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“We’re not a duo, it’s just for games”
That’s where it all started. Jay couldn’t cry, he had to hold it together, smile and participate even though his mind kept replaying that phrase over and over again.
He’s not stupid, obviously to out a relationship or whatever they were would be detrimental to their careers and it would be selfish to do something that could possibly affect the future of their members considering how hard they worked and how much they endured to get to this point.
What he never expected was Jake to dismiss their friendship, it felt like a kick in the gut, his heart hammering away with breathing getting increasingly harder. Once the cameras cut Jay hunches over clutching his chest breath coming out labored.
“What the hell! Jay! What happened?”
He looks up to find where the voice is coming from but his eyes are filled with tears making everything seem blurry.
“Fuck, he’s struggling to breathe it’s a panic attack give him some space…. Jongseong it’s me”
Jay immediately recognizes Heeseung’s voice and allows himself to fall into his arms. Heeseung unbuttons the first three buttons of his shirt carefully sinking to the floor.
“C-can’t b-
“Shhh don’t try to talk yet, try to follow my breathing.” Heeseung whispers holding Jay against his chest “deep breaths, in and out”
The room is silent, with the exception of the two males on the floor, everyone is watching with worry painted across their faces. It takes a few minutes but once his breathing evens out he crawls further into Heeseung and breaks down.
“Guys we’ll take a break and maybe postpone based on how Jay is feeling. Heeseung can you carry him?” The staff says
“Yeah I can manage.” Heeseung hums
“I’ll get the car ready I’m guessing you’ll know where to take him so he can relax and maybe talk about whatever’s going on.”
“I’ll take him.” Jake finally speaks after observing the whole thing.
Jay clings to Heeseung tighter, not wanting to go with anyone else, especially not Jake.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, he seems more comfortable with Heeseung right now and we need him to calm down, not to get worked up and have the same thing happen again.” The manager chimes in saving Heeseung from having to hurt Jake’s feelings.
He watches Heeseung walk out with Jay clinging to him like a koala and he hates it but as it stands there is nothing he can do about it. Sunghoon is giving him a dirty look, Jungwon looks disappointed and everyone else won’t even look at him.
They huddle together leaving Jake to stand there and rather than being mature about it he picks a fight.
“So is this how you guys are going to be? What about not choosing sides where’d that go or was it all bullshit.”
Jungwon scoffs, choosing to walk away before he says something he won’t be able to take back and the members turn on their heels following suit.
“Ni-ki come on, not you too” Jake pleads. The desperation he tried so hard to push away resurfacing.
Riki chuckles, stopping in his tracks. He turns to face Jake standing his ground despite Sunoo and Sunghoon trying to pull him away. “Don’t not you too me Jake, you know you fucked up. He couldn’t even hide it for fuck sakes, we don’t even know exactly what’s going on between you two but anyone with fucking eyes can see there is something and you being the fucking ido- long story short is you hurt him after you promised you wouldn’t and I don’t know if I can forgive you for it so just back off.”
As if he wasn’t feeling guilty enough already that cemented everything. He hurt Jay- and Riki, he’s never spoken to him like that before- full of disdain, he didn’t even bother to use honorifics.
++++++
The staff got Heeseung and Jay a hotel room, their managers coming back roughly half an hour later to drop off some clothes. Totally not what Heeseung had expected but he is grateful nonetheless. They’d been unmoving for the past hour as Jay refused to let go of him and he has to admit it’s quite comfortable being with Jay like this, sure it would be better under different circumstances but he’s still a bit happy that Jay finds comfort in him.
“Are you ready to talk about it now?”
Jay whines fisting his hyung’s shirt thinking he’s going to pull away.
“Relax hyung’s still here and I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon, but we have to talk about it.” Heeseung says.
Jay sighs slowly lifting his head from the older’s neck and Heeseung has to fight a shiver when he feels Jay’s breath against his skin.
“I just feel so stupid to think he would ever want to be with me. Maybe i was blinded by all the moments we’d spend alone and the things he’d say to me then, but I should’ve known better. I don't know why I thought he would choose me over his dream, you know. I mean who would choose me over their drea-
“I would.” Heeseung blurts out before he can think. He closes his eyes hoping when they open it’ll be a dream or he was at least hallucinating and he didn't just say that out loud.
