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Mei had to move her wheelchair out of the way as Mk face-planted onto their apartment’ desk. “Whoaaaa Mk, I haven’t seen you that tired since… Okay, I’ve actually have seen you tired plenty of times, but Mk, are you… okay?”
Mk didn’t really answer her question with his loud groan.
Mei scooted her office chair a little closer. “Did something happen, or…?”
Mk lifted up his head just a bit, but only to stare tiredly at the wall. “I officially hate monkeys.”
Amusement crossed her lips as she leaned an arm against Mk. “Monkey King and Macaque?”
Mk huffed, rubbing his eyes with a wince. “I’m just so… tired of them arguing 24/7, Mei! I mean, I know they have some big history and all, but seriously, you should see them! They bicker over everything.”
Mei grinned, rubbing the back of her head. “But hey, on the bright side, it makes some good entertainment for my streams! It’s Monkey King and Macaque with 4 to 5 right now, if you were curious.”
Mk grinned at Mei’s attempt to cheer him up, but his shoulders slacked at the thought of those two arguing monkeys again. “You would think for 1,000th old guys, they would be the least likely to act like children. Like, I care about Monkey King, and Macaque’s actually cool and all but…” he sighed, dropping his head in his arms. “I just wish they could get along.”
Mei shrugged, not sure exactly on how she could help. “Sorry monkey man, but I mean, their minds with each other are all-crossed up. They’re too angry with each other to ever try to get along.”
Mk stared at Mei for a moment. “Wait… What was that you just said?”
Mei blinked, confused. “Uhm… They’re too angry with each other to ever try to get along?”
A light bulb went up in Mk’s head after Mei’s words finally sunk in as he raised his head slowly. “Minds… angry…”
Mk smiled excitedly as he immediately grabbed Mei by the shoulders. “Mei! That’s it! You’re a genius! I have the perfect idea!”
-
“Why am I being dragged here again?”
It was around 6’o Clock as Mk and Mei lead the two angry monkeys down the streets of Megapolis, towards a small bar, where, if Mei had did her research right, which, she probably did, had the best (alcoholic) beverages there.
“O-oh!” Mk locked in the gazes of the dark-furred monkey before scratching the back of his neck nervously. “I mean, we all hang out during the day, so I thought, heeeey! How about we all have a night out?”
Macaque raised an eyebrow at Mk’s insistence. “Uh-huh. Sure. Then, why is he here?” he didn’t hesitate to glare daggers at the orange monkey who was walking on Mei’s side.
Wukong glared back. “Hey, I’m not liking this arrangement anymore than you!”
“Because you two suck at communication,” Mei pointed out bluntly. She was starting to see how Mk got so tired just from listening to the two furballs squabble.
“EXCUSE ME?!” Both surprisingly, and unsurprisingly, the two monkies hissed at Mei in unison.
Macaque glared, pointing a claw at Wukong as if he was some kind of cockroach. “If anyone sucks at communication, king of narcism is right at your door.”
Wukong turned his head quickly, his fur bristling. “Oh, you’re one to talk, Mr. Ho—!”
“OH HAHA WELL WOULDN’T YOU KNOW WE’RE HERE?” Mk let out a loud and nervous laughter as the building started coming into sight.
As they were making their way towards the doors, Wukong hissed at Macaque, his fangs glinting in the sunlight as the sun started to set over the city. “Don’t get in my way.”
Macaque growled, eyes narrowing. “Speak for yourself, your majesty.”
“Why you—OWCH!” Wukong let out a yelp as he felt Mei stepping harshly on his tail.
Macaque stared at Mei, almost a little frighteningly, before flicking his tail higher up in the air. You can never be too careful.
Wukong pulled up his tail from Mei’s hold, rubbing it quickly before huffing. “What was that for?!”
Mei grinned proudly as she opened up the doors, as Mk had already gone in when the two monkeys had bickered. “That was for wasting our time. Now no arguing until we get in or else I pull out my dragon sword.”
