Chapter Text
Sleepless nights are all Sunghoon knows these days. No matter how tired he is, nor how much he tries to shut down his brain, he can't take him out of his head.
Kim Sunoo. Sunghoon's best friend and obsession. The two of them are basically attached at the hip and have been inseparable since secondary school.
At first, it was fate that brought the two of them together when they had just entered primary school, but now, as college students, it's Sunghoon's own hand making sure they're almost never apart, from the schools they attend, to the subjects they study, and down to their daily activities.
Sunghoon first saw Sunoo when he was in first grade, but they were in different classes. It was only during recess that they'd get to play together before parting ways once again. That didn't stop them from quickly becoming best friends, begging their parents to let them hang out outside of school too.
When they were 14, Sunoo had chosen to go to an art school, and naturally, Sunghoon followed. His dream and his parents' expectations had always been for him to become a successful lawyer, but wherever Sunoo went, Sunghoon felt a strong pull dragging him along. Needless to say, his parents weren't happy in the slightest. They'd warned him endlessly about how bad of an idea it was for his future, but all he could focus on was the fact he would spend more time with Sunoo, his best friend.
Sunghoon was quick to pick up anything he learned, blessed with an exceptional intellect and natural talent that advanced him through school without much effort. It was easy to keep on top of his school work and still have enough time to plan out his next moves on Sunoo.
At first, his attachment was a little odd - his parents had noticed. Despite how smart he was, Sunghoon had always been a bit of a recluse. He wasn't shy, but he didn't particularly enjoy making idle conversation. In general, people were naturally drawn to him so a lot of them tried to befriend him, and he didn't object. In reality, he didn't accept either - he simply didn't care. However, Sunoo was the only person he was actively seeking, thinking about him way too much, following him everywhere.
As they got older, Sunghoon's obsession with Sunoo had become a bit of a concern for his parents. They were trying to be understanding - Sunghoon had always been a little… Different. They were happy to know their son had a pillar of stability in his life, but they couldn't help but wonder - what was going to happen when they had to finally part ways, when Sunoo got his own life to worry about and didn't have any time for Sunghoon anymore?
Well, Sunghoon had been planning in advance to make sure that was never going to happen.
He and Sunoo were both studying the same major in college - Sunghoon made sure they would. The two of them lived in the same building - Sunghoon made sure they would! It had been a bit of a struggle - Sunoo's parents had already set a roommate up for him, some friend of his sister's, apparently. Up until then, Sunghoon had been looking forward to living with Sunoo, so his world nearly came crashing down when he found out. Still, he didn't give up. The same day Sunoo told him, he was already looking into the available flats and luck had been in his favour.
So, Sunghoon's life revolves around Sunoo, and he normally likes it that way. But sometimes, there's nights like this, where he can't find rest.
His mind is filled with images of his sweet little Sunoo, and his heart races as he imagines his gentle smile that he always offers Sunghoon when they're together. He has a problem. He's addicted to orbiting Sunoo, to having him in his line of sight and arms at all times, to making sure everyone knows who Sunoo belongs to.
Well, belongs is a big word. They aren't even officially dating, but in Sunghoon's mind they're happily married and that's all that matters.
Nowadays, his once needy, naive attachment to Sunoo has evolved into something dangerous and vile. Something he knows better than to speak up about. Openly talking about following Sunoo everywhere got him weird looks - he knows what would happen if anyone truly knew the full extent of his needs and urges.
Sunghoon twists and turns in his bed, dragging his hands over his face and digging his nails into his skin. He groans. He's heating up. He feels consumed by his need for Sunoo. He itches… Itches to hold Sunoo, to hear him, to smell him, to touch him and to carve Sunoo's name into his skin and paint the floor with his blood, to write Sunoo's name in the crimson liquid. He needs to feel Sunoo on him, inside of him, in any way he can. Sunoo, Sunoo, Sunoo. His pretty Sunoo.
So pretty. After all, it's only natural that Sunghoon would be obsessed! Who wouldn't be…
Who wouldn't be obsessed with Sunoo…
…
Sunghoon sits up so quickly his head spins. Are there other people obsessed with Sunoo as much as he is? Ah- silly question, of course there aren't. But surely, there's people out there thinking about getting their filthy, undeserving hands on him. Sunghoon simply can't have that.
He lies back down onto the bed, looking up at his ceiling. Perhaps he should look some more into Sunoo's friends. If it was up to Sunghoon, he wouldn't let anyone interact with the younger boy, but sometimes it's simply not worth the effort. He's quick to determine which of his targets are threatening or not. Sunghoon would much rather spend his time cuddling Sunoo than stalk his friends, although, if the day comes where he will need to eliminate someone, he has several plans.
.
"Have a nice day!" Sunoo chirps cutely, grabbing his and Sunghoon's coffees, bringing them to their table.
