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Seungmin wakes up in the middle of the night, heart thumping in his chest at the loud roar of thunder hiding in the clouds outside. The soothing pitter-patter that started it all hours ago when he’d slipped under the covers feeling cozily reminded of nights in his childhood home was long gone, now evolved into a full fledged storm in the darkness of the night. Admittedly, he’d never been particularly fond of rain, only seeing it as a mild nuisance as he grew older, but there was something alleviating about going to bed with rainfall gently coating the city; quiet white noise of droplets bouncing off every surface and the unmistakable smell of petrichor that seeped even through closed windows, swirling in the cold air with memories of hot cocoa, his mom’s warm rice cake soup, clean linen and fresh pyjamas, tightly tucked in and read a bedtime story until his mind safely wandered off into the land of dreams.
This, though, felt much different. He’d gone to bed exhausted after a long day, comforted by the peaceful drumming of the rainfall on the window, yet entirely unsuspecting of how it would progress into what was likely currently flooding the entrance to their dorm building and soaking unfortunate people’s laundry, but most importantly— making him feel awfully uneasy, an uncomfortable weight set on his chest heavy as a cinder block as soon as his eyes had darted open.
It’s okay , he thinks, I can get through this all by myself . So he rolls over in bed, facing away from the window to avoid looking at the torrent of water rushing down the slope of the roof. His eyelids are heavy with sleep, but he only manages to doze off for all of a minute before lightning decorates the sky behind him and that dreaded, lowly rumble echoes all over. He flinches, reflexively holding his adored Kuromi plushie tighter to his chest as he hides under the sheets. A minute or two pass, yet the darkness of his little blanket cave doesn’t seem to help either.
Maybe he couldn’t do this by himself after all, but surely he could wake Jiseok up —who’s sleeping in the bottom bunk— and things will be better if he has some company.
Somehow, when he looks down the side of the raised beds he finds the bottom one empty, unmade, but intact from how it was left that morning. He assumes Jiseok is likely sleeping soundly either in Jooyeon’s bed or on the sofa after gaming for too long, and now Seungmin is left all alone in their shared room when he needs someone the most.
It suddenly feels so big and dark and cold; the rain is too loud, his pyjamas itchy, and his mattress uncomfortable. He feels small and alone in the worst way, and before he knows it, his eyes are welling up with tears as he rushes to click his night light on with clumsy fingers. He pulls the blankets over his head, only leaving a small gap at the edge for the amber-colored glow of his lamp to make way in, hoping to shield himself from the sounds of the rainstorm and muffle his sobs against his pillow.
———-
On the other side of the dorm, Jungsu gets awoken by the noise outside, barely catching a glimpse of lightning zipping across the night sky the moment he opens his eyes and rolls over. Rather than the thunder interrupting his sleep, the waterfall coming down the roof had become nearly deafening thanks to his bed sitting right by the window, water dissonantly clashing against it in every which way and making it increasingly harder for him to stay asleep as the night went on. He wonders how Hyeongjun is still on cloud nine mere feet away as he’s able to hear him snoring softly over the torrential sounds.
He’s slightly irritated at the loss of rest, too awake to give tossing and turning a try, and in the midst of all, also thirsty. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to leave the cozy confines of his bed to make the short journey to the kitchen to get a sip of water. Skipping over their belongings scattered on the floor and carefully cracking the door open, he makes it to the living room, where it’s so much quieter once he closes the door behind him, the sounds of rain dispersing along the open space easily. It almost feels like relief to his eardrums, even when combined with the faint buzzing of appliances. He rubs at his eyes just before pouring some water into a cup, a rational thought making its way through the fuzzy static replacing his brain to suggest tea instead.
That would be a smart choice, he decides, and he’s pretty sure a box of chamomile tea is collecting dust somewhere in the back of their pantry, (who bought that, anyway?) so he’s merely going to put the electric kettle on, wait a few minutes, drink it, and hope the sedative effects manifest themselves sooner than later.
