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It was a difficult situation.
“Please, we’re trying to help here.” Warriors, ever the diplomat, was at his wit’s end trying to get this guy to cooperate.
The guy sniffed. “And let you woo away all the eligible ladies with your deeds of daring do? Never! I intend to take some fair maiden there myself; to prove to her my strength and worthiness as a husband!” His eyes glazed over, lost in his own fantasy. “Surely any woman would swoon over such a heroic feat, such a noble deed! I intend to sweep the next lovely maiden I spy completely off her feet!”
The entire Chain was on their last nerve. Frustrated, they retreated to the nearby woods to regroup.
“We have to get the information out of him somehow!” said Wind. “The Shadow could be with these monsters; it’s a threat to the whole village!”
“We have to find their camp and snuff it out,” Wars agreed. “Otherwise we’ll be dealing with broken bands of stragglers all night.”
“Any suggestions?” asked Time.
“It sounds like he’ll only talk to girls,” said Roolie. His face was still set in the look of disgust he’d donned since their uncooperative contact first opened his mouth. “And he’s dangerous to whatever young lady—”
“Hello?” Legend spoke softly, drawing the attention of the whole group.
From the edge of their little gathering spot strode a small, confidant young woman. The heroes all sat up and took notice. She was blond, Hylian in all except her clothing. The outfit seemed more fitting for desert heat than forest travel. A veil covered her face from the nose down, and a short halter top left her pale, lightly muscled midriff exposed.
“Excuse me miss,” Sky said, the first one brave enough to step forward. “Are you lost?”
The girl looked right at him, flushed red, shook her head and kept walking.
“Do you need help?” Roolie asked.
Another head shake, and she was out of conversation range.
They watched her leave in a dazed stupor.
“Who is she?” asked Wind.
Twilight coughed.
“A foreigner by the looks of it,” said Four, eyes sparkling after her.
“The outfit’s Gerudo,” said Time, “but she clearly isn’t. Is there a settlement nearby?”
Legend gasped. “She’s going right towards that guy!”
Everyone dashed to the edge of the trees. Twilight took a moment to compose himself before joining them.
“This is bad,” said Legend. The girl was already talking to their sleazeball of a contact, and he was laying on the charm hard.
“We should tail them,” said Wars.
“She doesn’t look like she’s buying it,” said Time, a crease in his brow.
“You worried, old man?” Twilight drolled.
“I would be,” he replied. “Young ladies her age can be gullible to male attention. But it looks like she’s got a good head on her shoulders.”
Twilight bit his lips.
“She’s listening to him, though,” Roolie snarled.
“Probably just tryin’ ta get information,” said Twi, leaning into his accent.
“About a monster camp?” Legend hissed.
“Yeah, what would she need that for?” asked Four.
Twilight shrugged. “Same reason as us.”
“You think she’s a fighter?” asked Wind with bright eyes.
“It doesn’t matter,” Wars cut in before Twi could reply. He watched the conversation some more. “I don’t like this.”
“Neither do I,” said Sky, and he marched out of the trees.
Twilight rubbed the strained amusement from his face and took a slow, deep breath as the rest of the group swarmed out of the forest.
“Excuse me,” said Sky as he neared the pair. His fierce eyes and slightly scrunched nose were oddly intimidating.
The lowlife stammered. “Hey! I-I saw her first!”
“She’s not some prize, you filth,” Warriors snarled.
“Yeah!” Wind chimed in. “I bet she could kick your butt!”
The girl’s eyes shifted between various members of the group, ending—and lingering—on Twilight’s.
As subtly as he could, the farm boy shook his head.
The girl rolled her eyes.
“Hmph! As if you pitiful ruffians could protect such a fair, delicate maiden from the horrors lurking in such a forsaken locale!”
“Try us,” said Four dryly.
He turned back to the girl. “My sweet maiden, please allow me the honor of accompanying you to the monsters’ den. The threat must be eliminated, but fear not! I shall—”
“Gimme that map.”
Twilight coughed. Time threw him a concerned look.
The man stopped at her muttered request. “Oh, uh, why certainly my dear!” He produced a rolled-up piece of parchment and handed to her. “Far be it from me to deny such a lovely maiden a look at—”
“Goodbye.” Map in hand, the girl turned on her heel and marched away.
The heroes stared after her, gobsmacked at her blunt approach—and that it worked.
“Oh well, uh—I’ll, I’ll see you some other time, then!” the man stammered, waving with a goofy look on his face.
The Links gave him their dirtiest looks.
“Hey, wait!” Legend fired up the pegasus boots and caught up to the girl just before she could duck out of sight. “Excuse me,” he said, blocking her path. “I don’t mean to be a bother, miss, but could I please have a look at that map real quick? I’ll give it right back,” he said, sweating at the frustration in her eyes. “My friends and I have been tracking these monsters for weeks. They’re much stronger than normal monsters, and we’d like to take out their camp before nightfall.”
“We’re trying to keep the villagers safe,” said Warriors, catching up with the rest of the group in tow. “Please. Legend here has the most experience reading maps; he’s our best navigator—”
The girl shot him the most offended look.
