Chapter Text
Tsukishima had been thinking it for a while now. He wanted to do it so badly, he had never wanted something, someone, so much.
The flaw… Tsukishima wasn’t good at talking to people unless he was a.) making fun of them, b.) provoking them, or c.) giving advice.
They were already a semester into the school year. With Tsukishima as a first year in college, he had no idea where anything was. A map could only do so much.
Then he happened to run into Kuroo, Kuroo helped him, Tsukishima was grateful. Tsukishima had no friends at that point so Kuroo decided to take that role. Tsukishima acted annoyed at first, rolling his eyes whenever Kuroo did something stupid; but every time it happened Kuroo would just get this big grin on his face. He knew Tsukishima wasn’t really annoyed with him.
That continued. They were friends, would hang out together, complain to each other. Then one day Tsukishima couldn’t sleep so he lay in bed, staring at the darkness that was the ceiling. He couldn’t sleep because of that day’s events.
Kuroo decided that this night was to be a movie marathon of American romance movies. Why Kuroo loved them so much, Tsukishima would never know; nonetheless, Tsukishima put up with it.
It had gotten to a particularly “romantic part” when Kuroo spoke up for the first time since the movie started.
“I wonder what it’s like to have that.” He said quietly.
“Have what?”
“A relationship like that.”
Oh. Tsukishima didn’t answer after that and he didn’t think Kuroo was expecting one anyways, but it made Tsukishima think.
Sometime when he was thinking, Kuroo decided to lay his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. His breath hitched and he was way too hyper aware for his liking.
It was like his thoughts punched him in the stomach, telling him that he liked Kuroo at the worst possible time. He had known, of course. But it had always been this subtle knowledge, something he thought he’d never act on until this very moment.
“Tsukki, you can breathe, you know.” Kuroo huffed out a laugh, situating himself better.
Anxiety filled Tsukishima’s lungs. Kuroo couldn’t like him back right? So Tsukishima probably shouldn’t let Kuroo do things like that because he might end up leading Tsukishima on, right?
“Kuroo, I—“
Kuroo’s phone rung, he paused the movie, Tsukishima didn’t get to finish his sentence.
Kuroo had been on the phone for a while now, so Tsukishima decided that he’d better just leave and let Kuroo talk in peace. So he said a quick goodbye and headed out the door, rushing back to his dorm, where he laid down in his bed to contemplate his life choices.
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“Tsukki!” Kuroo yelled, pushing through the crowd to get to the other. “Tsukki, I have some fantastic news.” He looked so excited, Tsukishima couldn’t imagine what it could have been.
“What is it?”
“I got accepted to study abroad in America. I’m so excited, you have no idea!” His smile was so wide.
Kuroo was right, he couldn’t imagine how excited he was, mostly because upon hearing that, Tsukishima felt like he was going to cry. “I’m happy for you.” Tsukishima said bluntly, turning to walk away.
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Tsukishima reluctantly stood at the airport to say goodbye to Kuroo for what seemed like would be forever.
The airport was particularly loud on the Saturday, lots of people, lots of talking, lots of pushing, lots of shoving.
He stood a fair distance from Kuroo. Over the few weeks that he’d known about Kuroo studying abroad, he’d tried to distance himself from Kuroo, to get used to not always having him there. The debate about telling Kuroo that he liked him was still raging in his mind, but finally he had come to the conclusion that he wouldn’t tell Kuroo, because if he would have rejected him before, he sure as hell would have rejected him even harder now.
“Tsukki, you don’t have to be so sad about me leaving, you know.” Kuroo had closed the distance, bumping shoulders with Tsukishima.
Tsukishima just shied away and Kuroo frowned.
“Tsukki—“
A voice came over the intercom, saying that Kuroo’s flight was ready to start boarding.
Tsukishima’s heart dropped even more.
“Tsukki, I’ll miss you so much.” Kuroo changed what he was going to say and gave Tsukishima a hug, the only time he’d actually welcome it.
Then it was the split-second decision. “Kuroo, I like you.” He said it so quietly, he thought for sure that Kuroo’d be able to hear it considering how close they were.
But then he was backing away with no response and waving goodbye.
Tsukishima couldn’t tell if it was because Kuroo hadn’t heard him, or if Kuroo was pretending he didn’t hear him because he didn’t have the response that Tsukishima wanted.