks before tucking the hair that falls on Seokjin's open and unfiltered and unblemished face.
Seokjin choked up and a tear escaped from his eyes.
"I love you," he whispered in a hush tone – a confession, a declaration of love for Yoongi. And Yoongi smiled, wiped the tears from his eyes before tightening the embrace more.
"Mhm, I love you more, Seokjin," and kisses both of Seokjin's cheeks. And whispers comforting words, I love you's, and promises of more good mornings and not painful nights.
Beathing Yoongi's night's comfort and exhaling peaceful morning, he closes his eyes.
And they stayed like that until sleep consumed them back. Tears have been wiped, heart has been healed, coldness and loneliness have joined warmth and companionship.
Tangled both now warm bodies from separation of the cold before coming home.
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