Chapter Text
Blunt fingernails were gently scratching his scalp, alternating with fingers playing with his curls; a thumb was drawing small patterns on his naked shoulder - Charlie could definitely get used to being woken up like this. He sighed happily, curling even more into the person lying next to him, holding him closer, absorbing the warmth that radiated off of him.
He knew they were heading into dangerous territory with this and he couldn’t really recall when their hooking-up had morphed into more. Or, when their mutual agreement of having quick and mind-blowing sex without having to deal with a long distance relationship actually turned into staying-the-night and having breakfast together. Charlie tried not to question it and he tried even more not to acknowledge his deepening feelings for the man currently placing soft kisses into his curls. Instead, he tucked it all away into the furthest available corner in his mind and focussed on the perks of having a very fit man wanting to have sex with him on a very regular basis.
“Hi, sleepyhead,” Charlie heard him mumble, his voice raspy from disuse and with sleep still lingering heavily.
Charlie just hummed in response, burying his face into the other man’s chest, not ready to be fully awake and facing the inevitable; having to say goodbye and being apart until they’d be able to meet again. They’d called it blowing off some steam when they’d agreed to be whatever they were - maybe some sort of strangers-to-hook-ups-to-friends-with-benefits or, simply, an affair. In the end, it came down to the same thing: a deal with no strings attached. No matter how much Charlie’s heart craved all the strings available with the man lying next to him.
Relishing in the way his body felt after their night together, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to their first night. They had met at a LGBTQIA+ student party almost seven weeks ago while ordering drinks at the bar and had instantly hit it off while waiting for a bartender to take their orders. Charlie had travelled up to Leeds from Manchester and was visiting friends, not really looking for someone or something. But there had been an irresistible pull towards the other man with his strawberry blonde floppy hair, his warm, amber eyes, his freckles dancing on his face with every beautiful smile and of course, his hot-as-hell body. They had ended up talking for most of the night and, when they had both been very pleasantly tipsy, dancing on the packed dance floor, using the crowd as an excuse to press every inch of their bodies together. Until they couldn't resist anymore and had kissed with so much vigour, it had taken Charlie’s breath away in the best possible way. They’d grinded against each other, hands roaming over every part within reach, bordering on what was considered indecent public behaviour. Charlie had never been this turned on in his life and all it took was the other man whispering, “I live nearby, do you wanna come to my place ?” into his ear for him to say goodbye to his friends and do something he’d never done before; go home with a stranger to have the most incredible sex of his life. Not that he had a ton of experience to compare it with, but he was absolutely sure that nothing would ever beat it. At first, it was the thrill of just trying something new but soon, it had transformed into letting himself fall into pure lust, giving in to his deepest desires and having the hottest man ever being so absolutely gentle and attentive with him that he’d felt more safe than he’d ever had with anyone else.
The morning after their first night together had been slightly awkward, waking up in each other’s arms as if it was something they did on a regular basis; their limbs entwined so much that Charlie wasn’t really sure which belonged to him until he reminded himself that he was cuddling like a couple with an actual stranger. That realisation had sobered him instantly, pulling away and causing the other man to whine at the loss in his sleep until he woke up and realised himself what they had been doing. To Charlie’s biggest relief, they had talked it out afterwards, both sheepishly agreeing that even though it had been the best sex they had ever had, they weren’t really looking for something serious right now, with looming exam-stress and living in different cities. Still, they had exchanged numbers, both blushing as they admitted how attracted they were to the other and how much they’d like to see each other again, if only for the sake of maybe hooking-up.
"Fancy a bath?" the man had asked after their talk, taking Charlie by complete surprise. "We could clean us up that way," he had continued after Charlie hadn't answered immediately, too delightfully shocked to form words. So they had shared a bath, and they had cleaned themselves up at some point, but the closeness of their bodies had led to another round of amazing sex.
When Charlie had finally left the other man’s appartment, he hadn’t allowed himself to hope to ever hear from him again. But he hadn’t even been able to make it to Isaac’s dorm before his phone had buzzed with a message from a newly added number; something that might have put a little pep to his steps for the rest of his way.
In the beginning, it had been mostly Charlie who travelled to Leeds, so he could leave the other man’s apartment and crash at his friend’s place to avoid getting too much involved with a hook-up. But then there had been that one fateful evening where their exchange of messages had been so fucking hot that the other man had simply jumped on the next train to visit Charlie. Since he didn't have a place to stay in Manchester, he’d just ended up spending the whole night at Charlie’s. They had tried to go back and maintain a safer and more distant agreement after that but somehow they’d both silently agreed that sleeping in and spending mornings together was too nice to stop it again.
