Archive of Our Own ^beta

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My son and his roommate are a couple. How do I let them know that it’s okay?

I have no fucking idea how to use this thing, but my partner often listens to podcasts while she’s cooking, especially those in which people read Reddit posts so I thought I might give this a go.

I (48M) have a son (21M). But I’ve only recently found out he is my real son and not just one of the scoundrels in the team I coach. I wasn’t even aware I had a son until he told me. Two years ago.

For the sake of convenience we’ll call my son K.

His mom and I were benefit friends (friends with benefits? something like that, I’m too old for this shit) when we were young, but it was never serious. Actually, our arrangement came to an end when I made it clear to her that I had feelings and I wanted to take things to the next step. But she was young and wild and free and still had too many dreams to achieve to get saddled by me. And I was okay with that. She left, we remained friends. Needless to say, I was quite surprised when, months later, I found out that she was pregnant. But the thought that the kid could be mine never even crossed my mind. Like I said, she was young and wild and free and we were not exclusive. To be honest, she had started hanging out with another friend of hers who was helping her take her project overseas and I thought he was the father.

Anyway, as the years passed, she grew more and more popular, moved to another country, and we lost touch. It’s only through the news that I found out she had died in a horrific car crash. Her son (K) was left in the care of the friend I thought was the father.

I won’t discuss details because that’s not my story to tell, but when K was19 he revealed to me that he was being abused and I did my best to get him to a safe place. The problem is that I had no clue K was my son, I thought I was just doing something nice for a kid who was in a shitty situation and also happened to be the offspring of a dear late friend. You can imagine the shock when K revealed to me that I was indeed his biological father. He showed me the letters in which his mother confessed that I was the father of her child and then everything clicked together. The moment he told me I couldn’t help but notice the similarities, the black wavy hair, the shape of his nose, the hands. K even offered me to do a paternity test if I didn’t believe him and it broke my heart that he thought II would leave him behind if he wasn’t my biological child.

It wasn't easy. It took months to break K out of his shell, to get him to trust me. It was no surprise considering that his mother had died when he was barely 7 and he’d been abused by the only father figure he’d ever known. As for me, I had spent most of my life knowing I wasn’t suited for fatherhood at all, I had baggage and issues of my own. It took me months to even wrap my head around the fact that I had a son. But I didn’t want him to suffer any more so I got myself sorted out and cleaned up. Again, I will not go into any details because it’s none of your business, but we’re doing okay.

In the past year K also started playing for my team and while I cannot say that it was a smooth transition, he is my greatest pride and joy. He’s everything a man could want his son to be, loyal, brave, focussed. I may not have had the chance to be around when he was a child, but I was bestowed with the honor of watching him become a man. There is nothing he could do to make me love him less.

And that’s the reason I’m here writing on this stupid website.

There’s nothing he could do to make me love him less, but I don’t know how to tell him.

He’s doing well, he’s a good student, always getting top grades, he’s the best at the sport that he plays. So when he asked me if he could go live in an apartment off-campus with a friend I couldn’t say no. I thought that learning to live in a different environment might do him some good. Besides, he's only a 20-minute drive from my place and he knows he can call me whenever he wants.

Now it’s winter break and my son moved back in with my partner and I to celebrate Christmas. K asked if his friend/roommate could come over as well and I said yes. Besides, my partner always cooks enough food to feed a small army and I can’t deny that I was happy to have my son back for a while.

K and his friend have been at mine for about a week now.

See, my point is that I’ve always suspected that the “friend” was a bit more than “just a friend”.

From now on we shall call “the friend” A.

First of all, I unfortunately know A very well because he’s one of the athletes I coach. K and A are teammates as well as roommates. And A trusts no-fucking-body. Saying that he’s been through a lot in his life would be the understatement of the year so I get why he doesn’t let anyone come near to him, neither emotionally nor physically. He wears knives on him, for fuck’s sake. And yet he gets along with K. I was surprised at first because I distinctly remember their shouting matches when they first met, but then A slowly but steadily started mellowing out around K (A would probably put a knife between my ribs if he found out that I described him as anything close to “mellow”).