“You- what?” Jay starts “that’s not funny you can’t just say that to make me feel better especially if you don’t mean it.”
The older sighs wrapping his arm around Jay’s waist to keep him from climbing off his lap. “I meant it Jongseong” he’s in this too deep and he’d hate to hurt Jay all over again so he might as well confess since his heart decided to betray his brain.
“I would really choose you. I’ve always chosen you and anyone who knows how special you are would choose you too. I love music, I love our fans but you mean so much more to me than any of it. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it without you, so I need you to know that I would choose you; I have chosen you. Me saying this right now, I know it’s a lot and I really didn’t mean to put this all on you but I had word vomit and I can’t take it back so please don’t run away from me. If it helps you can pretend I never said anything, just please still let me be there for you.”
Jay stares at him wide eyed unsure of his next move. Was he that blind all along?
“H-how long” he asks.
“Jongseng don’t do this it doe-
“How long!” he asks again, this time leaving no room for argument.
“Three years now…”Heeseung mumbles
“Wow I-
“Jay no. Don’t run, just forget about it.” Heeseung pleads but it’s useless Jay pushes his hands away scrambling out of his lap like he’s fire searing his skin.
“I’m gonna shower” is all he says before disappearing into the bathroom leaving Heeseung to prepare for the worst.
Regardless of how pointless it is now, Heeseung wishes he had kept his mouth shut. The whole point of coming here was to make Jay feel better and he’s done the exact opposite. There must be an award for this level of stupidity because not only has he made things worse but there is a high chance that a Jay will pull away from him and he can’t handle that however selfish it may be to think or feel this way.
So caught up in his head he quickly loses track of time, jumping when the bathroom door opens. Jay doesn’t spare him a glance but from what he can see his eyes are puffier than they were when he went in. Sighing, Heeseung grabs his stuff to shower, figuring Jay could still use some space. Even though he would much rather make sure Jay is okay he has to let him process things in hopes that it won't ruin their relationship.
After his shower things are still awkward with them sitting at opposite ends of the room. Heeseung on the bed and Jay curled up on the couch. It’s only when night falls that Jay moves from where he is to curl up beside Heeseung.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ice you out, it was all just a lot for one day and I didn’t know how to handle it.” he whispers so softly that it almost goes unnoticed.
Heeseung pulls him closer wrapping his arm around him, smiling at the way he melts against his chest. “I understand. I want you to know that no matter what it is we’ll work it out together, we’re seven years for a reason.”
Jay giggles and Heeseung feels at peace, a sound he’ll never get tired of hearing and will do anything in his power to make it happen as often as he can. They laugh and talk for the rest of the night, Heeseung being successful in cheering Jay up the earlier events barely on their minds before succumbing to slumber.
They check out of the hotel and get back to the dorm by eleven the next morning. It’s easy for them to slip into Heeseung’s room since the rest of the members are still asleep. The older tries to keep Jay busy when he sees him staring off into space knowing it’s because he’s overthinking.
“If you don’t want to be here right now, we can alway go out or I can pay for another hotel room” Heeseung whispers, pulling Jay closer to him.
“I’m fine I just don’t know if I can share a room with him right now. I’ll get over it, I just don’t even know what I would say to him.” Jay sighs.
“My room is always open as are my arms, we can hide in here and I can come with if you two ever need to talk.” Heeseung says
“Mhmm i guess it’ll be fine… can we stay like this for a little longer”
“As long as you like baby- I- I mean Jongseong” Heeseung hums.
He doesn’t know whether Jay heard the slip up or not but at the very least he’s grateful that he doesn’t say anything about it.
They doze off again all the crying from yesterday, really taking it out of Jay and Heeseung… he doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep without Jay in his arms anymore. The noise from the now busy dorms slowly wakes them up after two and Jay is dreading having to go out there.
“You’re frowning again” Heeseung yawns.
“Just in my head again” Jay mumbles.
“Whatever it is we’ll work it out together” Heeseung hums ruffling Jay’s hair. “Now let’s get some food. You up for ramen?”
“I can cook it’s fine.” Jay shrugs.
