Archive of Our Own

 I don't know why I even went

 It's really not my bag

 Just thought it might be funny to see

 Eric in drag

 

 Kyle wasn't entirely sure how he'd ended up in Kenny's car on the way to a gay club. He puffed the joint in his hand and tried to remember what exactly had led him here, but the weed made his head even more fuzzy. It wasn't like he had anything against gay people, really. Cartman had come out as gay back in middle school, which was a relief to everyone around him. Coming out had seemed to remove the giant metaphorical stick he had up his ass. Afterward, he became a lot more tolerable to be around. He was still Cartman, and he still drove Kyle up a wall sometimes, but all around he was actually a pretty good friend after that, leaving his more extreme bigotry and hatefulness in the past. Kenny didn't bother "coming out", but rather just showed up one day in high school holding hands with Butters. When prompted, he had simply shrugged.

"I'm Bi, dude."

He'd said simply, and that had been the end of that. No, Kyle didn't have anything against gay people, it was the fact that it was a  gay club.  The club scene was not really Kyle's thing; the idea of being surrounded by all those people, with the lights flashing and music bumping, made him feel uncomfortably hot and cold at the same time. But Cartman had practically  begged  them all to come, and Kenny had reassured them over and over that it was a "chill spot" and he and Butters went there "all the time". He couldn't say no; as much as Cartman still made him crazy, he was still Kyle's friend, and he had looked so excited, turning his silly puppy-eyed expression on all of them.

" Pleeeaaasseeeeee..."  Cartman had wheedled,  "...it's my first performance!"

So, here they were, riding in Kenny's ancient Lincoln to what was Kyle and Stan's first-ever drag show. Cartman was absent, having gone on ahead in his own car to get ready backstage with the other queens, so it was just the three of them. Kyle mindlessly passed the joint to Stan in the front passenger seat and tuned back into the conversation.

"-kinda makes sense, if you think about it." Stan was saying to Kenny

"What makes sense?" Kyle asked

Stan turned to face him, inadvertently blowing a cloud of smoke into Kyle's face as he spoke.

"You know, Cartman doing the whole drag thing. I watched a few episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race before tonight, to see what I was getting into y'know, and it makes total sense. He's definitely dramatic enough to pull it off."

Kyle had to agree. Cartman was a performance artist, whether intentional or not. It did kind of make sense that he would get involved in a hobby that revolved so much around showmanship and competition. Kyle found himself wishing he had done his own research into the drag scene before he'd come. Now that he was thinking about it, he knew next to nothing about drag. He'd maybe seen a picture of a drag queen once or twice, but other than that he was clueless. 

"Oh yeah," said Kenny, driving with one hand as he leaned back in his seat. "...if anyone was born to be a drag queen, it's Cartman. I just can't wait to see what he's going to  wear ." He snorted a laugh as he turned the car into the parking lot of the club.

It was still early in the night, but the parking lot was already packed, which made Kyle even more nervous. He stretched his long legs as he ducked out of Kenny's small sedan, eyeing the neon sign at the front of the place. It read, "Drag Show-Tonight!" in big bright letters. The three walked quickly towards the entrance with their heads ducked and their hands in their pockets, braced against the chill evening air. Kyle's breath came out as a cloud of steam, and he was grateful to be indoors as he stepped through the small door to the club. They all had their IDs checked, and then they were free to go inside. Kenny took the lead for them since he knew his way around, directing them to the bar where they all sat down. Kyle looked around and began to feel a little more relaxed. The lights in the place were dim, other than a multi-colored projection on the ceiling. The music wasn't too loud, and Kyle could hear the chatter of the people sitting at tables over the sounds of bass. He started to relax. Kenny and Stan both ordered a jack and coke, so Kyle followed suit.

"Careful," Kenny warned them, "...the drinks at gay bars are always super strong for some reason."

Kyle downed his drink in one swallow and quickly wished he'd heeded Kenny's warning. The liquid burned all the way down his esophagus, and frankly, Kyle couldn't taste any Coke at all, only the liquor. But, it did the trick, and a warm feeling began to spread from his stomach and relaxed his body the rest of the way. Another drink and a half later, a tall, dark-skinned drag queen came on stage and announced the first performance of the night. It was then Kyle realized he didn't even know Cartman's drag name, and had no idea when he would be coming on stage. He watched each performance, getting steadily drunker until he was clapping and whistling along with Stan and Kenny after each act. He had to admit, some of the queens were pretty good. Kyle wondered just how long it took them to get into their elaborate makeup and costume. He was pretty intoxicated and beginning to wonder just when Cartman would be coming on when the announcer came back on stage. 

