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"Good morning Students!"
Crubbs' voice screeched through the intercom like a banshee. Some of the middle schoolers winced at the terrible sound their vice principal made. Others covered their ears to protect themselves from the audio assault.
"It's physical and flu shot day here at Polk," Mr. Crubbs continued. A collective groan echoed around the school. "NO GROANING! You will all report to the nurse's office during your science classes. Alright! Crubbs, OUT!"
The loudspeaker fell silent. More complaining ensued from the middle schoolers. Ned Bigby, the sweet, loveable little guy with the Justin Bieber hair and the school survival guide book, turned towards his two best friends: Jennifer Moseley, the tall, pretty girl with the long chestnut colored hair and wide brown eyes and Simon Nelson-Cook, the brilliant scientist capable of controlling the entire Internet with just a click of a button attached to his eyeglasses.
Ned, Moze and Cookie had been inseparable since they were toddlers. They relied on each other. They made each other laugh. They dried each other's tears. They teamed up to handle each other's personal issues.
At the moment, Ned had a huge problem. He would need his friends to help him solve it. After pulling out his notebook, Ned slammed his locker shut so hard that Cookie jumped in surprise.
"There's no way I'm getting a flu shot!" Ned exclaimed, shaking his head with fervor.
Moze clucked her tongue. "C'mon, you're too old to still be scared of needles."
"I'm not scared!" Ned insisted, pointing at her. "I just don't want Nurse Hunsucker stabbing me with a sharp object." She shook her head at him, and he lowered his index finger.
"Well, I'm not going either," Moze told him.
"Why not?" Cookie asked.
"I am not stepping on that scale," she asserted.
Ned rolled his eyes. "Moze, you're not fat."
"Yeah, no matter what Suzie Crabgrass says," Cookie added.
"I am right now," Moze explained. Her two besties ogled her, utterly clueless. "It's not a good time of the month for me."
"It's the first of the mon-..." Ned paused. She raised her eyebrows at him. "Oh."
"Well, I for one am excited for my physical," Cookie announced. His friends gave him incredulous looks. "I've been working out all summer. Lisa Zemo is going to see my big muscles and strong bones, and she'll be sure to like me!"
The warning bell rang. That meant that the trio had to split up temporarily. Ned dashed to History class. Moze made her way to Math. Cookie caminó to Spanish.
As the teacher babbled about the role shoes played in initiating the Battle of Gettysburg , Ned watched the second hand swing around the clock. First period was halfway over. He and Moze had science in their second period. Somehow, he had to figure a way out of getting his flu shot. And fast.
The loudspeaker interrupted the lecture. Vice principal Crubbs ordered Cookie to the office at once. If Ned was not so preoccupied, he would have laughed. Had Cookie gotten into trouble without him? It seemed doubtful. Unlike Ned and Moze, Cookie was excited for his check up.
Then, it occurred to him. Ned opened up the Guide. In it, he scribbled:
Tip 132: If you absolutely have to avoid
something at school, try to get sent home sick.
Ned raised his hand. When the teacher called on him, he asked if he could go to the nurse's office. He said that he was not feeling well. Mr. Wright glanced at him with concern, and he gave him a hall pass nonetheless. Making a big show of clasping his tummy, Ned limped out of the room.
As he passed the main office, Ned spotted Cookie. Although he could not hear what was being said, he could see through the glass. Cookie appeared to be whining and grabbing a hold of his father's legs. His parents must have been pulling him out early that day.
Ned would've killed for that luck. Cookie was getting to go home, without the assessment of Nurse Hunsucker. All Ned could do was hope that he'd be joining Cookie shortly. Even if he wasn't, he had to text Cookie later and find out why he was throwing a temper tantrum in front of his folks and Crubbs.
At the door to Nurse Hunsucker's office, Ned met Moze. She, too, was covering her stomach. But her hands flew to her hips when she spotted him.
"Why are you here?" She demanded.
"Playing sick. Why are you here?" Ned responded.
Before she could reply, the door opened. Coconut 🥥 Head emerged, grasping his shoulder. Tears had dried on his cheeks. His face was contorted with pain. Ned turned to skedaddle, but Moze grabbed a hold of him.
"What're you doing?"
"I'm trying to run away, if you would let me go!"
Releasing him, she stated, "Going home sick is your best chance to get out of the flu shot."
Ned nodded. Of course she was right. When was Moze ever wrong? So, as Moze opened the door, Ned reminded himself that he was just there feigning illness. No one was going to touch him with a syringe today.
