Chapter Text
Peace
That’s really all Kylo feels at the moment. He doesn’t realize something is off. He just feels peaceful, and he hasn’t felt this way in a long time. He can see the sun shining through his closed eyelids. He can hear birds chirping as they fly above him. It’s not until he hears your giggle does he realize this isn’t normal.
He shoots up from where he is laying in a field. He’s on the edge of an ocean cliff side, the sun going down on the horizon. When he turns his back he sees a small cottage in the distance. Then he hears you giggle again. For some reason he knows it’s you, though he doesn’t know who you are.
He turns back to the cliff side again and then he sees you. Half of your hair pulled up and held by a metal clip, the rest flows in the wind all around you. Your back is turned to him. He’s not sure why you're giggling, perhaps you’re just happy.
He rises to his feet, and that’s when he realizes he’s wearing something he definitely hadn’t worn in a long time. A white poet shirt in black pants. No shoes at all. It’s then when he realizes this must be a dream. Even when his feet touch the plants in the field around you both, it doesn’t feel real. But it was nice, he felt peaceful. So yes, this must be a dream.
It’s all familiar to him yet he swears he’s never been here before.
He’s a few feet away from you when you turn to him, and in that moment he realizes you're the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Who are you? He wants to ask. But the words catch in his throat.
Your hair blows in your face and you have to pull it behind your ear to keep eye contact. You say nothing but you smile at him. He reaches for you when you turn away from him.
Then suddenly you're gone, so is the dream, he’s once again in his chambers on the Finaliser. Kylo has no clue what just happened, but he knows it’s far more than just a dream.
~~~
This time it’s not in the field. It’s on the beach on the cliff side. This time you’re in his arms laying on a blanket on the warm sand. But it still feels as if there’s something between you two, so he knows this must also be a dream.
“Who are you?” He says it this time. You move in his arms and hold yourself up on your elbows in the crook of his arm.
“What do you mean?” You ask. Your voice suits you, he thinks, and for a moment he forgets what he asked. All his focus on you. He has to collect his thoughts before he can speak again.
“I don’t know who you are,” he says. You look at him as if you have no idea what he’s talking about. “What’s your name?” He asks after a moment.
You tell him your name but it doesn’t help his confusion, but your confusion seems to fade from your eyes. “Annnd what’s yours?” You ask.
“Ben,” he says. He flinches at the sound of his old name. As if he had no control of what name came from his lips. But you smile and he decides he’ll do anything to keep that smile on your face.
Almost without hesitation he reaches up to push the hair out of your face. Your eyes flutter close at his touch. As if you crave it as much as he does. But instead of coming closer, like he finds himself wanting, you push yourself to your feet.
“Come on,” you say, taking his hand.
“Where are we going?” He asks as strain to pull him off the ground.
“Just come on!” You say laughing. He lets you pull him to his feet before you start running towards the water with his hand in yours.
You practically jump in the waves, laughing as if you haven’t a care in the world. Kylo stumbles back as the waves hit him. Too used to being among the stars to have his feet on the ground, let alone in water. But he doesn’t care.
Your white dress now clings to you, and he can’t help but look. He thinks you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Sensing his gaze you splash water in his face. You must see something I’m his eyes because you start to run away. But he’s faster and he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you to him.
You just laugh. He falls back a little, so you’re both floating in the water, that with perfect timing seems to calm down. You lean your head on his shoulder and giggle. He likes being this close. He’s never been this close with anyone.
When the dream fades he wakes up with a smile on his face. Entirely unfamiliar to him, and it quickly fades as he realizes you are no longer in his arms.
For a moment he fears what may become of him if he gets too attached to these dreams.
Too attached to you.
But he also can’t help but crave you more.
~~~
Weeks have passed. Every night he’s with you. Laying in the field, reading in eachothers arms, splashing in the waves of the ocean. Snoke has noticed he’s been distracted, but Kylo can’t seem to care. You’ve consumed him entirely.
But this time in the field you kiss him. You throw yourself in his lap, dress bunched up around your hips, and you kiss him.
Your hands run through his raven hair, one of his holding the back of your head while the other grasps your hip and moves to the small of your back.