“You’re crazy if you think I’m letting you lift a finger. Either ramen or we order in” Heeseung says, pulling Jay up off the bed.
The younger whines all the way to the bathroom eventually stopping to wash his face while Heeseung pee’s. Once they’re done he’s dragged along to the kitchen where he’s tackled by Riki.
“You’re back, I missed you!” He exclaims. There are so many questions he wants to ask but Heeseung gives him a look, making him decide against it.
Jay grunts upon impact prying the younger males long limbs off him “you’re almost twice my size get off me”
“Aww Jay-hyung is tiny” Riki teases, poking his cheeks.
Jay huffs swatting his hands away “so much for missing me”
“I can multitask it’s no-
Riki stops himself mid sentence when Heeseung narrows his eyes at him. Opting to pat Jay on the shoulder before disappearing into the living room.
Hearing the commotion Jake wanders into the kitchen to see Jay and Heeseung whispering amongst themselves. The atmosphere changes when they see him and they all feel it. Jay becomes tense and Heeseung’s protective mood goes up by a thousand.
“Can we talk?” He asks.
Jay doesn’t speak until he feels Heeseung’s hand on the small of his back under his shirt, a few of his fingers caressing his bare skin. He finds the touch relaxing coaxing him into taking a deep breath so he can answer without breaking down.
“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk, it’s not like we were in a relationship anyway so you don’t have to feel bad. We can just pretend it never happened and move on.”
Jake doesn’t know what he was expecting but that. That was not it. The words hurt more than anything, each one cutting deeper and there was no one he could blame but himself. He always brushed it off when Jay brought up labels thinking it didn’t really matter but now hearing Jay say ‘it’s not like we were in a relationship anyway’ hurt so much more than anything he’s ever experienced. He can only imagine how much worse Jay felt about him paying such scant regard to the topic.
“Jay…. Please let’s just talk it out.” Jake begs coming closer, heart breaking when Jay flinches away. Heeseung steps in front of him, arms crossed.
“Look man you heard him, let’s not draw any more attention to this. Things are tense as it is, Riki isn’t talking to you neither is Jungwon, Sunoo barely acknowledges you and Sunghoon won’t look at you. Just respect his wishes because next time I won’t ask nicely.”
Jake looks dejected and Jay feels for him but he can’t put himself through uncertainty again. Heeseung takes his hand and leads him out of the kitchen when he realizes Jake won’t leave. He heads back to the room fighting every muscle in his body to not slam the door behind him. His grip on the door so tight his knuckles have gone white, he’s almost shaking when Jay hugs him from behind resting his head on his back.
“I’m fine, it’s okay calm down.” When Jay doesn’t notice much of a difference he tries the one thing Heeseung wouldn’t expect: “you can call me baby if it makes you feel any better.”
The older stills turning in Jay’s arms “What”
“I heard you earlier and it’s not the first time either but I think it’s okay now and I don’t mind it.” Jay says gazing up at him.
A red tint spreads across Heeseung’s cheeks, he’d always thought he’d been more discreet . Turns out he wasn’t but it’s paid off since he now has permission to say it so Jay won’t feel uncomfortable. “Okay what would you like to eat baby.”
And so it started their dynamic slowly began to shift. In private they would cuddle and Heeseung would call him all the pet names known to mankind and then it got to little kisses on his neck and cheek inching closer to his lips each time. After a while a few of the members began to notice.
The tension from that dreaded day began to fade as Jay doesn’t want them to fight on his behalf. Things are still a bit off between some members but it’s nothing to worry about since they could all sit together and play games as they are now.
However Heeseung’s wandering hands quickly piqued everyone’s interest. Riki smirking upon noticing how fidgety Jake seemed, Sunghoon shocked, Jungwon confused and Sunoo with a knowing smile on his face. No one said anything, Jay wasn’t moping around anymore and Heeseung well he didn’t look like he was plotting Jake’s murder plus he was less brooding and miserable.
Things quickly changed between them. The touching got more daring and they graduated to kissing, it just happened one night when they were cuddling in the older’s bed. They were having one of their late night talks again, staring at each other until Heeseung leaned in. It just happened naturally without conversation even when they were caught making out in the living room and everyone realized it was much more than just comforting touches. They still didn’t acknowledge their change in relationship.