He does just that, trusting muscle memory to guide him through the routine in the dark. There’s a lingering comforting feeling regarding being awake at this time of night during a storm despite his disdain for the insomnia causing him to experience it; something about the domestic melody of the kettle starting to bubble, water rhythmically dripping on outdoor furniture and empty garden pots, and the occasional crackling of furniture amidst the silence of this side of the world being largely dormant, it’s much like being back in his hometown having a cozy movie night in.
Jungsu’s dazedly staring out the clear balcony door into the city while he waits, the foggy glass covered in minuscule droplets, and the sky above blanketed in navy blue and charcoal gray clouds with not a single star visible amongst them. Even the moon drowns in the sea of darkness, the only source of lighting in the room is provided by the street lamps shining brightly through the glass, which is why it’s so easy for him to notice when a gleam of warm light suddenly comes from under one of three doors— Seungmin and Jiseok’s room. Nothing to write home about. It definitely wouldn’t be the first time he encounters one of his band mates on a sleepless night, either sharing the same problem, grabbing a drink, or using the bathroom. It's a mental betting game every time.
He expects someone to quietly pop out of the room any second, hoping to not scare them by lurking in the shadows, but this time a minute or two pass and he’s still the only one standing in the open space of their dorm. The light from the room doesn’t go out either. Weird.
There’s light from a car driving by striking him right on the face, and that seems to bring Jungsu back in charge of his train of thought. It wouldn’t be weird if he checked up on them, right?
It’s his overprotective gut instinct and nothing else that takes him right to their door, entirely forgoing knocking in the spirit of avoiding any extra noise, which he successfully does for all of two seconds before the door unpleasantly squeaks at the hinges, resounding through the dorm. He’s in the process of cringing to himself when a bang of thunder outside masks the noise he’s just produced.
He breathes a sigh of relief, but it’s short-lived when he hears what he thinks is crying from inside the room. Jiseok’s bed is empty, he notices, so the soft sobs can only come from under the mound of blankets visible in the top bunk.
“Seungmin?” he calls out in a hush while still standing under the door frame, assuming the other hadn’t even heard him walk in due to the noise.
The younger barely peeks out from under the comforter, and the glow of his lamp allows Jungsu to see his eyes red and glossy with tears, peach-colored hair messy from where he lay on it funny while sleeping, and his knuckles going white from the sheer strength in which he’s clutching his blankets with both hands.
Before the older can think of getting another word in, Seungmin tearily calls out for him this time.
“Jun’su hyung” he blubbers, and just then Jungsu can tell he’s little from the way he slurs his words. He feels a little guilty for taking so long with his drowsy indecision, but now he’s there to help, and that’s all that matters. He takes a few steps to peek over the side of the beds, where Seungmin is slowly beginning to sit up, still looking distraught and clearly holding back more tears as he curls into a tight ball, making himself as small as possible.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong, Minnie?” He questions looking up, voice tender as he feels, though raspy from being unused.
Seungmin sniffles. “S’ scary” he stammers shakily, not looking up from where his plushie is hugged tightly to his chest.
Jungsu doesn't quite get it yet. He reaches his hand out to pet through his hair, where Seungmin immediately leans into his touch like a hurt puppy.
"What is, sweetheart? The storm? Is that what woke you up?" He asks sympathetically, Seungmin nodding with a trembling lip as a reply. "That's okay. It woke me too, you know?"
The other finally looks up, scooting closer to the edge of the bed ever so slightly to better let Jungsu card careful fingers through his hair. He appears uneasy still, so the older thinks of the quickest fix he can muster.
"Tell you what, why don't I stay here until you can fall asleep again? I’ll watch over you so you're safe, promise, little one" he offers, still brushing tangled hair out of the little's face.
Seungmin is clearly not fond of the idea of being left alone again once he falls asleep, and he conveys as much by shaking his head so quickly the bed frame squeaks. A stray tear races down his cheek just where Jungsu can see it glint in the warm amber glow of the night light as he retreats his hand, and now he's barely holding back his own as his mind scrambles for a solution. The youngest must be a lot more sensitive than Jungsu had caught onto, because he looks down again and cries into his own arms.
Ouch. Jungsu's heart squeezes painfully in his chest at the sight.
