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“But it’s under Beam’s name, right?”
The words kept echoing in Jim’s mind as he made his way back from the temple that day.
Beam’s parents had come to him on the first day of the funeral when he was busy organizing it as well as keeping his shit together, asking him all sorts of stuff. Jim had been very inviting, it was his spouse’s parents after all. But, their questions quickly became more invasive as the time went by.
The fact that Jim could see how much they didn’t want to talk to him didn’t help either.
By the end of the conversation, they finally asked Jim to provide them with bank statements of any bank accounts that he and Beam had shared. Well of course; Jim guessed. Of course, they wanted to take Beam’s belongings now, right? He was their son. They are entitled to it.
Jim didn’t think too much of it. There were too many other things to think about. And Beam’s parents asking for bank statements was not something he should worry about.
Or so he thought.
Why are they doing this to him?
How could they be so cruel?
Putting down his bag on the couch, he let out a deep sigh. He realized how his breaths were becoming more staggered by the minute, and soon there was a tear that fell onto his cheek.
No, he shouldn’t. He couldn’t.
He has to stay strong. He has to start packing Beam’s stuff. It wasn’t the time.
Jim took a big breath in as he wiped the tears away.
Just another day of the funeral. He promised that he would stay strong until then. So, he will.
He climbed the stairs to the bedroom, their bedroom, slowly. Jim didn’t want to think. Grabbing Beam’s bag from the top of the dresser and starting to stuff his clothes into it, Jim couldn’t even bother to fold it all nicely.
He has to do it all quickly.
Rash movements, but still rather careful with his late spouse’s belongings.
A part of Jim’s mind begged him to stop. Begged him to not give away Beam’s stuff, at least there would be something to hold on to. But the other part, the part that Jim was listening to, urged him to give it all away. Give it back to where it came from.
It was what Beam would’ve wanted. Heck, it was what he deserved.
Still feel betrayed, still feel hurt by his actions. And with no damn explanation. Beam did all those things behind his back, and now there's no possible way for him to get any sort of answers.
Give it all away…
A sort of beast took over Jim, refraining him from thinking, and soon enough he was done with 90% of Beam’s belongings. All of them fit in around two suitcases and a few plastic bags, not that he cared.
In fact, he couldn't care less.
There was only a spot left to rummage for Beam’s stuff, his place on their shared cupboard, in their office space. After moving all of them down and grabbing the others around the house that he could think of, he made his way to the cupboard.
By then, nothing could stop him. Not even Jimbo who was pity-meowing at his side, knowing that something was definitely wrong.
Or he could just be missing his other owner, Jim couldn’t be so sure.
He petted the cat’s head and managed a weak smile. “It’s okay, Jimbo. I’m okay.” He didn't even want to think about how Jimbo was not welcomed, as per what Beam's father said. Jimbo only has him now.
It was probably for the best. Jim couldn't imagine life without the cat, especially after…all that. Well, if Jim was going to be alone, it would be better if they were alone together. It would be less lonely that way, he guessed.
He went back to his task at hand, putting Beam’s books and letters all in a plastic bag, away from his sight. Quickly; Jim thought to himself. The quicker you’re done, the quicker you don’t have to think about it anymore.
Jim was throwing everything with Beam's name into the bag, not even letting himself think back on what he was doing.
As he was rummaging deeper into the cupboard to find anything else that belonged to Beam, his hand stopped at something metal, way back, practically hidden from his sight all this time.
"What?" he whispered to himself.
Getting his hand into the round shape of the container, Jim concluded that it was a can.
But why?
Jim, curious, found himself pulling the can out and inspecting it. A regular can, with no wrapper around it, though it was slightly heavy. He gave it a little shake, wondering what could be in there.
If he was listening to the person he was a few minutes ago, the can would've been thrown into the trash. There was no time to be curious. A little bit more of Beam's stuff for him to be done and be able to rest for the last day of the funeral.
But, what else could Beam hide from him? What could be the content of this can, that he felt the need to hide it at the back of their cupboard?
Jim was half-expecting it to be pictures, pictures of whoever that woman was.
But when he cracked the can open, he couldn't believe his eyes.
Money.
Crisp banknotes and coins, the can was full of it.
Jim found himself frozen, before turning around and dumping all of the content out onto their work table.
Has Beam been collecting money in secret? But for what?
He dug it all out, trying to make sense of it. Pulling out the last of it, he noticed that among the heaps of cash and coins, there was a piece of paper. A note, perhaps.
Jim snatched it, reading the content to himself.
It was a list. A list of things that took him a few reads. The first one was crossed off.
Ring.
Jim had wondered how Beam was able to afford a ring for him, it was a sudden present too.
The second one was what got Jim back to his senses.
Marriage funds.
Jim felt the brick wall around his heart fully collapsing. His eyes burned as the tears he successfully held back before finally escaped. He couldn't afford to be strong anymore.
Beam was serious.
His silent tears quickly turned into loud sobbing, all of his strength crashing down. The note was held to his heart. Sitting down and rocking himself on the floor, it hurt too much to think.
It hurts.
Jim didn't know how long he was crying, but he knew very well that it was already the next day when he felt strong enough to continue.
Staring at the heaps of money on the table, it was technically enough for him to survive for a few weeks, at least for him to get the diner running again. But with a heavy heart, he stuffed it all back into the can it came from.
He made sure to seal it tight, with the note in it, before packing it alongside the others.
It was foolish, he knew that.
He needed the money, and it was rightfully his. But Jim wasn't going to take anything that belonged to Beam. Especially when his only intention was to give it all away.
It was for his own good.