Usually he enjoys being on top, but he must admit this is perfect. You taste so sweet and all he wants to do is pull you closer, so that’s what he does. He holds and kisses you with so much passion it makes your head spin. To add to it you grind your hips against his as if you're testing the strength of his sanity.
He moves from your lips to your neck as he leaves marks all over you. You pull him closer to you as you throw your head back in bliss. Sighs and small gasps leave you and he tests how far he can go before you may wish to stop him, and you don’t. You let his hands wander and grasp at your flesh through your thin dress.
You don’t pull away and your moans simply encourage him. He pulls away so he can undo the buttons at the front of your dress, you hesitate for a moment and he asks if he should stop. But you shake your head and allow the straps of your dress to fall from your arms, freeing your breasts for him to devour. But you pull his lips back to yours and he kisses you with all the passion he can muster.
You break from the kiss for just a moment and smile at him, he smiles back. You think his smile is heartbreakingly gorgeous, it makes your heart flutter in your ribcage.
Kylo jumps up suddenly in his bed, alarm blaring signaling a battle is about to take place.
“God damn it,” he huffs. No time to take a cold shower as he quickly dresses himself. He storms out of his chambers, forcing his helm on his head and storming down the halls to the bridge.
-
You sit upright in your cell. A few tears falling down your eyes. Of course it was always just a dream. But you often found yourself crying when they were over.
Your cell is cold as the girls around you sleep. However they can never sleep soundly when the threat of their master storming in and beating them loomed over them constantly.
That’s why you’re thankful for Ben. Even though he’s simply from your imagination, those dreams keep you sane. They keep you safe. And when your master sells you to one of his clients or beats you, you just think back to being in Ben’s arms. And now you know the feeling of his kiss, so you’ll imagine that instead.
Even though he’s not real. He’s the closest thing to love you will ever have. And you’re sure one of these days you will die, you’ll savor it while you can. So you wipe your eyes for now and lay down on the cold ground and try to search for him again. But he didn't come again that night. But that’s alright.
There’s always tomorrow.
~~~
“Why’d you leave me so suddenly?” You say. You’re at your vanity in your shared bedroom, brushing any knots from your long hair.
Kylo is stunned by her question. Can a dream know it’s ended? Sometimes the things you say make him wonder if these are more than dreams.
“Something came up. I had to leave,” you say nothing, simply hum in response.
He can hear crickets in the background, just outside the small darkened windows in the room. He’s laying with his back against the headboard, watching you carefully.
“I’m sorry,” he says as he can sense you’re a little upset.
What he doesn’t know is that the day you had was horrible. A part of you simply just wants to lay in his arms. The other wants to continue what was interrupted last night.
“You came back,” you say. You put your brush down on the vanity and stand. You walk to your side of the bed, pulling you dress up, and sit next to him against the headboard.
“I did,” he says. He notices you haven’t smiled once tonight. He leans over and caresses your cheek gently. Enough that you lean into his touch. But a smile doesn’t reach your eyes.
He pulls you into his arms then, pulling the blankets over both of you. In its own way it is very intimate, you relax in his arms as his fingers trace up and down yours.
You both stay like that for a long time.
“Ben,” you say, he hums in acknowledgment. “I know this isn’t real,” he shifts. It’s almost as if you were just like him in these dreams. Perhaps you weren’t a dream after all. “But if it was. Do you think you could love me?”
“Yes,” he says. “I think I already do,” he says it, and he means it. You look up at him, tears brimming your eyes. You don’t smile, but he kisses you. Not passionately, but to bring you comfort.
It seems to break you out of your shell, because you push up from his arms and wrap your hands around his neck and kiss him back.
And you pick up where you left off the night before.
He has you gasping in seconds and he slips your gown off you. You pull his shirt open and he pulls back to take it off. Then he towers over you, pulling you close. He kisses you from your lips, down your neck, all the way down to your core.
Then he eats you out like a starving man. He throws your leg over his shoulder and you grasp and pull at his hair to ground yourself as he drags and orgasm out of you. Only after two does he pull away, and you think you could spend every night like this.