Charlie had attempted to distract his aching heart by focussing on the lust and attraction he felt towards the other man but had found it getting harder and harder every time the other man had a certain soft look in his eyes when his gaze rested on Charlie, thinking Charlie wouldn’t notice. Maybe there was something there, on both sides, but Charlie wasn’t ready to wreck their agreement by throwing in his feelings just yet. Instead, he made it a future-Charlie’s problem, hoping it would be sorted out by not seeing each other over the summer break; hoping that his inner turmoil would settle with enough distance between them.
So he had tried to focus only on the bodily part of their deal; on the way the other man paid attention to every little sound Charlie made when he pleasured him, always making the next time impossibly better. His gentle affirmations whispered into Charlie hot skin; his hands worshipping every part of Charlie’s body; his tongue eliciting sounds from Charlie he hadn’t even known he was capable of making - it all did wonders for Charlie’s self-esteem. It had given him the confidence to bask in the way he was able to make the other man fall apart under his hands; that he was finally good enough and how they were both equally perfect for the other.
Charlie had never felt so seen and beautiful as he did when the other man looked at him with pupils blown wide with desire; when his gaze was so full of awe whenever it roamed over Charlie’s body; and, most importantly, when his face was so open with genuine interest and care as they talked about their everyday lives.
But he also tried not to think what it meant that they had started to call each other every other night or text throughout the day or that they spent as much time together as if they were an actual couple. He didn't allow his thoughts to go down that hope-sparkled road. No, he didn't even allow himself to daydream about what a life spent together could look like if it all were real.
“Charlie. I know you’re awake,” the man in his arms chuckled lowly, pulling him out of his reverie, “I can hear your stomach growl and I’m sure you’re craving a cup of coffee.”
Charlie hummed in agreement whilst also tightening his grip around the other man's waist, wiggling closer, allowing himself to just enjoy a few more moments.
“Don’t wanna get up, Nick,” he almost whined into Nick’s chest, his voice muffled through soft, warm skin and he couldn’t help but place a few kisses into those strong pecs dancing with Nick’s soft laughter.
The hand in his hair stopped its ministrations and pulled away, and Charlie was just about to complain when he felt Nick’s arm curl around his own waist and pull him closer, gently shuffling him around until he was almost lying on top of the other man.
He opened his eyes to say something teasing but his words caught in his throat as he looked down at Nick, the fondness in those beautiful honey-brown eyes locking with his almost too much. All he could do to prevent his traitorous heart and mouth from confessing his feelings right then and there was to lean down and close the distance with an all consuming kiss.
Breaking apart to come up for much needed air, Nick brushed his curls out of his face, holding them back and smiled at him so achingly tender.
“Hi, gorgeous,” he breathed, “How much time do we have left today?”
Charlie smirked as he leaned down again to leave a chaste kiss on Nick’s lips, “We have time, I don’t have to leave until 2pm. I need to be back for our study group to meet but until then, I’m free to do whatever you want to-.”
Charlie was interrupted by a kiss that quickly turned into anything but chaste and suddenly, he found himself being flipped on his back by strong arms. And then the only sounds filling the room were his moans as Nick made his way down Charlie’s body until he reached where Charlie needed him the most.
🍂🍂🍂
After they’d showered together and been thoroughly distracted again, Charlie was just about to put on one of Nick's jumpers while he left Nick's room to follow him into the kitchen when he heard the other man say, "Oi, come on! Stop it, we're not something more! Charlie and I are just friends."
Right. Charlie knew Nick was simply telling the truth to his roommate but it didn't mean his words didn’t sting. He felt tears threaten to spill, his heart having a hard time calming its desperate rate.
"Okay mate. Whatever. I'll leave you to it," Charlie heard another male voice say, followed by a door falling shut.
He took a deep breath and tried to swallow past the lump forming in his throat; putting on a smile that he knew didn't reach his eyes but hoped would be enough to mask his heartbreak as he entered the kitchen to join Nick. He kept more distance from Nick than was strictly necessary as he fetched mugs from the cupboard, feeling the other man's gaze resting on him. He tried to ignore it but couldn't prevent his gaze from shifting to the man standing next to him. Nick looked adorably flustered; his cheeks coloured a deeper shade of pink as than they'd been when he'd left his room, his eyes darting over Charlie's face as if in search for something, a nervous smile on his lips.
"Alright?" Nick asked, closing the distance to tentiatively nudge Charlie's hips.
"Yeah," Charlie answered, nudging back despite it all. He sighed quietly to himself; at his inability to remain even remotely disappointed in Nick; at his heart that kept overruling his fears so irritatingly quickly as long as the other man so much as smiled at him; at the seed of hope that blossomed incessantly in his chest, no matter how much concrete he tried to pour over it.