Sunghoon grinds his teeth and his jaw ticks, but he tries to play his frustration off, "Huh, that guy was totally gonna pop a boner just now," he says out of the blue, chuckling to himself.
Sunoo throws him a weirded out look, "Hyung, what are you even talking about?"
"The barista. He was flirting with you. Do you think he does that with all his clients?" Sunghoon sits up straighter, his mind beginning to spiral as he glares at the worker, "Maybe we should call his manager over."
"Hyung!" Sunoo laughs like he's heard the funniest knee-slapper ever, smacking Sunghoon's hand, "That's so funny. He clearly is just doing his job, come on," he shakes his head, passing it off as a joke.
A joke. Why is this so funny to Sunoo? He can't just let all these weirdos thirst for him.
"Besides, it's not like I care about him," Sunoo smiles shyly, tracing Sunghoon's knuckles with his fingertip as he sips his coffee.
It's strange - this effect Sunoo has on him. Sunghoon feels himself becoming calmer as Sunoo plays with his hand. They smile at each other before Sunoo shuffles to get back to finishing his homework on his laptop, and Sunghoon moves to do the same.
He's nearly basically forgotten all about whatever upset him, when he glances one last time at Sunoo and something catches his eye. The side of his cup reads… Sunoo :).
Huh… A smiley face? Sunghoon checks his own. There's only his name on it.
His head snaps in the direction of the barista again, his face scrunching as anger bubbles within him, threatening to boil over. He knew it. The idiot was totally flirting with his Sunoo. Sunghoon needs him gone.
Well, if there is a different barista two days later when he and Sunoo go to grab another drink, Sunghoon doesn't comment on it. Nor the day after, or in the following weeks. He simply goes back to his dorm room and deletes all of the guy's incriminating personal pictures off his laptop, satisfied with himself. Now his Sunoo is safer, and that's all that matters.
.
A few weeks later, it's nearing the Christmas break, and every student has basically given up on being productive. That includes Sunoo, who's been dragging Sunghoon along to all the parties and gatherings his friends were hosting.
He seemed excited, so Sunghoon easily accepted. It would be fine, since he could be by Sunoo's side as at all times.
Only, as soon as Sunghoon sits down to have a drink - non-alcoholic, since he was the designated driver - the next second, Sunoo is being dragged away onto the dancefloor. Sunghoon is up on his feet without missing a beat, ready to cause a scene.
He feels himself being forced back down as his roommate tugs on his sleeve. He glares in his direction, but the guy just frowns at him, "Sunghoon, leave him alone. He's just with his friends," Jake justifies.
Sunghoon narrows his eyes at him before looking back at Sunoo, "His stupid friends are flirting with him."
Jake looks scandalised, as if Sunghoon grew another head, but he just sighs, "No, they aren't! They're just talking."
"Sunoo is giggling. What the fuck does he think-"
"Yeah, he's laughing, Sunghoon. Sunoo finds everything funny. Leave him alone," Jake holds Sunghoon more tightly, only relaxing his hold when he feels his roommate settle a bit more, calming down.
Jake has been trying to get to know Sunghoon better since they moved in together - Sunghoon is smart, charming, and really attractive. Honestly, Jake was simply trying to get into his pants at first. That was until Sunghoon began talking to him about Sunoo. Initially, Jake was convinced the two of them were dating, so his hopes were quickly shattered. After all, Sunghoon and this boyfriend of his were hanging out more than any married couple Jake had seen, and Sunghoon talked about him as if they'd been romantically involved for years, not to mention his evident jealousy and possessiveness.
Sunghoon was usually incredibly patient and relaxed, unmovable, not the type to show his feelings - Jake often wondered if he was a robot. As a result, Jake was terrified the first time he experienced Sunghoon lashing out about some person who'd been shooting their shot with Sunoo that day. Yunjin, was their name, someone in his and Sunoo's class. Jake's heart raced as Sunghoon roamed around their flat, mumbling to himself. He looked batshit crazy, with his eyes wider than saucers, biting onto his nails and a sadistic smile stretched across his face. Jake flinched as Sunghoon rushed to his room and slammed the door shut behind him.
Jake woke up to a very normal, relaxed Sunghoon the next day. They'd walked together to campus, simply chatting about trivial things - Sunghoon was not one for small talk, but he seemed to be in a good mood. Jake felt at ease - perhaps he had misjudged him the night before. Perhaps Sunghoon just had a bit of a temperamental issue, but that’s nothing worth alienating him for.