He’s about to start climbing up the ladder when Seungmin drags himself towards it and makes grabby hands at the elder, requesting help down in his shaky state. Jungsu suddenly feels lucky to be strong enough to hold him, and he immediately gets tackled into Jiseok's bed with an armful of Seungmin who clings to him like a koala, both arms circling his neck and face buried in his chest.
He finally lets go of all the stress from earlier and grips impossibly tighter onto his hyung as a new wave of heartbroken sobs floods his body. The older hugs him through it, hushing him sweetly while rubbing soothing circles up and down his back, kissing his unruly hair when he flinches and recoils at the belt of thunder while still in his hold. Only then does it dawn on Jungsu that he must be scared of the thunder rather than the downpour itself, and how much it makes sense, given how easily startled he is by loud sounds even when he's big.
"It's okay, you're okay, sweetheart" he consoles. "I'm right here, hm?” Jungsu’s trying to be reassuring, hoping it’s enough, hoping that the fondness that makes his heart feel two sizes too big inside his rib cage shows through his words and actions, small as they are.
A few minutes pass, and slowly but surely, Seungmin’s breathing evens out to the point where he’s no longer hiccuping against Jungsu’s chest, exhalations matching the slow pace of the hand over his back. He lifts his head up slightly to look at the oldest through wet eyelashes.
“M’sorry” he babbles, looking as if he could break down all over again. It causes Jungsu to think over his next words.
“Nothing to apologize for, little one.” He whispers easily, noticing how responsive Seungmin is to any sign that Jungsu isn’t actually somehow mad at him, even when he never would be. “It’s okay to be scared sometimes. That’s what hyung is here for, to always take care of you, yeah?”
Seungmin’s frowning, and Jungsu can tell that he might’ve retaliated if he were in a different, bigger mental state, where he would do the absolute most to make sure he’s not putting extra weight on anyone’s shoulders; but for now he seems to accept that he needs to be loved a little, and that Jungsu is willing to give him just that, letting the faintest smile decorate his pouty face.
Jungsu wipes his tears with careful fingers. “Don’t think you can sleep, angel?” He asks, Seungmin quickly shaking his head with a muffled groan. “That’s alright. Why don’t you come help me make tea? And I’ll make you some hot chocolate if you want” he suggests, thinking it might be a good idea to get Seungmin out of the space where he’d felt so unsafe not long ago. The little’s change in demeanor is quick, because he willingly peels himself off where he’d been clinging to Jungsu looking excitedly at the oldest, who’s sitting up in time.
“Hot chocolate?” He squeaks, and though it makes the other smile, it also reminds him of the younger’s current headspace, where he’s unaware of how loud he’s being.
“Inside voice, okay, bubs? We don’t wanna wake the others up” he whispers.
Seungmin pouts and Jungsu knows that worried look, so he whisks him away quickly before he can start overthinking, gently gripping his hand. They take no more than two steps before he’s remembering something.
“Want me to bring Kuromi? Or is she sleepy?”
The question feels a little silly, but Seungmin is genuinely pensive, and Jungsu thinks he looks adorable.
“Hyungie gives her hot chocolate, too?” He asks, barely audible now that he’s managed to lower his voice.
Jungsu hums and nods, Seungmin lights up, and that wordless exchange is all he needs to reach over and put the plush in the younger’s arms, where he squeezes it to his chest with one hand, the other busy securely clutching Jungsu’s own.
They all but tip-toe through the living room, where Jungsu thanks the technology gods for the automatic shut off once the water on the kettle reached its boiling point while he was away comforting Seungmin. (While his hyung instincts kicked in the moment he saw Seungmin, he’s still fully capable of creating a house fire no matter the circumstances, he knows.)
“Wanna sit? Or wanna help?” Asks Jungsu once he’s turned the dim microwave light on and pulled two mugs out of the kitchen cupboard.
Seungmin presses his lips together, thoughtful, and it makes his cheek dimple in the cutest way. In the end he settles on “Just watch?”
