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Evan Buckley grew up only receiving any love or attention from his parents when he was injured or sick. That was the only reason his parents didn't look right through him like he was a ghost. Something about that, stuck with him even after he moved around the country.
The only reason he received affection was because he hurt.
Starting as early as elementary school he'd do dumb stuff, knowingly hurt himself, and end up in the nurse's office, doctors, or even urgent care. Sometime around fifth grade kids in his class would joke around about how they were cutting themselves. How it was "cool", a boy who'd always bully and make fun of Evan held out a small pocket knife.
"Try it, unless your a wimp" The boy smiled and laughed with some of his friends.
Evan desperately wanted friends, his undiagnosed ADHD made him an outlier in the world of middle schoolers. He was loud, outspoken, and passionate about 'weird' subjects. He took the small knife, dragging it slowly across his arm. It was weird, it hurt but something about it felt... calming. His heart raced and he did it again,
"fucking freak. I'm TELLING" the boy said and ran off.
Evan froze, it was all a setup. He glanced down still holding the contraband and tossed it as far as he could over the fence. Dry swallowing and he looked at the slightly bloody red lines. It was strange how it didn't immediately scare him, it didn't even seem that bad. He's done worse to receive attention from his parents. What's the big deal about a few red lines...
Months later and he didn't think about it again, but starting a new school had been hard on him. Now Maddie his big sister is always with her boyfriend..
After a long week of being shoved around in the locker room at school, his parents fighting all week and Maddie ditching him he was left alone again. He just cried silently to himself in his room while his parents both went at each other downstairs arguing about who knows what at this point. He remembered how calming it was. He wiped his face off, sneaking down to the garage, and quickly searching the tool drawers.
Finding the new package of box cutter replacement blades he slipped one out of the package into his hands. Sliding it across his arm, close to where the elbow bends.
Blood immediately dripped off his arm, hitting the ground below him.
"Shit" Evan muttered
He was a little late in realizing this was a lot sharper than the dull, cheap pocket knife that Jason slipped him. He pulled his hoodie sleeves back down over the cuts, letting the fabric clot the blood up. He grabbed a paper towel and cleaned the few drops up before someone noticed.
"Evan! What are you doing in here?" He heard Maddie behind him.
His eyes widened, and he quickly shoved the paper towel into his pocket and spun around.
"Nothing I, just felt sick. I wanted some fresh air and, I squished a nasty bug outside, got my hands all gross" he shrugged pushing past her back into the house.
He locked his bedroom door behind him, not even sticking around long enough to hear his sister's reply. She didn't care, she was heading out to make out with Doug. He slid his hoodie sleeve back up, looking at the cuts, and at the stains on his jacket now visible. He just watched the blood dry on his arm and quickly fell asleep, not hearing the yelling from downstairs anymore. Everything felt numb and it was so much better.
The next morning in the shower they burnt, god that was worse than the actual act. So after a few years, he got smarter. It never took over his life, it just was something that helped his thoughts to stop spiraling. It never got bad. He still didn't see the big deal. There was way worse he could be doing.
No one else even knew, in the summer months he'd hide the cuts on his upper thighs, in the winter months he'd be able to use his arms. As he said, it never affected him that much.... It was fine.
That was until Maddie saw him change his sweatshirt one night around Christmas. He always had a hard time with holidays. Never truly feeling the "holiday spirit" and "family fun" that was supposed to come along with that. Evan had spilled a huge glob of ketchup down his shirt and ran upstairs to change, slipping off his top, then rummaging around his closet for another top.
"Hey! Once you're done, mom wants you to take out the-" Maddie stopped as she saw the dark red lines on her baby brother's arms,
Evan realized why she stopped, he never really thought about it anymore, they were always there.
"Trash." Maddie spat out "Evan what... what the hell"
She walked towards him as he finished putting on the sweatshirt.
"What Mads?" He tried playing dumb
She grabbed his arm pulling up the shirt. "THIS"
He tried shaking free from her grip but she had already seen the cuts and other healed scars. He pushed down the sleeve again. "It's nothing, Maddie, god I could be using meth. It doesn't hurt anyone or anything"
He pushed past her and grabbed the trash bags from downstairs racing outside to hide. This was HIS secret. This was supposed to be his way of controlling a bit of his life.