Well, he thought nothing of it, until they'd met up with Sunoo, and as they walked towards their block, the latter had shared about how Yunjin suddenly dropped out of the project, and wasn't going to make it for the final presentation. Jake slowed down his pace, until he came to a complete stop, falling behind. When Sunghoon had noticed, he just looked behind him, catching the concerned look in Jake's eyes as the wheels began turning in his mind. Sunghoon simply smiled at him gently yet knowingly, gesturing at Jake to keep his mouth shut before wrapping an arm around Sunoo, who kept chatting away. They continued walking snuggled up to each other as Jake dragged himself to his class while the worst thoughts plagued his mind. Ha, surely he was just overreacting. This wasn’t some kind of drama on TV, but real life. It’s irrational. Sunghoon is nothing like that…
.
Over the months that followed, Jake had gotten pretty close to Sunghoon. He would even consider them close friends. For one reason or another, Sunghoon had completely ruled Jake out as a threat, and instead befriended him, even becoming vulnerable and opening up about his personal life. That was something completely out of Sunghoon's usual pattern of behaviour.
Jake had forgotten all about the doubts he initially had about him, and enjoyed the time he got to spend with Sunghoon, so that’s why nowadays he’s beginning to feel… Strange, again.
Sunghoon barely ever comes out of his room lately, and if he does, it’s not to hang out with Jake as they’d often do. Instead, he goes out at unorthodox hours of the night, ignoring all of Jake’s questioning about his whereabouts the next day.
it’s not like Jake is completely out of the loop, though. It would just be easier if Sunghoon spoke up and didn’t let Jake’s mind wander.
Jake decides he’s had enough, as he catches Sunghoon in the kitchen one evening, “I wanna talk to you.”
Sunghoon doesn’t even flinch at the sudden intrusion, and for a moment Jake thinks he must have not heard him, “I said, I wanna t-”
“Then talk,” Sunghoon replies, voice sober and austere in a way that sends shivers down Jake’s spine.
Well, he didn’t expect to get this far. Sunghoon’s been basically avoiding him for the past few weeks!
It’s quiet while Jake thinks carefully about his next words. The TV hums in the background, and the clock in the kitchen ticks steadily, matching the motion of Sunghoon’s knife hitting the cutting board as he continues chopping away, not turning around to face Jake once.
“We never hang out anymore,” he says simply, but the hurt in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed.
“I’m busy,” Sunghoon replies without missing a beat.
Jake frowns, “Me too? But we could still hang out a bit? You don’t even speak to me!”
“I’m speaking to you right now.”
Fucking hell, Sunghoon has to be taking the piss.
“Barely!”
Sunghoon sighs, “I don’t know what you want, Jake. If you have something to say, spit it out. I can’t read your mind,” he reasons, shrugging as he begins washing the knife after throwing some vegetable into a pot.
He’s so nonchalant, as if Jake’s complaint isn’t worth his attention or time.
“What do you think I want? I just want you to hang out with me more. What are you so busy with? Stalking Sunoo and every person who interacts with him? You’re so obsessed when you’re not even dating him!” Jake spits out, regretting it as soon as it’s out. He clenches his fists, why did he say that? He knows Sunoo is basically a trigger for Sunghoon’s feelings, be it good or bad. Mostly bad, as the guy hates knowing anyone else besides him even as much as perceives Sunoo's existence. And besides, he’s in no position to dissect their relationship.
Jake shakes as Sunghoon stabs the knife into the cutting board, forcing it to stand upright as he turns around, an unreadable look on his face.
He approaches Jake slowly, expression morphing into something sad and mildly unsettling, “... Why do you care so much?” Sunghoon asks, unblinking.
The shorter boy gulps, slowly stepping backwards as Sunghoon comes closer, “B-because you’re my frie-”
“Do you like Sunoo?”
“Huh?!”
“Do you?” Sunghoon asks, raising his eyebrows, eyes wide and piercing. His pupils are dilated and unmoving as his glare remains trained on Jake, anticipating his response.
Jake’s heart races as he frowns, shaking his head frantically, “Of course not! I don’t-”
“Wanna fuck him? Huh? Think you have a single fucking chance over me, Jake?” Sunghoon mutters, all up in Jake’s face, backing the smaller boy up against a wall.
He has such a threatening and menacing aura - nothing Jake is used to seeing from him. There is no mercy or kindness in his face, and his pupils are blown so wide Jake briefly wonders if Sunghoon's been taking something. He can feel his heart pounding into his head as he pushes Sunghoon away from him and dashes to his room, slamming the door behind him and locking it.
Jake decides he’s not that hungry anyway, so he skips dinner. He also decides it’s probably better to stay out of Sunghoon’s way, just like the latter’s been doing until now. Perhaps Sunghoon's been trying to shield him all this time.
.
“Our calls are always so~ long, hyung,” Sunoo yawns out, and Sunghoon watches him shuffle in his bed.
