Chapter Text
You and I, always almost.
Again and again.
We were always on the edge of almost.
Never nothing,
never something.
Quiet footsteps resonated through the empty military base when you left your room in the late hours of the night. There was a warm light coming from under the door at the end of the hallway. It felt like a lighthouse in the dark, a beacon calling to guide you home. That’s what the Captain was for you.
Home.
You knocked softly against his door, waiting for his voice to tell you to come in. There was no need to ask or wait for permission, and still, you did. As if it was the last line of a professional relationship that you couldn’t cross.
How did it even get this far between you?
Long nights, a bad breakup - Prices deep voice telling you that it’ll all be ok, that you deserved better than some cheating boyfriend. His arms holding you while you cried your heart out against his shoulder. That one talk turned into a routine. Calming words turned to stolen glances, soft, reassuring touches turned into greedy hands, wandering all over each other. It had to be kept secret, an affair that only belonged to the night, tucked away into a dark closet – as soon as the first rays of sunshine came through the blinds.
He was the Captain of Taskforce 141, you were his subordinate. Better to keep quiet, relationships weren’t appreciated on base.
That’s how it went on for months. That night was just another one you found yourself sitting in his lap. Calloused hands traced soft circles over your soft skin as the embers of his cigar glowed, illuminating the dark office, the heady scent filling the air surrounding you. It was a scent you had grown accustomed to, one that you had grown to love.
Rough fingers found your chin, tilting it up to make you look at him. Hands that had been through countless battles, hands that had killed, and still his touch was so soft against your skin.
“Open,” he murmured, a lazy smile flashing over his face. You knew exactly what he wanted as you followed his command, your lips parting for him. He hummed with satisfaction before he drew a deep breath from his cigar, blowing the smoke into your mouth in a steady stream.
“So good for me, princess.” Any other man would have met your fists if he called you that, but with Price, it was different.
You were what others would call fierce, tiny, but a menace on the battlefield. The other soldiers quickly learned not to mess around with you, but for John, you were his little princess. Your small body felt so soft on his lap. He always made you feel like he could protect you from anything, as if he could make all your worries just disappear.
“What’s wrong, darling? I can feel that something’s bothering you,” he looked at you curiously before pulling you closer, his fingers softly tracing over your collarbone. This wasn’t a new question, he often asked you how you felt, knowing about your tendency to bury your feelings underneath work and training.
An open book, that’s what you were for him. Mostly. Because there were things that you weren’t telling him, things that you decided would be best if they stayed bottled up. The last few weeks had been hard, too many missions, too much death all around you.
“Do you treat other girls the same?” The question slipped out of your mouth, too quick for your mind to do anything against it.
“Other girls? That’s why you've been so on edge for the last few weeks? There are no other girls, You're my princess.” A low rumble of amusement came from him, the question surprised him, you had never been jealous, the rules of your arrangement clear from the start.
“Is there something else bothering you?” He inquisitively asked as rough hands gripped your waist, tugging you closer.
“No, I'm fine, Sorry for asking, I don’t know what got into me, it must be because of the last mission. The lack of sleep is messing with my head.” Two truths and a lie. Yes, the last mission had been bad, but it wasn't the only thing that kept you awake at night.
A letter from home; informing you that your estranged father had died. You didn’t talk to him for the last few years, you had your reasons to join the military at 17. An inheritance; a big one. However, you would have given every last dollar away if it meant spending your life with Price.
“All you need to do after a mission is rest and recover. I've told you that so many times already.” Orders, spoken in the most loving way, his voice gentle on your ears.
“Sleepy?” His body shifted in his chair, moving to make it more comfortable for you. Allowing you to snuggle even closer as you nuzzled your face against his neck. Your soft breaths tickled his skin, but he didn’t even think about moving you.
“Mhm. And I missed you.” You said carefully.
No feelings. That’s what you had been promising each other.
Just sex. Just a little fun. Nothing more.
However, that’s how such promises always ended. They were always made to be broken.
“Missed you too, princess. I don't like it when they send you away for missions without the Taskforce. Worries me when I'm not around to protect you, You’re still mine, aren’t you?” His deep voice felt like a soothing blanket.
“Always yours.” you whispered, snuggling closer to him. Missions with other units felt off, but missions with the Taskforce were also difficult. The captain had to keep it professional in front of the others, you both knew it had to be this way. Nonetheless, it broke your heart a little more every day.
“You've ever thought about leaving? Just run off to Mexico, Tahiti. I don’t care, just away. There's nothing holding me here besides you.” Whispered words, spoken in a joking tone to conceal the sad truth beneath them.
It wasn't the first time you had thought about leaving the Taskforce, but this would mean leaving him too, and your heart couldn't bear the thought.
“You and me on a beautiful island, eh?” His thick British accent was even more prominent when he laughed.
“I'm certain we'd end up in a beach paradise hotel, rolling through the sheets every night. I know for a fact that I’d enjoy it, but you know I can’t leave the Taskforce. I’d miss it. Miss going into the field, miss seeing you all geared up, looking so deadly.” His words only repeated what you already knew.
But a girl can dream.
“I would love it, just you and me.”
A dream that would never become reality, no matter how much you wanted it. He would stay, and you would stay with him. You looked into his eyes; they were blue like the ocean, and you wanted to drown in them. You wanted to feel the current pulling you down, the salty water flooding your lungs until it filled the emptiness inside of you.
“If I were a younger man, princess… If I were younger, I would run off with you. Start a family in some place exotic and unknown.” He murmured, the words piercing your heart like daggers. Soft lips brushed against your neck, making you forget for just a second.
“You're not even that old, we could still do that,” you said hopefully.
Negotiating what was non-negotiable.
The age gap had always been a sensitive topic between him and you, more for Price than for you. You were 22, he was 45. It wasn't a dramatic difference, but there had been more than one discussion before he finally agreed to this little affair. The thoughts of being with him somewhere else, maybe having your own little family, being happy with him; it felt like it was ripping your heart out.
“I'm really sleepy, can I stay with you tonight?”
Changing a subject that brought nothing but pain. Swallowing down your emotions once again, knowing you had to. You were used to it, doing it for so long, that the feeling in your stomach became a new normal.
“Stay the night, you know I love having you around.”
She's falling in love. And I'm falling for her, too.
Morals. Obligations. The Taskforce. Thoughts were racing in his head as he held you close, wrapping his arms around you. Your sleeping figure looked so delicate in his lap. His arms were the only thing that could make you feel at home, the only place where you felt at ease. Not knowing that he felt the same way about you.
Deep down he wanted to run away with you, away from all the violence, but he couldn't, there were duties to follow, there was too much at stake. The Taskforce relied on him, he was the glue holding them together, even more so when things went wrong. For now, he would have to be satisfied with having you in his bed, his arms holding you close.
Maybe you could make it work. Someday, somehow.
You fell asleep in his arms, feeling content. In your dreams, you imagined the both of you at the beach, toes in the sand, the sound of the waves surrounding you. In reality, you had to leave for a mission the next day. You were already dreading it.
Too distracted. Mistakes happen when you’re unfocused, and in their line of work, mistakes could be deadly. John was lying awake for a lot longer that night, his arms around you, holding you with no intention of ever letting you go. Holding you as if he expected someone to come in and rip you away from him.