Chapter Text
evan rosiers world was shattering.
it had been shattering for a while now. maybe it was shattering since the day he came into this world. he was born silent. not screaming. just quietly observing the world around him.
his mother liked to joke that he knew the drill from a young age. his father liked a quiet house. a well behaved child. a quiet, obedient family. he didn’t seem to like much else.
pandora hadn't gotten the notice. she’d come into the world three minutes later, screaming bloody murder. their birth had set their life up. pandora was the outspoken one, always ready to fight their father on his ridiculous beliefs and claims. evan always kept the fire low, pandora stoked it. evan put it out, pandora collected more firewood.
it was how it had always been. pandora and evan. it was always them against the world.
and then they came to hogwarts. sorted into separate houses. and evan rosier, for the first time in his life, was all alone. he’d always wondered what it would be like to not have a built in best friend, what it would be like to walk this earth alone. just for a day.
it was awful. he needed her back. he needed to grow up.
‘ stop relying on your sister for everything. that’s not what real men do! you are a man, aren’t you, evan? or are you just a little bitch playing dress up?”
he was going to make his own way in this world, he was sure of it. and one day, he would take his mother far away from his father and scream in his face. scream that evan had done this all. not his father. not pandora. him. evan rosier.
he would scream and beg and shout and ask why did he not love him? was he finally good enough for a scrap of his fathers love and praise?
was he finally enough.
and then he opened the door to his dorm room and he saw them. barty crouch jr and regulus arcturus black. he wished he knew, back then. exactly what these boys meant to him. how they saved him, over and over, without even knowing it.
barty grinned at him. “ there’s only three of us! how sick, we have so much space.” he motioned to the area without a bed, where his trunks were laid open and clothes strewn everywhere.
evan opened and closed his mouth. he wasn’t good at making conversation. making any sort of mark on this world without dora was difficult. this was him. he needed to learn to navigate the world alone. the other half to his soul was in another house, making other friends and living her own life. it was time for evan to do the same.
regulus rolled his eyes, throwing his wand in the air as he laid flat on his bed. “ there won’t be any space if you just leave your clothes lying around.”
bartys grin remained fastened to his face. “ reggie’s a bit ocd.”
“ don’t call me that.” regulus snapped with a sigh.
evan realised he still hadn’t moved. he moved towards his bed, sitting down at the edge of it. he pressed his palms flat on the bedsheets and tried to ignore the constant tremors that spasmed his hands.
“ regulus is such a mouthful, don’t you think?” he motioned towards evan and evan realised with a jolt that he was expected to have an answer. how do people just have answers ready?
“ uh, yeah i guess so. i mean, so is bartemius.” regulus let out a sharp laugh and evan smiled. he made someone laugh. all on his own.
“ thank you for oh so eloquently pointing that out, rosier. that’s why i shortened it to barty. you should both be thanking me, really. go on, i’ll wait.” he glared at evan for a second before it turned into a smirk.
“ then you’ll be waiting a long fucking time, junior.” regulus stood up, making his way the bathroom. “i’m having a shower. please don’t talk the poor guys head off.”
“ you can’t really talk someone’s head off.” barty pointed out. “ scientifically that’s not possible.”
regulus snarked, “ yeah, well, scientifically you should shut the fuck up. heard it slows down global warming.” with that he slammed the door shut, locking the door loudly behind him.
barty rolled his eyes. “ so….. you guys know each other?” evan questioned, pulling some clothes out his trunks.
“ who, me and reg?” evan nodded, wondering who the hell else barty thought he was referring to. “ yeah, we grew up together. used to take baths together.”
“ oh. cute.” it wasn’t.
barty threw himself on his bed, flinging his head onto his pillow. “ you’re not a man of many words. are you?”
“ i am. just not as much as you.” evan did not mean to say that out loud.
barty laughed. a loud, full kind of laugh that evan would chase to the ends of the earth to hear again. “ you’re funny.”
i am?
yes he was. he was something his father had not forced him to be. he was becoming his own person. finally.
barty accepted the silence as a reply as he shot out of bed, making his way towards his pile of trunks. “ i like your hair.”
evan touched his locks self consciously. he wasn’t sure what people would make of his and pandoras hair in this school. it seemed like there was a lot of white people around and white people were always very …….. open in their opinions. too open sometimes.
“ you do?” evan blinked.
“yeah!” my hairs so boring. i want to dye it green, as soon as i learn the spell.” barty exclaimed, touching his hair.
evan furrowed his eyebrows. “ i know the spell.”
barty whipped around, a dangerous glint in his eyes. “ you do?!”
“ yeah….. you don’t think my hair is naturally blonde, do you?”
“ i mean….. kinda.” barty sat on evans bed, cross legged across him. with him this close, evan could see the eyebags under his eyes, the scar on his forehead.
“ dye mine! right now!” barty grabbed evans wand, placing it in his hands.
his eyes widened. “ no way! we’ll get in trouble.” he shook his head, shooing barty away.
barty just laughed, like it meant nothing. if one word of evan fucking up got back to his dad, he’d be ….. fucked. but worse that, his rage would be taken out on his mother. evan couldn’t do that. he couldn’t be the reason for his mothers pain at his fathers hands. not again.
“ no, we won’t! they have no right over what we do in our free time.” barty was so confident, evan began to believe it.