Sunghoon bites his lip as Sunoo sets his phone against his raised pillows and reaches out of the frame to turn off his bedside lamp. Sunoo stretches over and his loose shirt rides up as he does, and his tiny black shorts do nothing to hide his narrow waist and pretty thighs that Sunghoon wants to leave his mark all over. Sunoo’s been joining him at the gym a lot more recently, and it shows. Sunghoon can’t help how his dick twitches the longer he lets his mind run wild with all the filthy thoughts he has about getting his hands all over Sunoo.
“You don’t like talking to me?” He asks, tone low and serious, once Sunoo has settled back down onto his stomach.
Sunoo looks scandalised at the accusation, “Eh? Of course I do, hyung, don’t be silly!” He giggles, and Sunghoon’s lips quirk up into a smile as he listens to his favourite sound, “But we see each other every day, heh. It’s nice that we still have so much to s-”
“Night, Sunoo-ya!” A muffled shout in the background interrupts Sunoo’s train of thought.
“Good night!” He replies, turning towards the door. Sunghoon eyes his skillfully sculpted side profile, only thinking about how he wants to trace Sunoo's jawline with his lips.
“Sorry, that was just Jay-hyung,” Sunoo smiles apologetically, taking his phone into his hands and flipping onto his back, pulling his fluffy blanket up to his neck, “Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow, hyungie. Nighty, mwah!~”
Sunoo brings the phone close to his face, puckering his lips and smacking them loudly as he offers Sunghoon an air-kiss. The latter playfully turns his face around and puffs his cheek out, gratefully accepting his good night smooch. Sunoo laughs one more time as they wave at each other, hanging up.
Sunghoon throws his phone aside and closes his eyes, feeling warm as he imagines Sunoo kissing him for real. The thought of those pretty, shiny lips against his own have brought him some of his most satisfying orgasms, after all. With a teasing squeeze at his crotch that has him wincing, he ignores the erection he developed from just talking to Sunoo, in favour of less pleasant thoughts.
He thinks about Jay. Does Sunoo ever share a bed with him? Does Jay always get to see him in those cute pyjama shorts? He grinds his teeth, anger bubbling up inside him as he thinks about how he should be Sunoo’s roommate and how sick and twisted fate is for separating them.
Who even is Jay? Sunghoon suddenly jolts from where he’s lying down, crossing his legs as he grabs his phone. As far as he knows, Jay is a friend of Sunoo’s sister, who comes from an incredibly fortunate family. He doesn't have any issue supporting his and Sunoo's rent with his daddy's money. Sunghoon scoffs. What a snob, he thinks, albeit a bit hypocritical considering his own upbringing was very comfortable. Regardless, this is no time for rational thinking.
He spends yet another night stalking learning, tracing back Jay’s digital footprint, gathering all the garbage he can find on the guy. It feels a little hopeless - Jay has a pretty clean record, what with his family having an image to maintain. Whatever, Sunghoon thinks, biting away at his cuticles as he rocks back and forth to remain calm. He can get rid of the guy in other ways.
Once he begins hearing the birds chirping outside, he figures he should probably sleep. That’s right, he needs to rest if he wants to uphold his image. He can’t allow Sunoo, or anyone for that matter, to have any suspicions about his well-being.
His thoughts are filled with Sunoo as he closes his eyes, dreaming about his small, pretty body under his own. He'll get exactly what he wants, one of these days.
.
"I'm sick of this class, hyung," Sunoo whines as he and Sunghoon sit down at their usual spot in the canteen.
Sunghoon can't say he's a huge fan of the art history class, either. After all, he's only taking this course to be close to Sunoo at all times. He might be on top of all his uni workload, but he'd much rather spend his time doing Sunoo than doing his coursework.
Sunghoon's heart picks up the pace as Sunoo leans against his shoulder, looking up at him through his long lashes, "Sunghoonie-hyung, do you think I'm gonna pass, at least?"
Without missing a beat, Sunghoon nods, "Naturally. I'll tutor you, if you want," he suggests, gleefully watching Sunoo's pout stretch out into a wide, toothy smile.
"Ah, I guess I have no choice but to take Mr. Park's classes again," Sunoo rolls his eyes teasingly, bumping his shoulder.
The two of them study often, but for whatever reason, Sunoo can't keep up sometimes. He's… Distracted, to say the least. In his defence, it's difficult to want to do work when your study buddy is Sunghoon. Even now, as Sunoo rests his cheek on Sunghoon's shoulder and looks up to observe his sharp jawline, the tall slope of his nose and the small stubble on his chin, the last thing on his mind is the downfall of academic art and the rise of abstraction. He could probably write a dissertation on why Sunghoon's face is a work of art, though.
When Sunghoon looks down at him, their proximity makes Sunoo's heart shake. Sunghoon glances down at his lips as his chewing slows down, following the motion of Sunoo's tongue swiping over them nervously.