Because of the day's busy schedule, a substitute school nurse had been brought in to assist with the physicals. It was the joyless old crab, Nurse Payne. A more fitting name could not have been chosen for her. She never smiled, and she huffed when she spoke. Once, Ned had gone to her to treat a cut on his knee from falling during a basketball game, and she'd slapped a bandaid on him, literally. He'd about jumped out of his skin from the payne.
Again, Ned felt tempted to bolt. He could figure out another way of avoiding the jab. But he didn't get the chance. When she noticed that both teens were clutching their stomachs, Nurse Payne hollered for her partner.
"What's wrong with you two?" Nurse Hunsucker asked with distaste.
"I've got a stomachache!"
Ned and Moze echoed one another, as they so often did. They looked at each other with uneasiness. There was no way that Hunsucker would buy this.
"I've got cramps," Moze whispered.
"Me too!" Ned added without thinking it through. Moze gawked at him.
Rolling her eyes, Nurse Hunsucker jammed her thermometers into their ears. Both kids held their breaths, even though they knew they did not have fevers. The devices beeped.
"Nice try, Mr. Bigby. Take these Ms. Moseley. Now, back to class. Both of you."
The nurse handed Moze a clear condiment cup containing two maroon pills and a glass of water. Moze dropped the tablets into her mouth and gulped the water. The medicine did nothing to ease the discomfort in her gut, though.
Shoulders slumped, they exited the nurse's office with their tails between their legs. In truth there wasn't any point in leaving. In a few minutes, Mr. Sweeney would be walking them down the green mile.
Dragging their feet, they crawled towards their lockers. The bell was due to ring in a few minutes. There was no point in returning to their homerooms.
Near the office, Cookie charged them. Ned stumbled, and Moze caught him to keep him from falling to the ground. It was too bad she had. Nurse Hunsucker would have had to send him home had Cookie injured him.
"My parents are taking me out of school to go see my puffy Aunt Patty. Now Lisa Zemo is not going to see my strong bones and muscles! And I'm going to mess up my perfect attendance record!" Cookie wailed.
"'Puffy Aunt Patty'?" Moze queried.
"She's a florist, and she's allergic to flowers," said Cookie. "Help!"
Ned stated, "Tip 132.25: if you have to leave school early, ask if you can make up anything you might miss. Just talk to Nurse Hunsucker about rescheduling your physical, and have your parents insist that today not count as a tardy."
Cookie grinned. "Brilliant! Thanks Ned!" He faced his parents. "To Puffy Aunt Patty!"
With that, the Cook family began their trip to visit their infirm relative. His folks mouthed thank yous to Ned and Moze as they passed. Cookie must have been throwing one heck of a fit before they'd arrived.
"It's good you helped Cookie, but what about our problems?" Moze appealed.
Ned thought for a moment, then he snapped his fingers. "I've got it! We hide in the bathroom until second period is over. It's perfect."
Moze shook her head. "Maybe if you're a boy. The girls bathroom always has a line."
She indicated the two doors on their left. Sure enough, a group of chicks wiggled outside the lady's room. In contrast, nobody was waiting outside of the boys facility.
"It's still perfect for me. Bye!"
Before Moze could suck her teeth in disgust, Ned vanished into the safety of the restroom. It bothered him to abandon Moze in her time of need… for a moment at least. To be brutally honest, Moze's problem just did not seem as big as his. Getting weighed wasn't going to hurt her.
Ned hid himself in the back of the bathroom. Tucked in a tight corner, he was almost invisible to anyone entering their facilities. Feeling secure, he opened up the Guide and scribbled:
Tip #132.60 If all else fails, HIDE!
Sighing in relief, Ned declared, "Now I just hang out here until the bell rings. No shot 💉, and no Sweeney!"
"MR. BIGBY!"
A nearby stall door swung open. Ned swallowed hard at the shrill sound of that familiar voice. Dead. He was so dead. If only he'd kept his mouth shut. Had he not been so cocky, he would have never been found out.
Now, he faced a write up. He'd have to go to detention. Perhaps they'd call his parents, and they'd ground him for sure. Maybe he'd have to miss the field trip.
Mr. Sweeney towered over negligible Ned Bigby. The teacher glowered at him over the metal frames of his glasses. His arms were crossed menacingly over his white lab coat.
"Cutting my class, eh Mr. Bigby?"
"Mr. Sweeney! No! I…" Ned pleaded.
"I don't want to hear it!" Mr. Sweeney snapped, guiding Ned by the shoulder. "Now, c'mon, we're going to class. I'll figure out what to do with you later."
Groaning, Ned followed his teacher into his room. On a normal day, he despised this classroom. Today, his stomach soured at the sciencey smell of it. It mocked him, with its posters of scary spiders and test tubes and periodic tables of the elements. All of it reminded him of his miserable failure to escape.