"-and now, for our next act, our debut queen, please welcome Bad Irene!"

Kyle perked up from his tipsy haze. This was Cartman, it had to be. It was the same name he'd used when they were kids and played their WWE games. He looked over at Stan and Kenny to say this, but their eyes were glued to the stage, so he turned back around. His mouth fell open, and he stared in disbelief as Cartman sauntered onto the stage. Except, he looked nothing like the Cartman that Kyle knew, the overweight Cartman who slouched around in oversized clothes and never bothered to brush his hair. This person stood tall in stiletto heels, shiny brown hair cascading around their shoulders. Their lips were full and pouty, and painted a deep red to match their shimmering dress. Kyle's eyes scanned down their body, taking in the full, almost overflowing bust, the tiny cinched waist, and the full hips that stretched the fabric of the dress tight. He couldn't even see this person as Cartman anymore, they just looked so...aggressively feminine. Cartman's face lacked the dramatic over-the-top makeup of the other queens, but rather was made up prettily; not natural by any means, but complimenting his natural features. His smooth, shapely leg stuck out from the high slit of the dress as he cocked his hip, waiting for the DJ to start his set. Kyle made a strangled sound in the back of his throat. He couldn't believe it, Cartman could have been a real woman, and an attractive one at that. Kyle wondered how he'd gotten his  body  to look that way. He stared wordlessly as Cartman started his set, shimmying in time to a jazzy cabaret song that Kyle didn't know. 

 

The moment he walked on the stage

My tail began to wag

Wag like a little wiener dog for

Eric in drag

 

Kyle watched Cartman come down from the stage and play the crowd, lip-syncing in time with the song. Cartman was clearly eating up the attention, brushing his manicured fingers across the faces of men who looked as equally stunned as Kyle, exposing his cleavage for people to shove their dollar bills into. The crowd was eating Cartman up too, including Stan and Kenny. They whooped and hollered, making a commotion as Cartman playfully flirted with each table. Kyle watched, completely entranced, unable to tear his eyes away somehow. He just couldn't believe that it was  Cartman  up there in that outfit, dancing sensually for each patron of the club. Finally, Cartman made his way over to the bar where Kyle, Stan, and Kenny sat. He didn't break character, only winked at them as he accepted Stan and Kenny's dollar bills. Kyle heard them whistle and howl playfully, but couldn't look away from Cartman as he sauntered up to Kyle, a smirk on his face. He placed his high-heeled foot onto the bar, exposing the majority of his thigh, which was encircled in a lace garter that had dollar bills tucked into it. He held Kyle's gaze as he lip-synced, and Kyle quickly shoved a bill into the elastic of Cartman's garter without looking, his fingertips brushing the smooth skin of Cartman's leg. Cartman moved on to the next group of patrons as Stan and Kenny jostled Kyle and laughed, but he couldn't even laugh along with them. His head felt hazy from the alcohol, and his fingertips burned where he'd touched Cartman. He watched intently until Cartman strutted back on stage, finishing his set by falling to his knees with his legs spread, writhing his body on the ground. The crowd went wild for him, clapping and yelling and throwing more money at the stage as Cartman took a quick bow, smiling his wide familiar smile, which jolted Kyle back to reality. No matter what Cartman was wearing, Kyle knew that smile.

Other queens took the stage after that, but Kyle wasn't paying them any attention. He couldn't stop thinking about how unrecognizable Cartman looked in that dress, how it had felt to touch his smooth leg. He downed a few more drinks to calm his pounding heart, but only succeeded in getting himself well and truly drunk. Stan and Kenny's laughs, the sound of the music, and the chatter of the crowd all faded into background noise. Finally, the drag show was over, the announcer coming back on stage to thank everyone. Kyle swallowed and turned back around to Stan and Kenny, who were chatting excitedly, clearly pretty drunk themselves.

"-did you  see  that? Dude, I thought Kyle was going to die of embarrassment!" Kenny laughed, slurring his words.