"Grmh," he sits up, clearing his throat, ignoring the funny feeling in his stomach, "Jay-hyung is visiting his family in Gyeongju this week," he states, brushing his washed out purple locks behind his ear, "So we could have a sleepover! You can tutor me then," he shrugs nonchalantly.
He is plenty nonchalant, thank you very much. Sunghoon is his best friend, so he can totally behave normally around him. He's definitely not suggesting this arrangement just so he can snuggle up to Sunghoon and cuddle. Sunoo shivers simply considering the idea, hoping his rosy cheeks won't give him away too much.
On the other hand, if Sunghoon was a dog, his tail would be wagging right now. Having Sunoo all to himself - he's not sure how much longer he can hold back.
They never have sleepovers. Of course, he'd have his sweetheart over, but his room is always full of files and suspicious folders that Sunoo is better off not knowing about. Besides that, Jay is so strict about having guests over, so even staying the night is out of the question.
He's not only always cautious and calculated, but the universe is also often cursing him with hindrances he needs to get rid of - so an opportunity like this rarely falls into his hands.
It won't get better than this.
That’s how he finds himself in Sunoo’s bed the very next evening, watching The Silence of The Lambs, at the younger boy’s enthusiastic suggestion. Sunghoon is not one for thrillers, but it’s also not like he’s paying attention to the movie. Sunoo is snuggled up to him, small fists balling up Sunghoon’s shirt as his eyes remain trained on the laptop screen. He’s jumpy and tense - Sunghoon can feel him shiver when he runs a gentle hand down his side, settling on his hip.
Sunghoon decides they’ve seen enough of the movie.
He pushes the laptop off his lap, offering Sunoo a small smile when the boy looks up at him as he makes a confused little sound, “Hyung?” He asks.
Sunghoon doesn’t directly reply and instead he holds Sunoo a bit closer, laying him against the soft sheets. He hovers over him for a moment, simply admiring his beauty. Sunoo is so pretty as he watches him, cheeks tinting pink, eyes wide and curious about Sunghoon’s next move. The latter bites his lip - Sunoo looks like he wants this, wants him. Sunghoon wonders if he's been fantasising about this as much as he has.
No reason to keep him waiting. Sunghoon leans in slowly yet confidently, pressing his lips against Sunoo’s.
Holy fuck.
Trying not to lose his shit, Sunghoon continues gently moving his lips against Sunoo’s. It feels better than he ever imagined. He's becoming a little too excited as the boy allows him, even encourages him by responding to his kiss. Despite being a little shy, Sunoo is happily melting into Sunghoon’s kiss, tightening his hold on the boy’s shirt. He definitely wants this. That new knowledge messes with the wiring of Sunghoon's brain a little, feeling a rush of dopamine fogging up the rationality and reason in his brain.
Sunoo's lips are soft and wet, and they taste sweet, like the gummy bears he's been munching on while watching the movie. Sunghoon's hand wanders lower and he lifts the boy's sweater up, carefully dragging the tips of his fingers down Sunoo's back, feeling the pretty arch of his spine and the goosebumps emerging on his skin. The action brings their bodies closer until they're chest to chest, and Sunoo breaks the kiss, pushing Sunghoon away timidly.
"Sunoo-ya," Sunghoon says as both of them catch their breath.
Sunoo smiles to himself, hiding his face behind his hands as he makes a cute noise that tells Sunghoon how shy he is. Nervous? He has no reason to - Sunghoon will take care of him.
"Sunoo," he repeats a little more firmly, and Sunoo peeks through a gap between his fingers, "I love you," Sunghoon confesses, holding him close.
Sunoo whines but it quickly turns into a giggle as Sunghoon gently removes his hands from his face and pecks his hot cheeks. He's so red and flustered, Sunghoon can't believe he gets to see him in such a state. Well, Sunghoon chuckles to himself, who else would if not him? That's silly. After all, Sunoo is all and only his to see in all of his vulnerable moments.
Sunghoon can't help himself, and he sees no reason to. Sunoo is his, and he clearly loves him back, so it's fine to keep going. He keeps on touching Sunoo, his hand moving under his sweater, lightly tickling his soft and milky skin. Sunoo shivers as cold fingers trace his ribs and stomach, and he stops them right before they can cup his chest.
"S-Sunghoonie-hyung," he stutters, giggling, trying to pull Sunghoon's hand away from his body but the latter doesn't budge. Sunoo becomes a little fidgety then as Sunghoon's thumb flicks at his perky nipple, and he realises this is going further than he wanted, "Uh, Hoonie, uhm-"
Getting a little worried, Sunoo tries to speak up or push Sunghoon away, but the boy starts kissing him again, effectively shutting him up. He doesn't want to reject Sunghoon - he likes him too much, and he has been wanting this for ages now, but… Not quite this much, just yet.