Obviously, I already knew that K and A must care for each other, they chose to live together after all. The thing is: A normally doesn’t let anyone touch him with a ten feet pole. But my son is always within a 1-2 feet radius of him. Worse. I’ve caught K touching A without any sort of adverse reaction from A. The last time I inadvertently touched A when he wasn’t expecting it, I got a punch in my guts. And A doesn’t even blink twice when K casually touches him.

Then there’s the fact that the A has a family. I mean, it’s not my place to discuss his relationships, but that fucking midget has a twin brother for fuck’s sake. And a cousin. And he’s fiercely protective of them, he won’t even let them go to the toilet alone. The fact that he ditched his family to stay with K even during the holidays speaks volumes.

And finally, K is prone to panic attacks. He started having them while he lived with his old guardian. He resorted to alcohol when it happened. It took him a lot of work to get everything under control, but he still has the occasional panic attack when he gets overly-stimulated by a situation. The other night I caught A in the kitchen helping K calm down after a panic attack. He was standing between K’s legs and counting slowly to help him focus on his breathing. You might think that this is a normal friendly behavior but my son has never let anyone else but me see him in moments like those, let alone help him. Plus, A has completely stopped drinking since he started living with K and, believe me, he was nothing short of an alcoholic before he met my son.

I’m fully aware that this might seem like nothing more than friendship to some of you, but I have reasons to believe it’s more than meets the eye. What I want advice on is: how do I let my son know that I’m okay with him being gay (or bi or pan or whatever)? And that I’m okay with him dating A? I want him to know that I support him no matter what and that he can come out to me. What should I do? Should I be direct and ask him (them?) or should I wait for him to tell me himself when he’s ready?

What do you think is the best course of action?

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COMMENTS

lisabing: You’re an awesome dad. I hope your son knows and sees that too. I wish I had a father like you.  You could try writing your son a letter? I think it would be really sweet (especially since that’s how he found out you were his dad). 

dadmack : that would be really neat, thanks for the advice! also, fuck your father.

killianP: wow so you’re saying you’re okay with your son dating an alcoholic who carries weapons? 

dadmack:  SHUT UP YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT

kennyreads: my dad left me a sticky note on the nightstand just to reassure me that he loves me no matter what and approves of my boyfriend because he can see that I’m happy now. 

dadmack:  sounds like your dad did the right thing! I might take a leaf from his book.

imjay: so you’re telling me that your son was abused his whole life and you’re okay with him being in a relationship with a guy who has knives on him? That sounds toxic af

dadmack:  FUCK OFF

trollorl: show him this post. really. it’s clear that you love him and you have his best interests at heart. just share this post with him with a little smile :) 

dadmack:  I’m not going to lie, I would love to see his face while he reads this post. But I also don’t want to send him into a cardiac arrest.

likeapanther: choose violence and start referring to the “friend” as his “boyfriend” then watch his reaction

dadmack:  again, this would be very entertaining for me, but I don’t want my son to die on the spot (and my partner is a trained nurse, she would kill me).

Pili_Jackson:  Well, I think you should try hinting to your son that u r ok w that kind of stuff, but don’t be too direct cause maybe he’ll get too anxious

dadmack:  good point, we don’t want my son to get any more anxious. I might try to follow your advice. Thanks for taking time to reply to my post.

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UPDATE: My son and his roommate are a couple. How do I let them know that it’s okay?

First of all, thanks to everyone who left such nice comments and fuck to those who decided to share their homophobic opinions (the comments got deleted because, as I already mentioned, fuck you). Also big thanks to all the people who sent me messages of support and to those who shared their story with me, I wish I could punch your shitty parents for you.

I didn’t even want to post an update but my partner said that it’d be rude not to, especially since this post gained way too much traction.

Now, long story short: I was planning to follow your advice and tell my son something along the lines of “Son, you don’t have to tell me anything that you’re not comfortable with, but if A. was more than a friend, I want to make sure he knows that he’s welcome here.” I mean, I know K pretty well, but I still wasn’t sure I wasn’t reading too much into my son’s relationship with A. Maybe they were just really good friends and nothing more.