He and Stan looked over at Kyle, and Kyle tried to force a smile and a laugh. He couldn't very well explain the real reason he had flushed bright red when presented with Cartman's bare leg. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Well, what'd you guys think?" Cartman purred as he came around Kyle's back.

His hand was on Kyle's shoulder, but he was looking expectantly at Stan and Kenny. He eyed Cartman in his peripheral vision; he was still fully dressed up, and Kyle swallowed, looking back down into the last dregs of his drink. 

"Dude-!" Kenny exclaimed drunkenly, "-that was pretty fucking sweet. I barely even recognized you!"

Stan nodded along in agreement, and Cartman grinned, clearly glowing with pride and self-satisfaction. He turned to Kyle, making a show of batting his long eyelashes. Kyle guessed he must be wearing falsies, he'd never noticed Cartman's eyelashes being that long before. 

"What about you, Kaahhhlll?" drawled Cartman, teasingly mispronouncing Kyle's name the way he always did to get on his nerves. This broke Kyle somewhat out of his state of shock, making him roll his eyes automatically. 

"Yeah, Cartman, you were pretty good." he admitted. He opened his mouth again to try for something less lame-the truth was, Cartman had been  really  good-but whatever he might have said died in his throat, and he closed his mouth again.

He tried not to focus on the fact that he could  smell  Cartman, a sweet and spicy perfume that only made his head feel lighter in combination with the alcohol. Luckily, Stan interjected, saving Kyle from having to say anything else.

"Yeah dude, I think you almost killed Kyle, you know he doesn't like to be the center of attention like that." Stan snickered

Cartman laughed too, patting Kyle on the shoulder. 

"I thought you guys would like that." he said, smirking. He took a seat at the barstool next to Kyle, chatting with Stan and Kenny over his shoulder while Kyle sat there dumbly. Finally, Cartman got up and stretched, yawning. 

"Alright guys, I think I'm going to head out." Cartman said, to Stan and Kenny's protests.

"C'mon, Eric, stay and drink with usss..." Kenny slurred, smiling goofily and leaning against Stan. He only ever called Cartman "Eric" when he was drunk. "It's only, what, ten thirty?"

Cartman scoffed. "Yeah, way too early for you to be this drunk. No, I'm totally beat guys, it took me over an hour to get ready you know."

Kenny nodded "An hour well spent! It might be the liquor talking, but if I didn't know you, and I wasn't with Leo, I might ask for your number." Kenny waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and he and Stan burst into another laughing fit.

Cartman rolled his eyes, scoffing. "As if I would go for you, McCormick. I'm a high-value woman!"

They all laughed at that, even Kyle. Stan turned his glazed eyes to Kyle's face, taking a moment to focus them. 

"Hey, me and Kenny are gonna stay here and drink for a few more hours. I already texted Wendy and she said she'd pick us up later. If you want to leave before midnight, you'd better hitch a ride with Cartman." Stan said, slurring only a little.

His alcohol tolerance was much higher than Kenny's, but it was still clear he was too intoxicated to drive. Kyle looked around the club; with the drag show over, people were congregating on the dance floor as the music was turned up. Kyle didn't exactly love the idea of an almost hour-long car ride with Cartman, but he would rather do that than be stuck here, drinking himself into a stupor in the corner to avoid having to dance. He turned to Cartman, who already had his keys in his hand. 

"Well Broflovski, what'll it be? I'm not waiting on you all day." Cartman said

Kyle sighed and stood up unsteadily from his seat. He was pretty drunk, and he was tired, and his throat was sore from cheering for the performers. 

"Yeah, I think I'll go with Cartman. Have a good time, you two." He said to Stan and Kenny, and turned to Cartman expectantly, swaying a little on his feet. His mind didn't feel that intoxicated, but his body was struggling to obey his commands. 

Cartman reached out his hand and gripped Kyle's elbow, steadying him. Kyle could feel the long red nails digging slightly into his skin under his jacket.

"Careful Kyle, Jesus..." said Cartman, "...you'd better not puke in my car, seriously."

