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“Do you not like me?” Renjun blurts out.
Chenle’s chopsticks stop halfway through his mouth. He puts it down before turning his eyes on the guy across from him. “What? Of course, I like you. What brought that on?”
Renjun hums, eyes not once meeting Chenle’s, busying himself with fishing out a tofu skin from the soup. “You don’t call me ge . You used to. And then you suddenly stopped. Why?”
“I don’t know.” It’s Chenle’s turn to avoid his eyes, pouring his attention on eating instead. “It just feels weird to call you ge . I don’t call Mark hyung either.”
“But you call Kun ge , don’t you?”
“That’s because Kun ge’s different. He’s older.”
“I’m older than you too. What makes him special?” Renjun couldn’t help the bitterness lacing his voice. Chenle pretends not to notice it.
“He takes care of me like how a real older brother does.”
“I take care of you too.” Renjun’s not even hiding his pout anymore.
Chenle barely stops himself from cooing. “Yes, but you’re different. Plus I take care of you more than you take care of me.”
Renjun scoffs. “I was basically your translator when you first got here. I took care of you for a long time.”
“I know. But that was back then.” Chenle’s throat suddenly feels very dry, despite the boiling hotpot in front of them. “The way we treat each other is different now. I’m older, you know? I take care of you better than you take care of yourself.”
“You’ve been taking care of yourself for a while now. You've grown independent for the past few years.” Renjun says. Chenle observes the wistfulness in his voice and the way he can’t seem to look in his direction. He’s avoiding his eyes.
“That’s good, isn’t it? You can now focus all your attention on Jisung.” Chenle replies back, taking a shrimp dumpling and placing it on Renjun’s plate. He always seemed to enjoy eating it on a hotpot more than he did when it’s steamed.
Renjun mumbles a quick thanks before looking up at Chenle. Their eyes meet for the first time since the conversation started. Renjun looks serious. The soup is creating steam and the way it’s hitting his face should annoy Chenle but he can’t help but admire how good it makes Renjun look because of the flush on his face instead.
“Is that why you’ve been spending a lot of time with Donghyuck lately? So that I’d spend less time worrying about you?” Renjun finally concludes after a few seconds.
“Is that why you asked me to eat hotpot with you? Because you’re annoyed at how I’ve been hogging Donghyuck?” Chenle bites back. He looks away from his eyes and continues to eat instead. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to steal him from you.”
“What?” Renjun is frowning. Chenle thinks it doesn’t quite suit him. “You think I asked you to eat with me so we could talk about other people?”
Chenle shrugs but doesn’t answer. He’s not quite sure he even wants to continue the conversation.
Despite neither of them confirming it, Chenle and almost all of Dream know there’s something going on with Donghyuck and Renjun. No one’s been quite brave enough to ask them directly about it though.
“Chenle, look at me.” Renjun goads. Chenle forces himself to look up at him. “I’m not here to talk about Donghyuck. I’m here to talk about you.”
“He’s the one that wants to hang out all the time, not me.” Chenle defends himself even though there’s really nothing to defend. “I’ll back off of your boyfriend, don’t worry.”
Chenle ignores the sudden knot in his throat. He’s not sure if the steam is making his eyes water, or maybe it's the hot soup, or maybe it's something else entirely. He looks away before he does something stupid like cry.
“Boyfriend? What boyfriend?” Renjun’s brows furrow. “Donghyuck isn’t my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend or whatever it is you’re calling each other, I don’t care.” Liar. He does care. A lot. “Leave me out of your lover's spat. I’m not interested in Donghyuck like that so you don’t have to worry.”
“Chenle, look at me. Chenle.” Renjun puts his chopsticks down. Chenle pretends he doesn’t notice and continues to busy himself with putting ingredients in the soup instead. “Zhong Chenle.” he sounds angry now.
Chenle glances up, trying his best to look uninterested. He wants to get over this conversation fast. Preferably, the dinner ends soon and he’d be back in the comfort of his own place with Daegal in his chest as he cries himself to sleep too. Maybe rewatching NBA highlights would distract him a bit too. Anything is better than partaking in this conversation right now.
“Donghyuck and I aren’t anything aside from friends. And I don’t care about who you’re hanging out with.” Renjun is full-on glaring at him now, hurt evident in his eyes and voice. “I care about the fact that it’s never with me.”
Chenle could feel his heart going haywire in his chest. The sign of vulnerability and honesty is barely anything but it makes his stomach flutter anyway. Renjun has always been good at that—being honest and open with his feelings. It’s something that Chenle’s never been quite good at doing.
It’s the reason why he’s hanging out with Donghyuck a lot recently. He’s been talking to him about trying to become a lot more open. It’s not easy. He’s always kept everything close to his chest, never one to bare his cards in the open. But he wants to try. Not just because he noticed how Renjun has always been particularly fond of people who lay their heart bare, but also because he genuinely wants to peel himself open for the people around him. It’s a daunting task but he’s trying. And he’s trying hard.
“We used to hang out all the time.” Renjun starts again when Chenle continues to say nothing. “What changed?”
Chenle holds his gaze and thinks about being vulnerable. He thinks of Donghyuck telling him that people would never be able to see and understand him unless he peels the layers back himself. It’s always going to be up to him whether he chooses to uncover things or keep them hidden.
He thinks of Renjun and his fondness for people who are emotionally open and makes a decision.
“I wanted you to stop seeing me as a kid that you have to take care of,” he answers. Honest. Vulnerable. Open. “I want to be so much more than a brother to you.”
Renjun opens his mouth to say something but Chenle cuts him off.
“I want you in a way a friend would not.”
Honest. Vulnerable. Open.
“Oh.” Renjun blinks, mouth agape.
Oh, indeed. Chenle thinks he could get used to vulnerability.