With a muttered grumble and a sigh, Mei finally got the two monkeys to go into the deathtrap bar.
As Mk and the two monkeys were scanning around the bar, Mei didn’t hesitate to lean against the bartender’s wooden counter before pushing a pound of money towards the man.
The man stared in confusion. He picked it up and started counting, and widened his eyes. It really was lucky that Mei came a long-lined of ancestors from the Dragon Clan. “T-thank you Mrs! But this seems… too much for just some wine and… and you haven’t even ordered yet!”
Mei sighed as she patted the bartender’s shoulder gently. So innocent, yet, so naive… “Oh, this is just for the possible destruction of your bar counter.”
The man looked even more alarmed.
Mei waved the man’s concern off as she peeked behind her to see Mk enthusiastically leading his monkey-father-figures to the counter. “Alright, alright! Let’s get something to drink!”
Macaque and Wukong cast nasty glares at each other before they, too, took a seat. Both of them using Mk as some sort of invisible wall between them.
Mei rolled her eyes at the two primates’ shenanigans. She was starting to wonder if they should just scratch up the plan and just lock them up in a room until they made up for whatever happened between the two of them.
But then again, it would be hard to get powerful celestial monkeys in a room without at least one of them raising suspicions.
She was too caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn’t even realized that the two monkeys had already ordered. Although, both of them begrudgingly trying to look anywhere but each other. Wukong looking over at the bar table, sipping up a Cava while Macaque chugged down a Merlot, his gaze intently on the other side of the wall.
Mei grinned with a hint mischief. The plan was in motion. She peeked over the shoulder of Wukong before giving a confident thumbs up to Mk for the signal.
Mk caught Mei’s gaze and stared at her for a moment. He tilted his head as he gave a confused thumbs up back to her.
Mei sighed internally. She forgot that Mk sometimes didn’t always catch social cues straight away. She pulled out her phone from her pocket, opening up her and Mk’s message box.
The plan is in motion, that’s your cue!!!
She heard a small buzz from Mk’s phone as he pulled it out. He cast a glance back at Mei before she saw him quickly typing.
Got it!!
Mk turned his head to Macaque, his eyes wide with awe. “Hey Macaque, is it true that you’ve drank 5 pounds of alcoholic beverages from this place before?”
Macaque blinked, putting his bottle down. “Uh… kid? I mean, sure, I’ve—!”
Wukong let out a laugh. “Ha! Please, I’ve drank tons of more than that!”
Mk and Mei found that as their cue to hide behind some empty booth. Luckily, they sneaked out without being noticed.
Macaque smirked smugly as he hopped onto the seat Mk was previously on. “Oh? Is the great monkey king feeling threatened by me?”
Wukong’s canine teeth glinted in the bulb-light. “In your dreams, asshole. I’m just pointing out the facts out right in the open.”
Macaque raised an eyebrow, putting his cheek in his hand. “Oh? Then prove it to me, o great sage.”
Wukong’s eyes narrowed cockily, a breath away from Macaque. “Is the lowly Macaque challenging me?”
Macaque leaned back against the counter as he shrugged nonchalantly. “Don’t know. Is the great sage gonna accept it?”
Wukong’s grinned, his sharp teeth gleaming in the light as he pulled out a bottle from one of the tables. “Maybe I will.”
Mk and Mei quietly high-fived each other.
Mk rubbed his two palms together with a hint of mischief. “Got the camera?”
Mei pulled out her phone again with a grin as they watched the two monkeys chug down wine. “All out and ready. Now all we gotta do is just watch the magic happen.”
-
Mei was hitting her head on the table.
Three hours.
Three whole hours and the monkeys didn’t even show one single sign of being drunk yet.
How long does it take for celestial beings to become drunk?
Mk was already sleeping on their steak-out spot.
Mei sighed. Welp, this plan was an ultimate failure.