Well, things didn’t go as planned.

Around Christmas Eve I began noticing that A was a bit too much in his head. He was less annoying than usual, he woke up at the crack of dawn (I’m assuming because of nightmares) and spent most of the early mornings chain smoking on the porch. Christmas time has always been a triggering moment for him. Believe it or not, sometimes I feel like I know him better than my own son because I’ve actually known him for longer, I know how to read the signs.

One morning, I woke up very early to go for a run and I noticed that the front light was on. I figured it must have been A and I decided to make him some of the extra sweet thick hot chocolate that I know he likes. I grabbed a blanket, a couple of cookies and headed out fully expecting to find A smoking on a chair and staring into the void (like the emo he is).

But the moment I walked onto the porch I saw that A wasn’t alone. He and my son were sleeping, snuggled up together on the porch swing.

That pretty much confirmed all my suspicions.

Now, the problem is that the porch door squeaks too loud and A is a very light sleeper so he immediately woke up when he heard the noise. As soon as he noticed me, he tried to disentangle himself from my son, but K had a death grip around his waist and it’s literally impossible to wake him up when he’s sleeping (believe me, I’ve tried). A. quickly gave up, barely trying to conceal an eye roll, and then proceeded to stare at me like he was daring me to say something. It was clear that he was preparing for a fight, he was expecting some sort of adverse reaction. But I didn’t say anything, I just gave him the blanket, left the hot chocolate and the cookies on the table, shut the door and went for my run.

I’m not going to lie, that evening I was worried that A hadn’t understood my message or that he’d assumed I was just pretending I hadn’t seen anything. From the moment I met him, he’s always made it very clear that he prefers actions to words (and I think we get along exactly for that reason), but maybe I should’ve reassured him that he’s more than welcome in our family and I’m okay with him dating my son. I was also worried that I’d only made K more uncomfortable around me.

I guess I shouldn’t have doubted that A would get my message. The moment A and K showed up for dinner, A didn’t hesitate to grab my son’s hand, staring straight into my eyes like he was trying to drill a hole in my forehead. He gave me a tiny nod, as if to ask whether he’d understood my actions correctly or not, and I nodded back at him.

As for my son, at first he was blushing violet red and struggling to meet my eyes, but every time he did I made sure to look calm. (I’m not gonna lie, there’s nothing more fun than embarrassing your own son, I wish I could’ve taken photos). But thankfully, as the night progressed, K. slowly managed to relax and A. never let go of his hand.

After dinner was over, while I was washing a mountain of dishes piled into the sink, K walked into the kitchen, hugged me and said “thanks dad”.

And that meant the world for me.

So I guess I made my point with hot chocolate, cookies and a blanket?

(Also, I don’t give a fuck if this is not what you were expecting, bye).

Chapter Text

I caught my son cheating on his boyfriend.

I can’t believe I’m doing this again, but last time Reddit was surprisingly useful so I’m trying my luck again.

I (49M) coach a team of a-sport-that-shall-not-be-named-or-you’ll-figure-out-who-I-am.

Many of the young adults I coach come from a disadvantaged background and the purpose of my team is to teach them how to play a sport professionally and give them a second chance. I am devoted to this job and, despite its drawbacks, I truly believe in its importance.

For this reason, many of these kids see me as some sort of father figure. And, unfortunately, most of them have grown on me. Like a tumor. And I would fight the world for them (don’t tell them or they’ll buy me another embarrassing t-shirt for my birthday).

Last year I welcomed a new boy (20M) into my team. We’ll call him N.

At first he was skittish, unfriendly and, occasionally, downright rude. Let me tell you, that guy has a mouth on him and he got in trouble all the time. Just thinking about him gives me migraines. But as much as he tried to hide it, he was clearly afraid of me (older men in general, not me specifically) and he was going through a lot of shit so I did my best to offer him all the help he needed while keeping my distance.

However, in the months he’s spent with the team, he slowly started trusting me, to the point where he even gave me a call when he was in trouble and needed someone to pick him up. I will not go into details because this is not your fucking business, but in the past year he grew as a person and as an athlete, he became friends with his teammates and surprisingly managed to rally them together. I’m so proud of him and his growth that I chose him as vice-captain of the team for next year.

