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Yujin watches as the numbers on the screen change once again. It's way past midnight, and he has school tomorrow, followed by dance and vocal practices, but he cannot seem to be able to fall asleep. He loves night time. He feels peaceful and warm in the cocoon he's wrapped in, his comforter hugging his body tightly, and he feels so tired and his eyelids are drooping and he's so so tired. But no he can't. He can't fall asleep, he must stay awake because if he falls asleep, it will be the morning again and then he will have to get through another soul-draining day of endless work after work. He dislikes mornings a lot.
But no, he needs sleep and he knows it. He needs sleep so he can do well in school and in practice, so he won't disappoint the team and slow them down.
So he lets his eyelids slowly close and tries to focus on falling asleep.
He's half an hour in of his hypnagogic state, when he decides to give up and try to get a cup of water or something, because if he has to lay in this bed for thirty more seconds he might go insane.
So he gets up from the bed, trying to be as quiet as possible, so he doesn't wake up whoever decided to fall asleep in the bed next to him tonight. He doesn't hear snoring, just peaceful breaths, so he assumes it's someone like Taerae or Gunwook, but if he thinks about it any further, he will end up just standing by the other bed and watching whoever is in it. Even worse if he gets caught, and he doesn't think that would help to convince his hyungs that his sleeping went back to normal like he told them it did (he didn't want to lie about it, but seeing his hyungs so concerned before their comeback that they were supposed to spend their every minute preparing for, he felt like it was a better option to just lie, so they won't have to focus on fixing his 'pity problem' as he likes to call it). So he tries to make his way to the door as quiet as he can, and he silently thanks whoever left it ajar, because pressing down on the rusty door handle would definitely wake his members up. He needs to tell Hanbin to speak to the company about the door handles, but that's a conversation for another time.
After succesfully leaving the room quietly, he makes his way through the hallway to the kitchen. He doesn't turn on the lights, in hopes of not waking anyone up; the only source of light being the phone in his hand and its dim blue light. He kept his phone turned on, just in case he trips and falls because he can't see, and wakes everyone up.
A quiet, relieved sigh escapes his lips, as he finally reaches the kitchen succesfully. He tip-toes quietly towards the cabinets, and starts looking for his favourite clay mug, but he cannot seem to find it. He frowns as he hears the dishwasher working quietly and figures his mug is probably in there. So he turns back to the cabinet and starts looking for his favourite cup.
His eyes light up as he sees it in the back of the cabinet, and before he can think his hand is already in there trying to fish it out from the back, and while doing so, the glasses clink together, making a noise way too loud for the dead quiet dorm, and he panics.
He freezes. A couple of seconds go by with silence, but he swears he can hear the sound of the glasses echoing. It's still dead silent and just as he's about to relax he hears a silent creak and his heart drops.
He woke them up. He's gonna get yelled at, or worse, he's gonna get asked why he's still awake and they're gonna find out that he's been running on four hours of sleep per week for some time now, and they will make him take a break or they're gonna tell the company and they will have to focus on him instead of the comeback preparations and he won't be able to practice and the hyungs will be upset that he lied and they won't trust him anymore and and and-
"Yujinie?"
His ears are ringing and he can't recognise the voice anymore and he thinks he's gonna be sick and it's all too much and he can't-
"Hey hey hey, Yujin-ah what's wrong?"
Large hands cup his face and suddenly everything quiets down.
His eyes adjust again, and now he can recognise the owner of the voice in front of him.
"What's wrong?" one of the hands slip down to his waist to steady him, and it's all too much. Tears start to well up in his eyes, and he hates it he hates crying and he hates crying in front of Gyuvin, but the older doesn't say a word just takes Yujin's shaky arms and puts it around his neck, enveloping him in a hug, and when the boy's knees buckle, Gyuvin just quietly slides down with him to the cold kitchen floor without letting him go.
And hugging his hyung on the floor at nearly four am is all it takes for Yujin to break, and he hugs Gyuvin so tightly he thinks he's gonna suffocate him. He buries his head into juncture of the other's neck as the tears finally start rolling down on his cheeks, muffled sobs wracking his chest and he's so glad he's being hugged because he thinks he would wake everyone up without the muffling of the sound.
They stay like that for a while, just hugging each other. When the youngest's sobs finally calm down enough, Gyuvin pulls away to face him, and for the first time tonight Yujin finally sees sees him. All covered up in his black hoodie, looking tired and so so soft.
The other cups his face again, thumb brushing away a single tear from under his right eye, but continues to hold his face afterwards.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
Yujin feels his lower lip start wobbling again, but he tries so hard to compose himself and takes a deep breath.
"It's okay, there's nothing wrong, I was just uh I couldn't find my mug and I was thirsty so.." he's rambling and he knows it, but he hates crying and he hates being vulnerable because he's mature and grown and he wants to be seen that way.
Gyuvin doesn't look convinced, and Yujin has a feeling that they both know what he just said was not true, but even if the older does, he doesn't say anything about it, just lets out a quiet hum.
He doesn't stop stroking his cheekbones with his thumb though, and the younger hates that he finds comfort in it.
Why did it have to be Gyuvin out of all people to find him? Why him? The one he wanted to avoid the most. Because he hates the way the older treats him and he hates the way this hasn't been the first time Gyuvin's seen him like this in the middle of the night and he hates being comforted by him and he hates everything and he hates Gyuvin to his core but he loves him so much.
That's exactly why -when the older drags him up and pours him a cup of water, waits for him to finish it and takes Yujin back to his room slipping under the covers with him- that he just lets it all happen, and he lets Gyuvin cuddle up to him and he lets him leave tiny kisses all over his face and when he kisses him on the lips he kisses back, and lets the older tuck his head into Gyuvin's chest and he hates every moment of it, because when those stupid stupid sobs starts to wrack his body again, Gyuvin just strokes the back of his head, and when he quiets down, he tilts his head up and kisses him again and again and again until Yujin's eyes start slowly closing and if he hears an 'I love you' he hates himself for saying it back and he hates himself, because when Gyuvin lets him go, Yujin's the one to kiss him again.