She heard a mutter from Wukong from the counter. “I will never understand your obsession with those weird old timey-music.”
Macaque lifted his gaze sharply from his cocktail and pointed a claw at Wukong. “Uhm, excuse me, but fuck you? Radiohead, a-and Redbone is fucking awesome.”
Wukong let out a hiccup, pushing his wine to the side. “Ple—HIC—se! What good music did those two trashy mortal boy bands ever made?”
Macaque stared back at his cocktail, as if it was getting hard to think properly. His eyes then shone as he turned his head back to Wukong, his gaze smug. “Creep is catchy, al—HIC. Also, you just have shitty taste in music.”
Wukong’s tail bristled up in agitation as he narrowed his hazy eyes at Macaque. “Ex-fucking-cuse me? But I have amazing taste in music!” he stared back at his wine, a smirk growing on your face. “But, you’re right, Creep does suit you.”
“Speak for yourself, princess.”
Wukong glared at him, before grinning. “I mean, I am a pretty fucking princess, so, you’re not wrong.”
Macaque raised a brow with amusement. “Oh? You’re the monkey princess now?”
Wukong stared at the front wall, clenching his fist. “I am monkey princess now, great sage, equal to heaven, and I rule all my subjects with iron fists and make them pretty tiaras. You there, my good sir!” Wukong pointed to the bartender. “Fetch me my biggest tiara!”
The bartender just used his hand to shield his sight from Wukong and Macaque as he walked towards to the other side of the counter.
Wukong narrowed his eyes, taking another sip of wine. “Fucking asshole,” he hissed.
Macaque shrugged dizzily, staring at his… what did he order again? He was starting to forget. “Well, pretty on the princess part is correct, I suppose.”
Wukong turned his head so quick to him, Macaque was surprised the monkey king didn’t snap his neck in half already. “Ex-fucking-scuse me?”
Macaque let out a short laughter as he took another sip of his drink. “Will you ever say ‘excuse me’ appropriately?”
Wukong’s tail lashed in irritation as he slammed his drink on the counter. “Don’t change the—HIC—fucking subject! If anyone’s the “pretty” one, it’s you.”
Macaque huffed, leaning against the counter. “Please, we both know the hot one between the two of us is youuuuu.”
Wukong stared at him as if Macaque just grew an extra tail. “Uhm, fuck no? You’re, like, soooo sexy.”
Macaque rolled his eyes, glancing away from Wukong. “Somehow, I just-HIC-still don’t believe you.”
“I’m not lying! You’re hot!” Wukong narrowed his eyes.
Macaque turned his head back to the monkey king, his drunken mind starting to get annoyed with Wukong. “You’re the one who’s sexy!”
“Am not!”
“Liar!”
”You’re the one who’s lying!”
“Ha! And that’s—HIC—coming from you?! You’re so hot, and sexy, that so many people would be falling down for you!”
Wukong spat a hiss, standing up from his seat. “I bet those peasant mortals would bow down on their pathetic knees if they ever had the fortune to meet you!”
Mei sighed, facepalming herself. Yep, there it was.
Macaque snarled, glaring at Wukong. “Stop lying, shit-head!”
Wukong growled, his teeth glinting in the light. “If you think I’m so hot and sexy, then why don’t you just kiss me already?!”
“Gladly!”
Mei was surprised her jaw didn’t fall straight to the floor as she watched Macaque leap from his seat, forcefully pinning Wukong to the ground.
She didn’t hesitate to shake Mk awake harshly. “Mk! Mk! Monkey man, wake up!”
Mk let out a loud yawn as he rubbed his eyes. “Mei…?” he groaned tiredly. “What time is it…? Did Wukong and Macaque make up yet…?”
Mei tapped her fingers together, unsure of how to explain the current events. “Welllll…. I think our plan worked… too well.”
Mk tilted his head at her, clearly confused. “Huh? What do you mean by th—oh! Oh.”