Cartman steered Kyle out the door of the club by his elbow, guiding him into the cold night air. They walked quickly to Cartman's car, and Kyle couldn't help but notice just how well Cartman handled himself in the extremely high heels. They both got in, Cartman in the driver's seat, and shivered simultaneously as Cartman turned the key and cranked the heat. They waited in silence for the car to warm up, rubbing their freezing hands together. 

"You, uh...you did really good up there." said Kyle, awkwardly.

He wasn't sure why being alone with Cartman made him feel awkward all of a sudden. He tried to avoid looking at Cartman's painted face. That must have been it, Kyle told himself, it was the face that was so uncanny. It still  looked  like Cartman, had all the same features, but they seemed to come together in a brand new way, creating the visage of an attractive woman instead of the childhood friend he'd always known. It was like seeing Cartman's much more attractive sister. Cartman smiled.

"Thanks, Kyle. And thanks for coming, I know the club scene isn't exactly your thing, especially a drag club." 

They sat in silence for a little longer as Cartman pulled out of the parking lot. Kyle waited for Cartman to turn on the radio or something, but he didn't. Finally, he blurted out,

"How did you get your  body  to look like that?" 

Cartman let out a surprised laugh. 

"Oh, I ordered a custom tightlacing corset online." said Cartman, smirking as he glanced over at Kyle. "You like?"

Kyle flushed and looked down at his lap, wondering what had possessed him to say that. A second later, though, he felt his mouth moving again without his permission. His own voice sounded foreign to him, like he was hearing it through a pair of cheap headphones.

"It's just...how did you make yourself look so  curvy?  And the hair, what's with the hair?"

Cartman took a second to answer, his eyes on the road. He brushed a strand of the long brown hair out of his face.

"It's a wig, Kyle, duh. Don't you know anything about drag? And I'm a 'curvy' guy, the corset just pushes my body into the right places." 

"Yeah, but..." Kyle tried to stop himself from saying anymore, but it was clearly out of his control now. "Cartman, you've got  tits!"

Cartman glanced sidelong at Kyle, eyebrows raised, smirking.

"If I didn't know any better, Kyle, I'd say you have a little crush on 'Bad Irene'."

Kyle swallowed and bit down on his tongue to avoid saying anything else. The motion of the car was making his head swim, and he mumbled something about being really drunk. They went on for a while longer, neither saying anything else. Kyle watched Cartman's long, red nails on the steering wheel, and tried to breathe through his mouth to avoid smelling the heady perfume coming off his friend's body. In the enclosed space of the car, the smell was even stronger than it had been in the club, and it actually made his mouth start to water. He kept glancing over at Cartman, waiting for his brain to adjust and begin to see him normally again. Maybe the alcohol had something to do with it, but Kyle just kept seeing this beautiful woman. He swallowed hard. 

"Do you feel like coming to my place after this?" Cartman asked casually, "I would have stayed at the club, but I really didn't feel like babysitting  all  of you tonight. I've got a bottle of Jameson at the house, we can make a night out of it, order a pizza."

Kyle meant to decline, but he found himself acquiescing. "Sure." he said.

He wasn't sure why the prospect made his heart pound. He spent time alone with Cartman all the time, playing video games at his place to get away from Sheila's helicopter mom antics. Cartman was the only one of them to have his own place already; after his eighteenth birthday, Liane had decided her parenting duties were over, and fucked off to god knew where to do god knew what, leaving the house in Cartman's name. They didn't ever really talk about that, though. Cartman never brought it up, so Kyle, Stan, and Kenny didn't ask. They had all simply started showing up to Cartman's house on most weekends, and it became their unofficial hang-out spot. 

Kyle didn't remember falling asleep, but when he blinked his eyes open again, they were pulling into Cartman's driveway. Cartman nudged Kyle and he sat up, rubbing his eyes. His head no longer swam so badly, which he was grateful for, but just the sight of Cartman's long nails gently prodding his arm made his ears turn pink, as if a real woman were touching him.

It's Cartman,  he reminded himself again,  Cartman is the one touching you. You are not attracted to Eric Cartman.

