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“Maybe it’s best that we end this.”
Namjoon sits upright at his wife’s statement and closes the book that he was reading. He turns to face her and notes her impassive stare at the television straight ahead of them, which was turned off. He stares at her side profile and notes her cheekbones have been more defined lately, and it probably wasn’t because of her make up. Her eyes don’t bear any tears and Namjoon’s heart clenches tighter. Her hands aren’t fiddling with the hem of her blouse, like how she usually would when she got nervous- it was making Namjoon’s heart skip beat per beat.
After a moment’s worth of staring, she turns to face him and smiles sadly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. He’s known her long enough to know what that means yet, Namjoon can’t seem to find any tears to cry.
They’ve fought before, leading to her cries and to his frustrated tugs at the side of his head. Oh, how long has it been since the both of them smiled and laughed together? Namjoon had no idea, yet he knew that she kept count of the battles they had and the months after that led to their reconciliation. He loved that so much about her- she was a fighter through it all, and Namjoon was almost, always to blame. She moves in closer and cups his face and traces his cheeks with her knuckles- Namjoon remembers the last time she had done this, and it was when she was on the verge of setting things straight with him. He closes his eyes and counts her breaths- 1, 2, 3 4-
“Joonie-ah, do you remember the last time you saw him?”
“Myeon..”
“It’s okay, you can tell me.”
Namjoon opens his eyes and looks at her directly- she was vulnerable, yet she wasn’t scared. Maybe she had come to terms with the fact that he loved her, but not as much as he loved him. A single tear streams down from her right eye, and drips down onto the couch the both of them sat on. He moves in and kisses her eyelid shut, and feels her twitch at his touch. She wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face at the side of Namjoon’s ear. They stay like that for a while- loose arms around each other yet they lack the warmth they used to provide on another, silent cries that stay secret within the walls of their humble home and their hearts out in the open- yet neither of them made a move to attack each other.
Namjoon runs a hand through her short hair and takes in her scent- lavender, which reminds him of a pair of warm arms that were always ready to greet him at home whenever he came back from his work. They were a team that worked great together. In fact- there could’ve been nothing wrong with their relationship. The both of them were smart, educated people who clicked like magnets when it came to debates, housework, and their own work. Both their families weren’t at each other’s throats, but instead they treated each family member, whether it was the Kims or the Hans, with utmost respect and love. Out of all the things they lacked in- they wished that it hadn’t been this.
“At the bus stop, a few months ago while I was on my way to work.”
“Why didn’t you approach him?”
“I-I couldn’t.”
“Because you were scared, weren’t you? What a chicken!”
The both of them let out an easy laugh at the joke. It wasn’t bitter or full of hatred- the both of them had accepted the fact that this is life in its truest form, that though maybe they had been together throughout almost all the years of their life, this was the end of this chapter. Myeon snuggles in closer to her husband, and he relaxes his body and lets the weight of his wife fall into him. He feels her smile on his skin and he blushes deeply. When the quiet returns once more, Myeon decides to speak up again.
“You’ve always been such an awkward guy.”
“You’ve always had all of your piercings on until last year.”
“Hey- that’s different. At least I made those go, be grateful!”
“Ah right, I completely forgot that 40% of your body is covered in tattoos.”
This time, Myeon erupts into a full blown fit of laughter, which tickles Namjoon’s body immensely, as she’s wriggling on top of him. Namjoon looks at his wife fondly, and realizes that he has missed this- missed all the happiness she used to radiate so naturally.
Myeon and Namjoon had been childhood friends for as long as they could remember. Namjoon, being the clumsy nerd who was always with a book was often bullied at school by the bigger guys- and who was to save him if not for his tomboy-ish girl friend, Han Myeon? They made it through high school together as well, but had lost contact after the both of them had graduated and went on to their own separate paths- Namjoon pursued his studies overseas and Myeon went on to the military at the early age of twenty one.
As fate would have it- Namjoon had returned to Korea, and was walking back to his apartment late at night to be attacked by a couple of thugs. The suddenly appeared a dark knight, swinging their helmet around and beating up the men as Namjoon watched with a broke, bleeding nose. The two of them heard other men yelling, and Namjoon found himself being dragged by his hand and onto a black light weight Kawasaki- speeding off into Seoul’s bustling traffic that got Namjoon feeling highly nauseous after the mysterious rider had stopped under a bridge, hiding away from speed trap cops that were tailing them just a few minutes ago.
