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“Are we…going out tonight?” Edith asked, trying to keep her voice to a normal pitch. “Rose was talking about the new band at the Lotus Club.”
“Well, no, I hadn’t planned on going anywhere.” Michael glanced at Edith’s signature on the document, and leaned against the edge of the desk.
“No?” Her voice was both tense and tentative.
“No.” His eyes searched her face, and then he pressed forward to kiss her, and she melted against him. The kiss was hungry, heavy with all the words they hadn’t said, the weight of fear and dread and regret for all that still stood between them. Then Michael pushed her gently back by the shoulders. “Oh, my darling. I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“I shouldn’t have kissed you without asking first.”
“Don’t be silly, I wanted you to.” Edith tried to kiss him again, but he held her back.
“No, Edith, wait.” He waited until she stopped pushing forward.
Edith’s brows knitted. “What is it, Michael?”
He touched the back of her hand with his fingertips. “If we’re to go on together, it’s important to be honest, and clear, and that we’re able to speak openly with one another.”
“Don’t we?”
Michael looked away, his lips pressing together slightly, and then he took both of Edith’s hands in his and met her eyes. “I’m afraid that we don’t speak as openly as I would wish. When you said all that about the bell ringing at six in the morning and getting back in the right beds, what were you really saying?”
Edith’s mouth had gone dry. She found she couldn’t speak. She had felt only desperate longing a moment ago, but now there was fear oozing in alongside it.
“Edith, I love you. I could spend all night telling you every reason why, and it still wouldn’t be enough time. I don’t want to spend the time only talking. But I don’t— if we’re doing this, it’s something we’re doing together, in equal parts, and we both must consent.” She was staring at her feet. Michael waited, but she didn’t look up. “Edith. Can you look at me? I promise, you can trust me, and I will not press you for more than you would freely give. Is that all right?”
“Is what all right?” Edith couldn’t keep her voice from shaking.
“Is it all right that I’m asking you to tell me what you want?”
“I want to marry you. I want you not to have to go to Germany. I want you to kiss me again. I want— oh I don’t have the words, Michael, don’t make me speak it, I want everything we can possibly have tonight in case…in case…”
He nodded, pulled her close, wrapped his arms around her, and inhaled the scent of her hair. “I’ve never wanted anything so much.”
They stayed like that for a long moment, and this time, when he pulled back, Edith didn’t turn her gaze away.
“We could stay here, sit on the sofa, or if you like, you could come to my bedroom. It’s only the two of us here now. We won’t be disturbed. And Edith, please know, no matter what we do or don’t do tonight, I won’t think any less of you.”
“I’m so bloody tired of everyone’s expectations all the time. Why should they think less of me? Nobody thinks less of men for… doing what they like. It’s always been so easy for my sisters, they’ve always had admirers, and nobody even notices me, unless it’s to notice I’ve done something wrong.” Edith hadn’t ever spoken like this to anyone. She almost couldn’t believe she was saying it now.
“Oh, darling. I love it when you speak your mind. I don’t know how anyone could overlook you. You’re full of fire, I think you rarely show it but the more you do, the more beautiful you become.”
Her face opened at that, eyes wide, surprised smile lighting up her countenance. She reached for him again, and again he pushed back, but gently.
“Edith, dear heart, there’s more I need to say first. It’s important. Because of the expectations, as unfair as they are. I will ask before I touch you, and I want you to feel free to tell me ‘no,’ because I won’t enjoy it if you aren’t comfortable.”
She breathed in and out deeply, and nodded.
“I also want you to know that you can change your mind, if we start doing something and you don’t like it, tell me, and we will stop. I don’t want to hurt you or scare you. Can you do that for me?”
Edith nodded, but hesitantly.
“Darling, please say ‘yes.’”
“Yes.” It started as a whisper, but gained volume. “Yes.”
“Now say ‘no.’”
“No?”
He smiled again, gently. “I need to know you can tell me yes and no. For intimacy, it’s important. A yes to a touch here does not mean a yes to a touch everywhere. And so on. I know I must sound like a bedlamite, but I never— I never want to cause you harm because I assumed something was all right when it wasn’t.”
