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Kirill insists, so Nikolai swallows his discomfort as best he can, selecting the blonde whore in the end.
He’s not sure why at the time. There are better-looking girls in the room, including the one he had on his lap a moment ago, girls with less deadness in their eyes.
But no, he selects that one. Somehow, he manages to perform despite Kirill’s eyes on him the whole time, gauging him in ways that Niko would rather not think about. It’s been awhile since he’s had a woman, and though he prefers them willing, when he can get them, this will do. It’s good enough, the girl soft and warm and not resisting. And it’s not like either of them has a choice.
When he’s done thrusting violently into her, after he manages to send Kirill off, that’s when the regrets set in. Dead bodies, he can deal with. Murder, even? If it’s justifiable, Nikolai Luzhin sees no problem with it. This is the world he has chosen to live in. But rape still doesn’t sit well with him. Even if he’s sure Kirill would have been far more abusive to the girls, if Niko had refused his offer.
So he makes conversation, tossing Kirilenko some money. It’s the closest to an apology he can make, but he hopes she’ll understand. He even tries to instill some hope in her, urging her to ‘stay alive a little longer’, though part of him wonders why he bothers, when she’s already so broken.
Later, when he sees Anna again, he finally makes the connection. Blonde hair. It’s a little sick if he thinks about it; Anna Ivanova is nothing like Kirilenko. She’s strong, a fighter. One would never see the same kind of defeat and resignation in her eyes, Niko is certain of that.
He wonders what it would be like to try to tame her, but the next instant he berates himself for the thought. It would be like bringing a fish onto land. In his world, Anna would not survive for long.
Better to make do with blonde impostors, like Kirilenko. Never mind that he is as much an impostor as they, a stand-in for the real thing. He will never be a true member of the Vory V Zakone, no matter what Kirill thinks. Not so long as Nikolai is capable of feeling a moment of regret or remorse.
But no one needs to know that, except him.