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“GAMZEE YOU STUPID SHITSPONGE STOP EATING THOSE GODDAMN AWFUL PIES. THEY’LL ROT YOUR THINKPAN.”
“But Karkat my brother, these motherfucking pies are made of miracles. They show you the way to a beautiful motherfucking miracle land where people can just up and eat all the motherfucking pies they want.”
“THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN THOSE PIES DUMPASS. THERE IS NO MIRACLE LAND AND THERE ARE NO MIRACLES PERIOD.”
“There are no miracles?! Do:”
The Signless smiled at the antics of his ward and his ward’s moirail. The Grand Highblood wasn’t has merry at the moment.
“DON’T BELIEVE HIM, CHILD there can be all the motherfucking miracles you want ALL THE MIRACLES YOU WANT, CHILD all of them.”
“:oD” Gamzee let out a happy honk. Karkat spluttered and started building up for a rage induced rant.
“NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM. THESE PIES ARE FUCKING POISON. HOW MUCH OF A BULGESUCKING SHAMEFESTERING NOOKFINGERING-“
“KARKAT, LANGUAGE,” the Sufferer said mildly, giving him a pap on the head. Karkat relaxed a bit at the pap but refused to give up the fight.
“YOU AREN’T MY FUCKING LUSUS.”
“I AM THOUGH.” Another pap.
“STOP FUCKING PAPPING ME. YOU’RE NOT MY MOIRAIL. YOU CANNOT PAP ME.”
“SHOOOSH, KARKAT, SHOOOSH. CALM DOWN.”
“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SHOOSH ME YOU MUTANT-“
“SHOOOOSH.”
Karkat grumbled and acquiesced to the shooshing and papping. After a moment, he begrudgingly pulled himself away, feeling quite calmed down, and took Gamzee to their pile in the corner, giving the adults a look that said quite clearly DO YOU WANT TO LOOK AT OUR PALE TIMES LIKE SOME KIND OF WEIRD GROSS PEEPING TOM. I WOULD HOPE NOT, SO GO THE FUCK AWAY.
“Let’s go, Highblood,” the Signless said, reading the look and pulling the much taller troll out of the room.
Once they were safely out of the room and out of hearing distance, the Highblood started complaining. “NO MIRACLES? Signless, what are you teaching that child? OF COURSE THERE ARE MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES.”
The Signless laughed, replying, “I LIKE TO LET THE BOY BELIEVE WHATEVER HE WANTS. MY WHOLE SPIEL IS ABOUT PEACE AND TOLERANCE REMEMBER?”
“BUT MIRACLES ARE REAL, SIGNLESS and you know it.”
“YES, I DO, HIGHBLOOD.” The Signless smiled, pulling Highblood down so they could touch foreheads. “IT’S A MIRACLE THAT I MET YOU. IT’S A MIRACLE THAT OUR BOYS ARE MOIRAILS. IT’S A MIRACLE THAT WE’RE MATESPRITS. IT’S A MIRACLE THAT I LOVE YOU.”
“But it’s a good motherfucking miracle,” Highblood said, grinning, and pulled Signless closer for a kiss.