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I slowly opened my eyes, looking at the dark wooden ceiling above me, an overwhelming tornado of memories reminded me where I was and what happened. The stabbing pain in my hip helped with it as well, as I noticed the injury wrapped in a bandage, crimson color changing its color from white. I sat on the couch I previously layed on, pulling the blanket off me and my boots hit the ground softly. I looked around the room, the safehouse we were in was in much worse condition than the previous ones we've been to. My eyes then glanced on the ground, and there I saw them, my two squadmates. A wave of comfort washed over me as I looked at one of the person who was in a way responsible for my injury, I didn't think before I jumped straight in front of him, taking the bullet for him.. He shouldn't have brought me comfort, but he did. This is probably the first time I've seen him sleeping in a very long time. He never slept, and when he did, I was there with him.. or so I used to. His mask covering his entire face, I could only make out the soft and relaxed expression on his face despite the circumstances. He breathed softly, and before I knew it, I slightly leaned closer, hoping to catch a glance at his always well hidden and covered face. I saw his chin slightly peeking from under the mask, which I took as a victory, because as much as I hated to admit it, the fact that I still saw his flesh brought odd comforting feeling in me. What I hated to admit the most is that this wouldn't be a victory for me a few weeks ago, as I've seen his face on daily basis. But we're no longer in the past, we're here. Just here.
I used to hate the feeling I had everytime he scolded me for something small, what made him worry for my safety, but right now I'd very much welcome it back. But it was too late now. Too late. I still think of that night where you insisted on leaving me, not because you were sick of having me around, having to pretend like we're not a thing, no.. You left cause you said you're not the right person for me, like you don't deserve me.. And it might be the little anger I feel inside that's telling me, what stopped you for trying to deserve me, then? What stopped you for accepting the fact that you truly deserve love and happiness..? But my paranoid part also thinks that it was all an act.. That you didn't actually love me, that I was just a game and you felt guilty about having to play it by your rules. But, you know.. I'd adjust, for you. Like I always did. And you always told me it's not necessary, that I'm good the way I am, that I am perfect the way I am.. And I believed you. I did, I really felt accepted for the first time in my life. That's why my heart shatters just at the thought of it potentially being an act.. But you were never the person to hurt a close one, right..? Or maybe you didn't realise you hurt people, because you no longer had anyone you cared about. I don't know what it was, but I still blame myself. I should've tried harder, I should've done something.. But also, why me? Haven't I done enough for you? Haven't I helped you enough..? Maybe you really are what you said you are, a cold, mean monster. How come you're out there, saving lives and then you're here, ruining mine..? Despite all of this, I truly loved you. And I still do. Why..? Cause it's you. You made me feel things I never imagined I thought I could feel. You made me realise that there are reasons to fight. You made me addicted to you, to your presence, your voice..
..or maybe you decided it's better to leave because it will all end soon anyway, all of this.. You said it yourself, you never know when is the last breath you will take. Maybe this was an escapism, for the both of us. Maybe the problem was that I forgot to take my rose- colored glasses off, or maybe the problem was the fact that you were the one who gave them to me in the first place.. Maybe it was because you tried to make me happy, to make me believe all the fairytales were real, even if it was just for a bit..
But after a while, I came to realise that all you tried to do, was to make me believe that not everything was lost, that not everything was wrong as it seemed.. Only later I came to the realisation that you made me forget, that we're all just two broken pieces, in a shattered world.