Sunoo has no experience because he wants to take it slow. Are there girls and guys basically lining up to have a chance with him? Obviously, but Sunghoon deals with them before they can even consider making a move. Still, opportunities presented themselves to Sunoo, but he knew he wanted something serious.
He's a bit naive like that, dreaming of a fairy-tale romance, with him as the… prince in a predicament, if you will, and Sunghoon as his knight in shining armour.
Distressed by Sunghoon not hearing him out, he pushes him a little harder, managing to put some distance between them. He's immediately filled with guilt as he observes Sunghoon's hurt reaction - he resembles a kicked puppy and it makes Sunoo feel like he's making a mistake - but he tries to lighten the mood, "Is- uhm, how about we… Leave this for next time?" He smiles, his finger nervously toying with Sunghoon's collar.
He feels like Sunghoon is the only person he can trust, especially with his boundaries. Sunghoon takes good care of him, he's always a gentleman, helps him all the time - and now, with his confession, Sunoo's heart swelled painfully in his chest. He has so much love to give to Sunghoon, but he'd prefer to take it one step at a time, to make it feel… real.
Sunghoon is confused, and hurt, and it shows. Why would Sunoo push him away? He looked so excited just now… Does… Does he like someone else? Surely not. There's- there's no way! Sunghoon made sure of it, day and night. So then, what is it? Does he not believe that Sunghoon loves him? Why would they leave it for next time when the planets have basically aligned for Sunghoon right now?
"You… You don't believe that I love you," Sunghoon accuses him, a sad lilt to his voice.
Sunoo shakes his head frantically, holding Sunghoon's hand tightly, "No! Hoonie-hyung, that's not it. I know you do-"
"You don't! You need me to show you, and I will. I'll show you, baby. I'll take good care of you," Sunghoon's dilated pupils and firm tone are starting to scare Sunoo, who feels unable to word out his feelings, "I failed somewhere, hmm," Sunghoon shakes his head, eyes wide as he snatches out of Sunoo's hold and grabs both of his wrists, climbing on top of him and trapping him under his body. He ignores Sunoo's worried pleas to hear him out, to listen, "You'll see how much I love you, Sun. I'll make you feel so good," he promises.
He shuts Sunoo up with another kiss, pinning his wrists down by his head. Sunoo gasps as Sunghoon presses his body against his, and the latter uses that as his cue to enter the younger boy's mouth, interlacing their tongues. Sunoo thrashes under him, tries to break out of his hold, to turn his head, but it's to no avail. No matter how far he gets, Sunghoon is stronger.
"Relax, Sun. I know you must be excited, but hyung will give you what you need if you're just a little bit patient," Sunghoon says in a sickeningly sweet tone, not moved by the tears in Sunoo's terrified eyes.
"H-hyung," Sunoo hiccups, "You don't have to do this…"
Sunghoon smiles, "Baby, you're gonna have to stay still for me, unless you want me to tie you up?" His expression is fond and gentle, and Sunoo doesn't know what to feel, "Heh, didn't know you were into that, Sun. We can play around next time."
What next time?! Sunoo resists Sunghoon's touches, hides himself, attempts to keep Sunghoon at a distance, but he realises it's not a good idea when his hands are suddenly grabbed and his wrists get twisted uncomfortably until he's writhing in pain and arching his back off the mattress, pleading for forgiveness. A warning? A threat? Sunghoon's sweet expression is still unreadable even as he tortures him.
"Do you ever think about this, Sunoo?" He asks once Sunoo has settled a bit more. He rubs at his aching wrists when Sunghoon lets go of him, tears streaking his cheeks. Sunghoon's hands pull his sweater up to his chest, wandering over his body curiously, "I think about it all the time. Your pretty body under mine, my name falling from your sweet lips," Sunghoon admits his fantasies, leaning in closer until Sunoo can feel his breath on his face, "Come on," Sunghoon beckons, and Sunoo watches him attentively, "Say it. Say my name."
"I- I don't want to… I don't want this…" Sunoo complains, shaking his head.
Sunghoon frowns, "But… But don't you love me?" He asks brokenly.
Sunoo gulps, blinking quickly as more tears fall from his eyes. Of course he loves him! That's just ridiculous… For a moment, he doesn't attempt to restrain Sunghoon even if his hands are free. He simply doesn't understand… How is this still Sunghoon - his Sunghoon? His favourite person, his best hyung, the person he feels safest with. Looking at him now, he's got that warmth in his eyes that Sunoo adores so much, and it fucks with his mind even more. Sunghoon loves him, so… What is this? Is this still him showing his love?