"Evan, you can't just expect me to walk away from this" Maddie yelled to him from the porch
"Well guess what. You're gonna have to. This is my thing. Let me have something I can control" he rolled his eyes.
Maddie bit her lip, "Fine, but please, be careful and god, come to me if it gets bad" she said almost crying "Please I can't lose you"
"You won't, I promise"
.
Other than maybe losing out on the chance to ever be an underwear model or watch model, Evan never let it get bad. He didn't want to die, just wanted to feel something. And so what if he ended up on a few different medication prescriptions after high school... that was his business.
So maybe he was depressed... so what? It's not like he was actually suicidal or anything. He still cracked jokes, laughed, and appreciated the world around him. It just didn't feel like he was living in it. Kinda watching everything happen from the sidelines, he didn't feel like he was meant to be here.
Even after finding Bobby, and the 118. Things got a bit better after all that. For the first time, he felt like he had a family. He'd not talked with Maddie for years, so Hen became his big sister. Bobby was like his dad. He met Abby and wanted the validation that came from a real relationship and not just a hookup. It all felt perfect, his life finally started to make sense.
Then it all came crashing down.
It's been months since the guy on the roller coaster died. Buck feels as if it was yesterday though. Every day since then, he's replayed it in his mind. He's convinced himself that it was his fault.
And that therapist didn't help his situation. Ever since they....they slept together. Bucks felt even worse. It didn't make him feel better, he felt taken advantage of. He knows it's dumb. He was the man, he was bigger than her, stronger than her and he easily could have said no.
He wanted it..... right ?
He didn't know, all he knows is todays the third day he's been in bed, not wanting to get up or do anything. His eyes hurt from silently crying all night, his head still spinning from the liquor that helped him sleep nowadays. What's worse is after years of not hurting himself that nagging urge had come back. He'd been happy, he'd not even thought about cutting himself in a long time.
But he deserves to bleed, he's a killer. He let that guy die, the least he could do was hurt himself.
His phone began ringing on his bedside table, he rolled over onto his hip that was covered in fresh cuts, it burned as the fabric pulled across. Buck grumbled seeing Bobby's name.
"Hey Buckley how are you doing?" Bobby asked
"I'm- fine. What's up, Cap?" Buck sighed
"I'm calling to let you know the therapist has sent over your cleared-to-work forms If you're ready, you are welcome back starting today," Bobby told him
Thank goodness, he guesses it was worth sleeping with her. He just wanted to get back to his normal routine and feel himself again. He told Bobby that he'd get ready and be in soon. He pulled himself out of bed, dragging through the motions.
He's probably showered a hundred times in these past two weeks. He felt gross, he felt wrong. Even though every shower hurt, feeling the cuts under the hot water, he wanted her off of him. He tried scrubbing himself again, to no avail it didn't help. Afterward, he stopped to look in his basically empty fridge, deciding to skip eating again, he wasn't hungry. He felt sick all the time now, his stomach hurt. He slipped on his work boots and headed out to the station.
Bobby greeted him first, hugging him. Buck taking off with Chim, Hen, and Bobby close behind. Trying to mindlessly keep in contact with their conversation about the firefighter calendar contest. Then he saw a guy who he didn't know, changing in the locker room. Hen and Chim laughed in the background admiring the guy's physique, Hen cracking a gay joke all while Buck stood there staring. He's being replaced by a better version. This guy is better than him. Fitter, stronger, happier. He heard Bobby say his name "Eddie Diaz" before Buck took off to the other room.
.
Buck went through the day, feeling like he was just going through the motions. They sat in the engine; and Buck finally feeling a bit right about the world again.
"So is your full name, "Eduardo" Buck asks the new guy sitting across from him
"No."
"People ever call you Diaz?"
"Not if they want me to respond," Eddie replies
"Something's got to give. We got... we got Cap, Hen, Chimney, Buck. We can't just call you "Eddie." Buck jokes
"Can't tell if he's being serious or not." Eddie shakes his head looking at Chim
"I like to always operate under the assumption that nothing he says is serious."
After the call is done and the guy was transported to a hospital, Bobby pulls Buck aside.