~~~
Months have passed. Kylo has spent every night with you. Either being sinfully tender or fucking you senseless. He’s become addicted to you. But he’s becoming distracted, and Snoke can tell and he’s called him to scream at him.
“You’re distracted! By a dream!” Snoke’s hologram shouts above Kylo.
Kylo says nothing. He simply stares down through the visor of his helmet. Eyes on the ground.
“Stand up and look at me boy,” Snoke growls. Kylo does as he’s told. “Why do you indulge in these fantasies?”
“Because I think that she’s real and that she’s somehow binded us through the force,” he says. His voice cracking through his helmet.
Kylo has had this Theory for a while. He’s spent hours searching the force for you. Everytime he thinks he’s close something interrupts him. A resistance attack, general Hux’s annoying ass, or a mission. The only time he has with you is in his dreams.
“That’s highly improbable,” Snoke says.
“The things she says leads me to believe she’s real, and that she's more powerful than she realizes.”
Snoke scoffs, it makes Kylo’s blood boil. “And what will you do if you find her? Keep her? Turn her? How will she be of value to us?” Kylo pauses for a moment.
“Was it not my grandfather's love for his wife that drew him to the dark side?” Kylo asks.
Snoke leans back in his chair and contemplates that for a moment.
“I believe this is not true. I don’t believe she is real. But even if she were, we have much more important matters than her. You are to cease these dreams, you are to cut her off, real or not. Build and wall through your minds and focus on the tasks at hand. Don’t disappoint me again.”
Snokes' hologram fades. Kylo stands there for a moment, there’s a pang in his heart. The thought of never seeing you again. Causes him more pain and anger than it should
Snoke is right. You’ve been a distraction. A fantasy. That’s all you are. A fantasy that pulls him closer to the light. A burden in a way.
He stops his train of thought at once. Deep down he knows you’re his everything. But he was not meant for something as pure as you. He knows what he has to do.
~~~
“Why won’t you touch me?” You ask. You’re sitting on your side of your shared bed. Ben sits on the opposite edge.
He’s been off all night. He won’t touch you. He won’t meet your eye. He seems angry. You never would have made this as a dream. All he’s ever been to you is gentle and kind. Why would your mind suddenly be so cold?
“We can’t see each other ever again.” Your heart stops. You want to beg him. You want to beg him to stay. To hold you. To kiss you. To stay with your forever.
He’s your lifeline. He makes your life mean something. You want to get on your hands and knees and beg him to change his mind. Tell him that he’s all you have. That you’ll be dead soon and you want to spend the rest of your nights with him.
Tears flood your eyes. But you don’t let them fall. No. You say nothing. You take a deep breath.
“Okay.” Is all you say. Kylo snaps his head twords you.
“Okay?” He asks. Anger filling his tone.
“If that’s what you wish then I won’t stand in your way.”
You don’t look at him. You can feel his eyes on you but you refuse to meet them. You hear him let out an angry sigh. You flitch at it slightly.
“Goodbye Ben,” you say and you leave the room.
He wants to chase after you. To apologize to you. To tell you that he’ll stay with you forever and never leave your side.
But as soon as the door closes behind you the dream fades.
He’s filled with rage. With himself, with his master and partly with you. But most of all he feels your pain. Like a shadow of his own. Yes you must be real. Otherwise he wouldn’t feel you.
You feel empty yet still filled with sorrow. And he made you feel that way. A tear falls from his eye. Just one. He jumps from his bed and makes his way to his living quarters, lightsaber in hand, and smashes everything in sight. Every table, every light, every piece of furniture is torn to shreds at his hands.
Once everything is destroyed beyond repair he falls to the ground. He screams. He screams in pain. He screams because of your pain. But still it isn’t enough. He feels he’s forever broken. Maybe this is what his master wants. This pain and anger to drive him. Well. If that’s what he wants.
That’s what he’ll get.
~~~
Your masters clients aren’t pleased with you anymore. You seem too empty to bring them pleasure. They think it’s because you’ve been used too much, but in truth is because you no longer have Ben. Hours turned into days. Days to weeks, and now months.
