Chapter Text
Jeremiah’s arm weighed Belly down in his bed, his breath hot against her neck. It felt stifling, like she couldn’t breathe. Slowly, so as not to wake him, she pulled herself out of his arms, struggling as she pushed herself out of bed.
They were at college, she must’ve fallen asleep at his frat house. It was the first time she’d done that, and somehow it unsettled something in her.
She grabbed her phone and jacket, putting on her shoes and walking out of the building. The air was crisp and cold, it was late October. The leaves were gathered in piles on the ground. Red and yellow and orange difficult to see in the darkness.
She could see jack-o-lanterns on the porches of the buildings, the sorority houses and frat houses. They were the only ones who could afford them.
Belly didn’t continue to her dorm, sitting down on the curb and unlocking her phone. Her background was a picture of herself, her mom, and Susannah all in front of the summer house.
It was taken about a week before she’d found out Susannah’s cancer had come back, and she couldn’t help but envy the smile she boasted in the photo.
The last time she’d smiled like that was when- it was when Conrad had showed up at her door holding candy and begging her to kiss him. About two years ago exactly at this point.
She opened her phone, fingers unconsciously taking her to her phone app. She didn’t even realize what she was doing until the phone was ringing.
“Hello?” Belly heard the familiar voice, rough and hoarse from sleep and she was suddenly struck by how stupid of an idea this was.
“Shit Conrad I’m so sorry I wasn’t thinking go back to-“
“No no Belly hang on,” he said, and she could hear the rustling of his sheets as he sat up in bed.
She could almost see him now, his hair moused from sleep, eyes tired and blinking. His eyebrows scrunching as he tried to understand her stupidity.
“Why are you calling me at 2am?” he questioned first, after a moment of too long silence.
“I-“ she stopped. “Technically 5am for me I guess.”
He sighed, in that way that always made her grin. “Belly.”
She sighed too, looking up at the sky. “I don’t know. I’m sitting outside of Finch, I’m looking at the sky and all I can think about is two years ago I was in my house, you were outside it with a candy bouquet.”
His intake of breath should’ve been hint enough to hang up, yet she didn’t. “You remember that?”
She nearly laughed. “How could I forget?”
They were silent, then he spoke. “Do you- do you ever think about-“
He didn’t finish, but she knew what he meant. Do you ever think about us? That time? And she did, she thought about them all the time.
Even while kissing Jeremiah which was not her best moment admittedly.
“I do,” she whispered into the phone. “Too much.”
“Belly,” he began, his voice pressing. “Why did you call?”
“I miss you,” she managed, voice almost a squeak. “So much. College is hard and I feel like-“ she sucker air between her teeth. “Like I’m not doing anything good. I don’t have any new friends. I just hang around Jeremiah and Taylor’s friends.”
“Belly,” he said again, but now his voice was soft. Not pitying like Jeremiah could be but sympathetic. “You just have to put yourself out there. You’re such an amazing girl, anyone would be happy to be your friend.”
She sniffled, wiping at her eyes with the sudden realization that she was crying. “Thank you, Conrad.”
“How about this, I have a friend, her names Kayley. She goes to Brown and is looking for a new model, she’s studying fashion. I could recommend you to her?”
Belly laughed softly. “I don’t need you to set me up on a friendship date,” she said, but then after whispered: “But, um, if you could I’d like that.”
Conrad laughed, the kind of laugh she knew came along with a tilted head and a hand through his hair. “Cool.”
“Cool,” she responded.
“Is there anything else?”
“I have a fake ID now,” she said, making Conrad laugh. “My new name is Henrietta Charleston, I’m 23 and I was born in Canada,” she said the second part in a deep voice, almost swinging her arms like she was imitating a troll.
Conrad laughed again, he did it a lot with her, she liked that she could make him laugh.
“I’m sure it’ll be more realistic than my Guam ID,” he responded. “Maybe you’ll at least be able to fool Jumper.”
They both got quiet at the mention of the summer house, her mind immediately going to that Christmas spent there.
“How’s Stanford?” she asked, the silence unsettling her.
“It’s good yea um, my chemistry professor is a bitch but yea. It’s nice I-“ his voice cracked. “I’m happy here.”
She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m glad, you deserve that. You know, sometimes I wish I was smart. Like you and like Steven. I feel like I’m always gonna be the underachieving sibling.”
“Oh shut up Bells you’re so smart,” Conrad said, his voice sharp as if daring her to test him. “Maybe not like me or Steven with our books and nerdy schools but Belly you’re smart where it matters. Where’d all this self doubt come from anyway?”
“I’m-“ she choked on her words, leaning back in the grass and only now realizing how wet it was. It must’ve rained while she slept. “I’m not sure. I just feel kind of alone right now I guess.”
“Well you can always call me Belly, anytime. If I’m in class, I’ll text. I will always be here for you.”
There was something so sure in his tone that made her cry harder, sniffles loud enough that he heard them.
“Shit Belly did I make you cry? I’m so-“
“No,” she said, shaking her head despite the fact that he couldn’t see her. “Don’t apologize, please. That’s- that’s something I needed to hear.”
“Ok, but Belly I do mean it. Just- just call me anytime. Preferably not at 5am your time or my time but if you have to, please do.”
She laughed.
“Also again, why are you awake now?”
“Oh um,” she wiped her eyes, standing up from the ground and walking down the pathway. “I fell asleep at Jere’s frat house and I didn’t want to stay there so I think I’m just gonna go to a Starbucks nearby, get some coffee.”