He’s become like a son to me.

I also have a biological son (22M). Let’s call him K.

K has been dating his boyfriend (22M, we’ll call him A) for over a year now. Some of you may have read my previous post, but long story short: A is another one of the guys I coach. Despite everything he’s been through in his life, he’s been nothing but incredible for my son. I’ve never seen K so content, so happy in his skin. And the same goes for A, he’s more trusting, more confident, more… calm? I guess? Not that I’d ever admit this out loud. But A knows it and that’s all that matters.

After some initial struggles (long story short: A is just a tiiiiny bit overprotective when it comes to K), my son and A became friends with N. In the past year they’ve become as thick as thieves to the point that they’ve let N move into their apartment.

I didn’t find it weird for a number of reasons.

First of all, N is as much of a sports fanatic as my son, their dynamics both on and off the court are off the charts. Sometimes they fight, but it’s just because they’re both bullheaded, especially when it comes to the team. Most of the time they are attached at the hip and fuck knows how much my son needed a good friend!

And there's A. Aside from K, N is the teammate who knows how to best communicate with A and respect his boundaries. As a consequence, A treats N differently (especially compared to how he treats his other teammates - he really needs to work on that).

If I’m being honest, I was a bit suspicious of N's relationship with A. A has grown quite territorial with him. He shows a lot of interest in N and doesn’t bristle when N gets in his personal space which is weird for him.

However, A and K are still together so I guess A is just slowly learning how to make friends in his weird way? I chalked everything up to my distrusting personality. I even asked my partner’s opinion and she hasn’t noticed anything amiss. She loves N and is happy as a punch to have him around more often since he’s moved in with my son (she’s just happy she’s found someone who doesn’t loathe her green beans casserole).

So no, I didn’t find it weird that A and K invited N to share their apartment with them. Besides, I thought that splitting the rent would help them save some cash.

In other words, until yesterday, I was elated that N had joined the team and become such a good friend to my son and his boyfriend.

Well, the problem is that yesterday, I caught my son cheating on his boyfriend.

I was double-checking that all the helmets were in the cabinets, when I heard noises coming from the changing rooms and I saw my son making out with N.

Not A, his partner, but N.

(Yes, I need to bleach my eyeballs now, thank you very much.)

Thankfully, they didn’t notice me and I managed to leave the room unnoticed.

Maybe I should’ve interrupted? Let them know I’d seen them kiss? But I was truly at a loss.

Even now I don’t know what to do.

On the one hand, I would like to confront my son and yell at him. How dare he cheat on A after everything they’ve been through together? How dare he betray A’s trust? He should prize their relationship. And even if they’re having troubles, cheating is definitely not the answer. He should know better than this.

On the other hand, I could pretend I’ve seen nothing. Everyone makes mistakes, YOLO (like the kids say nowadays), and so on. But then I wouldn’t be able to look A into his eyes. He’s been through so much shit in his life that I would never let anyone else, not even my own son, play with him.

As for N, I don’t know what to do with him. I had put so much faith in that kid…

What should I do?

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COMMENTS

TheGodWith5Yen: OP this is definitely a hard one oh man :/ you obviously care so much about your son, his bf, and their friend so it’s messed up to be put in the middle of something like this. I say calmly talk to your son about what you saw and ask what is happening with his relationship. It might be embarrassing, but I think it’s the right step 🤔 good luck OP!

dadmack: No, not luck please. Luck usually works against me (or I clearly wouldn’t be in this fucking situation). But thanks for understanding the difficult position I’m in and thanks for the advice. The more I think about the next steps, the more I come to the conclusion that I must discuss this with my son first.