"Play nice, Eddie's a good guy," Bobby said
Buck just nodded and got back into the engine, he didn't want to talk about Eddie again. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was too broken to work, before Bobby got rid of him.
That night after forcing a Wendy's meal down his mouth and headed to Abby's place, hoping maybe this would make him feel better.
It didn't.
He laid back into the couch, he was alone. Abby left him, he knew that deep down. It felt wrong staying in her place, but in some weird way, it made him feel a little loved still. Abby left him, he's being replaced at work, he killed a man, he was..... no.. he wanted that. He WANTED IT. Right?
He glared at the tequila bottle and a switchblade that lay on the tabletop. He took a few more sips from the bottle before picking up the knife.
Nowadays he has to be smarter about where he cuts, he can't live in black hoodies anymore like in school. So now he scars his legs, In the drunken mindset he was in, he took two long slices along his arms, just like old times.
He lay staring up at the ceiling for hours until he passed out again. His eyes closed and the next thing his brain realized they were back at work, back on a call. A guy somehow lodged a live Grande in his leg, now bleeding out.
"You get that thing out of him, put it in here, and get the hell away from it. Let us deal with it." The bomb squad captain told Eddie
"Copy that." Eddie replied, "See you inside."
Eddie tapped Buck's shoulder as he walked past him, his mind focused back in, remembering that he volunteered himself on the plan.
"All right, listen, Buck, you don't have to do this." Bobby tried to explain to him
"You think I'm gonna let the new guy have all the fun? Besides, you wanted us to bond. We might end up real close." He smiled and took off towards the ambulance.
.
"You're badass under pressure, brother," Eddie said
"Me?" Buck stuttering
For the first time in a long time, Buck felt like he was back on earth. Not just floating around and watching the world go by, the way Eddie looked at him. He felt safe even though thirty seconds ago they all three could have died.
"Hell yeah. You can have my back any day."
"Yeah. Or, you know, you could... You could have mine." Buck smiles into Eddie's eyes,
Eddie laughs "Deal."
Bobby watched from the background and then walked up to congratulate them both on a good night. Then from behind them a large explosion shook the ground behind them. Both laughed as the bomb squad muttered something about canceling the robot.
After they got back to the station Buck felt alive again, the adrenaline still running through him. This is what he was made for, what he lived for. Eddie half dressed in the locker room walked up to Buck, putting his hand against his locker.
"Hey bud" he smiled up at Buck
Buck looked up and down quickly and darted his eyes away. As much as he missed hooking up with people, he hasn't felt like having sex since... Buck admits that Eddie is hot, he is good-looking and fit. Buck felt just a bit self-conscious around Eddie, especially looking down at the two cuts that now plastered his arm.
Stupid drinks clouding his judgment. He made up some lie about trying to fix his elderly neighbor's fence and falling into an exposed chicken wire. It was very hard to believe story but no one questioned it, all believing that Buck could be that dumb and clumsy.
"Hey," Buck said lightly chewing on his lip.
"Want to grab a drink, on me?" Eddie asks. "I wanna get to know my new partner"
Buck looked up, staring into his hands, and then slowly into his eyes "Sure" he nodded.
Eddie smirked and walked away, slipping the T-shirt over his head. Buck watched and slowly closed his locker door.
.
Eddie texted Buck the address of the bar he has frequented since moving to LA. Sipping on a beer waiting for Buck. Ever since he was a teenager he knew he was attracted to men also. He just never had the courage or chance to explore that. He saw Buck walk in and waved him over.
"What a crazy few days," Eddie said smiling into his drink.
"Yeah, it always seems to be something in LA" he shrugged ordering a mixed drink also
They sat around chatting about each other's lives and past calls that Buck had been on. After what felt like hours passed, Eddie realized that Buck had had a few too many drinks. His words started to slur.
"You know Ed's, this is the f-first night I've been happy in a while" Buck giggled leaning in close to Eddie.
Buck's hands rested on Eddie's shoulders, his eyes looking into Eddie's. His hand slowly circled down Eddie's arm, fingers landing against his waist.
"Where yous wanna go... partner" Buck smiled, breathing into Eddie's ear.