Cartman wordlessly got out of the car, and Kyle tried not to watch as his hips swayed back and forth. Watching him move in the body-hugging dress was somehow mesmerizing, like watching a hypnotic spiral. Kyle followed him out of the car with his head down, braced against the chill. Cartman unlocked his front door and pushed inside, and Kyle wordlessly followed, watching him kick off his heels at the front door and sigh. Kyle followed Cartman to the kitchen, where he opened a cabinet and pulled out the bottle of Jameson, as promised. He flicked the cap off and took a long drink straight from the bottle, then offered it to Kyle. Kyle took the bottle against his better judgment and took a swig, and they meandered over to the couch, where both men flopped down. Kyle wished Cartman would take that outfit off, but he didn't seem to have any intention of doing so. Instead, he reached for the Xbox controllers and handed one to Kyle.

"You wanna play COD until we're too drunk to play anymore?" asked Cartman

Kyle nodded; that actually sounded like a fine idea to him. So, they sat, playing COD and passing the bottle of Jameson back and forth until it was almost empty. At some point, Cartman called for a pizza, and they ate it, washing it down with the rest of the Jameson. Kyle wasn't exactly sure how it happened, but once the bottle was empty, they were soon arguing, and Kyle could hear his own voice in his ears again, shouting at Cartman.

"You cheating fucking fatass! I should have won that round!" Kyle was slurring, his face heating up in anger. 

And Cartman was yelling back, saying "You stupid fucking ginger, it's not my fault you suck at this game!"

The next thing he knew, Kyle was lunging at Cartman, tackling him to the floor. They hadn't fought like this since their first year of high school, but the alcohol had them both belligerent. They wrestled for a moment, and although Cartman was larger and stronger, it was clear he was having trouble fighting Kyle off in the tight dress. His wig lay on the floor beside him in a heap, exposing the short messy hair underneath as Kyle looked down on him, pinning him to the ground. Kyle's vision began to clear as they both breathed heavily, looking at each other. He watched Cartman's full bust heave in the dress, looked into his flushed, made-up face, the way his red lipstick was slightly smudged onto his cheek. The sight made Kyle's stomach feel fluttery and hot, and without really thinking about it, he leaned in and kissed Cartman sloppily.

At first, Cartman's body tensed, and he didn't react. But, after a moment, he wound his arms around Kyle's neck and began to kiss him back. They stayed like that for a moment and then parted, both panting. Kyle rolled off of Cartman and onto the floor next to him. For a few minutes, there was silence but for the sound of their breathing, all of the anger having suddenly gone out of them. Kyle spoke first;

"'M not gay..." he said, fighting to make the words come out right. Beside him, Cartman nodded.

"I know." he said

They lie there a little longer.

"You make a pretty hot girl." Kyle admitted, and Cartman snorted

"You're drunk, Kyle."

Kyle rolled onto his side to look at Cartman with half-lidded, uninhibited eyes.

"So? 'M drunk, you're drunk, you make for a hot girl. It's the truth."

Cartman closed his eyes to make the room stop spinning and tried not the blush.

"I had a crush on you when we were kids." Cartman blurted. 

He lay there with his eyes closed, feeling Kyle's gaze on him. Finally, Kyle sighed.

"That 'splains a lot."

Kyle looked at Cartman as he lay with his eyes closed. He had the sudden realization that, despite himself, he really wanted to kiss him again. Kyle licked his own lips and tasted Cartman's lipstick on him. It wasn't that he'd never looked at guys, he'd experimented with watching gay porn as he assumed everyone had at one point. But he'd never actually  done  anything with a guy. He'd never met a guy he found attractive enough to bother with, and he'd certainly never considered  Cartman.  Still, here he was, and Cartman looked undeniably attractive, and Kyle's inhibitions were just low enough to maybe give it a shot.

"Hey, Eric?"

Cartman started a little at the sound of his actual name, opening his eyes to look at Kyle.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we could do that again?" Kyle asked.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea..." Cartman started, but Kyle cut him off.

"I want to." Kyle said firmly, and brushed his hand down Cartman's arm tentatively.

"...Okay." 

Cartman took Kyle's hands and guided them to his cinched waist, pulling Kyle back on top of him. Kyle swallowed but let Cartman guide him, straddling his hips. Cartman wrapped his arms around Kyle's neck, pulling him close. Gently this time, they kissed, their bodies pressed tight together on the floor. They stayed that way for several minutes before breaking apart again, breathing heavily.

"Oh...wow." said Kyle, at a loss for words.

"Yeah..." Cartman agreed. "Do you...want to go up to my room?"