You feel nothing and yet everything at the same time. But you no longer cry. Your dreams have turned to nightmares. But you don’t care anymore
Today is the day. Today is the day you’re beaten to death. And you won’t even have the comfort of seeing your Ben one last time before you die.
~~~
Kylo stands in his room. Long since cleaned up. He rarely sleeps, just to make keeping you at bay easier. He knows you’re real. He knows it. But it doesn’t matter.
Snoke is impressed with his progress. His anger, his passion and determination on his missions. He sees improvement in him and Kylo can’t bring himself to care. Damn the galaxy. Damn the rebels. All he wants is to feel you in his arms.
He sits on the edge of his bed and imagines you there. Maybe you’d be on top of him. Maybe you’d be hand in hand with your head on his shoulder. He doesn’t know, but he craves it. For the first time in months, he reaches out to you. He’s been good at keeping away from you. Drowning you out.
But when he reaches all he feels is pain. Not emotional. Someone is hurting you. Badly.
Ben.
He hears you call out to him. He hears your screams. Someone is killing you. He closes his eyes and he reaches. He reaches out for you.
Then your screams are in his room. When his eyes open your there. Standing in front of him. He can’t see your surroundings but he can see that your bound with your hands above you. And you look different. The dress you wear is basically a rag, covered in dirt and fresh blood. Your eyes are scrunched closed but tears still fall from them them.
What he doesn’t feel if your fear. You’ve excepted this. But he sure as hell doesn’t.
He stands from his bed and reaches for you, wrapping his arms around your and he pulls. You fall forward in his arms as you both stumble to the ground. He’s pulled you through your bond, and now your safely with him.
You grasp at him in confusion. You’re hyperventilating, as if you’ll never be able to breathe properly again. Your in so much pain, but you pull back enough to look at him. He calls your name, and you look at him stunned.
“Ben?” You say.
“Shh I’m here,” he says your name again. “I’m here.”
“What-? I don’t- I don’t understand.” You bring your hand to his face, chain still dangling from your wrist.
“It’s okay. It’s okay your safe,” he puts his hand behind your head. Your eyes dash around your surroundings. “Look at me,” he says your name once more. “It’s okay,” he says. Then he his hand back and takes your consciousness with it. You fall limp in his arms.
He pulls your head to his shoulder and it’s only then when he sees your back. It’s littered with deep gashes. Whoever did this to you I intended for you to die, and he’s grateful you're in a deep sleep. Carrying you to the med bay will be much simpler with you asleep, but still he lifts you gently before rushing out the doors of his quarters, with no care to carry his helmet with him.
He had you now. And you’re safe.
~~~
You feel a light touch in the left side of your face and it slowly traces down your cheek.
You must be dead, you think. But you thought death would be more comfortable. There’s a soft burning sensation on your back and shoulders. You’re cold. The only comfortable sensation is the touch on your cheek.
You lean into it, craving more. It switches sides, now cupping your right cheek. You realize it’s a gloved hand, but it’s warm compared to the coldness of the room and metal table beneath you.
You let out a soft whimper as the pain in your back turns from a soft burn to sharp pain. That’s when you hear your name from a familiar voice.
“Ben..”
“Open your eyes,” he calls your name softly.
It takes some doing but your eyes do flutter open. It's bright and you squint as it takes time for your eyes to adjust.
Ben is standing above you but he looks different. His hair is shorter, and he looks like he’s never smiled. There’s a look in his eye. Like he’s not looking directly at you.
“Am I dead?” You ask him. You must be. How else would he be here with you?
“No,” his voice seems different. Not the care free Ben you know. “You’re not dead. You’re safe now.” He says.
“I don’t understand,” you move to sit up but the pain at your back won’t let you.
“Just- just stay still,” he sounds desperate. As desperate as you look at him.
“What’s going on?” He hushes you and leans on the table you're on. He moves his hand on your cheek to hold yours. He rubs soft circles on the back of your hand.
“You’re very powerful with the force…” he says.
“What does that mean?” He looks at you, and you have no idea what he’s talking about. You’ve lived in a cell your whole life. You’re lucky you know how to read.