"Su-," he sniffles, "Sunghoonie-hyung," he watches as Sunghoon's expression morphs into a pretty smile at the sound of his name falling past Sunoo's plump lips, "Please… Stop. Let's wait, please, just a bit longer, not even that much, plea-"
Sunghoon's eye twitches and his smile falls, and Sunoo braces himself for- he doesn't know what, but he's shaking like a leaf, cowering away.
"Is it Jay?"
Sunoo fearfully glances up at Sunghoon from where he's hiding behind his arm, "H-huh?"
"It's Jay, right? You… Do you like him? Did he touch you?"
Sunoo blinks at him, thoroughly confused. What does Jay have to do with anything?
"Did he, Sunoo?! I'll break his fu-"
"No! Hyung! He didn't touch me… I don't even- there's nothing going on between us!" Sunoo yells in a panic, louder than he intends to, afraid for his roommate. It's true, though - there is nothing going on! "You're the one I like, hyung. It's always been you!" He confesses, eyes watering again.
He's getting emotional thinking about the Sunghoon he fell for, compared to the one he's discovering now.
Nevertheless, that seems to immediately placate Sunghoon. He kisses Sunoo's cheeks softly, wiping his salty tears, "Of course you do, baby. How could I ever doubt you?" He pouts, tucking some of Sunoo's pastel hair behind his ear, "I'm sorry. Let hyung make it up to you. You're just nervous, right? Don't worry, you know hyung knows best," he reassures Sunoo, leaving more small pecks to his lips and chin, before sitting up.
He gets off Sunoo's lap and walks to grab his bag, mumbling something about having brought all he needs with him.
Sunoo isn't really paying attention. While Sunghoon's back is turned and he's rummaging through his bag, Sunoo is eyeing his bedroom door. He knows it's not locked, so if he just makes a dash for it-
He sits up, one foot touching the ground, when something obscures the point he's fixated onto, and he hears a click. He quickly realises Sunghoon has locked the door, and is now staring at him, "Oh? Where are you going, angel? Need something?" He asks, his tone sincerely worried. Sincere? Sunoo isn't actually sure if Sunghoon is acting oblivious just to give him a second chance out of the kindness of his heart, or if he's serious.
Reality slowly sinks in for Sunoo as he realises he has no way out. He sneaks a glance to his left and to his right, thinking about distracting Sunghoon somehow, but it's hopeless. He tenses up when he feels Sunghoon's big hand cupping his cheek, "The…" He swallows hard, trying to control his trembling voice. He feels so small under his touch, and it rather scares him, "N-no. Nothing, hyung," he frowns, looking away. He allows Sunghoon to gently push him back onto his back, and then he's once again at his mercy.
Sunghoon kisses across Sunoo's jawline and down his neck, leaving damp trails that cool down Sunoo's burning skin, and in a way, he aches for more.
"Good. I've got all we need right here," Sunghoon reassures him, waving something pink in front of his face. Sunoo's eyes widen as he observes the small, baby pink dildo in Sunghoon's hand.
Sunghoon sets it down and crawls between Sunoo's legs - after a bit of a struggle of prying them open - to help him get rid of his hoodie, before moving his attention to his bare chest. Sunoo whimpers as he attempts to hide his body, getting louder when Sunghoon latches his lips onto his skin.
Sunoo gasps weak no's as Sunghoon pins his wrists down and continues kissing his tightening brown nipples, licking and sucking on them until they're swollen. Sunoo's eyes are screwed shut as he attempts to stop his flowing tears, yet Sunghoon ignores his discomfort, pulling away from the younger boy's spit-slick pec with a pop!, before kissing down his slim abdomen.
He holds Sunoo's small waist between his hands, shifting onto the bed until he can comfortably give attention to his happy trail. He teases the softness of Sunoo's tummy there with the tip of his nose - a feather-light touch that almost distracts him from Sunghoon slowly working his black joggers down.
Sunoo panics, gripping Sunghoon's hands in an attempt to stop him, "No, no! Please, hyung, stop-," he begs when Sunghoon hooks a finger under the waistband of his briefs, threatening to remove them too.
Offering him a fond smile, Sunghoon forces Sunoo's bottoms off down to his knees with a mildly terrifying strength, leaving his small, chubby cock exposed to the chilly air.
Sunoo wails, twisting and turning into himself, hands flying to cover himself. He shifts onto his side, struggling to pull his pants back up, to move away from Sunghoon. To hell with trying to sneak out! He'll get up and run out that door right n-
"No!" He squeals as Sunghoon pulls him back by his hips and fully removes his sweatpants and briefs in one go, forcing his legs apart and hands away from where he's trying to push Sunghoon away, "Sunghoon, please don't, pl- AH!"
Sunghoon's strong grip on his wrists is bruising as he twists them in his hold and pins them down, the shocking pain slowing down Sunoo's kicking and thrashing.