The one brightside, if he could call it that, was that he was reunited with Moze. Ned would not have to face his imminent doom on his own. Ned took his seat beside her, where he found her with her arms clasped across her own belly. Without even having to ask, he was sure that she was in the same headspace as he was.
About a minute after he sat down, Mr. Sweeney announced that it was time to go to the nurse's office. While the rest of the class rose to their feet without fanfare, Ned and Moze remained planted in their chairs. To Ned, it violated the laws of probability that not one other kid detested the thought of Nurse Hunsucker jamming jagged metal into their bodies.
Ned and Moze would have been happy to never leave the science lab (something Ned Bigby never would've thought possible in his life). But Mr. Sweeney hollered for them, and they reluctantly joined their classmates at the door. The last thing Ned needed was to raise his teacher's ire anymore.
Even though they were walking at the speed of a snail, the trek to the clinic ended way too soon. Mr. Sweeney led his class inside, except for a handful of students whose parents had declined their receiving school physicals. Suzie Crabgrass was one of them, so Ned didn't want to hate them. But he sure was jealous of them.
Cookie would welcome the knowledge that Lisa Zemo had also been excused from the check ups. It meant he hadn't missed an opportunity to impress her. After school, Ned would text Cookie the good news.
Awaiting their turn for torture, Ned and Moze leaned against the wall beside Billy Loomer in the rear of the queue. Ned paled as the line grew shorter and shorter and his peers disappeared behind the privacy curtain. Mere seconds had passed before Moze was first in line and Ned second.
"NEXT!" Bellowed Nurse Hunsucker.
Moze fidgeted. "I can't do this."
"Yes you can! Moze, you have nothing to worry about. You're perfect!" Ned told her. "A few numbers on a scale on a random day don't define you, and they don't make you any less beautiful." Moze sighed. "You're just saying that because you're my best friend." Ned shook his head. "I'm your best friend, but I'm also a guy. And I'm telling you, you're a really attractive girl. You're healthy; you're fit, and you're sexy!"
Loomer gasped. Ned himself couldn't believe what he'd said. He knew of Loomer's infatuation with Moze, and he would be paying for this later on.
The words had Freudian slipped out of his mouth in his attempt to support his pal. They'd been friends damn near since the days they were born. So, Ned had never considered Moze in a physical way before.
Still, that did not mean that what Ned had told Moze was not true. Years of playing sports had made her strong. Genetics had given her a woman's body while the rest of the females in their grade looked like the young girls they were. While still remaining thin, Moze had developed wide hips and round breasts. Calling Moze voluptuous was a very fair assessment.
Embarrassment. Loomer's glares of death. Bullying. Ned considered all of the negativity to come worthwhile when Moze strode over to Nurse Hunsucker with a confident smile on her beautiful face.
Once Moze was out of sight, Loomer grabbed Ned by the collar of his shirt. The bully slammed the smaller boy against the wall. With a terrifying glower on his face, Loomer leaned in as close as he could get to Ned.
"What did you just call Jennifer?" Loomer spat.
"Loomer, it's not what you think. I was just trying to make her feel better. Moze is my best friend… I don't really think that she's sexy," Ned fibbed.
"You're damn right you don't! You ever call her that again, I'll beat you bloody. You understand!"
Anger ricocheted out of Loomer's wrathful demand. He angled his fist over Ned's nose and prepared to strike if he didn't get the answer he sought. Ned managed a feeble nod.
"NEXT!" Hollered the nurse.
Loomer lowered his victim back to the ground. Ned stood paralyzed with fear. He was stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. If he moved forward, he'd have to get the dreaded shot. If he stayed put, Loomer would hurt him. If he ran away, Sweeney would be on his case.
Behind him, Loomer laughed. "Ha! Bigby's scared of shots!" 💉
"I am not!" Ned retorted.
Loomer poked Ned's arm with the pointy tip of his unkempt fingernail. Ned jumped out of his skin. Rubbing away stitches in his sides, the bully guffawed.
Humiliated, Ned tiptoed around the privacy curtain. He had to get away from Loomer. At least the shot would be the last part of the process. He was sure the nurses would do the physical exam first.
"Step on the scale," Nurse Hunsucker instructed him.
He did so. Like Moze, he was not thrilled about being measured: but for the opposite reason. Unlike Moze, Ned knew he was very small for his age. She scribbled his height and weight down in his folder without reciting them aloud. Moze had nothing to worry about all along, Ned thought as he climbed onto the exam bed.
Moze. As Nurse Hunsucker checked his vitals, Ned searched the room for his friend. She was next in line to get her flu shot from Nurse Payne. To his perplexion, she didn't look ready to cry or fight for her life. She was calm, and…
Radiant.