 

So stick him in a dress and

He's the only boy I'd shag

The only boy I'd anything is

Eric in drag

 

Kyle nodded, and they got up, Cartman grabbing Kyle's hand as he led him upstairs. This time, Kyle let his eyes stick on the movement of Cartman's hips, enthralled. They pushed into Cartman's bedroom, and they were on each other like magnets. Cartman shoved Kyle onto the bed and Kyle fell back willingly, grabbing Cartman by the waist and pulling him into a kiss that clicked their teeth together. Neither of them bothered to stop, though, and Kyle couldn't keep his hands off of Cartman's body. He shamelessly groped him, squeezing his voluptuous hips and bust like he would a woman, and Cartman  moaned , the sound getting swallowed up by Kyle's mouth on his. The sequins on Cartman's dress scraped Kyle's palms, and he fumbled around his back for the zipper. Eventually, Cartman chuckled and broke the kiss, breathless.

"Here, let me, dumbass.." he said laughing, reaching around his back to unzip the dress.

He stood up off the bed for a moment to discard the dress on the floor, and Kyle almost gasped. Underneath, Cartman was wearing a black corset with lace trim, giving him an almost impossible hourglass figure. The interesting thing, though, was that he was also wearing panties. Tight, black lace panties that clearly showed the outline of his bulge. Kyle gaped, and Cartman blushed, hugging his arms to his body and looking away.

"What?" Cartman snapped

Kyle gulped.

"N-nothing, I'm sorry, I just...why are you wearing panties?"

"Because I look hot in them, duh. And I can't exactly wear boxers under a bodycon dress, Kyle. But, if you're going to complain..." Cartman started to pick his dress up off the floor.

"No! No, I'm not complaining. They look good on you, actually."

Cartman looked up with a vaguely suspicious expression, and Kyle sat up in bed, reaching his arms out for Cartman to come to him. Cartman did, straddling Kyle's lap, and Kyle gripped Cartman's bare legs. He ran his hands up and down Cartman's legs, marveling at how smooth they felt. He even gave Cartman's thighs a squeeze, which caused the other man's breath to hitch in his throat. Kyle leaned in and nuzzled Cartman's neck, giving him soft kisses in the hollow where his neck met his shoulder. Cartman shivered in Kyle's arms.

"You look really beautiful." Kyle mumbled, not sure what made him say it.

Cartman made a noise that could have been a whimper, and Kyle felt the almost imperceptible roll of his hips in Kyle's lap. He took that as a sign to continue, rambling drunkenly into the crook of Cartman's neck. 

"-so pretty, god, you're  so pretty,  I can't stop touching your soft fucking body..."

Kyle could feel Cartman's erection pressed between their bodies, and to his surprise, he didn't hate it at all. His hands roamed over Cartman's skin, which ran hot like a furnace. He gave Cartman's neck an experimental nip, and Cartman yelped, breathing heavily in Kyle's ear. 

"Kyle..." Cartman gasped, "I want to...let me..."

He slid off of Kyle's lap and onto his knees, placing his hand on Kyle's fly and looking questioningly up into his face. Kyle nodded wordlessly, and Cartman fumbled his pants open, yanking them halfway down his legs along with his underwear, exposing his flaccid cock. Cartman took Kyle into his mouth, and Kyle emitted a long moan. Kyle, at the age of twenty-one, had put his dick in exactly one girl's mouth, so he didn't have much experience to compare this to; even so, he knew Cartman was good. His mouth was hot and wet, and the sight of his full, stained lips stretched around Kyle's cock made him get hard almost instantly. Kyle wasn't particularly big, but it was still impressive to watch Cartman take him all the way down his throat. Kyle's hands gripped the sheets as Cartman went down on him, head thrown back, panting. Cartman hummed encouragingly around Kyle, taking his hands and guiding them to his hair. Kyle's hands clenched in Cartman's hair, and Cartman moaned, the vibrations making Kyle's hips stutter. Embarrassingly fast, Kyle was close, and he had to yank Cartman up by the hair. The sight of him, eyes half-lidded, makeup smearing, a string of saliva leaking out of the corner of his mouth, could have made Kyle finish right there.

"Fuck..." said Kyle, panting. "You look so fucking good like this."