Eddie bit down on his lip, as much as he wanted Buck, Buck was drunk and he didn't want to take advantage of him.
Buck pulled him out of the bar seat as Eddie dropped two twenties and left with Buck. Buck pushed him into the hood of his car, he wanted to feel good again. He wanted to WANT sex again. Buck kissed him and Eddie leaned into the kiss, letting their mouths explore one another. Eddie lightly moaned into Bucks's mouth.
"Evan" Eddie sighed when they broke apart.
Buck immediately dropped down to his knees, pulling at Eddie's pants "I. I'll do whatever you wa- wants Ed's"
"Buck, your drunk,- we, we should wait," he said pulling Buck back up to his feet.
"It-s fineeee... I wantt this, I've always wanted it. Even with her." He shook his head and nibbled at Eddie's earlobe
Buck's hands rubbed Eddie's thigh slowly tracing his fingers up higher and higher.
"Evan, I'd take you home in a heartbeat if you weren't plastered. I don't want this to be something you regret" Eddie stopped him,
"I- I don't regret anything, I LOVE sex. I'm not a victim" he snuffed and walked towards his car.
Eddie froze, he didn't know what had happened in Evan Buckley's past, but whatever happened he wasn't going to sleep with him tonight. Especially not after what he just said. It worried Eddie and all he wanted to do was hug him and tell him everything would be okay.
Eddie grabbed his waist and pulled him back towards his car. "Oh no you don't. You're too drunk to drive, Now I can either drive you home or I can order you an Uber."
Buck huffed leaning into Eddie "You can take me home, you can do whatever you want" he hiccuped
Eddie shook his head, Eddie only had half his beer and could drive fine. He took Bucks's phone looking for any hint of his address. With no luck and Buck passed out in his passenger seat. Eddie sighed, heading to his own home, he knew Chris was dead asleep by now, his babysitter was probably pissed.
Eddie drove him back to his own place, helping him up the stairs and inside. "Change your mind" Buck laughed as Eddie sat him down on the couch.
"No, I'm taking care of you" he threw him a blanket and pillow
Buck pouted "y-you can take me any...way you wants"
"Go to bed, we'll get your Jeep tomorrow"
Buck quickly passed out, happily sleeping through the night. He woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs.
"Eddie?" Buck asked confused
"Morning Evan." He laughed
Buck's hands shook as he stood up "What did-"
"Don't worry Evan, nothing happened. We didn't do anything"
Buck nodded, accepting the orange juice and food from his new friend. He already didn't know how to make it up to Eddie. He was embarrassed, he heard a noise from down the hall.
"Shit, are you married? I'm so so sorry" Buck wanted to shrivel up and die.
When he turned his head he didn't meet eyes with a woman, but a young kid with crutches.
"Buck this is my son, Christopher," Eddie smiled "For the record, I'm divorced"
Eddie winked at Buck who was mid panic, he sighed and looked back to the kid who had taken a seat to enjoy his dad's breakfast.
"Hi Christopher, I'm.... A coworker of your dad's, Buck" he smiled shaking the young boy's hand.
"Hello Bucky" he smiles
Buck smiled to himself and then looked over to Eddie who was now eating also. He was glad that Eddie had his back... already,
"Thanks, Eddie, I, I'll Uber to my car... I'll get out of your hair," Buck said standing up and placing his plate in the sink.
"It's fine Evan, I just gotta drop Chris off at school, then we can go," Eddie said nodding towards Chris to go get ready.
Once Chris had been dropped off at school, Eddie and Buck drove silently back to the bars parking lot.
"Listen, Eddie, I was dumb and got drunk, I'm sorry... It's been a long few months and I'm trying to change. I don't know what I said or did exactly"
"It's fine Buck. Really. I wanted it, but I didn't want you to regret it, maybe another time"
Buck froze this time. "What did I do"
Eddie looked over at him shaking. "You hit on me, we both exchanged flirtatious words, but you were drunk and I didn't want to take advantage of that."
Eddie smirked over to the blushing boy next to him. But chewed on his cheek, knowing he should speak up about what he said. "And you were saying stuff about not being a victim, it worried me, Buck.. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable because of that."
