Chapter Text
I remember the day we met and I know that, painfully, you do too.
These days when I look at the ceiling of every cheap or expensive hotel room, I think of you and in your words, in your actions and nothing more than you, Leon.
Before I met you, I think I was certainly selfish... Or rather, I was completely selfish because I had nothing to lose.
I still think I am when I look in the mirror and my mind starts bombarding me with all the actions I did in the past... Do you think I have been able to changed?
Sometimes I think that I have improved, that I am trying to be a better person, but the past damage is still there... I think I've done things well in recent years, I've turned around before doing anything.
I'm trying to fix what I did and fix myself but the consequences of my actions will always be there.
At this point, I no longer expect forgiveness or hate because I've had enough of my pain and I curse the entire episode, because damn, I was the one who wrote it.
I don't want you to think I'm victimizing myself, I'm not... I know that I am the one who made the mistake.
I also asked myself if you hate me, because I would hate me.
I think you haven't changed, not even a little and that's why I think I admire you.
You are a capable, brave and intelligent human being always and although you may deny it, you still have that spark that your rookie self had... That light that transmits hope and enlighten other people like me.
Your light made me want to change, Leon.
You made me want to change.
In all my sad life I had not met someone who made me want to be a better person.
Have I caused a change in you?
You don't need to answer that question for me today, tomorrow or any day. Do not do it. I'm not sure if I really want to know the answer, I'm not sure if my heart is ready to know the answer.
But as I've already expressed, I don't think you've changed... Even if you think you no longer have that light, I believe it's still there.
Leon, thank you for appearing in my life and sorry for showing up in yours.
Thank you and sorry for everything.