Namjoon had puked out his jjangmyeon from earlier that evening down the gutter and the rider watched him in amusement, shaking their head as they approached him with a handkerchief in hand. As they offered it to Namjoon, they watched Namjoon stutter at the sight- Myeon, with side shaves on both sides of her head, more piercings than Namjoon himself could count and even more tattoos painted over her once milky pale skin smiled brightly at her old friend. Namjoon had gotten up and dusted his trousers off from dust and vomit residue, before extending his hand as a way of thanks.
Myeon laughed and took his arm, pulling him into a hug instead. Namjoon was utterly speechless when Myeon called him out for still not being able to defend himself, and to his skin turned into a beet red. She asks him if he wants to hitch a ride back to his place, and Namjoon nods his head dumbly before following her back to her bike, and they sped off back to Namjoon’s place. After she had dropped him off, he waved at her weakly after she had kissed his cheek and had called him cute. He watches his friend drive down the neighborhood, red tail lights looking like a butterfly and stands out in the open with his hand on his cheek.
He quickly remembers that he had been attacked not too long ago, and rushes in and fumbles with his keys when the door opens to Yoongi, bed head and eyes wide at the sight of his disheveled friend. Namjoon rushes in but trips on his shoelace, falling straight to the floor. Yoongi shakes his head, closes the door and helps his friend up, all the while wincing at the horrific swelling on the bridge of his nose. Yoongi moves over to the cabinet where the first aid kit is kept, looking through the red box for a bottle of antiseptic, cotton buds and a plaster. He makes his way back to his friend and manages to hear Namjoon say something about a ‘red butterfly’ before his injured friend passes out cold.
Myeon and Namjoon met again later that week- which turned into weekly thing, into months, into a solid two years before Namjoon was sweating oceans as he bent down in front of her, asking for Myeon’s hand in marriage. He was expecting her to reject him, but instead was met with a crushing hug and a kiss on his lips. Namjoon took that as a yes, and he wasn’t wrong. A few months later, they had gotten married in Daegu, where Myeon’s parents were currently residing with the rest of her siblings on a pleasant day in the fall. It took them quite a while to get used to each other as a married couple, and they had learnt a lot more about each other in that timeline as well.
For example, in Namjoon’s case it was that Myeon noticed that he was absolutely terrible at cooking, an even worse handy man but had a tendency to wipe the floor clean on Friday nights when it came to rap battles at their local pub. In Myeon’s case, Namjoon realized that his wife was actually a head shorter than him, was an equally terrible cook but had a tendency to be a lot mushy that she looked. Namjoon remembered the day their pet dog had been run over by a car- Myeon was a sobbing mess the minute they returned home, as he rubbed her back and soothed her with coos while Myeon vowed to kill ‘that fucking bastard with a baseball bat’ as she curled her body into Namjoon’s.
She stopped displaying all of her piercings (except for the tongue one, because she knew that Namjoon secretly liked it- for lewd purposes that she swore on her mother’s grave not to ever, ever reveal for Namjoon’s sake) and began dressing up a bit more, modestly. She knew that Namjoon loved her all the same, no matter in what way would she present herself by, but it really delighted her to see her husband completely flustered at the sight of his wife in a skirt and a blouse for the first time- it had been a good day. The day Myeon returned from teaching the kids at the dojo to Namjoon with a new puppy in his hands, made her world light up all over again- that had also been a good day.
But good days come and go, and soon enough, they began facing the first signs of trouble- which none of them had expected. The night the both of them had come out to each other- Namjoon was bisexual and Myeon was apparently pan (Namjoon later studied this and gulped, at the news) ended with Namjoon crashing at Yoongi’s and Myeon having a sleepover with her friends for the night. They had resolved it rather quickly and ended their fight with “we’re both gay- at least we’re equal on those grounds.”
But it wasn’t the last because Namjoon had somehow crossed their line-
“But, seriously, Namjoon.”