Mei and Mk stared in shock as Macaque and Wukong shoved their lips together quite passionately, a drip of wine sliding down from Wukong’s chin as Macaque grabbed ahold of Wukong’s face as he smashed their lips deeper into their make-out.
Mei internally cringed. This was like her dream and nightmare all at once.
She felt Mk fastly tapping her shoulder. “Uhhhhh, Mei? How long was I out?!”
Mei pulled out her phone from her pocket, checking the time. “Uhhhhhh, three hours and a half.”
“AND THIS IS JUST THEM GETTING DRUNK?!”
Fortunately, the two tipsy monkeys finally pulled away from each other.
Wukong licked his lips with a filthy look. “Always-HIC- knew you were the better kisser…”
Macaque leaned in closer, his breath a hitch away from Wukong’s mouth. “Hungry for more?”
Mei tried to cover Mk’s innocent, naive eyes as the two went back to making out again.
And oh, oh wow, there’s some tongue in there.
When they pulled out again with gasped breaths, a purr rumbled from Macaque’s throat. “I tasted some wine in there, peeeeaaacchhh.”
Mei stared at their tails intertwined, surprised to see they’re tails weren’t snapping in half from how tight they were wrapped around each other.
Wukong grinned, pulling down his scarf to reveal his orange-furred neck. “Maybe you could try and tasting something else.”
“OHOHOHO-OKAY MK, LOOK THE OTHER WAY!” Mei quickly turned Mk around. Mei hesitated, before peeking over her shoulder. She couldn’t help it, okay?! It wasn’t like stuff like this happened every other day. She was just… curious.
She shivered internally as she saw Macaque pecking kisses along Wukong’s neck, pressing his lips against the skin of the moneky king’s neck.
Mk groaned, sitting back at their table. “GAHHHH! Mei, can you please knock me out again so I can’t hear… that?” Mk tried covering his ears as he heard a groan escape from his mentor’s throat.
Mei sat down across of him at their table, gently patting her best friend’s head. “I wish.”
They turned back to the making-out monkeys to see that they were off the floor now. Wukong, apparently, had pushed Macaque against a wall. “I think it’s time for me to have a taste of something.”
”THIS IS NOT WHAT WE MEANT WHEN WE SAID WE WANTED YOU TWO TO GET ALONG!” Mei had shouted across at them, but it seems the two monkeys were too caught up in their drunk make-out to take notice of the teenagers they were traumatizing right now.
Mk covered his eyes with a groan as Wukong pecked down his own kisses along Macaque’s neck. “I love your-HIC- taste, Macaque.”
Macaque tilted his head cockily, his hazy gaze staring at Wukong. “Oh? What do I taste like, o mighty monkey king…?”
Wukong buried his head into the thick black fur of Macaque’s pelt. “Like a mango.”
Mk facepalmed himself, groaning. “What did I do to deserve this…?”
A purr rumbled from Macaque’s throat as Wukong finished up kissing along his neck. “I think still that you’re the hottest between the two of us, Wukong.”
Wukong smiled softly as he leaned his head down to lick a long stripe over Macaque’s throat. “And you’re the sexiest between the two of us, my handsome warr—!”
The two were interrupted as Mei had slammed a dark pan across the monkeys’ faces.
Mk stared in surprise as his two mentors were knocked out cold.
Mk pulled himself from the table, blinking. “W-Why didn’t you do that from the start? Now I-I’ve got more trauma to talk to my therapist about!”
Mei wiped an invisible sweat from her forehead as she threw the pan behind her. She pulled out her phone to reveal a full on video of the whole thing. “I needed the blackmail.”
Mk opened his mouth to retort to that. That still, he didn’t need to get the image of his monkey-father-figures making out in a public bar stuck in his brain, but then again… it would be a good revenge for the horror those two just put him through. “I guess I can see that.”
Mei grinned, putting a hand on her best friend’s shoulder. “Mk, I love you and all, but please… never make a plan for the mystic monkeys ever again.”