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maybe it was the fact that i was attached to you, or maybe it was when you pulled me out of the darkness only showing me light, maybe it was when we went to the ocean seeing your bright smile, how the bright sun shined down your dark brown hair making its brown color shine, or how your eyes looks at me so adoringly, or maybe its the way you well my hands feeling your warmth, or maybe its the sound of waves colliding, or maybe it was the fact that me and you we’re the only ones on the beach.
you know i wanted it to last forever, that day, that day you took me to the beach, i still remember every detail, your face, your clothes, the expression you wore as you hold my hand running in the beach, your warmth, the sound of the birds, the heat i can feel from the sun, the sand under our shoes, the water, the fizzing ocean, the waves colliding, the sky, the way the color light blue, purple, pink, orange and yellow blended into each other, the way fluffy white clouds surrounding it, the way the sun lights shows under the clouds, shining down on us.
i squinted my eyes getting blinded by the suns light but still seeing every single detail about your features, instinctively making my eyes widen a bit more to see more of you. this memory, this place, your face, your body, your hair, your clothes, everything about you i wanted it to last forever, and so i painted it, but even that painting couldn’t capture the beauty that you have, i made you my model.
the amount of paintings i have of you, your face, your eyes, your moles, the color of your lips, i wanted to paint it even if it didn’t come close to your ethereal beauty. so i asked you if i can paint you, and you agreed. you sat in a stool, with a loose with sweater, showing your pretty collarbones and the mole just between you neck and collarbone, your black baggy shorts just reaching your knees as you sit with a soft smile on your face, asking me what position should you do.
the butterflies i would get from to the point of almost puking, sometimes i felt that i didn’t deserve you at all, having you treat me so well, you saying that you’d do anything that would make me happy made me not want to let go of you at all. the warm touches that you give me, whether it’d be kisses, hugs, leaning down on my shoulder, or just simply brushing you finger tips on my hair. i wanted all of it, i loved it more than anything.
i love how you look at me and only me that way, i love how you have a special place in your heart for me, i love how you don’t do the things with other people the way you do it with me, i love how my love will always grow more and more no matter how long we’re together, i love how you get so shy when i try to shower you with my love, i love everything about you, i love you.
i love you.
╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮
i love you, and you love me. so why are you gone?, why aren’t you here. didn’t you say that you loved me and you will never leave me? so why??? why? you promised me we would grow old together, to have children whether they’d be adopted or not, you promised didn’t you? you said to me that day, that day on the beach, you said to me for the first time, and then you said it again, you wrote it on a paper, so why?
why am i looking on the grass ground with a stone saying your name, your birthday, and the day you left? you promised didn’t you? you kissed me, you hugged me, you touched me in ways no one ever did, you showed me places i didn’t even know existed, you showed me happiness, you made me feel emotions that i didn’t even know i could feel, was all that fake? was your i love yous fake? was the goodmorning kisses, helping me dress up, tying my hair, kissing every single mole on my face, hugging me at night, listening to my problems, comforting me through sweet words that almost made me feel diabetic , your good nights to me every night before i sleep, the promise rings we have on each other, the earrings we both have thats the color of my and your eyes, the promises, the letters when we couldn’t see each other, the calls, the texts, the years, the months, every minute and second of each other, was it all fake?