JakyChan: OP this looks like a shitshow. I might be saying something controversial, but I would talk with A first. It sounds like you have a good relationship with him and, like you’ve mentioned many times, he’s already been through enough in his life. He’s clearly the one who is being cheated on, he deserves to know the truth.

dadmack: And that’s why I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do!!! I would like to get my son’s version, but I also want to warn A as soon as possible. Before he ends up being hurt again, by my son no less!

sam_sational: oh my, that is a difficult situation to be in. especially because from what i remember from your previous posts you and your son don't actually talk much, you communicate with action rather than words, and i honestly don't know how to communicate "are you fucking cheating or are you poly/in an open relationship?" with hot chocolate and a blanket.
if it wasn't your son, i'd say keep out of it; i wouldn't want my coach meddle in my sexual/romantic life and i wouldn't want to get up in my players' drama as a coach, but being the father of one of them sure does make that difficult lol
like this: talk to him. also because of how it could affect your team if A finds out.

dadmack: believe me, if I could I would stay the HELL out of this situation. last year for Xmas my team gave me a t-shirt with “I don’t get paid enough to deal with this shit” written all over it and I wear it almost every day. Unfortunately my dick had other plans 20 years ago and now I have to get involved in this shit because one of the goddamn players is my son. And yes, you have a point, there’s no way of discussing this shitshow with actions, cookies and hot chocolate (I need to work on my communication skills, I know). I guess I’ll have to talk to my son before something bad happens.

lilibeth01: it sounds like that N guy is more trouble than it’s worth tbh

dadmack: don’t you dare say that about him, I may have conflicting feelings about him since I found him kissing my son, but he is not and he will never be more trouble than it’s worth.

UPDATE: I caught my son cheating on his boyfriend.

I’m honestly not sure where to start so I guess I’ll just start.

So uhm, small update about everything going on.

I was hoping I could give you a different sort of update (well, to be honest I was hoping I wouldn’t have to use this goddamn website anymore), but well, everything went completely downhill since I found out that my son (K) was cheating on his boyfriend (A) with their teammate and roommate (N).

As always, thanks a lot for your helpful comments, but unfortunately I wasn’t able to follow your advice and, once again, things didn’t go as planned.

You’ll soon see what I mean.

A couple of days ago, I decided to open up to my partner and tell her everything I saw. I thought I could keep this whole situation under wraps until I was sure I knew what to do, but I was really struggling. You have to understand that in this situation, I’m not only a father, but also a coach and I have an entire team depending on me.

The problem is that last week’s events were clearly putting a strain in my working life. In other words, it was evident that I was pissed with N and K and I was trying to avoid A like the plague.

My partner obviously noticed (she works for the team as well) so I told her the truth and I asked her opinion on the issue. Like many of you, she agreed that I should confront my son and tell him that I saw him cheating on his boyfriend. I wasn’t allowed to pretend I hadn’t seen anything because the situation was clearly affecting the wellbeing of the team (as well as mine, but who cares about mine, right?).

My partner also suggested I consult the team therapist, but that would be a big breach of privacy. Especially since the whole team visits her regularly.

I decided to ask my son out for lunch next Sunday. He usually enjoys our father-son “meetings” and we’d have the privacy we usually lack on campus.

Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. And this is why I’m here today.

My partner wasn’t the only one who noticed that I was behaving differently.

A did.

As I already mentioned in the previous post, I know A almost better than my own son. I met him a year before K contacted me for the first time and we’ve always had a…ehm - peculiar relationship? And with “peculiar relationship” I mean that he pretends he doesn’t care whether I live or die and I pretend I can’t stand his presence.

The truth is that, in the year before my son moved into my house, A was often sleeping over. He pilfered my alcohol stash and then he laid on my couch complaining about his teammates and his family, blabbering about literally everything that came to his mind for hours. I let him be because I knew that my apartment was a safe space for him.

What I’m trying to say is that I know A very well, but I’d forgotten that he knows me too.

I really shouldn’t have been surprised when he cornered me in the gym corridors asking me what the fuck was going on.

I tried to be vague, divert his attention and when that didn’t work I blamed it on my old age, the bad knee acting up and the sport-that-shall-not-be-names council being a pain in the ass.

But that guy is like a sniffer dog, he can smell a lie from 3 miles away and he clearly didn’t buy it. However, when he realized I had no intention of unbuttoning, he let me go, mumbling about me being a bullheaded relic and telling me that I knew where to find him if I wanted to stop being stupid.