“When did this become a thing?” Sunoo asks, unable to help himself.
Heeseung groans looking annoyed while Jay is hiding behind him “could you guys not have chosen a better time.”
“Well hyung we aren’t the ones making out in the living room where everyone can see” Jungwon says, folding his arms.
“Whatever we are not talking about this right now.” Heeseung grumbles dragging Jay behind him to his room. He makes a point of slamming his door, rolling his eyes when they laugh.
“Wanna pick up where we left off?”
Jay pushes his away making an attempt to look angry but it only makes the older coo pushing him backwards onto the bed. “ you’re cute when you try to be all angry, makes me wanna kiss you even more”
Usually the kissing stopped before it could go too far but this time the pretty sounds leaving Jay’s lips has Heeseung worked up. Tugging at the collar of Jay’s shirt he dips his head kissing along Jay’s neck biting and sucking leaving behind blooming red and purple splotches and before you know it his hand ends up in Jay’s shorts stroking him until he’s arching and spilling over his hand.
Again they don’t talk about it just going on like everything is normal but then Sunoo alarms everyone when he spots the hickeys on Jay’s neck.
“What the hell happened? Were you mauled?”
“What? What are you talking ab- oh uh” Jay chuckles nervously pulling his shirt up to hide the bruises but the rest of the members come rushing into the kitchen. Him fiddling with his shirt turns all the attention to his neck.
“Unbelievable. We need to talk about this now” Jungwon sighs looking over at Heeseung who’s standing in the doorway not looking the least bit apologetic.
“Chill out, it's fine. I got carried away but it’ll fade.”
“Fade my ass” Jake sneers “how could you, what if we were going to work it out”
Riki snickers. “Talk about delusion”
“Behave” Jungwon warns but Heeseung blocks it out, getting in Jake’s face grabbing his collar.
“I held my tongue long enough but you’re a selfish fucking prick. Not everything is about you, you had him and you didn’t cherish him and now you wanna play fucking victim. He’s mine and you’ll have some fresh hickeys to look at tomorrow”
Jungwon gets between them before Heeseung can hit Jake. He pushes him in Jay’s direction and Jay gets the message immediately dragging him out of the kitchen.
“I can’t with entitlement” Riki scoffs only backing down when the leader glares at him.
“Yeah okay I kinda saw this coming, i’m gonna talk to those two” Sunghoon says not wanting to spend another second in the middle of Riki and Jake’s ongoing spat.
“Sunoo, can you excuse us” Jungwon asks, running his hand through his hair.
Once only the three males are left in the kitchen Jungown sighs glancing between Riki and Jake. “I know he’s not your favorite person right now-“
“Understatement of the year” Riki scoffs.
“-but! He’s your hyung and if you're going to talk to him you need to be respectful.”
“I just won’t talk to him. Good talk” Riki says leaving to go be nosy.
“As for you hyung. You don’t have a claim on anyone, you messed up and you have to accept that. Don’t try to pick fights or make Jay uncomfortable because you did this. You pushed him away. You pushed him into someone else’s arms and you just have to accept it and get over it. I know you might have a lot of feelings you’re sorting through right now but you don’t own Jay and you can’t keep picking fights because I might not actually be there to stop all of them.” Jungown sighs
“I just wish I could turn back time, you know. I’ve been thinking back to that day and I still can’t figure out why I said that and seeing the hurt on his face seeing what I did to him. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him, there was nothing I could say to make up for it. I tried to get close to him and he flinched away and I-
He is cut off by his own sobs, head hanging in shame. Sadness and guilt taking over his body. Jungown sighs pulling him into a hug, he still isn't particularly happy with Jake but he won’t stand there and watch him cry.
“I don’t really know what to say to comfort you since I’m still pretty upset with you for hurting Jay, but he seems happier and if you really cared about him you’d let him be. You know how hyung is he can’t hold grudges which is why the rest of us do it for him so he has forgiven you. Just give him time and in that time focus on getting over what happened. The best thing you can do right now is make sure you have a friendship to get back to with him and it’s only going to take longer if you keep picking fights. It may be hard but just be happy for him.”