Cartman whined and reached his hand into his thin, lacey underwear to stroke himself.

"-want you to fuck me, Kyle, please..." he gasped out.

Kyle nodded 

"Yeah, yeah I'm gonna, don't worry, I'm gonna, get up..."

Kyle and Cartman both stood up, Kyle kicking his pants and briefs off of his legs, Cartman sliding out of his lace panties. Cartman climbed onto the bed, shoving his face into a pillow and pushing his ass into the air. Kyle didn't understand how he'd never noticed just how round Cartman's ass was before.

"There's lube in the nightstand drawer." said Cartman, reaching behind himself to spread his ass cheeks and start to play with his hole.

Kyle scrambled to get it, opening the drawer and pushing aside a few sex toys to get to the lube. He made a mental note to ask Cartman about the toys later.

"Slick me up, c'mon..." said Cartman impatiently, teasing his hole with the tip of his finger.

Kyle obliged, squirting lube onto Cartman's fingers for him. He watched, fascinated, as Cartman slowly eased a finger into himself, letting out a low groan that went straight to Kyle's cock. Cartman began to work the finger in and out, then added another one, slowly stretching himself open. Kyle let out a strangled moan.

"Fuck, Eric..."

Cartman whimpered in response as he pushed in a third finger.

"Kyyyyle..." he whined, "...I'm ready, c'mon, please..."

Kyle did not have to be told twice. He clumsily discarded the shirt he was still wearing, and climbed onto the bed, stroking himself a few times. His head still swam a little, but he wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or the arousal coursing through his body. He lubed himself up carefully, concerned for Cartman's comfort, but Cartman whined again and pushed his hips back.

"Come on..." Cartman said impatiently.

Kyle placed his hand on the round of Cartman's ass to soothe him.

"Shh, just a second..." said Kyle

Kyle capped the lube and tossed it to the side, lining himself up with Cartman's slick entrance. He pushed the tip in excruciatingly slow, and he and Cartman gasped at the same time. Centimeter by centimeter, he slid himself home. When he was fully sheathed inside Cartman, they both paused, panting. The tight heat squeezing Kyle felt amazing, and he wanted to drag the feeling out forever, but soon Cartman was rocking his hips back against Kyle and gasping with every thrust. Kyle took his cue to grip Cartman's hips and match his speed, pushing himself deep inside. Cartman released a sudden, broken moan.

"Aah-! Yes, yes, right there, just like that, fuck, Kyle..." he babbled.

And Kyle was nodding, nodding even though Cartman couldn't see his face. He gulped ragged breaths as he fucked into Cartman, trying to maintain the angle he liked. He even gave Cartman's ass a few slaps, not really thinking other than it seemed like the correct thing to do. Cartman took it all, his body swallowing Kyle up. A bit of saliva leaked out the corner of his mouth and dampened his pillow, not that he was paying attention. With every thrust, Kyle was hitting the sensitive spot inside Cartman, sending electric pleasure coursing through his entire body. Cartman's toes curled into the bed, and he felt his stomach steadily tightening up. He realized with a jolt that he getting close from this, just from Kyle inside him, and he whined. 

"Kyle, Kyle please, I'm gonna-"

And Kyle was slamming into him harder, more erratically, pleasure coiling inside his own stomach.

"Yeah, yeah me too, come on..."

Kyle reached under Cartman and began to jerkily stroke him in time with his thrusts, focusing all his energy on getting Cartman off first. Kyle's efforts were in vain; in a few more thrusts, he was cumming, finishing his orgasm out inside Cartman. Kyle's last hard thrust and the warmth filling Cartman up pushed Cartman over the edge, and he came with Kyle's hand still wrapped around him, collapsing onto his stomach on the bed. After a moment, Kyle pulled out slowly, and rolled to Cartman's side on the bed. They lay side by side with eyes closed, panting as they came down from their euphoria. They didn't say another word to each other. Cartman turned himself onto Kyle's chest, and Kyle draped an arm over him. A moment later, they were asleep.