I dislike being on tenterhooks around A and even more than that, I hate lying to him, but I decided to continue with my initial plan. Lunch with my son first.

That’s where things took the wrong turn.

One night I was driving past the residential building where my son lives and I noticed A’s feet hanging off the roof. Nothing new, I already knew that A likes smoking on the roof after practice, fuck knows why.

And also fuck knows why I decided to pull over, park my car and climb the stairs. I guess I kind of wanted to reassure A that I wasn’t angry with him? That he had nothing to do with my weird behavior (probably for the first time since the fateful day I met him)? I don’t know, I just decided I needed to talk with A.

I climbed the stairs up to the fifth floor, jammed the door open - only to find A sitting along the edge of the roof, one hand holding a cigarette, the other wrapped around N’s neck.

AND THEY WERE KISSING.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

THEY WERE FUCKING KISSING.

(More bleach for my eyes, yay!)

They clearly heard me because I banged the door shut when I left the roof, but I don’t think they saw me. They definitely know that someone caught them, though.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

Are you telling me that they’re cheating? On each other? WITH THE SAME GUY?!

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COMMENTS

FaiaSakura: Hey dadmack! I’d like to introduce you to a concept called polyamory. Maybe you know it better as an open relationship? Idk you say you’re old and not really knowledgeable about these things so I don’t wanna assume your knowledge. But basically three people can all be dating each other in a consensual relationship. There’s lot of nuances and specifics but if you’ve know caught K and N AND A and N, I think that rather than N being with K and N separately/secretly, they are all three together!

dadmack: …I hadn’t even taken that into consideration. Thanks for the tip and for making it easier for me to understand (it’s not like the concept didn’t exist in my time, we just didn’t have a name for it). I guess i’ll spend the next few hours googling this thing.

thefandomsangel: oml i saw the other post on tiktok? and came to check for updates but damn dude, this is a wild situation. honestly sounds like this N dude is a liability for the well-being of your team. who’s next on this guys list? you’ll never know!! but in all seriousness, talk to your son asap. i was gonna say talk to A based off the last post, but maybe just start with your son rn and work out what to do next based on his reaction. best wishes!!

dadmack: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS STORY ENDED UP ON TIKTOK? If any of the people on the team find out about this I’m never going to live this down.

lisanne43: either this is a big cheating affair or your son is in a polycule

dadmack: A POLY WHAT?

UPDATE 2: I caught my son cheating on his boyfriend.

I seriously hope this is the last time I have to use this goddamn website.

A couple of things before I start:

Did you really have to go and post this story on tiktok? My partner will never let me live this down. Seriously. I can already picture the embarrassing t-shirts she’ll give me for my birthday. “Got tiktok famous at 49 yo '' or something.

Let’s just say that your comments gave me a lot of words to look up on the internet. (No, I’m not talking about “tiktok”, as much as I tried ignoring its existence, I already knew what it was. I coach a dozen assholes, it was inevitable).

And thankfully I had done my research because otherwise I would have been quite unprepared.

But let’s start from the beginning.

As you can imagine, seeing N and A kiss definitely worsened the situation.

I told my partner what I found out as soon as I saw her later that night. Surprisingly, she didn’t seem as shocked as the first time I told her about K and N. We just talked about it for a while and, once again, she advised me to discuss the matter with my son.

The problem was that I didn’t even know how I was supposed to act. Not only with my son but at work in general. I was snappish and downright rude (well, ruder than usual), I could barely look N, A and my son in the eyes.

One day, during practice, I may or may not have been particularly insensitive towards N. Which I immediately regretted, especially when I noticed that N almost recoiled when he heard my voice being louder than usual.

And so, as soon as practice was over, I rushed after N to apologize. I might be an asshole and I might have a bone to pick with him, but I would never hurt that kid. And yet, when I finally managed to catch up with him, he was already leaving the court. Walking between A and K. My son’s hand brushing against N’s and A’s head attentively turned towards N to hear what he was saying.

That. That reminded me of something I read here on reddit.

Something in your comments.

Which obviously made everything exponentially worse, fuck you very much.