Jake nods pulling away to wipe his tears, Jungwon pats him on the shoulder before going off the find Jay and Mr. I can’t keep my hands and mouth to myself. He doesn’t bother knocking, he just opens the door to find them in the same position as he didn’t when he walked in on them kissing.
“Get off him we need to talk” he sighs closing the door.
“What do we need to talk about” Heeseung whines releasing Jay’s arms and sitting beside him.
“The hickeys. Please be responsible when we have schedules and I’m only saying this because someone has no self control.” Jungwon says looking directly at Heeseung.
“Hey why am I being attacked!”
Jungwon raises a brow in disbelief “Because you mauled my hyung”
“There’s that favoritism again” Heeseung grumbles.
Jay giggles at the exchange, quite enjoying the sight of Heeseung getting scolded.
“I’m just happy you two are happy and Jay hyung you need to talk to Riki. Jake is public enemy number one at the moment and I mean that’s fine he’s just being really rude.” Jungwon says.
“Yeah I plan on talking to them both. I just want to make sure I don’t break down when I do.” Jay sighs.
“Take your time, I spoke to him back there so I hope he takes my advice anyway I’ll leave you two to it.”
++++
The next few weeks are busy which doesn’t leave much time around the dorm. Riki still refuses to acknowledge Jake and when he does it’s the most disrespectful thing he can muster when Jungwon isn't within hearing distance. Jake and Jay have been tip toeing around each other but they both have been doing better.
One evening when they get back to the dorm Jay asks Riki to join him in walking to the convenience store. The younger is happy to oblige bumping shoulders and they walk side by side with their hands stuffed in their pockets.
“Riki I know you mean well but I don’t want you to be mean to Jake. What happened was between us and I know you’ll have your feelings about the whole thing but don’t be too mean to him he’s still your hyung regardless of what happened between us.” Jay starts.
“I know all of that to be honest I expected this conversation at some point. Hyung you’re too kind and caring for your own good. I still love Jake but he was a dense asshole, you aren’t exercising your right to make his life miserable so he’s going to have to deal with it until I’m satisfied.” Riki says.
“Riki y-
“No hyung! You don’t know how scared I was when I saw you like that, I’ve never seen you like that. You think you can fix everything on your own, you don’t ask for help and then you just- what would I have done if Heeseung hyung didn’t get you to calm down and start breathing. So forgive me for not forgiving him for hurting you when you were in such a vulnerable space with him.” Riki shouts, storming off to hide the tears filling his eyes.
“Riki! wait! JUST STOP RUNNING SO WE CAN TALK!” Jay yells trying to keep up.
He finally catches up to Riki, thanking the hours of intense dance practice for being able to run as much as he had to. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think- I didn’t know it affected you this much. I wish you had come to me, you’re not supposed to worry about me, it's supposed to be the other way around. This isn’t your burden to carry.”
“You can’t say that not when you worry about everyone else but yourself. We’re grateful you take such good care of us but it's okay to take time for yourself. We’re here for you, you can depend on us too. I’m only three years younger than you. That's not a lot of years you don’t have to constantly treat me like I kid- sure it’s nice sometimes but I know stuff, I understand things. It was so scary seeing you like that. Just promise me that you’ll come to us before it gets that bad again.” Riki says.
“I- I promise and I’m sorry. I don’t ever want you to feel like that again so I’ll do better” Jay hums “now c’mere”
“You can’t ruffle my hair when your so short” Riki snickers ruffling Jay’s instead.
“Whatever you giant let’s go get some snacks”
They got back to the dorm a little later than planned and Jay had been expecting Heeseung to be asleep, instead he is up scrolling on his phone….shirtless.
“You’re back finally. How’d the talk with Riki go?”
Jay takes a while to answer his eyes glued to his torso it’s not like he hasn’t seen the older shirtless before but as of late his feelings have been all over the place and seeing him like this makes him feel things that he wouldn’t have felt a few months ago. Snapping out of his daze he blinks a few times clearing his throat.
“ It went great. We cleared up a few things but him being mean to Jake— I won’t be able to talk him out of that he says he’ll stop when he’s satisfied. Why are you still up though?” Jay hums, shrugging his clothes off before reaching for a pair of shorts and one of Heeseung’s shirts.
