Work Text:
🌸
jaehyun never really dwelled on it for too long, not when he had a degree to finish and a handful of projects on his plate. yet, it was something that had always been at the back of his mind. not taking up much of his headspace, instead an ever-present thought that lingered.
so when the moment finally came, it felt like a slap on the face. it felt as if he had been doused with ice cold water.
it was eye opening. the realization that the feelings that have left him confused for so long could be simplified and pinned down as one thing.
for a while, he wondered if it was the entire set-up, the situation. after all, certain scenarios and environments can evoke certain feelings. but he couldn't be mistaken. not when his heart felt like it was about to beat out his chest.
it couldn't have been anything else.
on a random tuesday, the two of them decided to chase after the last bits of yeouido’s blooms. spring had come and gone while they had been so busy. jaehyun was finally casted in his first drama as the main lead's best friend, and jacob's company had finally greenlighted his first single. it had been a miracle their schedules matched.
but jaehyun still remembers the exact moment. the scene is still so vivid in his memory.
with an ice cream cone in each hand, he walked into a scene that he could have sworn came out of a movie. it was almost unreal that it felt fabricated.
and he feels like he's seen it before, but at the same time, he knows he hasn't.
because that moment can never be replicated, those couple of seconds would never occur again.
there, in the middle of yeouido park, streets lined with cherry blossom trees, it happened.
the wind was gently blowing. the sun was setting, illuminating the figure he had seen so many times before.
familiar pieces, forming an unfamiliar picture — the exact moment that would ignite something in him.
a moment that would pin a name to the feeling that had unsettled him for as long as he could remember.
that's when he realized. he was in love.
he was in love with jacob.
and when jacob turned around to look right back at him, with that smile that he knows is reserved just for him, it's unmistakable.
☀️
summers in seoul have always felt a bit too stifling for his own taste. the heat eventually becomes too uncomfortable. all at once, it becomes almost unbearable to even function in a city that's too dense. always too busy, too packed.
then again, the summer quickly passes when you're neck deep in work, commitments left and right.
shoots that last until the wee hours of the night, slipping into the early hours of the day, just before the crack of dawn. magazine interviews that prod into the life he's barely lived, having to answer questions that even he doesn't know the answers to. it's the trade-off of becoming more known, and jaehyun could only bear with it.
so when he comes home to an apartment filled with random knick knacks that he's barely even had the time to care about, before he completely passes out, he picks up his phone and hopes the call gets picked up.
it's a selfish move. it's two in the morning, and jaehyun knows he shouldn't bother jacob anymore.
but the heat of the summer saps the life out of him, and it makes him crave for a kind of warmth that only one person can give.
so when his phone starts ringing, he waits. he hopes.
"oh, jaehyun? did you get home safely?"
immediately, the guilt washes over him. it's not like he's the only one whose schedule is booked to the minute. he knows jacob just got back from a trip out of the country for a gig that had him performing at music festival in front of thousands of people.
at the same time, he's amazed at the fact that something as simple as the sound of jacob’s voice, laced with the sleep he's just awoken from, fills him with comfort, with warmth.
"sorry, did i wake you up?" he asks, despite knowing well enough that the answer is yes.
"no," jacob lies, and he knows it's for his sake, almost as if jacob had been expecting this call all along, "i miss you."
those three words combined with the static that fills the line makes his heart ache a little bit. it's only been a couple of weeks, and yet there's already a longing he can't exactly place.
as if the cliche quote that he had always dismissed was suddenly making sense. absence does make the heart grow fonder. in a span of sixteen days, jaehyun has grown to feel a kind of longing he's never felt before. the longing highlighting the fondness he feels.
"i know." he sighs, remembering that his manager is picking him at six, "i miss you, too."
"hey, get some rest. you still have a shoot in a few hours right?"
"yeah, another early one."
if jacob can sense the tiredness in his voice, he doesn't comment on it. they're both tired. and jaehyun could only hope that the warmth he's feeling as he talks to jacob is mutual.
"sleep well, jae. i'll see you soon."
jaehyun falls asleep as soon as he manages to get himself out of his day clothes and prepare for bed.
he dreams of fine, white sand, the smell of the sea, and the silhouette of the person who warms his heart. the summer of their dreams couldn't feel more distant, but jaehyun could only hope he gets to see his sun soon.
🍂
autumn is jacob's favorite season.
he likes how it's cold but not too cold. he likes watching the leaves of the trees that lined the streets he usually walks change color. he even likes the sound of the leaves crunching with every step he took.
he likes all of those things, but when reminded of autumn, jacob often thinks about jaehyun. autumn is also jaehyun's favorite.
and every autumn, jacob is reminded of the autumn of the final year of his teens. a year that could only be described as bittersweet.
after a year of being an idol trainee for him and several years more for jaehyun, their project group was dissolved. the company terminated their trainee contracts, and their futures were left uncertain.
jacob had only ever wanted to sing. it was what he came to korea for. so when things ended, he thought that maybe he had been too ambitious, that maybe it was time for him to leave korea all together.