I still had plans with my son for Sunday lunch. I still planned on discussing this whole shitshow with him on that occasion. But I didn’t know which way to turn and I really wasn’t thinking straight so I took the obvious decision - I faked being sick.

That’s one of the pros of dating the team nurse.

She told everyone I caught a stomach bug and that I’d better stay home for a couple of days.

I spent those days googling shit and finding very useful and enlightening information. As well as many disturbing things (if you’re a father wondering whether your son is in a romantic relationship with more than one person and you’re looking up some of the obscure words you found in the comments of this reddit thread, please don’t look further than the second page of google or you’ll be scarred for life).

It didn’t take long before I came to the following conclusion: I straight out refused to believe that my son and his boyfriend were cheating on each other. Especially not with the same guy. Especially not with N. It just didn’t… fit them? It made no sense. Given their pasts, the three of them give too much importance to values like trust and mutual dependability to throw everything away like that.

Plus, it seemed like everything was finally clicking together: the way A treats N with the same reverence he usually reserves for my son, the way my son and N are so in sync on everything (or, well, maybe not when it comes to game strategies, but my son doesn’t immediately reject N’s input, and that, that speaks volumes). And then there’s the fact that they live together. That K or A, two of the most reserved people I know, already a well-established couple, invited someone else to live in their apartment. SERIOUSLY. I probably should’ve put two and two together sooner.

Now that I had done my research and drawn my conclusions, I was ready to confront my son. And N and A. I just didn’t know how to. It’s not like I could randomly approach one of them and ask something like “hey are you perhaps in a polyamorous relationship with your two roommates?”. That was just out of the question.

There was no way they would tell me themselves. And I had zero chances of catching them together.

So I had to address the issue myself.

I took out my whiteboard and I began drafting a strategy, a game plan, a list of things I could tell them, a list of things I could not say, a list of things I wanted to make sure they knew, some shovel talk and some the birds and the bees talk (it was probably too late for that). I worked on it for a couple of days, I changed it again and again and then I turned it into a powerpoint presentation.

On Sunday morning I grabbed my laptop, took my car and drove straight to my son’s apartment. I had to act quickly before I chickened out.

I expected to find my son waiting for me to pick him up and have lunch together.

But that’s not what I found.

I opened the door to the apartment (yes, I have a key) and I found my son sitting on the couch, legs propped up on the coffee table, casually watching a game on tv. He was in the middle. A was laying on his right, reading a book, head resting against my son’s shoulder. And then N, laying on his left, head in my son’s lap, watching the game with him.

On the one hand I felt extremely relieved because I was right, I was fucking right. I KNEW IT.

On the other hand, I was really pissed. I had worked on that powerpoint presentation for days and it was all for nothing?

They were already telling me everything.

They knew I would drop by their apartment to pick up K and they had clearly chosen to make sure I found them together like that?

Bastards.

The three of them.

It turns out that they had already figured out that I had found out about their relationship from my weird behavior in the previous weeks. Plus, A and N had heard someone closing the rooftop door when they were there together. And they’d figured it must have been me when they noticed that I was acting differently around them.

The problem was that they thought I was avoiding them because I disapproved of their relationship.

And so they’d decided to be there, together, because they didn’t want to leave K alone in case I was angry.

I immediately made it very clear that they were idiots and that I, in no way whatsoever, disapproved of something that made them happy. I had just wrongly assumed that they were cheating on each other. And please could they just stop kissing where I could accidentally see them? Please, pretty please? I’m too old for this shit. (I had the best time telling my son that I’d caught him kissing N because he blushed like a Christmas tree).

After we discussed the matter for a while, A and N insisted I took K out for lunch just as we’d originally planned so that we could talk one-on-one. They seemed surprised when I invited them to join us. There was no point grilling my son anymore and I just wanted us to spend some time together to hammer the point home: I love them no matter what.

We had a surprisingly nice lunch together (maybe a bit embarrassing) and I was, I am overjoyed that my son has found not one but two people like A and N, peole who love and support him.

Oh, but first I made them watch my powerpoint presentation.

It even managed to elicit a groan from A.

Win-win if you ask me.