“Shit I always forget Jere is part of a frat house,” Conrad said, and she could picture him rubbing his eyes. “I mean, he is kind of the type honestly.”
Belly laughed, stopping to look up at a tree. It was covered in orange lights, bats hanging from it. “He is, Taylor tried to convince me to join her sorority but I swear those girls would just eat me alive.”
“Taylor would eat me alive so yes, I think they’re worse.”
She laughed louder, cheeks flushing when she remembered it was 5am and she was in a very public place.
“You wanna know what I wish sometimes?” she questioned, voice soft as she looked up at the dark sky.
“Do tell Isabel.”
“I wish that I’d had enough guts to ask you out when we were younger, so I could be done with my heartbreak rather than stretch it out.”
Conrad was silent, and she was almost certain he’d hung up until finally he spoke, his voice pained.
“Belly I’ve loved you since I was 14, from the moment I drew that infinity on your pancakes I have loved you desperately. It physically pains my chest to hear that you fell asleep with Jere.”
She fell down, full on slammed her butt on the curb and fell backwards into a pile of leaves.
“Conrad, are you fucking serious?”
“Yes Belly I’m fucking serious.”
She sobbed, burying her face in her hands. “Connie if I’d known that I would’ve tried harder for us, I would’ve-“
“Don’t. Don’t dwell on it. You’re with Jere, you’re happy with Jere and as much as it pains me I am happy for you. Now, are you gonna go get that coffee are can I get back to bed?”
She laughed, wiping at her eyes. “You can go back to bed anyway Connie.”
“Yea but then how will I know you got your coffee safe? Matter of fact-“ she heard shuffling and then the phone was picked back up. “I think I’ll get some coffee too.”
She was in class the next day when she got a text message. Checking to make sure her professor wasn’t looking she took out her phone. It was from Conrad.
Conrad:
Kayley was wondering if you’d want to meet up for coffee at lunch today.
Belly:
omfg I forgot you type like an old man
please get rid of the periods Connie I beg
Conrad:
only because you asked
now is it a yes or a no cause I have to go to class and Kayley is literally gonna storm Stanford if I don’t text her back
Belly:
sure!
I’d love to
can you give me her number?
Connie Baby🌻🕶️<333
yea sure, now go focus up in class Isabel :)
Belly:
oh that’s how it is to do your nerd shit connie
She added the new phone number to her phone along with Kayley’s name, trying to focus back on her class but she was already too far gone.
When class finished she was barely out the door before she was ambushed by Jeremiah’s lips. Usually she’d be happy for such an ambush but something was different this time.
Still, when he pulled away she smiled like everything was fine. He was wearing a baseball hat backwards, something he’d never used to do before joined his frat house.
“Yo party at mine later!” he yelled into the crowd, arm wrapped around Belly’s shoulders.
She had her hair in a French braid, little pieces framing her face the way Susannah used to do it. She had sunglasses perched on her head, old ones that were badly scratched up and she couldn’t even see out of them anymore. But they were Susannah’s, and she always wanted a part of her with her.
She was wearing straight brown pants, and this black shirt Taylor had bought for her. She was wearing a black zip up hoodie, and if anyone looked close enough they’d find it was 2 sizes too big for her and had the initial C scratched into the tag.
“Yo Bells you wanna go get lunch with me and the boys?” Jere questioned and the thought of eating with his frat boys physically repulsed her.
“No I’m alright I’m meeting up with someone,” she replied, sneaking out from under his arm.
He nodded his head, opening his mouth like he was gonna say something before one of his friends dragged him away.
She sighed, putting in her earbuds and beginning the walk to the Starbucks on campus. Her shoes were converse, ratty and so wore out that the soul was nearly coming off but she loved them to death anyway.
She walked into the coffee shop in those same shoes, suddenly realizing she had no idea what Kayley looked like when a pretty blonde girl waved her over.
She had tan skin and dark green eyes, her blonde hair pulled back in one high ponytail with a headband. Her hands were wrapped around a warm cup of what Belly assumed was coffee.
“Hi! You must be Belly!” she said, her voice extremely enthusiastic. She was also extremely English. “I’m Kayley.”
“Hi,” Belly responded, smiling kindly while setting her tote bag on a separate seat. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too. I have heard so much about you,” she said, an almost teasing grin on her face despite the fact that they’d met two seconds ago. It was almost refreshing talking to someone so comfortable.
“How so?” Belly asked, eyebrows furrowing with confusion.
“Conrad of course, babe he like never shuts up about you. It’s adorable honestly. You scored a damn good one,” she said, leaning forward onto her hand.
“Oh um,” she flushed. “Conrad and I aren’t dating.”
Her eyebrows raised so high it almost looked like they would fly off her head. “Damn. If that’s how he talks about his friend my boyfriends gotta step up.”
Belly laughed, leaning back in her seat. Kayley’s eyes flicked down to where she had no coffee and then widened.
“Oh shit do you want any coffee? Food?”
“Oh no I’m alright, I don’t really eat that much anyway.”
Kayley looked at her with raised eyebrows until Belly sighed. “Yea I’ll take a caramel macchiato.”
They talked for over two hours until Belly finally had to go to her next class. She wrote her phone number down on a slip of paper and pushed it into Kayley’s hand, grinning wider than she had since she’d last been happy with Conrad.
She made her way to her dorm, unlocking the door and sitting in bed when her phone rang. She didn’t check the name, only answered it.
“Hello?” she said, reaching into her closet and grabbing blindly for her short sleep shorts.
“So? How’d it go?”
She smiled, picking up the phone and replying to Conrad. “Really good, thank you Connie.”
“I’m always here for you Belly.”