"you should come home with me!" jaehyun said. jacob had thought jaehyun looked too happy for someone who had basically been kicked out. but jacob knows now that jaehyun was also hurting then, but for jacob, he'd set aside the bitter emotions he had felt.
jaehyun made it a point to pull jacob out of his head, away from the thoughts that were eating away at him.
while reluctant, jacob said yes. he spent exactly twelve days at the lee's house in songdo.
they took darong on walks, and jacob learned that jaehyun's favorite dog in the world preferred to follow around almost everyone else. he ate at the lee's dining table, and jaehyun's parents treated him like he was their own.
they spent a lot of days in jaehyun’s childhood bedroom, laughing about anything and everything. they sang korean trot songs he's never heard before in his life. they played on jaehyun's old computer, bickering for hours on end. he even met jaehyun's sister briefly, and she'd jokingly thanked jacob for tolerating her brother.
but what he clings onto the most are the times he spent teaching jaehyun how to play the guitar.
"how do you even remember the chords?" jaehyun whined, jacob's favorite guitar on his lap. jacob noted how close they've gotten. their knees touched as they sat on jaehyun's tiny bed. he took jaehyun's hand and guided his fingers, pressing them harder onto the strings.
he thinks of this moment when making music gets frustrating. not because he found his muse in jaehyun, to jacob, jaehyun is more than that. more than anything, jaehyun is his number one supporter. jaehyun had always been so eager to listen to the songs he's written. he'd even go as far as to beg jacob to play them for him. jacob had his qualms, his worries. that his songs aren't that good, that he should keep them for himself.
but that night, with sheer determination painted on his face, jaehyun carefully moved his fingers across the frets of jacob's beloved guitar. he strummed the strings with a hint of uncertainty, but his message was clear. in jaehyun's voice, jacob's songs sounded different. a good different.
that's the turning point, jacob thinks. that's when he began writing his songs to the tune of someone special, someone who had changed his seasons.
❄️
his mother once told him that to love someone is to accept that even love is something that's ever-changing. then, jacob didn't understand what she'd meant. while not a romantic, jacob was optimistic about the idea of love.
but he understands it better now, or so he'd like to think. love takes shape in the way people mold it. he looks around his living room, eleven people he had spent the brightest of his teens gathered for the first time in years to celebrate christmas, among other things.
it was eric who had called him, giddy and very much excited to tell jacob that he and juyeon would be flying back to korea for most of the winter.
"can we have it at your house, hyung? sunwoo told me all about it!"
jacob wouldn't be jacob if he weren't so easy to succumb to the whims of his dongsaengs. so he reluctantly agreed but immediately texted his manager to block the christmas weekend off from any schedules. so he enlisted help from kevin, who had recently moved back to seoul, and sunwoo, who had so kindly volunteered his house, to set everything up and invite the entire group.
how they managed to wrangle everyone up, who all came bundled up in sweaters and coats, braving the snow to get to jacob's three-bedroom townhouse in the outskirts of seoul, jacob's not sure. but they did it.
with this bunch, jacob finds the different ways he's molded love throughout the years.
these people are some of his closest friends, and he'd like to think that if things turned out differently, they would have definitely stuck together. but he's happy to see everyone grow into the people they have become.
he sees chanhee, who approaches him with a bright smile, all pink-cheeked from the wine he'd been drinking.
"hyung!" chanhee grabs his left hand, takes a hard look at it, and pulls him into a tight hug. and jacob is quick to realize that chanhee's noticed before anyone else did.
on the other side of the room, jaehyun is engaged in an animated debate with changmin, his hands moving as fast as he is speaking. and in the light, something in his left hand glistens.
jacob smiles. and chanhee, in a giddy whisper, congratulates him.
he holds his own hand up against the light, a plain silver band in his ring finger. a symbol of a promise. a secret for now, but something he'd gladly share to the people he loves.
but for now he stays quiet, after all, he'd seen bits of the speech that jaehyun had been hiding from him. and his heart could only grow fonder.
jacob thinks about how this love has lost its shape, for it can no longer be contained. it could only ever grow. winter had never been his favorite, but with a winter this warm, jacob could also grow to love it.
💍
(when all had been said and done, the wine glasses emptied, and the goodbyes exchanged. jaehyun pulls him close, hands on his waist. jacob instinctively places his hands on jaehyun's shoulders.
"hm? what's gotten into you?" jacob asks. but jaehyun is already nudging him to move along, as they sway to a non-existent beat.
jaehyun shakes his head, but he's already smiling so widely. "nothing, can't i dance with my own fiance?")