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After learning how to properly rest, Maya was finally able to sleep again. She had days where her sleep still wasn’t as deep and restful but on others, she was able to fall into a deep slumber. And today she thought she was until she heard what sounded like rattling in her head. She realized soon that she wasn’t dreaming or making up the weird noises, but she was hearing Carina. Carina who was lying on her side of the bed on her back, her arm covering her eyes, her nose scrunched up, her mouth a little parted, breathing strangely. Maya didn’t like that sound. Every breath Carina took sounded almost painful, almost like her whole chest would rattle, like her lungs wouldn’t be able to expand enough.
Carina was barely sick for someone who worked in a hospital; a hospital that is usually - no matter what field you work at - filled with germs. Maya wondered if she wasn’t the only one who didn’t or couldn’t really rest until now. As if Carina’s body was actually letting her rest now, finally letting her feel safe again, unfortunately, to the extent of almost purging everything that happened the past weeks. Making her have to rest fully now, without the chance of “getting away.”
It surely was a mix of everything; the constant fights, the constant stress, the hotel food, the air conditioning at the hotel, the not so fluffy blankets there, the IVF treatment they did prior to their break, the picking up more shifts because she couldn’t bear to stay at the hotel alone longer than she needed to, the skipping their walks through the park together and getting fresh air, and so much more. Maya felt guilty, guilty for seeing Carina sick, but she wouldn’t make this about her guilt. She wouldn’t let anything cloud her vision; not today. Carina needed her and Carina deserved all of her.
Carina wasn’t in her usual sleeping position, definitely shielding her own eyes even though it wasn’t really light in their bedroom. And she definitely wasn’t awake.
Maya looked at Carina one more time before getting out of the bed and walking directly into their kitchen. She immediately started to get everything ready that she needed; hot water for tea, thermometer, tylenol, tissues, water. She didn’t know what Carina needed yet or wanted, so she settled for that for now at least. She took everything into their bedroom, making sure Carina was still asleep before going to the bathroom herself; no run today, Carina needed her more and she learned that there were other ways to cope with her anxiety and she didn’t need to go on a run to feel more worthy. She was allowed to rest and more importantly her wife deserved all her attention today. So, she just settled to brushing her teeth, using the toilet, and splashing some cold water onto her face to feel a little more awake because she surely wasn’t going back to sleep, too scared to be asleep when Carina wakes up. She also decided to put on a sweater and some socks, because Seattle had somehow skipped fall and it was crispy cold outside, and she couldn’t afford to get sick herself now. She also made a mental note to put the heater up a little more later, so Carina wouldn’t freeze if she wanted to go to the living room later in the day. When she was done, she walked right to their bed, settling next to Carina. She sighed a little because Carina just sounded even more congested than earlier.
Maya picked up her book, reading for a while until she heard Carina groan. She put the book away immediately and scooched down to be closer to her wife.
“Hey, my love, you are okay.” Maya said softly, stroking Carina’s hair.
Carina blinked, still a little irritated. Until she hastily sat up, her whole body shaking while she was coughing. Maya’s heart broke for her wife, she wasn’t just sick, but her body was somehow extremely overwhelmed with the situation. She moved closer to Carina, rubbing her back, trying to communicate that she was there for her without saying anything, not wanting to overwhelm her senses even more.
When Carina’s coughing fit stopped and left her more than exhausted, she dropped her head on Maya’s shoulder, needing all the comfort she could get. Her breathing sounding even more rattled with Carina’s head so close to her ear. She knew that Carina was an adult, and she knew that it was probably just a nasty cold after all, but she still worried and she still felt extremely bad for her wife.
While one of Maya’s hands was still drawing soft patterns on Carina’s back, the other made her way to Carina’s forehead. Sighing when she felt Carina burning up.
“I don’t feel very good.” Carina admitted, her voice extremely quiet and she sounded so sick and defeated.
Carina always took care of herself, she never had anyone who took care of her. She always took care of others, her own health never mattered until she met Maya. Both of them were so different but yet so similar in the ways that their fathers would belittle them if they were sick. While Lane would notice but make Maya train and workout even when she was sick as some sort of punishment, Vincenzo wouldn’t even notice, too busy with his work or too deep into his mental illness. They both knew what it was like to feel neglected, to not feel but push forward just in different ways, both scarred and both so deeply scared to somehow be like their fathers. But they could never be.