Buck froze, Eddie parked the car at the bar parking lot in that moment and Buck reached for the door. "I- I gotta go"
"I'm sorry Buck, I thought you should know. You can talk to me, I won't judge you" Eddie says as Buck closes the door on him, taking off to his car.
Buck sat in his car, alone, and starts to panic. He was so dumb, so stupid. How could he let his guard down so much? He ruined his new friendship. He- he wasn't a victim, he knew that. He was a man. He couldn't be a victim of... sexual assault.
He wanted to rip himself apart, he wanted to bleed out. He was so embarrassing. He was so depressed.
Eddie watched as Buck sobbed alone in his car. He felt terrible, he should've just not said anything. He took off towards the station as his shift was starting soon. Buck fell back into another self-loathing spiral. He moved to mostly night shift, maybe he could just avoid Eddie for the rest of his days.
Eventually, Bobby pulled him into the office, worried about him.
"I thought you and Eddie were good? What happened?" Bobby asked
"It, it was good. I messed it up..." Buck said fiddling with his hands
"Well, fix it. Your back on day shift and you two are going to have to work together." Bobby told him. "Oh and get some more sleep, you look a mess"
Buck just nodded. Stood there for a moment. "Cap, I had sex with my therapist...."
"BUCKLEY, what the hell" Bobby sighed.
"Bobby wait, just listen... I, I... I didn't want to... she- she said she wouldn't let me come back to work unless I did. S-she forced me to." Buck said shaking his head trying not to cry.
Bobby was like his dad, he didn't want to cry in front of him. He was supposed to be a man. What man cries at work, and lets a woman overpower him? "I'm sorry Bobby"
Buck cried to himself as Bobby hugged him. "Hey kid, shh it's okay."
Bobby held, basically his son, in his arms, he took Buck under his wing and loved him like a kid of his own. "I'm going to make calls into the department, I'll make sure she never works another day. I'm so sorry this happened to you"
Bobby felt regret run through him, he was the one to push him to that therapist.
Eddie stood outside Bobby's office watching this all happen. He wanted to comfort him but knew that would be overstepping. They barely met and even though they almost got together, they were still not that close yet. Buck walked out, running directly into Eddie.
"Eddie- I'm sorry, I've been a dick, ignoring you like that." He apologized
"It's really okay Evan," Eddie told him
And they dropped it,
.
A few weeks later Buck offered to get Eddie dinner, to make up for everything that happened with him. They went out to the restaurant settling into their table. They both sat there listening to the tables around them, then Buck broke the silence.
"I just want to apologize again. I'm usually not such a wreck. It's been a tough few months. I'm sorry." Buck said glancing into Eddie's eyes and back down to the menu.
"I understand that, Moving to LA had been hard on me and Chris," Eddie replied
"Yeah... I- this is going to be so lame, and hell I won't blame you if you laugh me out of this restaurant.." Buck sighed
Then Buck explained everything that had happened, how he let the guy on the roller coaster ride die, and how his therapist used him. How dumb he feels for letting it happen. Eddie just let him ramble his thoughts and emotions out. Even though his heart twinged every time Buck put himself down and acted like it was his fault. Once he was done, Buck looked to Eddie again, expecting to get ripped on for complaining about "free pussy."
Eddie didn't have an ounce of hate in his eyes,
"Buck, it wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve that to happen to you."
Buck melted and closed his own eyes in fear he might cry. Cry from the pure trust and love he felt from Eddie.
"When I said I'd have your back, I meant it. Partners, till the end"
Then he started to cry. "Fuck I'm so lame" he muttered
"No Evan, you're human.”
.
They finished their meals and walked out of the restaurant together, Eddie's shoulders were lightly brushing Buck's. Eddie leaned against his car door and looked back over at Buck.
"I guess I'll see you Sunday" he shrugs.
"Yeah.. see you then," Buck says with a sad expression turning to the Jeep.
Then something told him to turn back around, he grabbed Eddie's door as he was opening it about to slide into the driver's seat.
"Or, Edmundo, we could finish what we started the other night" Buck smirked
He lightly leaned into Eddie's chest, lips grazed just over Eddie's.
"L-like I said, I didn't want to take advantage of you" Eddie pulled back
"Well well, good thing I'm sober now, huh?"