“You created a connection between our minds. You may not understand it, but I do. You bridged our minds. You were in so much pain you created a fantasy. You created a world where we were happy together,” he says. “All by yourself.”
“How- I don’t-“ he hushes you again. You start to cry as the pain on your back becomes unbearable.
“Shhh,” he calls your name again. He brings your hand to his lips and kisses your palm. “You need to save your strength. You’re badly hurt.”
“Don’t leave me,” you choke out.
He leans to your ear, still holding your hand. “I'm not going anywhere. Close your eyes-“
“Don’t leave me!” You’re scared. You don’t know where you are and you’re in so much pain. He’s the only thing you have. He can’t leave you. Not again. Oh stars please not again.
He pulls back to look in your eyes. “You will go to sleep,” he says.
“I will go to sleep,” you say. He gently sets your head down on the table as your consciousness slips away.
“Sir,” an officer enters the med bay, back straight, holding a scrap of chain in her hand. “We’ve located the marking on the lock you found on her wrist. How would you like to proceed?”
“Prepare my ship,” she leaves without another word.
~~~
Weeks have passed. He found and killed your former master along with his clients. He searched your mind while you slept and found how your life has been. He’s known for being cruel and dangerous, but at least he offers a quick death. Me knows you’ve seen others die the same fate you were supposed to. What pains him the most is how you’d accepted your death, and you didn’t even know he was real.
He had the nurse droids keep you medically sedated while you slept. It would be less painful for you, and him. After his training he came to see you everyday. He started taking off his gloves so he could better feel the warmth of your hand. Just to know you were there.
But he also noticed how different you are from your dreams. Your cheeks were sunken in, you were covered in Bruises that have long since faded to a yellow color. You have scars over every inch of you. When he caught you your hair was littered with dirt, but has long since been washed and comes through. Now it’s the i Lu thing about you that resembles your dreams.
Not only did you find him in your fantasies, you made yourself seem prettier. He understands why, but he still thinks you're beautiful. Just hurt, but he’ll help you.
Snoke obviously believes him now, and has agreed to let him keep you. A distraction maybe, but also a purpose. The anger he felt made him stronger. Perhaps strong so he may defeat Snoke one day, but he pushed those thoughts away for now.
You should be healed enough to start to move. They’ve stopped the sedation and you will wake soon. He could wake you now, but he doesn’t want to abuse his power over you. Snoke wants to use you as a weapon. An asset. But Kylo convinced him to leave you be.
For now.
Kylo had clothes made for you. Intricate gowns made for royalty, along with dresses similar to what you wore in your dreams. He has one in his lap now, waiting for you to wake. He’d wait there for an eternity.
You start to stir after a while, you wake similar to how you did before. However he can tell you’re in less pain.
“Hi,” your voice is raspy, the medicine hasn’t completely worn off yet. You’ll most likely want more sleep, but he’s rather you do so in a more comfortable bed.
He helps you up, and helps you out if your hospital gown into a comfortable night dress. The fabric is breathable and shouldn’t be rough against your injuries. But he can see the exhaustion in your eyes.
“Do you want to sleep more,” he can tell you want to protest, but you nod instead. Carefully of you back he carries you. He takes his time taking you to his quarters, you have your arms wrapped around his neck, your face nuzzled against his throat.
He doesn’t care who sees him. He just cares about you getting some much deserved rest not forced by medication. You at least need to rest before it leaves your system fully.
He uses the force to open doors and soon he lays you down on the soft sheets of his bed. Well, both of your beds now.
He tucks the covers around you protectively.
“Will you stay with me?” Your voice is broken.
“Give me one moment,” you nod. He leaves to his attached bathroom. For some reason he doesn’t want to undress in front of you. Now that he knows what you’ve suffered through he’s afraid to startle you. He quickly changes to something more comfortable. When he returns you’re trying to fight a battle with your eyelids.
He slowly crawls into bed with you. He puts one arm under your head and you curl up against him.
“Do you still love me?”
“Yes,” he says, kissing your forehead. He knows you feel the same, he doesn’t need you to say it. “Rest my love.” And you’re fast asleep moments later.
He has you. He won’t let anything harm you.
Not ever again.