“I was waiting for you. We’re long overdue for a talk, I just don’t want any misunderstandings so I want to talk about us.” he says
Jay’s body runs cold but he manages to keep calm “what about us?”
Heeseung pats the space beside him waiting for Jay to sit before continuing, “what we have has been going on for a while and to be honest sometimes I still can’t believe I get to have you the way I do but we’ve done this backwards. I don’t mind you using me especially if it means I get to be close to you but before we go any further I just want to see what’s on your mind about us. It’s totally cool if you d-
Jay wraps his arms around his neck and pulls him in, cutting off his ramble. Their lips touch and every word on the tip of Heeseung’s tongue evaporates, just as he’s about to deepen the kiss Jay pulls away looking up at him with wide eyes.
“I like you too, I don’t know when i started to but I definitely know that I like you back”
Heeseung goes in for another kiss to express himself in a way where words won’t fail him and though this isn’t the first time, they kissed it’s the first time everything they’ve felt for each other was poured into it.
“Fuck wait” Heeseung pants breaking the kiss. “We should stop, I’m going to take this too far if he continue”
“Who says it’s too far” Jay whispers, straddling him. “It’s not like we have any schedule tomorrow”
Heeseung knows better. The dorm isn’t empty, they shouldn’t do this but he’s nothing more than a man unable to resist the charms of the pretty boy in his lap. He gives in, connecting their lips once again.
Their clothes hit the floor piece by piece, and soon Jay is on his back in the dimly lit room with Heeseung gazing down at him. There is so much love and adoration in his eyes that it feels overwhelming and before Jay can help himself his tears fall.
Heeseung immediately notices leaning down to kiss them away. “What’s wrong baby?”
“T-the way you look at me like- like I’m the only person in the world” Jay sniffles.
“It’s because I love you. Always have and I always will.” Heeseung whispers against his lips.
With Jay crying and emotions high, Heeseung decided that now was not the time for sex. They could always do it another time but with Jay as emotionally overwhelmed as he is right now he’d much rather cuddle him and praise him so much he turns into a tomato.
++++++
Things have slowly begun going back to normal Jungwon and Sunoo have started talking to Jake again, Sunghoon acknowledges him but he’s made it clear his chosen side is Jay as does Riki, who still hasn’t spoken to him outside of the little digs but as per Jay’s request it’s not as bad as it was before. Especially now that Jay is finally ready to talk to Jake. He slips into their shared room where Jake has himself hidden most of the time. Looking up from his phone he spots Jay by the door and freezes in his spot.
Jay chuckles nervously, controlling his breathing so he doesn’t have a meltdown because this isn’t a big deal and he’s fine, he can do this or at least that's what he tells himself.
“Hey. I Uh- we should talk.”
Jake gulps nervously, almost choking on his saliva but recovers quickly placing his phone behind him on the bed. “Yeah, yeah sure.”
“First I want you to know that I don’t hate you. I never have and quite frankly that’s not something I’m capable of doing nor would I want to. Also what we had, it was good …. I mean until it wasn’t but before all that it was good and I want to thank you for that but— I think I’m starting to move on and I want us to be friends like before that is of course if you want to.” Jay starts.
“I'm sorry. I- I never meant to hurt you I-
“I don’t want you to feel guilty. Things happen and maybe it was for the best, maybe you’ll find someone who won’t be as needy or require as much reassurance as I do. It’s okay I promise.” Jay says
“-but it’s not okay. I know I wasn’t very good at what we had and I just wish we could fix it.”
“Jake, look I have started to move on. You should too and fixating on the past won’t help, it didn’t work out between us and that’s okay. I’m sure you will find someone else because you’re a person. The timeline for moving past this will differ so I’m not here to invalidate your feelings so whenever you’re ready I’m open to getting our friendship back to where it was. We. Can focus on fixing that— it’s what’s better for the both of us.” Jay explains.
Jake sighs running his hand through his hair, everything in him wants to disagree or fight. Seeing Jay with someone else is the last thing he wants but this is them most Jay has spoken to him in months so he nods throwing him the best smile he can muster. “Yeah you’re right”
He lies— lies right through his teeth because as soon as he’s left alone in the room, his fists clench. It’s not for the best he loves Jay but he’d been so paranoid and emotionally constipated he hurt him. Not only did he hurt Jay but his actions affected the group and he has no one to blame but himself because everyone warned him.