Eddie bit his lip and smiled, pulling his hands up to cusp Buck's cheeks and pulling him into the kiss. Buck's hands quickly slipped up Eddie's shirt, letting his hand explode around his chest.
"I want you so bad" Buck basically groaned into Eddie's mouth.
"God" Eddie breathed out. "Okay, Evan not here, not the parking lot"
Eddie laughed lightly as Buck grumbled, "Chris is home, I could come to your place... if you want?"
Buck nodded quickly, texting him his address. "See you soon" he winked and ran to his car.
Buck got home and quickly shoved trash away and started to clean up the rest of the house... at least hiding as much mess as he could. He froze at a knock on the door. He pulled off his shirt over his head, opening the door.
"Someone's eager" Eddie laughed as the door closed behind him. "And what if I was just coming over for a beer and football"
"Shut up" Buck laughed as he pulled him into another kiss quickly.
They both danced the awkward dance of fumbling off their belts and pants. Then Buck basically ripped off Eddie's shirt, gripping his chest like his life depended on it, Buck led him back into the apartment, to where his bed was.
Eddie's eyes studied the younger man's body, with a look that could only be described as hunger. It had been too long since Eddie had been with anyone, but he knew Buck needed to be reminded just how beautiful he was. His eyes also couldn't help but notice the faint red marks on his stomach and legs, and the white lines on his upper arms. Something he hadn't noticed before, his heart twinged and he felt a tear forming behind his eyelids.
"Buck" he hummed, almost as if that was a complete sentence.
Then Eddie pushed him into his own bed, starting with a deep hungry kiss on his lips. Quickly though he worked his way over to his earlobe.
"You are divine, god look at you" he muttered while nibbling down Bucks's neck.
Buck holding back hood tears and light breathy moans. The only way he replied was by grinding himself against Eddie, needing any sort of friction.
Eddie worked down his neck, knowing that Buck was falling apart underneath him,
"Ed's please" Buck finally said
Eddie giggled and left his neck with a nice mark that would be bruised by tomorrow morning. Good, he wants the entire firehouse to know Buck is now HIS. Eddie made his way to Bucks's thighs, and the high-pitched squeak that Buck made as Eddie caressed him, made Eddie's head spin. He stopped teasing the poor boy, but not before lightly kissing and running his hand over the barely scabbed marks on his legs.
"Eddie I-" Buck tried to move away from his touch,
He forgets about them still, it's just a part of him, like a tattoo at this point. He knows better than when he was in high school, he knows why people freak out over them. He still thinks there are way worse coping mechanisms, he knows that it doesn't hurt anyone else, unlike drugs, alcohol, or smoking... He also knows that Eddie is probably going to run.
"Shh, Buck it's okay, you don't have to explain." Eddie smiled kissing his stomach
Buck's heart melted, even his therapist when she was stripping him down, didn't even notice or care about them. He, he noticed and he cares and god. It made Buck feel like a human, it made him feel alive again.
Eddie's mouth left his stomach and immediately was placed on Bucks's cock, licking a stripe up and taking his head into his mouth.
"Jesus fucking Christ" Buck cried out.
Eddie's strong hand reached up and held Buck down, he was wiggling around like a kid who had too much Halloween candy. Eddie half laughed at the way Buck had groaned about being manhandled. Every single touch from Eddie, Buck was so responsive too. God, it was a beautiful sight to see for Eddie.
"Eddie, oh god Ed's" Buck breathed out "I- I want you so bad, I want you in me, but that's not going to happen if you don't stop"
Buck struggled to even get that out, he was ridiculously close already. But did he want to feel Eddie hold him down and take what Eddie wants from him. It has been a while since Evan Buckley had slept with a man, and honestly even longer since he was the bottom. Buck just enjoyed the act of sex, he didn't care if he was giving it or receiving it. That's why it's been so hard to wrap his head around NOT being okay with the therapist thing. He was always sexually active, but he didn't want to do it, not with her and not in the headspace he has been in. He had wanted actual help, he wanted to not fall back to his old habits of self-harm. He wanted a therapist, not sex.