“Yes. I understand, I think. I’m not so good with words—” She stopped when he chuckled. “Don’t laugh. I’ve never spoken of these things with anyone before. Even when— even when I was engaged before.” Edith hadn’t meant to bring up Sir Anthony and couldn’t forestall the hot wash of shame that followed those words. She shook her head to clear the thought before continuing. “I want to spend all night with you.”
He smiled. “I’m glad. I want that too.” He paused a moment, whether to gather his thoughts or give her time to gather her own, Edith wasn’t sure.
The silence stretched. Edith’s heart felt fluttery. She slowly moved towards him once again, and this time instead of pushing her back, his hands fell to her hips, drawing her body close into his, her breasts pressed to his chest, her face lifted to his. Edith’s mouth opened to him and then she felt the hot press of his tongue. He lifted one hand to the back of her head, the feather-light brush of fingers on skin there made her shiver with sensation.
Edith became aware of the hard press of something against her dress at the same moment that she realized she was wet. She broke the kiss, breathing hard, but not pulling away.
“All right?” Michael asked.
“Will you touch me?”
His eyes sparkled. “I would love nothing more, my dear. Do you want to sit down? Or shall we go into the bedroom?”
Edith’s flush deepened, but she didn’t look away. “The bedroom.”
He took her hand to lead her down the hall. A fire was laid but not lit, and the room was chilly. “Would you mind lighting the fire?” Edith asked.
While he knelt at the hearth with the matchbox, she slipped off her shoes and her shoulder wrap, and perched on the very edge of the four-poster bed, watching him. Then the fire caught and in the flare of light as he turned towards her, Edith saw the smile spread across his face like dawn breaking.
“You’re lovely.” Michael closed the distance between them, until he was standing in front of her. His hands moved to her cheeks, thumbs brushing under her eyes, and she was startled to realize he was brushing away tears. Why was she crying? She wanted this. She wanted it so much it hurt.
Edith grasped both his hands in hers and pulled them down to cup her breasts over the bodice of her dress. His hands were cold, but hers were warm, so she kept her hands on top of his, rubbing their fingers together, trying to warm him. Edith’s nipples had gone hard the moment she felt his hands, and now his thumbs were making slow circles and her whole body was incandescent with desire. “Oh, Michael, that feels…mmm…” Eyes closed, mouth open in a moan when she didn’t have words to describe.
“I know it’s cold, darling, but would you like to take your dress off?”
“Yes. Yes. I- I need help.” Edith stood up, turned her back, and he began undoing the buttons. The gentle press of his fingers with only her shift between them was almost electric, and when the last button was undone and he pulled the dress off her shoulders and let it slide to the floor, Edith realized she was holding her breath. As she breathed in, his hands came around and found her breasts again, this time gently pinching her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, and she gasped and pressed backwards into his body, and now the hard length of him was against her back, and her head tipped back, his mouth coming against her neck and pressing an open-mouthed kiss below her ear. The wetness on her skin made her shiver again, with cold this time. “Could we get under the covers?”
“Of course. Do you mind if I undress? At least take my jacket and trousers off? I have small clothes underneath.”
Edith nodded, slipped under the coverlet, and watched him shrug out of the jacket and lay it across the back of the armchair, then unbutton his trousers, slip off his braces, and let them fall to the floor. He had drawers under the trousers, white linen, but they did nothing to obscure his straining length, and Edith couldn’t stop herself from staring. She had never seen one like this before.
Michael evidently noticed the direction of her gaze. “Look your fill, darling. I like your eyes on me.”
“Take your shirt off and come to bed.”
“Your wish is my command.”
Now the firelight glinted off the auburn hair on his chest and the firm muscles of his shoulders as he drew the coverlet back and lay beside her.
Edith turned on her side so she could face towards him in the bed, and ran her hands over his shoulders and across his pectoral muscles, then down to the trail of tawny hair at his belly. His eyes followed her hands, and then when her hands stopped, he looked to her face.
“Have you ever touched a man before?”
“I’ve never done anything with a man before, except kissing.” Her mouth crinkled, and Michael wasn’t sure if it was anticipation, disgust, or something else entirely.