 

There is no hope of love for me

From here on I'm a stag

The only girl I'll ever love is

Eric in drag

 

The next morning, Kyle woke up alone, feeling sticky and hungover. It took him several minutes to blink his eyes open and rub away the blurriness, realizing he wasn't in his own room, but rather Cartman's. He looked around and saw the red sequined dress still lying in a heap on the floor, and all the memories of last night flooded back to him in an instant. He scrubbed his hands across his face and sighed, wondering where Cartman had gone, before he registered the smell of food cooking downstairs. He got up, and put last night's clothes back on, running his fingers through his wild red curls in an attempt to smooth them down. He slowly padded down the stairs, stalling a little bit. He wasn't very keen on whatever awkward situation might ensue, but he knew facing Cartman was inevitable. He couldn't just leave and avoid him forever, although a tiny part of him considered it, eyeing the front door longingly. Instead, he followed the smell of food to the kitchen, where Cartman was standing over the stove. He was freshly showered, last night's makeup scrubbed away. His hair was still damp, and he wore a t-shirt and baggy sweatpants. He looked up when Kyle came in and smiled at him, and Kyle felt something unfamiliar flip in his chest. Even with all the glitz and glamour taken away, Cartman's smile was still making Kyle's stomach feel tight.

"Good morning, Kyle." Cartman said, "I'm almost done with breakfast, you can sit down over there." He gestured the the dining table and turned back to the pancakes he was cooking, flipping them.

Kyle wordlessly shuffled to the table and sat down, rubbing his temples. The light coming through the kitchen window was a bit much on his head this morning, and he put his head down in his arms. A few minutes later, Cartman slid an empty mug across the table at Kyle, lifting a fresh pot of coffee questioningly. Kyle nodded gratefully and let Cartman fill his cup, taking a few gulps without bothering to let it cool down. Cartman brought to the table two plates loaded with pancakes, eggs, and bacon, setting one in front of Kyle. They both dug in quickly, sipping their coffee and eating in silence. After Kyle got a few bites of food and some coffee in him, he began to feel a little better. The food tasted wonderful, even more so because he was spent and hungover.

"When did you learn to cook like this?" Kyle asked Cartman, reaching across the table for the coffee pot and refilling his cup. 

Cartman shrugged, chewing. 

"When my mom left, it was either learn to cook or live off of cheesy poofs for the rest of my days. I love cheesy poofs, but not that much."

They both ate in silence for a little longer, but the atmosphere was familiar, not uncomfortable. It felt the same as it had always been. Still, Kyle couldn't stop himself from eyeing Cartman in his peripheral vision, wondering when one of them was going to bring up the elephant in the room. As it turned out, Cartman was actually the first one to speak on it. He cleaned his plate before pushing it away from him, and his eyes glinted with a flash of nervousness even as he folded his hands calmly in front of him.

"So, listen, the way I see it is, last night was just a heat of the moment thing. I was drunk, you were drunk, it means nothing. And-and I was dressed like a chick! So, it's not really gay, you know, for you. I think we should just put it behind us and act like it never happened, right?" Cartman rambled out his rehearsed speech and looked away, as if he didn't really care what Kyle's answer would be. 

Kyle took a long drink from his mug to collect his thoughts. It would be easy enough to just agree, chalk it up to drunkenness, and put it behind him. It would be so easy to go back to how things had always been with Cartman, to not have to ask any hard questions about himself. But Kyle also knew that the easy way out is rarely the best choice, and he also knew what Cartman looked like when he was pretending not to care about something. He let out a long sigh, running his fingers through his messy red curls.

"Look, Cartman, I don't know how I feel. Honestly, I really enjoyed what we did last night. I never thought I was into guys, but to be honest I haven't really been into that many people at all. All I know is, you've always made me feel things no one else could, and I don't want things to be weird between us."

Cartman looked up with an expression so unguarded, it made Kyle a bit uncomfortable to look at. 

"Oh..." Cartman's mouth gaped as his brain processed what Kyle was saying. "So, are you saying..."

Kyle shrugged.

"I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just trying to say...I'm trying to say, I didn't hate what we did last night. And, I care about you a lot. We don't have to, you know, just sweep this thing under the rug. It's something we can work on, together. If you want."

Cartman closed his mouth and thought for a moment. Kyle could see the gears turning in his mind.

"Yeah..." he said slowly, and a big smile began to spread across his face. "...yeah, I'd really like to work on it with you. What about, y'know, over dinner?"

Kyle gave a small nod and a little smile of his own.

"I would love to go to dinner with you, Eric."