Now he’s stuck living with the fact that Heeseung and Jay are getting together and his relationship with the members will never be the same.
+++++
“How’d that train wreck go” Riki asks leaning against the kitchen counter.
“I not sure to be honest. I proposed us moving on but he was stuck on the past. In the end he agreed to move forward but he clearly tuned out the things he didn’t want to hear.” Jay sighs
Riki scoffs swiping the bottle from Jay to take a sip. “Well I volunteer to straighten him out if he does anything weird.”
“Riki we talked about this y-
“Yes. Yes we did talk about it-“ Riki chuckles “- but I remember saying until I’m satisfied and I’m far from. I’m sure Heeseung hyung would agree with me.”
And like clock work.
“What will I agree with?”
“Nothing! He’s rambling” Jay panics
Heeseung looks over at Riki with a raised brow and he already has a smirk on his face staring back with eyes full of mirth “they spoke. Jay hyung thinks that he’s still not over the whole thing yet and I said I’d straighten him out if anything and that you would be on my side.”
“Sounds about right” Heeseung shrugs grabbing a bag of chip and slapping Jay’s ass in the process.
“You two are impossible. Can’t you jus-
“Forgive him?” Heeseung snickers
“Yeah no I’ll pass on that thought at the moment but I’ll be sure to take the offer up another time.” Riki hums, stealing a few chips and another mouthful of Jay’s drink before leaving the kitchen.
Jay slaps the older’s chest shooting him a glare but he shrugs it off continuing to munch on the chips. “You aren’t supposed to encourage his behavior.”
Heeseung sighs, seeking the bag on the counter. “You know Riki, he's headstrong and he cares about you a lot so whether I encourage him or not he’s going to stick to his feelings until he’s satisfied and I can’t say I disagree with him I’m just more rational.”
“I just want everyone to get along, it’s all awkward because of me and I want to fix it.” Jay sighs.
Heeseung shakes his head crowding Jay against the counter “this isn’t your fault, we all know you’d forgive someone even if they tried to kill you so it’s our job to stand up for you since you won’t stand up for yourself.”
He leans down to capture Jay’s lips before he can protest. It’s something he likes to do so what better way to prevent it than to occupy his mouth. All the fight leaves Jay’s body and he melts against his hyung. Heeseung deepens the kiss, hands sliding under Jay’s shirt to squeeze the bare skin of his waist, humming in satisfaction when Jay tugs at his hair.
Jay moans when Heeseung’s leg presses up against his hardening cock and it momentarily makes him hyper aware of where they are. “W-wait we’re in-
His rant is cut short when the older’s hand slips past the waistband of his boxers wrapping around his shaft. A low whine forces Its way out of his mouth followed by a gasp as the older male's thumb makes contact with his slit.
“One day I’m gonna fuck you on this very counter” Heeseung whispers stroking the younger’s leaking cock. Jay’s whimpers get progressively louder and his thoughts jumbled as the older mouths at his neck and increases the stimulation on his cock.
“Come one baby cum for me, let go I got you.” Heeseung coos, leaning forward for Jay to bury his face in his neck. The younger male sinks his teeth into Heeseung’s neck cumming with muffled whimpers. He falls boneless against Heeseung who is savoring the taste of the younger’s semen on his fingers.
“Alright let’s get you cleaned up… and you taste great by the way.” Heeseung chuckles while lifting Jay, who wraps his legs around his waist while whining at how gross he’s being.
“What will you say when I’m eating you out huh?” Heeseung snickers.
“S-shut up” Jay whispers glad the older can’t see the red hue rising on his cheeks.
The taunting words die on Heeseung’s tongue as they hurry to the bathroom to shower— their excuse being conservation if they get caught together. Not that the members would say anything.
It’s an unwritten understanding they have. Keeping quiet despite being aware of stuff until said person is ready to talk about it, only stepping in if things get serious, complicated or someone is in trouble. It’s something they are all thankful for because as much as they trust each other they can be a bit emotionally and verbally constipated at times no matter how in tune with their emotions they are.