Namjoon turned quiet and felt Myeon’s gaze on him- burning holes into his own eyes, seeing right through him. Myeon was always quick to pick up on these things, he knew that for sure. It had taken it a year to stop denying his feelings for another man and it was only about time when Myeon would’ve found out- but it wasn’t like Namjoon had even met up with the guy regularly. No, it was actually only just once and no matter how hard the both of them tried to snap him out of it- nothing worked. It wasn’t that Namjoon loved Myeon any less, neither did she but it was how Namjoon had been staring off at nothing and for once, Myeon realized that it wasn’t her on his mind.
“But you already know.”
“I don’t want to believe in what Yoongi has told me, Joonie-ah. If it’s the truth, it’s gotta be from you.”
“It’s just, hard, honey. I-“
“We’ve been together for so long, we tell each other everything.”
Myeon grips on his shirt and sighs.
“It’s the least you could do for me- for us.”
“A-alright.”
Myeon moves off Namjoon and sits with her knees tucked under her chin. She looks at him expectantly, and Namjoon twines his fingers together, looking at his wife with doubt.
“It’s- it’s Kim Seokjin. You know him, right?”
“Huh? THAT guy? The cutie with the blowjob lips?”
“MYEON!”
“kekeke. I’m kidding. Anyways, you were saying?”
Namjoon huffs, with his cheeks pink and Myeon sticks her tongue out at him.
“I met him with Yoongi, at some restaurant in Itaewon. He was there with Hoseok for our business meeting. I-I don’t know what to say, babe, it’s all just abstract.”
“Well, why don’t you just say what comes to mind then?”
“Well, okay? Um- Matthew Morrison. The Han River. Traffic lights. The Joseon Imperial timeline. The Big Bang-“
“Namjoon.”
“I- I’m sorry.”
“Translate. I can’t keep up with your whimsical, philosophical bull crap.”
“W-with Jin-sshi- it’s like, it’s like looking at the moon and wanting to grab it.”
“Well, you don’t exactly need a rocket to approach this guy, Namjoon.”
Myeon pokes his side and has Namjoon flailing all over himself- and down onto the floor. Myeon shakes her head and chuckles at the sight of Namjoon looking so lost and confused with himself- was it that hard to get him to propose to her?
“Look, baby. If you had the guts to ask me out, then I’m pretty sure you’ll do alright with Seokjin.”
“What? How are you on board with this?”
“Well, I’m not exactly alright with the fact that my husband is being stolen away by a guy with nicer hair than me- but if it makes you happy then you should go for it- like right now.”
“What the hell? Now?”
“Yup! Oh look, I just got a text from Hoseok saying that Seokjin’s train leaves in two hours. One way trip to Ansan. Won’t be back until next year!”
“Myeon, you’re fucking with me.”
To this, Myeon drops down to Namjoon and honestly- he’s terrified- she only looks like this when she’s either halfway beating someone to death or when she’s about to miss the red light. She stares at Namjoon and he feels himself clam up entirely.
“Kim Namjoon, does it look like I’m fucking with you?”
Namjoon gulps and rolls over to his side, getting on his knees as he stands up. He extends a hand to Myeon and pulls her off the couch, and hugs her tightly. She squeezes him and pushes herself off, fixing Namjoon’s collar and kisses his chin. She watches him as he makes his way to grab his car keys from the bowl on the counter and he grabs his jacket off the chair. He rushes back to his Myeon on the lips, and Myeon laughs.
“Hey, call me later okay? You have a train and a man to catch.”
“I promise, Honey. I’ll be home soon!”
He rushes out of the door and Myeon hears his footsteps echo in the hallway and disappear when he descends the stairs to the ground floor. Myeon shakes her head and walks steadily towards the front door, closing it shut with shaking hands. She rests her forehead against the mahogany wood and sighs. She stays like that for a few minutes, before turning to walk into the kitchen and finds the fridge, to which she pulls out a bottle of soju. She walks back to the front door and slumps her back down onto the floor. Before she realizes it, she’s already sobbing as she uncaps the bottle- taking a big swig of the alcohol while she rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand.
She feels her phone vibrate in her pocket and she pulls it out, eyes wincing at the harsh light emitted from the screen. Hoseok was calling her-
“Hey. You alright there?”
“Hi to you too, Hoseok. I’ll be fine. He’s already on the way to the station as we speak.” Myeon slurs.