“—s-so it won’t take more than a minute or two for him to look over it, right?” He eyed Legend desperately.
“Y-yeah,” he said, holding out a hand for the map.
Her eyes narrowed, scrutinizing him.
“… Please?”
“Not a chance.”
The Chain (except Twilight) watched in dismay as their only lead scampered up a nearby tree, unrolled the map, and studied the landscape.
“Quite the way with words there, Cap’,” Twilight teased.
“What did I say‽” he balked.
“Is… she trying to find the way herself?” asked Four.
“Probably,” said Twi, unconcerned.
“But that’s dangerous!” Roolie cried.
Twilight raised an amused eyebrow at him. “And?”
“Here she comes!” said Wind, cutting off any chance for someone to respond to Twilight’s odd lack of concern.
The girl scampered back down the tree and walked away from the group as soon as her feet touched the ground. Curtly, she waved for them to follow.
Twilight was the first to do just that. The rest hesitated for a second before following.
“Young lady,” said Time, catching up and walking along beside her. “We’re grateful for your help, truly. But these monsters are far stronger than any others we’ve encountered.”
“Yeah!” said Wind. “And we’ve fought a lot of monsters!”
Twilight rested his arms on top of his head, eyes sparkling as he bit back a chuckle.
“We’d just hate to see you get hurt,” said Sky with a honeyed smile.
Twilight suppressed a smirk. “Aw, that’s awful sweet o’ you, Sky.”
Sky shot Twilight a look.
The girl snorted and shook her head.
“She’s not going to listen, is she?” Four whispered as they followed.
Roolie made a helpless noise, his face scrunched up in worry.
“Well,” said Sky with charm on his tongue, “since we’re going to be traveling together for a while, why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?”
Everyone looked at Sky funny.
“What’s your name?” Sky continued, seemingly oblivious to the accusatory looks of his comrades.
“Sky what the heck?” Legend whispered, face caught between astonishment and hilarity.
“Isn’t he dating his Zelda?” Roolie whispered.
“I thought so!” Legend whispered back.
“That’s a good question,” said Twilight after shaking his head at Sky. “Sure would be nice to know who our guide is.”
The girl glared at him. Then glanced at Sky. “It’s Link.”
The name sent a shockwave through the group.
“That’s an… odd name for a girl,” said Wars, who was still trying to smile.
Twilight bit his sleeve.
“Fun that it’s the same as ours though,” said Sky without missing a beat. “Maybe it was destiny that brought us together.”
The girl shrugged. “Probably.”
Twilight wheezed.
Sky’s eyes lit up. “You think so?”
“Seems pretty obvious,” said the girl.
“Wait,” said Time, halting the group. “Twilight, are you alright?”
Twi was bent over, clutching his sides and shaking as he struggled to breathe.
“Are you sick?” asked Wars.
“He’s been coughing for a bit,” said Time.
“I’m fine,” he insisted, his voice little more than a thin wheeze. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” He stood up, rubbed his face, and breathed deeply.
The girl’s eyes twinkled. “Looks like someone got his goat.”
Twilight glared at her, his face beet red.
The girl held back a chuckle. “Come on. The camp’s close.”
Around the next corner was what appeared to be a dead end.
Legend eyed the girl. “Are you sure this is the right spot?”
She eyed him back, then handed him the map.
He took it and looked it over.
“The wall’s not cracked,” Wind observed.
“That doesn’t mean anything,” said Four. He walked up to the cliff wall and knocked, listening. “Yep, it’s hollow.” He pulled out a bomb, set it down, and ran back to the others.
The bomb exploded, but the wall stood.
“Huh,” said Four. “Weird…”
“There’s a ledge up there,” said Time. “Might be a switch.”
“I’ll check.” Sky strapped an odd device on his arm and deployed it, sending a hovering little device up to survey the ledge. After a moment he nodded. “Yep! It’s a floor switch.”
Legend groaned. “We’d have to go around this whole other way just to get up there!” he griped.
“Not a problem!” Roolie grinned, magic making his hands glow. The light surrounded him briefly; when it receded, what was left of Roolie was a glowing ball of saturated green—with wings. “Be back in a jiff!” said the hero-turned-fairy as he flew up to the ledge.
Another burst of light was soon followed by a groan of frustration.
“What is it?” called Warriors.
Roolie leaned over the edge. “This is impossible!”
“Hang on,” called Legend. He pulled out a magic rod with a propeller on the end. “I’ll meet you halfway so you can get down safely!”
Legend activated the rod and flew halfway up the cliff. Roolie jumped down and caught him; his added weight overloaded the rod, but their descent was still just slow enough to make it safe.
“What’s up there?” asked Time.
“So I stood on the switch, right?” said Roolie. “But instead of opening the door, these three panels in the wall opened up, with targets behind them!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Targets? Like for archery?” He eyed the girl.
Whose arms were crossed and who did not look impressed.
“Yes! But they only stayed open for a split second; I barely had time to fire off one arrow, let alone three!”
“Wild could do it,” said Legend. He looked around the group. “Hey Wild!”