They both just simply didn’t know how to be sick. How to not push and push and work and work until they wouldn’t feel whatever they had anymore. But they unlearned; they unlearned together.
Maya kissed Carina’s forehead, unsure of what to do next. Should she take her to the doctors? Should she have a hot shower to clear her airways or a cold one for her fever? Food first? Pills then. But was she even in the mood to eat. She needed to eat. Water? Water first. No first she needed to get out of her head and focus on Carina.
“I know my love. How about some water first? And then we need to take your temperature and do something about your fever first and then your chest, you sound so congested.”
She reached for the water bottle, unscrewing the cap before handing it to Carina.
Carina lifted her head, immediately closing her eyes for a second because the room was spinning before taking a few simps. “I can’t do more.”
Maya looked at Carina worried, “your throat?”
“Yeah, it hurts to swallow.” Carina said, her head going right back on Maya’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry my love. We will try to make you all better, okay? Can I take your temperature?” Maya tried her hardest not too spiral herself still but again, she needed to be there for Carina. She reached for the thermometer, waited for Carina’s consent, and took her temperature.
“101, mild but definitely a fever. So tylenol it is. And we still have to keep a close eye because we need to make sure it won’t get higher, and...” Maya started to ramble.
“I will be okay bambina.” Carina said softly, smiling a little at Maya’s ramble. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” Maya kissed the top of Carina’s hair again. She was so scared that they would never be okay again, that she would never be able to kiss Carina again, and she couldn’t be more grateful that she got another chance. “Are you sure you shouldn’t see a doctor?”
“I am one.” Carina chuckled.
Maya raised her eyebrow, not really in the mood for jokes just yet.
“I promise if it gets worse and if I feel like I need anti biotics we will call Bailey, I am sure she would help us out.” Carina tried to take away Maya’s worries a little, she snuggled even further into her wife.
“I’m not so worried about the fever yet but about how you sound Carina. Like I can literally hear your chest rattling. I don’t want you to get pneumonia.” Maya admitted.
“It’s definitely not my favorite part either.” Carina sighed, coughing a little.
“Oh, I should have brought something for your cough too, I totally forgot.” Maya said hastily, almost jumping up before she felt Carina’s hand on hers.
“Please don’t leave.” Carina said quietly, her eyes glassy.
Maya knew what Carina meant. She knew it wasn’t just about getting something for her cough, Carina was sick and scarred from not only her dad but also her. And Maya hated that she made Carina question if she was going to stay or run.
“I promise you; I won’t leave. I won’t run.” Maya said sincerely, holding Carina a little tighter. Carina knew the double meaning of running and she was more than relieved.
“Thank you.” She whispered.
“I still think we need a plan.” Maya said seriously after a few minutes. “Tylenol, cough syrup, tea, and lots of rest. Either a cold or warm bath later, depending on your fever.”
“You said no running.” Carina looked up at Maya’s confused face. “Huh?”
“You are running 100 miles an hour in your head bambina, you have to relax, so I can relax.” Carina said cheekily.
Maya playfully rolled her eyes “I will try but I can’t promise.”
“That’s all I ever ask for.” Carina said softly.
“I love you.”
“I love you bambina. Thank you for coming back to me.”
“Thank you for letting me.” Maya said softly, reaching for Carina to make her have a sip of tea, and some tylenol before making her lie down. She cuddled her close, her head on Maya’s chest. “Try to rest, okay? And tell me if you need anything. After you got a little more rest I will get you the cough syrup.”
“Your cuddles are the best medicine.” Carina said before closing her eyes.
Maya covered them both with a blanked and started running her fingertips down Carina’s back. Watching her closely.
“You can rest too Maya.” Carina said almost fast asleep.
“I am resting. I just need to make sure you are okay.” Maya said softly.
“I always am with you.” Carina mumbled before falling asleep. Nobody ever made her feel as safe as Maya Bishop.
And Maya realized once again that her home will forever be a person. And she knew she could rest, but for now she would rather watch her home and make sure she was safe.