She ends the call hastily and closes her eyes. She lets out uneven breaths, trying to calm herself down. She opens her eyes and her gaze falls onto a framed photo of her and Namjoon from his nephew’s graduation day. She feels sick, but it shouldn’t matter now. She did what she had to do, and it was for the best, wasn’t it?
Yeah, she’ll be alright.
Namjoon speeds through the traffic, honking at those too slow for his liking and stays on the fast lane throughout the whole journey. It was twenty minutes till boarding time when he manages to double park- he hadn’t forgotten to leave his number on his windshield- in front of guy’s Honda and he manages to sprint all the way to the terminals- pushing through the crowd as he looked for gate 6B frantically.
After making his way through six flights of escalators, twice the amount of stairs and past five different tunnels, he finally makes it to the gate and sees Seokjin sitting on a bench with his luggage next to him, which a cup of coffee in hand. Namjoon runs over to him and accidently knocked his coffee over with a clumsy arm- but the macchiato luckily missed Seokjin’s legs by an inch. Seokjin’s about to lecture the clumsy idiot who made him waste quite an amount of won when he looks up to see Namjoon- red faced and drenched in sweat as he has his hands on his knees, taking deep breaths.
Seokjin sits there speechless- why was Namjoon here? Is he in trouble? Did he forget to sign another contract? Oh no, that must’ve been it, he should-
“Before you say anything, I want you to know that this isn’t anything business related and that you’re a really good secretary to Hoseok.”
“Ah, alright, but-“
“-and I know that this is very sudden, but please hear me out.”
Seokjin gulps. For a brief moment, his life flashes before him all too fast. Had Hoseok told Namjoon that he was leaving Seoul to return to Ansan to stay with his parents, because he was way too deep in love with a man who was already married to a woman? Who might not even be interested in men? Some guy he’s only met once, but made such an impression on him that it depressed him so immensely when he found out that he already had a spouse? A legal spouse? Jin prays to every deity and God that he could think of, hoping that Namjoon’s rejection wouldn’t be too harsh- because that’s exactly why he’s here, isn’t it?
“Kim Seokjin!”
“W-what? Yes? Please quiet down, people are staring!”
“I love you!”
To this, Jin turns completely red and he feels himself go dizzy at Namjoon’s proclaimation. What the heck is going on?
“I-I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand.”
Namjoon freezes and Jin purses his lips. He watches the other man relax and take a seat next to him, not caring for the coffee spilled on his expensive trousers. They sit in silence- Jin, looking utmost confused and Namjoon, who had an indecipherable look on his face. Namjoon sighs and fidgets with the end of his shirt- and Jin who was looking at him all too intensely with his feet suddenly feeling a lot colder than they already were before.
“Do you mind telling me, what’s going on?” Jin asks, hesitantly.
“To be honest, I don’t really know what’s going on either- but. I am hoping that you don’t mind buring your ticket to Ansan so we could talk this through, together. If you don’t mind.”
Jin furrows his eyebrows and smiles crookedly at the man next to him. He doesn’t know, what exactly is happening but if this is how things are going then, then he doesn’t quite mind going along with it. He gets off the bench and lugs his hand around the handle of his luggage. Namjoon looks up and sees Jin walking away from him- to which he gets up from his seat and chases after the man down the platform.
“Wait, hey! Where are you going?”
“I have absolutely no idea.”
‘What?”
Jin stops walking and Namjoon follows suit. The older man buries his face nose deep into his scarf and Namjoon manages to see that the tip of Jin’s ears were a burning red. He huffs and looks at Namjoon, with tired eyes.
“You wanted to talk, right?”
“Yeah, but-“
“Then, we should talk. There’s a café on the second floor, if you’re interested.”
Namjoon’s eyes go wide and a small grin appears on his face. Jin looks away and begins walking towards the escalator, with Namjoon trailing along behind him. Namjoon pries Jin’s hand off the luggage’s handle and holds it in his own. The two men begin to move up the escalator, close to each other as other people push past them, not knowing a single thing that has just happened between the both of them. Much like themselves really.
They reach the second floor and easily spot the café that Jin had mentioned. They walk towards it and Namjoon pulls the door open for Jin, smiling nervously. Jin shakes his head and the both of them walk towards the counter, eyes already set on the menu and a piece of cake that was on display.
“Hey, you’re buying me that drink, yeah?”
“It’ll be my pleasure to.”