Moze switched into the patient's chair in front of Nurse Payne. Ned had to look away. If he watched the nurse inject Moze, he was certain he would throw up. The mere thought of it was enough to make him queasy.
"You're as healthy as a horse 🐎," Nurse Hunsucker asserted, slipping the cold stethoscope off of his smooth chest and 🩺 out from under his blue T-shirt. "Now, go see Nurse Payne for your flu vaccine."
"Nuh-uh." Ned shook his head.
"Sweetheart…"
"Nuh-uh." Ned shook his head.
"I have other kids to see…"
"Nuh-uh." Ned shook his head.
Showing no mercy, Nurse Hunsucker pulled Ned away from the exam bed. Stumbling, Ned crashed right into Moze. She caught him before he fell to the floor. Ned contemplated dashing off, but Moze still had him in her arms. As much of a blow as it was to his ego, she was stronger than he was. He would not be able to get away from her.
Once she steadied him, Moze let him go. Ned lifted his foot to bolt out of this terrible place. But he noticed that Loomer was observing him from the scale. The bully pointed at the empty seat in front of Nurse Payne and made funny faces at Ned.
Ned put his foot down. For years, Ned had dealt with more than his fair share of abuse from Billy Loomer. Loomer got off on harming Ned. This time, however, Ned was not going to give him the satisfaction. Like Gordy said, Ned was going to be a man.
Yet, staring at the chair and the disconcerting figure of Nurse Payne, Ned felt more like a little boy than he had since kindergarten. That shouldn't have been the case. A man would not be afraid of a flu shot.
Maybe not.
But a man was wise and brave enough to ask for help when he knew he needed it.
Tip #132.999 If You're feeling down, or nervous, like me,
ask a friend for help.
Ned peered at Moze and squeaked, "Will you stay with me?"
Moze smiled. "Yeah, I'll stay with you."
That was the great thing about Moze. She could always tell when Ned needed tough love or when he needed tenderness. She could be funny and firm, yet sensitive and sweet. They could be open with each other in ways impossible with anybody else.
Somewhat relieved but still very uneasy, Ned sat down in front of Nurse Payne. His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe in a normal way. His anxious tremors made it difficult to roll his sleeve up.
To Ned's astonishment, Moze cupped his hand in hers. They never held hands. The one time they'd tried, in a futile effort to end the romantic rumors circulating around them, it had been awkward and unbelievable. But this time it felt normal, safe, good even.
"Just relax. It won't hurt if you're relaxed," Moze stated.
Nodding to appease her, Ned closed his eyes. It didn't matter if it hurt or not. The idea of metal imbedding itself under his skin frightened him more than the pain. He jerked back involuntarily when the nurse wiped his arm with alcohol, but he forced himself to show courage. Ned trembled, and his fingers curled into Moze's as the nurse took hold of his arm.
Ned whined when the needle 💉 pierced his skin. Moze kissed the top of his head as the nurse injected him with the medicine. It was a protective gesture and a caring one: in no way sexual and every bit loving, it almost made Ned forget about the shot. Ned appreciated the affection she'd shown him and the distraction she'd provided him.
The nurse pressed a circular bandage on his arm. Once he heard the clank of the syringe landing in the bin, Ned's ocean blue eyes opened. Moze loosened her grip on his hand, and he discovered a strange emptiness when he freed her.
In fact, the loss of Moze's touch stung Ned worse than he would've imagined. He didn't even care when Loomer mouthed threats to him. Ned tried to shake that sentiment out of his head. He liked Suzie, not Moze. Yet the notion lingered as if it were Indian Summer heat in October.
As Ned and Moze made their way to the door to rejoin their classmates, another fragile voice whimpered, "Please stay with me, Jennifer."
Billy Loomer was pleading with Moze to shield him, just as she'd done with Ned. His pretty aquamarine colored eyes brimmed pink and damp with unspent tears. How could she possibly deny him?
Part of Ned turned green with envy as Moze stood beside Loomer. The other half of him was as giddy as a child on Christmas morning. This was just too good to be true.
"Loomer's scared of shots!" 💉 Ned chortled.
"I'll get you for that, Bigby!" Loomer responded.
Moze flashed a smile, but it faded fast. Billy grabbed her by the hand and yanked her closer to him. Much as he wanted to watch Loomer suffer, he exited the clinic. Needles invading people's bodies still made Ned sick, even if said person was the biggest bully goat in the school.
From a safe distance, though, Ned Bigby reveled in his bravery, Cookie's good fortune, Moze's love for him, Suzie's beauty and Loomer's platter of just desserts.