“We can stop if you’re uncomfortable.”
“I don’t want to stop.”
“Where would you like my hands?” He asked.
“Touch me again, here.” She guided his hands back to her breasts, and closed her eyes as he stroked, kneaded, and rubbed. They continued like that for several minutes without speaking, until Edith was squirming and moaning underneath his hands. She lifted her face up and he responded, leaning in to kiss her again. “Michael, I want more, I want you, I’m…”
He moved one hand lower, feeling down to the hem of her shift and pushing the fabric ever so slightly up to touch the thigh beneath. “May I?”
Edith nodded, and his hand slid up the inside of her thigh to the tangle of hair between her legs, gently probing inside her folds, which were wet with desire. Her eyes flew open as his forefinger rubbed back and forth over her center of pleasure and she gasped. Then the finger dipped lower, sliding inside her, and she lifted her hips to press against his touch, his thumb now on that spot that sent sparks of pleasure shooting through her.
“How do you feel?” Michael whispered, face pressed to her neck as her breathing quickened. “May I take off my drawers?”
“Yes. Yes.”
He had to remove his hand to do it, and Edith almost whimpered at the loss of sensation, but then his drawers were off and she could see him bare. Moisture was beading at the tip of his erection, and she tentatively reached out a hand to touch it, unsure of how it would feel. The skin was somehow soft and silky despite how hard he was, and she gently closed her fist around it, giving an experimental squeeze, and giggled.
“I know it looks foolish, but that’s just how God made men look,” Michael said with a smile. “I’m afraid that’s the cross I have to bear. You, on the other hand… are so lovely. I could look at you for hours and not see my fill.” His face fell, slightly. “But we are limited in hours, and I don’t want to waste them all on looks alone.”
“What happens next?”
“Anything you want. All I have is yours— my hands, my mouth, my cock— all are at your service, dear Edith.”
“I… I want you inside me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Yes. This might be our only chance, I don’t want it to slip through our hands into dust, I need to hold you close tonight.”
“All right. You know, this might get you with child?”
“I want that too!”
“So do I, but if you want to wait until we’re properly married—”
“No, I don’t want to wait, Michael! We might never have the chance, and if— if— no, I won’t say it, but I could never regret having this time with you, no matter what happens.”
“Sometimes it hurts. The first time especially. I want to go slow, be gentle with you. I don’t want to stretch you too much, too fast. I felt how wet you are, and that helps, but it’s still… I don’t want to cause you pain.”
“What do you suggest, then?”
“Could we get you on top of me? Here—straddle my thighs. Then I can touch you, and when you are ready, you take me inside you. You’re in control, beloved.” He put one hand on her breast and the other between her folds, slowly sliding up and down, spreading the wetness around her opening.
Edith nodded, head tilted back, lips wet and slightly parted, and grasped his cock with one hand, bracing the other against the bed to keep herself steady as she angled her body into position, then slowly guided him into her and let herself sink down on top of him until he was fully buried inside her.
“Ohhhhhhh,” Michael sighed. “You feel…incredible, Edith, I love you so much.”
Now she was rocking against him, pressing that bundle of nerves into the place where their bodies joined, and both his hands were on her breasts, and his hips were jerking upwards so that each thrust pushed him to the very depths of her. “Oh, Michael, don’t stop, please don’t stop.” The pleasure was building and building like a river swelling with torrential rains, like a joyful melody climbing to a crescendo, and every nerve in Edith’s body felt the hot spark of need and then sang out in an explosive rush of relief. Edith all but collapsed against Michael’s body, but he kept up his rhythm, pushing into her again and again, until she felt the hot spurt of his seed inside her, and he thrusted thrice more, then fell still, breathing hard, his prick still inside her but already going soft, as she lay against him, head against his chest, his hand slowly stroking her hair.
After a minute, when they’d both caught their breath again, he asked, “Was that all right for you, my darling?”
She just nodded against his chest. She was suddenly so sleepy, and shifted off of him so that she could snuggle against his side.
“Please tell me, Edith, if there’s anything else you need.”
“Only to be close to you,” she murmured.
He pulled the coverlet over them and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, until they both fell asleep.