Chapter Text
"Kuroko, remind me again why we're doing this?"
"Because if we don't, Coach will most likely run us over with her scooter when we least expect it Furihata-kun" dead panned the teal haired man, still struggling to put Nigou in his custom made butler outfit.
"Why are we, as the freaking basketball club of the school, not making, ooh I don't know, an event centered around basketball?! "
"The senpais already did this during their first year Furi" replied Kawahara from where he was leaning on the wooden stage, hanging on for dear life with the 6 inches long heels black Mary Jane he had on "and from what I heard of, something went down during the event and it was so bad that some say that's the reason why Mitobe-senpai never talks."
"What?! What happened?" asked an alarmed Fukuda.
"When I asked Koganei-senpai he said that he and the other third years are contractually forbidden to talk about it."
What the fuck
It had been brought to their attention couple of weeks ago by their seniors that for this year's cultural festival, Seirin's basketball club will open a Maid & Butler cafe...with Coach Riko dressed as the sole butler and everyone else as maids.
From the look on the third year's faces it was highly plausible that they also had absolutely no say in the matter whatsoever.
Riko, positively beaming at the idea of 17 muscular boys cladded in high knee socks, way too revealing black and white skirts and cat ears, had brought them their future uniforms for an impromptu fitting session in lieu of their now cancelled practice.
"I did not sign up for this. I literally - Ow! Fukuda don't tie the apron so tightly, I can't breath - did not sign up for this!"
"C'mon Furi it won't be that bad, you've confessed completely naked to the girl you like in front of the whole school and got to date her." chimed in Kagami
"Only for her to dump me 3 weeks later because I apparently 'get more excited about railroads' than the perspective of the naked female body."
"I believe it's because you use words like 'the perspective of the naked female body' that she left and run Furihata-kun."
"I don't want to hear it from you Kuroko!"
"What I meant is" sighed Kagami "that you've done more embarrassing things in your life before so walking around dressed like the porn star impersonation of a cleaning lady ain't gonna kill you."
"Gee, thanks Kagami."
"Kagami-kun shouldn't try to give encouraging speeches. The cool guy type doesn't really suits you."
"Kuroko you bastard!"
"Furihata-kun!"
"I want to die."
Laying on the floor, surrounded by the debris of plates and glasses he had broken in his fall, Kouki closed his eyes trying to tune out the muffled cackles of his teammates.
With only 3 days left before the start of the cultural festival, Riko had gathered the whole team in her home for a special boot camp consisting in walking around in high heels with two filed trays in each hand.
Needless to say that, with his pitiful limb coordination, this exercise was bound to be anything but a success.
"If I lay here, If I just lay here..."
"Furihata-kun are you alright?" asked Riko, kneeling next to the motionless brunet.
"Coach I think I have a concussion."
"Get up, you've barely hit your ass!"
"I see a light...Obachan is that you?"
"Furihata-kun" sighed the short-haired girl "I know you're not that enthusiast about the event but...if you do well I promise to give you a reward~" she cooed in what she must have thought was a seductive tone, fluttering her eyelashes and puckering her lips.
To which Furihata responded with a blank face that could rival Kuroko's.
"Alright, alright I get it! How about I treat you to whatever you want after your shift is over?" she suggested.
"...Whatever I want?"
"Whatever you want."
"Even a maxi size demi-glace brown sauce covered omurice?"
"Yeah even...that."
"Fire. Hellfire."
"Chill Furi..."
"Chill? CHILL?! Kagami, how the fuck am I supposed to chill when I'm being sexually harassed by half of the student population of Seirin?!"
"You're exaggerating..."
"Nakamiya from class 3 just offered to buy me dinner at Maji Burger if I let him stare at my butt for 10 minutes. He didn't even want to touch it or take a picture. Just stare at it."
"I..."
"If I were you and I had an ass like that, Furihata-kun, I'd start a profitable business to help me make ends meet. 5000¥ for a peek, the double for a pic and the triple for a lick."
"Oh my god, Kuroko!"
"In the name of our now lost friendship I'm going to give you a head start Kuroko." solemnly announced the brunet, taking off his cat ears and shoes "3...2...1..."
"Furihata-kun, your shift is over!"
F I N A L L Y
"Oh and don't forget your reward, it's awaiting you in the kitchen." winked Riko as she passed next to him to welcome new clients, or should he say masters.
Dashing towards the kitchen, damned Mary Janes and mini skirt long forgotten, Kouki was already salivating at the thought of the creamy eggs filled with savory sweet chicken and fried rice seasoned with a rich espagnole sauce and...
Oh no
In front of him, placed in a plastic plate was his 'reward'.
The 'omurice' could be qualified as anything but what it was actually supposed to be. The thing that was on top of the rice and, what one could only assume, was supposed to be the omelette looked more like the fiend of a pigeon suffering of diarrhea covered with a creepy smiling face drawn with ketchup that looked like it's owner's soul was trapped into the meal. The rice was just as bad. It had a suspicious pink color and...oh my god are those banana slices?!
"Coach made it. Were you really expecting something grand Furihata-kun?"
"I thought she'd buy it from somewhere or ask Kagami to make it." replied Kouki, not even bothering to ask where did Kuroko came from.
"If it makes you feel better, I heard Shuutoku is doing a reinvention of the Princess and the Frog with Takao-kun as the Princess and Midorima-kun as the frog."
"No Kuroko, no it does not make me feel any better."