“Okay, you can hop up here” Jungsu smiles easily, patting the free counter space. The younger struggles a little even though he’s evidently tall enough to get up there by himself, but he’s still shaky and fuzzy-headed, so Jungsu offers him his hand and he finally manages, swinging his legs and watching with rapt attention as the elder pours water in both cups, the steam rising in the cold air and disappearing in the darkness in the blink of an eye. Next comes the tea bag and the scoop of hot chocolate, which Seungmin ends up reaching over to help pour in his own cup; his hands wobble and he whimpers softly when thunder strikes outside, but Jungsu steadies them in time and he only spills a little.“It’s okay, not a big deal,” he reassures quickly, before Seungmin can even think of feeling bad about it or being too spooked again. He knows if he keeps his cool, Seungmin will, too.
Jungsu swiftly wipes the sugary brown powder off the counter with a napkin which he discards.
“See? Easy peasy." The younger hears to his side and smiles in earnest.
Seungmin kicks his legs enthusiastically, easily distracted by the aroma of hot chocolate, and he only waits the few seconds it takes Jungsu to mix it with a spoon to pick Kuromi up and off the counter, pretending that she takes a sip as he makes a small slurping sound.
“Good?” Jungsu whispers, and the little nods a few times, his eyes and cheeks still tinted pink at the edges from his tears not too long ago. Jungsu can’t help but kiss the tip of his nose, and Seungmin preens at the display of affection he so clearly craves. His grabby hands return and the older quickly wraps him into a warm, comforting hug, helping him hop off the counter with his arms still wrapped around his waist a minute or two later, when they both feel ready to let go. “C’mere” he says, leading the way towards the balcony door, full mugs in hand with the scents of chamomile, cocoa and petrichor dancing with each other in the air.
He sits on the cold wooden floor with his legs crossed, and the other stands there, mildly puzzled for a second before Jungsu signals for him to do the same. It’s not exactly what he expects, but Seungmin makes himself comfy on his lap, very apparently still seeking closeness or warmth, perhaps both. Jungsu readjusts in his place to better distribute their weights, and Seungmin turns around with a furrowed brow as he hugs his plushie.
“Hyung’s not comfortable? Too heavy?” He slurs, fuzzy pink hair sticking out in all directions.
Jungsu doesn’t hesitate in shaking his head. “How could you be? You’re so little, Seungminie.” He reassures, lightly caressing his hair, and he seems satisfied with that answer, because he turns around and reaches for his cup of hot chocolate set next to them with both hands, taking a big gulp that leaves a crescent of brown foam on his lips. Jungsu laughs fondly at it before he points it out so he can lick it off.
A few minutes pass like that, with slow sips and mellow rain between slow pets to Seungmin’s soft hair. Jungsu has started mindlessly humming some melody he can’t quite pinpoint, and it seems to be lulling Seungmin to sleep until the dreaded thunder resounds outside so loudly they can feel the rumble in the floorboards beneath them. The younger one shakes slightly and whines, further pressing himself back onto Jungsu’s chest, like he’s trying to melt into him and his warmth, and Jungsu has to think of a good distraction.
“Do you know why I wanted to sit here?” He asks, Seungmin humming a negative with shaking pupils. “Well, when I was little like you, I used to play this game,” he says, quickly grabbing Seungmin’s attention when he follows a raindrop sliding down the glass door with his finger. “We both pick a raindrop, and the one that gets to the bottom quicker wins, like this” he demonstrates, pointing at two drops of water already racing down and following both until the fastest one hits the edge of the door and disperses, for which he cheers silently, even if he remarks that he didn’t win anything racing against himself.
“Can I pick one?” Seungmin speaks up, interest mildly piqued and seemingly already having forgotten about the thunder once again. He leans forward to do so, and Jungsu has to grab the nearly empty mug out of his other hand in order for him to not spill anything.
“Mhm, should hyung pick one too?”
Seungmin narrows his foxy eyes. “But ‘m gonna win.” Jungsu can only smile and purposely pick a small droplet slightly further up the glass. As predicted, the younger one wins, and he celebrates with gestures, mirroring Jungsu’s earlier quiet enthusiasm. They keep going in the same manner a few more times, with Seungmin triumphantly winning every race in between quiet giggles until one of Jungsu’s raindrops clashes and merges with a bigger one, causing it to drop down much faster than anticipated and effectively winning in the blink of an eye.