Eddie could basically hear his thoughts spiraling. "We don't have to Buck, I can just hold you"
Buck looked back at Eddie, "l want you so bad,"
That's all Eddie needed to hear. He reached over to Bucks's nightstand where he left a condom, which he somehow managed to remember to take with him as he was dragged to bed. Eddie lightly traced his fingers down Bucks's slit.
"Top drawer" Buck mumbled out already melting into the mattress.
Eddie followed instructions grabbing the lube that he assumed Buck was talking about.
"Ooohhh my- e-e-ddie" Buck moaned gripping his sheets and biting them.
Eddie had spread his cheeks and lightly licked him before adding the lube. Eddie made a mental note to come back to that, next time, for sure. The sounds that Buck just made were something Eddie was sure the human body couldn't make.
He quickly added the first two fingers to Buck, lightly stretching him out.
"Eddie, please fuck me. I'm good, I promise" Buck told him soon after he added a third finger
Buck wasn't sure how much more foreplay he'd be able to handle, he's wanted Eddie since the moment they met. It's only been about two months but, he was sooo swooned for this man already. Eddie slipped out his fingers and quickly replaced them, going slowly to let Buck adjust to the size change.
Once Buck's breathing evened out, going back to a steady pace, he began to fuck into Buck, who was trying to hold back his orgasm as best as he could...
The way Eddie's nails dig into his side, the perfect mix of pleasure and pain from Eddie's thrusting, the way Eddie's little praises drove him crazy. After what felt like hours but was more like ten minutes Buck couldn't hold back anymore.
"Eddie, I- I. Christ. Fuck, I'm, gonna- c-cum" Buck panted out like a dog in the summer heat too long.
"That's it my love, cum on my cock" Eddie muttered in his ear, also close to his orgasm.
Buck let go, collapsing into his bed. Eddie felt Buck clench around him, as he was pushed over the edge also.
"So good, so good for me," Eddie said swiftly tossing the condom and laying down next to Buck, on his soft blankets. Buck looked over to Eddie, face blushing as he realized that he called him 'love'. For the first time, he believed, that he could be loved. They got up and showered, cleaning up and throwing on some relaxing clothes.
"Did you mean it?" Buck asked leaning against his countertop, watching Eddie walk around his kitchen in his clothes.
"Mean what?" Eddie questioned
"T-the love... you called me your love...did you mean it?" Buck whispered.
Eddie took three large steps to break the space between them. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life... I know we are just getting to know each other, but I see how special you are. I want you to know that Evan"
Buck almost dropped to his knees, he'd already fallen so hard for Eddie, and Chris. Chris was his favorite kid already. He wanted a life with them.
"God Eddie, why are you so perfect"
Eddie snorted "I'm not anywhere near perfect."
"You sure seem it, I've been so broken my whole life, that's all I truly know, is how to be broken"
Eddie pulled him into a hug and a quick kiss, just holding him. Buck closed his eyes, let himself go, and just relax with Eddie.
"Well, I did promise you that I'd always have your back, that will never change. I promise I'll never let you feel broken again"
.
Eddie always kept his promise, six years later he still had Bucks back. He never let Evan have another dark, alone night. They moved in together after about a year of dating, and shortly after everything got back to normal after the lawsuit. It was hard for him and Eddie, they snuck behind everyone's backs and had to pretend to hate one another since the rest of the firehouse was mad at Buck. Eddie never let him think that he was mad at Buck, he couldn't be mad. So once things returned to normal, he moved Buck in with him and Chris.
Now six years later they were lying on their couch together, talking about the world, the future, and everything. They were planning their wedding a few months down the line. Buck's head resting on Eddie's lap, Eddie petting his hair softly. Chris lounged on the chair next to them playing a new game on his switch, Eddie humming along to a Selena song in the background. Buck was dozing on and off at the loving touches from his partner. He was so happy, he'd never belonged anywhere, and now he felt at home. He was safe, he was loved, he had a family.
"I love you Ed's," he said teary-eyed
"Oh baby, I love you more" Eddie kissed him pulling him up into a hug. "Why are you crying?"
"I-I'm just so happy, so glad you saw though how sad I was.. you saved me.."
Eddie held his fiancé in his arms, rubbing his back as he whispered sweet words to him.
"You are needed in this world and I need you even more" Eddie never wanted Buck to forget that. "Always"