However later that evening when they are caught making out on the couch Sunghoon and Riki can no longer bite their tongue.
“Whatever this is, if it's not serious. It has to end….as in right now.” Sunghoon says.
“I think we should-
Riki holds his hand up and gives Jungwon a pointed look “With all due respect hyung stay out of this.”
“What is this an intervention?” Heeseung chuckles, not taking any of them seriously, but Jay does. He doesn’t say a word and avoids the sharp gazes shot his way.
“Whatever the fuck you want to call it, but I didn’t get to beat his ass when he fucked up. So IF you do no one is going to stop me from making your life hell” Riki snaps.
“Stop sucking faces and talk about shit. Jay is sleeping with me until you figure your shit out because we will not have a repeat of what happened a few months ago.” Sunghoon adds.
Jay scoots over leaving enough space for another person to sit between him and Heeseung when both males look over at him raising their eyebrows. He feels like a kid being scolded but he knows they mean well and they are right.
“Great now talk.” Riki points.
The living room clears out leaving Heeseung and Jay. It’s quiet for a while before they look over at each other.
“They’re right” Heeseung begins. “We really should talk about this.”
“Yeah. I won’t lie, it's been giving me anxiety.” Jay sighs.
“How so?”
“Well the whole thing that happened with Jake kind of made me scared to even think about this talk you know. We’ve been going good I guess and the thought of it going south is just a lot.” Jay explains.
Heeseung takes his hand still maintaining some distance between them “it won’t go south because I love you and I am willing to do everything to make this work. I want you to be my boyfriend. I've even dreamt about us getting married and getting a dog since you're allergic to cats and someday even adopting kids. I just didn’t want to tell you all this and pressure you into anything.” Heeseung says.
“D-do you really mean it?” Jay asks, holding back his tears.
“What? Me loving you, wanting you to be my boyfriend, marrying you or our future together.” Heeseung chuckles.
“All of it.”
“Of course I mean it baby. Every word.” Heeseung smiles.
“Now that I think about it, you would make a pretty good boyfriend and husband.” Jay sniffles.
“I’d be the best.”
“Well you have to be my boyfriend first to test that out, but sadly I haven’t been asked” Jay sighs fighting a smile from grazing his lips.
“Okay.” Heeseung hums, getting down on his knees as dramatic as ever. “Park Jongseong, will you give me the honor of becoming your boyfriend.”
Jay shrugs playfully, picking at his nails. “I’ll have to think about it”
He squeals when the older tackles him, tickling his sides “okay! Okay! You can be my b-boyfriend!”
“Louder” he teases
“AHHH LEE HEESEUNG YOU CAN BE MY BOYFRIEND!” Jay let’s out between giggles.
“That’s more like it.” Heeseung says, his hands settling on Jay’s waist and his gaze shifting between the younger’s eyes and his lips. Jay smiles at his wrapping his arms around his neck and pulls him down for their lips to meet.
This kiss is different from the others, it’s filled with raw unfiltered emotion. All the things they’d struggle to say is poured into the kiss as they desperately grab at each other to keep close. They don’t realize they’re crying until they pull away and become intube to the outside world.
“I love you so fucking much” Heeseung says and for once in the past few months Jay isn’t the one breaking down. Heeseung is all the years of unrequited love, the paint from seeing him with someone else to now finally having him the dam breaks and Heeseung his sobbing into Jay’s chest. Jay cradles his head despite the uncomfortable position and he allows Heeseung to let it all out as he gently strokes his hair whispering words of comfort like he’d always do for him.
They stay like that for an hour after Heeseung is all cried out and Heeseung is the first to move. He looks up at Jay with red puffy eyes and Jay smiles at him kissing his forehead. “You feel better now?”
Heeseung nods burying his head in the younger’s chest saying something that comes out muffled.
“I can’t hear you, Bambi.” Jay giggles
“M’ hungry” he rasps out, throat dry from all that crying.
“Do you want some ramen?” Jay suggests and Heeseung immediately perks up, almost falling with how quickly he stands.
“Can we make it together?” He asks
“Of course we can. Let’s go wash your face first though” Jay hums, hands outstretched for Heeseung to help him up.