“ no…. i don’t think it’s a good idea.”
barty stayed silent for a few seconds before his eyes widened. if they were in a cartoon, there would be a light bulb going off over his head.
he grabbed evans hand, pulling him off the bed and towards the door. wow, he was way too strong for such a skinny guy, evan thought. “ come on! we have ten more minutes we can be roaming about for.”
evan stayed silent, following barty wherever he wanted to go. he would follow him anywhere, he resolved. to the ends of the earth even. and then some.
barty walked with a purpose, didn’t falter once, as though he knew exactly where he was going. they stopped at a portrait and a few of the older students gave them dirty looks, seeing the green on their robes. barty only gave them a rude gesture.
evans mind finally caught up with him as he took in his surroundings. “ we’re at the gryffindor tower. why are we at the gryffindor tower, bartemius?” barty turned his head over his shoulder and fake glared at him.
“ just trust me, evangelical.”
“ no.”
barty laughed before saying a phrase. the frame swung open, revealing the warmth and redness (?) of the common room. he walked further in, as thought he owned the place.
what was it like? to live as fearless as barty crouch jr did. what was it like, to not have that tightening in your chest everytime you had to make a decision, everytime you had to do the slightest anything. to live. without your heart racing, your fingers tightening and your world growing smaller.
“ sirius, oh sirius. wherefore art thou, my sirius?” barty exclaimed. evan was sure this boy was not a first year. surely not.
evan heard a laugh and sets of footsteps thundering down the stairs. “ bartemius! and where is my lovely brother?” evan thought regulus had floated down the stairs, an air of superiority around him.
they had the same facial features. evan stared and slowly he could see the difference. sirius’ hair was longer. regulus’ jaw was more visible, like it could cut something.
three other boys followed him, all staring intently at evan and barty.
one exclaimed excitedly. “ oh! they’re such cute little babies! can we keep them, please please please, pretty please pads!”
sirius laughed, his head tilting back. “ now, now peter! let’s see what these little kids have come to us wise men for, huh?” he motioned to barty to carry on.
barty glared at him, punching him on the arm. that earned him a groan from sirius. “ we’re only a year younger, get off your high horse, black.”
sirius rolled his eyes. barty sighed. “ i know you dyed your hair last year and-“
he was cut off. another friend of sirius laughed loudly, slapping his legs. “ you’re welcome for that one, boys. bright pink hair on our very own sirius black. what a day that was. still the best prank i pulled that month.”
“ month?!” evan repeated, apparently loud enough cor them to overhear.
the boy smiled at him, and evan felt like he was staring at the sun for the brief moment. it felt like was basking in the warmth of the sun. “ yeah. that was not my best prank that year. not by far.”
evan made a mental note to stay well away from them. the way barty was looking at sirius, it would be very hard too.
“piss off, james. i got you back for that one.” sirius pushed him to the side, james only replying with a loud laugh, his eyes crinkling.
“ so, little brother. why do you want to know about that god awful phase?” sirius prompted barty, throwing himself down on the couch. he leaned his head on the shoulder of the the third boy that came down with him, scars running across his face and glasses set atop his nose as he read his book, ignoring the rest of them.
barty wrapped an arm around evans shoulder, having to step on his tiptoes slightly. “ me and evan want to dye our hair. we won’t get in shit for it, will we?”
james answered before sirius could. “ nah. they can’t do anything about what you do to your own body.” he leaned out, touching evans hair. evan stiffened, his guards immediately up. please stop, he wanted to scream. please don’t.
“ that’s not your natural colour, is it?” james questioned, dropping his hand with an easy smile.
barty nudged him after a long bout of silence. “ uh, um no. my mum dyes mine and my sisters.”
james furrowed his eyebrows. “ why?”
“why?” he repeated.
“ yeah. my dad flipped out at me after i dyed my hair with his own hair products.” james rolled his eyes, running his hands through his messy dark brown hair. his caramel hand got hidden between the endless amount of hair atop his head.
“ i don’t know, i guess she wants to.” evan shifted from foot to foot, ready to go back to his dorm room and sleep. today had been exhausting.
barry grinned before grabbing evans arm. “ come on, let’s get back before we get caught. bye, siri.”
sirius simply waved his fingers, deciding to annoy the boy who reading a book.
“wait.” james called out as they reached the door. “ how are you planning on dying your hair anyways.”
barty waved him off. “ evan has a spell. come on, we really need to go.”
james reached out, pressing a hand to evans arm. evan flinched, pulling his arm out his grasp. did no one understand personal space?
james stepped back, an apology on his face. “ you have a spell? can you teach me?”
barty answered for evan. “ we really need to go. another day.”
they left them, running back to the dungeons. they threw themselves on evans bed, barty laughing. “ see, no consequences. come on, evan.”
evan hesitated. “ you do realise we just met, right? like twenty minutes ago. you’ll trust me with your hair?”
“ blindly.”
evan blinked. and that’s how regulus came back into the dorm room to a barty crouch jr with dark green highlights and an evan rosier with a bright smile on his face.
this was their tradition. every first of september evan would die his hair, and before barty went home for the holidays he would dye it back.
they would ignore how they came back to school. they would ignore the scars covering bartys back. they would ignore the scars littering evans arms. they would ignore how both barty and regulus had to work twice as hard to build evans confidence up everytime he came back to school.
barty was the other half to evans soul.
so evan really, really did not understand why his world was shattering.
and why it was shattering at the hands of barty crouch jr.