“I was thinking,” Nick started after a few minutes of working side by side; quietly preparing a very late breakfast where no words were needed after having done this multiple times before - a domesticity that always had Charlie yearn for more. He shook his head ever so slightly to pull himself out of this dangerous train of thoughts and looked up at Nick questioningly, motioning for him to continue by raising his eyebrows.
Nick laughed bashfully, the tips of his ears suspiciously red before he cleared his throat.
“Would it be okay if I came with you to the train station?” Nick asked, his gaze full of uncertainty and was there flashing something akin of hope? But it was gone so fast that Charlie wasn’t sure if he’d conjured it up in his mind.
As his reply didn’t come out fast enough for Nick, the other man apparently felt the need to add, “You know, I need to do grocery shopping anyway and thought I could-,” he trailed off, averting his gaze to his hands fumbling with the breadbag.
Charlie closed the already minimal distance between them and wrapped his arms around Nick’s waist from behind, nestling his face into the space between his shoulder blades and pressing a soft kiss into the fabric of his shirt, enjoying how the muscles rippled underneath his lips with Nick’s movements.
“Nick, I’d like that,” Charlie mumbled, his voice muffled because he didn’t want to lift his head from its position, “You know I like spending time with you.”
“Yeah?” Nick answered softly, slowly turning around in Charlie’s embrace. He cradled Charlie’s face with both his hands and kissed him so tenderly, it made Charlie’s heart ache with fondness for the man in his arms. Friends. He'd said we're just friends. Charlie pulled back to not get lost in the kiss and in the feelings washing over him and smiled as Nick slowly opened his eyes, his gaze slightly dazed. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then he blushed and closed it again, just leaning down to place a quick peck on Charlie’s lips. Before Charlie had a chance to think about what that had meant, Nick moved them both forwards to the table.
“Okay, let’s eat breakfast and then head out so you won’t miss your train,” he said while pulling out a chair and guiding Charlie to sit. Not for the first time Charlie asked himself why they’d agreed to just be something-with-benefits instead of boyfriends.
With their legs intertwined under the table, they ate in comfortable silence. This was also something Charlie didn’t really allow himself to think about any further; about just how at ease he felt with Nick, how safe and not constantly observed or judged. He had told him about his past in one of their nights when he'd felt brave enough to share; completely wrapped up in Nick's arms as he talked about his mental health and his eating disorder. And Nick had simply asked how he could help Charlie to feel more comfortable around him with so much care and warmth in his voice, Charlie had been unable to stop a stray tear from running down his face and disappearing into Nick's skin, hoping the other man would think it was sweat still lingering from their previous very satisfying actions. He had been glad that it had been dark around them, his emotional state after having had amazing sex and feeling so completely accepted almost too much for his heart to take.
“How’s your coming week?” Nick asked after a few minutes of eating, sharing glances and small smiles, “Do you have a lot of studying to do?”
Charlie nodded, his mouth full with cereals, “Not really, I’ve only got one exam Tuesday morning and the rest of the week is free but I guess I should start studying for the others,” he added, swallowing quickly.
Knowing fully why Nick was asking this question, he raised one teasing eyebrow before he continued, “But I’d be free from Friday afternoon onwards. I know you have a game on Saturday, but maybe you’d like to come across to Manchester after it?”
There was a flash of regret flickering in Nick’s eyes before he answered.
“I’d love to! But it’s an away game and we’ll get back late in the evening,” he said, looking down.
Nick seemed to contemplate his next words, inhaling deeply before he looked up again, “My course from Thursday got changed to Wednesday. I know we don’t usually meet during the week, but I thought maybe we could do that for once. Otherwise we wouldn’t see each other for a fortnight. I could come to you on Wednesday evening? I could grab something to eat on my way to Manchester.”
Or we could go and grab something to eat together when you arrive in Manchester, Charlie thought but didn’t dare to speak it out loud. We're just friends with fucking benefits, for fuck's sake, we don’t go on dates.
Charlie cleared his throat, focussing on Nick and the uncertainty in his eyes. Right, he was still waiting for an answer.
“Sounds perfect,” Charlie said in the end, chuckling awkwardly to disguise his sudden sullen mood about a non-existent dinner-date.
But Nick, this gorgeous, perfect man, instantly picked up on the change in his expression.
“You sure? We can skip this week if you want to, please never feel pressured into-,”
“Nick. It really is okay! My mind just focussed on the upcoming exams for a moment,” Charlie lied, “You know I'd never want to skip.”
Nick didn’t seem to be totally convinced, a slight frown still visible and his lips parting as if he wanted to say something. But after a moment, he seemed to have decided against it and closed his mouth again, his expression softening.
Wanting to assure Nick, Charlie nudged Nick’s shin with his, “Alright?”
Nick nodded, his lips slowly twisting into his beautiful lopsided smile that Charlie loved so much.
Found hot. Not loved. Keep your cool, for fuck’s sake.