“Oh” Seungmin lets out, followed by a long huff which he crosses his arms along with, and once Jungsu swoops down so they’re cheek to cheek, he can tell the little is not genuinely upset but still pouting, his puffed out lips even more prominent now that he seems to be finally tiring out.
Jungsu can’t help but huff fondly at him, brushing his knuckles against Seungmin’s hair. “Tie breaker?” He suggests, and Seungmin has to blink the sleep away from his eyes before he nods wanly and turns eagerly towards the door in search for his winning raindrop. While he does, there’s thunder outside, but he doesn’t notice at all, and it makes Jungsu’s heart feel a little fuller, yet lighter than before.
If he had to guess, worries are heavy and dense, and love is light as a petal, but it does take its rightful space; it expands and blooms bigger than you ever thought it could in its little beating, red container; perhaps stretching its walls when all your tender feelings soften them so, turn them mailable to accommodate for more. In time, his love grew bigger than Jungsu ever thought it capable of, but loving every bit and piece of Seungmin proved him terribly wrong, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Newfound lightness in his chest, Jungsu purposely picks a small, staggering drop, lazily sliding down the glass, and lets Seungmin win by a landslide. It’s a little silly how excited he gets through half lidded eyes, but Jungsu hugs and praises him for it all the same because the sleepy smile on his face is priceless, and he’d stay there all night on the cold, hard floor if it meant Seungmin would smile that way one more time.
It works to his advantage, though, and once they’re done celebrating the race’s champion in whispers, the pitter-patter of rain falls on the silence of their living room again, and Jungsu has a very sleepy Seungmin in his arms, already twisting around to comfortably hide his face in the older’s neck, eyes closed. As much as Jungsu wishes he had the kind of strength to get up with Seungmin in his arms, he’s much too sleepy and missing all of Gunil hyung’s muscle, so he gently pats his arm.
“Seungminie” he tries, but he doesn’t move a muscle. “Let’s move to the couch.” Jungsu prods. He doesn’t think the younger could make it to either of their rooms, so their best bet is the sofa a few steps away, and whatever’s left behind can be cleaned up in the morning, including the questions from everyone else. None of that matters now, it’s just them, their warmth, their company, a perfectly crafted bubble for two sincere hearts.
It takes a few more tries and small, tired groans, but Jungsu eventually nudges Seungmin off his lap and onto his feet, quickly standing up himself, lukewarm mugs forgotten on the floor. He holds the other’s free hand to lead the way in the darkness while Seungmin sluggishly rubs at his eyes with the other, his plushie tucked in the nook of his elbow. Jungsu props up a cushion on one end of the sofa and lays down wordlessly, relishing on the prospect of rest at last. He pulls Seungmin in by the arm with a quiet mumble, who climbs on top of him as if it’s instinct, quickly laying his head on Jungsu’s chest. His heartbeat syncs up perfectly with the rain, creating a flawless rhythmic melody for Seungmin to doze off to, who all but rubs his cheek against the older like a baby animal trying to make a burrow.
All Jungsu does is hug Seungmin tight and close, until it feels like they’re melting into one another, and when he thinks he’s sure the younger has fallen asleep, he finally closes his eyes, expecting to drift off soon, a comforting warmth settling right where Seungmin’s head lay on him. Taking care of Seungmin when he slips isn’t just about the younger, but it nurtures Jungsu’s heart, too; the supple parts of it that felt raw and vulnerable before somehow feel safe, mended with careful hands in between hugs and sips of hot chocolate.
“Th’nk you… Hyungie” comes out from the younger, muffled and almost inaudible, but Jungsu feels the vibrations of the words in his chest like seeds rooting inside his heart, anchoring themselves there to soon turn into new blooms. He doesn’t say anything still, merely patting Seungmin’s back, a long, appeased exhale escaping him.
Yet, the smile on his face remains long after he starts dreaming.