“Yeah?”
Everyone stared at the girl.
“Oh, no, we mean our friend,” said Sky. “He normally travels with us… Where did he go?”
Twilight covered his face with both hands.
“I thought you said your name was Link?” said Four.
“It is,” said the girl.
“Then why’d you respond to ‘Wild’?” Four asked.
“Oh!” said Wind. “I bet it’s like a nickname, huh?”
The girl eyed him. “Uh, yeah.”
Twilight turned around and started walking in circles.
“He probably wandered off again,” said Wars. “Of all times, too…” He grumbled.
The girl rolled her eyes, rubbed her face, and started climbing the wall.
Everyone but Twilight watched her.
“What is she doing?” asked Time.
No one knew how to respond.
She reached the top. The silence continued until Sky asked, “Should I check on her, or—”
The wall opened with a rumble and a familiar chime.
The group (except Twilight, who was still walking in circles) looked at each other in confusion.
Sky was just about to let his gadget fly when a familiar figure jumped down from the top of the cliff. The paraglider that was deployed further cemented the stranger’s identity.
“Wild!” Wars chided once their friend landed. “There you are! Where have you been?”
Wild put the paraglider away and stared at him. “… Really?”
Roolie blinked in confusion. “How… When did you get up there?”
“Did you find your way up there when you wandered off?” asked Wind.
“No, that would’ve taken too long,” said Legend. “How did you—”
“She’s gone!”
Everyone looked at Sky as his beetle returned to him.
“That girl, she’s not up there!” said Sky. “It’s like she vanished!”
“What?” they cried in unison.
“You’re sure she didn’t just walk away?” asked Legend.
“She couldn’t have,” said Sky, “there was nowhere she could go that fast!”
“But the map says—”
“Wild, you were just up there,” said Roolie. “Did you see where she went?”
Wild paused. “I was the only one up there.”
“Are you sure?” said Warriors. “How long were you up there?”
“Long enough to change and get the door open.”
“How’d you know there was a door here?” asked Four.
“‘Cause there was a switch. It’s not that hard to figure—”
“Wait—you changed in front of her?”
Wild chuckled. “Guys, I just said I was the only one up there.”
“But you had to have seen her!”
“I can’t,” Twilight wheezed. He collapsed to the ground, laughing hysterically. “You guys—you guys stop, I can’t—I can’t—” His words dissolved into full-body laughter.
Time’s good eye flicked between Twilight, Wild, and the cliff a few times. With a great, sudden guffaw, he joined Twilight in his fit of laughter.
Wild’s eyes sparkled, clearly getting the joke. “You’d think Riju would make an exception after I took down the Calamity, but no,” he said.
“Wild, what the heck are you talking about?” Wars spat.
Wild pulled a familiar piece of blue fabric out of his bag. Shook it for emphasis. “Remember this?”
“Wait,” said Legend, eyes squinting. He smirked. “You know her?”
Wild threw his arms in the air. “Not as well as I’d like to!”
Time and Twilight both howled at that. Time leaned against the wall and clutched his sides while Twilight stayed helplessly glued to the ground.
Wild rolled his eyes and stripped to his undershorts. He held up the index finger of both hands. “Now: watch carefully.” Piece by piece he put on the feminine outfit. “I could change right in front of the guards and they still let me in,” he mumbled.
“Wait…” The boys blinked several times, each repeating that word at various points in the process. “Wait…”
Wild slipped the veil over his head, completing the outfit. He held his arms out. “Ta-da.”
The boys stared at him, their brains sputtering.
Twilight, now standing, doubled over in renewed laughter. “Oh, by Ordona, you guys should see your faces!” he cried.
Time hooted. “You had us all going with that get-up!” He slapped his descendant on the arm. “I don’t know how you kept a straight face!”
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” Twilight whined.
Sky, brow furrowed in deep confusion, marched up to Wild and unhooked the veil from the rest of the headdress. Re-hooked it. Unhooked it. “I… can’t… what? I’m watching it happen and it still doesn’t make sense!”
“It’s magic, it—that’s gotta be magic!” said Legend, grasping at some reasonable explaination.
“Okay, my brain is thoroughly broken,” said Wars. He and Four both blinked rapidly and turned away.
“Is it magic?” asked Wind.
“Not as far as I know!” Wild removed the outfit, then tossed it to Legend. “You’re more familiar with that stuff, what do you say?”
He and Roolie both looked the outfit over.
“I don’t think there’s any magic in this,” said Roolie.
“There’s not,” Legend grumbled. He tossed the outfit back with extreme prejudice. “It’s just a normal outfit!”
“Wild,” said Wars, clasping him around the shoulders. “We thank you for your sacrifice. Because of your selfless act, we were able to find the monster camp.” His eyes took on a severe sheen. “Now let’s never speak of this again.”
“Agreed,” everyone echoed.
“With one exception.” Wild smirked at Sky. “If we meet your Zelda, I’m telling her you hit on me.”
Sky sputtered. “I was just making conversation!”
“Uh-huh,” the group droned in unison, “sure.”