The elder boy sighs, "You're making this harder than it needs to be. I don't want to hurt you," Sunghoon states simply, although the statement is laced with something dangerous. He leans closer to Sunoo's face, "Hyung just wants to take care of you. Don't you want that?" The ease with which Sunghoon's temperament changes gives Sunoo whiplash.
Sunoo is crying uncontrollably by now, tears completely blurring his vision and choking him up. He could scream. He could keep trying to push Sunghoon away, he could… bite him, or something. Still, he doesn't do any of that. Sunoo just pleads Sunghoon with his watery eyes instead, hoping to somehow reach the real Sunghoon. The one he knows and loves.
"Sunoo-ya," Sunghoon whispers, mercifully releasing Sunoo's stinging wrists, "I love you. You know that, right?" His eyes hold a type of hurt that fills Sunoo with guilt despite the rational part of his brain trying to tell him this makes no sense.
He breathes shakily, bottom lip quivering as he attempts to speak through his whimpers, "I…" He sniffles, shutting his eyes as Sunghoon traces his face with a gentle finger.
He feels goosebumps rising on his skin as Sunghoon caresses his high cheeks and dipping the pad of his fingertip into his philtrum, before tracing the shape of his wet and raw-bitten lips. He briefly remembers he's completely naked under Sunghoon's body that radiates so much warmth, and he feels shivers electrocuting him.
His sobs quiet down eventually. Sunghoon emanates comfort. His touch is addictive and his presence in his daily life is indispensable. His voice and words are gentle… Even now, when his actions aren't. Sunoo begins to feel dizzy as he allows Sunghoon to placate him.
"I know, hyung," Sunoo breathes out, "I love you too…"
Smiling, Sunghoon nods, "I know you do."
It's all he says before he carefully lets go of Sunoo completely, as if he's testing the waters.
Sunoo lies completely still, no longer attempting to cover or distance himself. He doesn't flinch when Sunghoon traces his V lines, and meets Sunghoon's eyes when the latter calls out his name. Sunghoon bites his lip to contain his excitement. Sunoo loves him so much. He's so good, so perfect, and all his. Everything is going according to plan.
Sunoo winces as Sunghoon takes his small cock between his long fingers and tugs at it, his hands itching to push him away. Still, he simply lets more tears fall, tuning out Sunghoon's praises. Despite how they make his heart swell, he doesn't want to hear any of it. All he can think about is how he's too scared to resist him anymore. He knows it'll just be worse if he does. He's too upset to feel any arousal, and as a contrast to the heat he brings, Sunghoon's hands are still cold, making it that much harder.
Nevertheless, Sunghoon finds him adorable, "You're so pretty, my Sun. Do you know how many times I've thought about this moment? How you're in my dreams every night," he mutters quietly as his other hand massages Sunoo's plush thigh.
Sunghoon lets go of him for a moment, settling more comfortably on his knees and resting Sunoo's legs on his hips. He admires Sunoo's milky and pink skin for a moment, before grabbing the bottle of lube he brought with himself.
"My baby's probably never touched himself like this, right?" Sunghoon asks, letting the liquid run down two of his fingers.
Sunoo looks away, cheeks aflame, "N-no, hyung, never…"
"Are you nervous?"
Sunoo feels another tear rolling down across the bridge of his nose, and he nods once. Nervous is one way of putting it. He feels… Scared. Hopeless. There's no way out for him. He can tell Sunghoon he doesn't want it, but it's not like it's going to change anything.
"Mm, don't worry. I'll make sure it won't hurt," he promises.
I don't care if it hurts, Sunoo thinks. Sunghoon's betrayal hurts more.
Sunghoon folds one of Sunoo's legs closer towards his chest, making enough space to fit his hand between Sunoo's legs. The younger boy gasps as a wet finger circles his tight, virgin entrance, before breaching it. He immediately clenches down on it, unfamiliar with the feeling. It's not painful, but it's unpleasant, and he wants none of it right now.
He slowly tries to relax when Sunghoon instructs him to, and as soon as he thinks he's finally got used to it, there's another finger forcing its way in. Sunoo squeaks but Sunghoon keeps his body in place, slowly sinking both of his fingers inside his ass. He scissors him open for a bit, before removing his hands from Sunoo's body.
Maybe they're finally closer to being done, Sunoo thinks, but his eyes widen as Sunghoon presents him the pink dildo from earlier, making a show of lubing it up, staring right into Sunoo's eyes as he jerks the toy off. He had forgotten all about it.
Sunoo wails as Sunghoon pushes the dildo inside him. It's completely different to his fingers. Despite it being a relatively small one, it feels thick and bulbous inside Sunoo as it forces his hole to stretch around it.
"There, baby… Not so bad, right?"
It is bad. It hurts. Sunoo doesn't want-
"Nngh!" Sunoo moans, throwing his head back. What the fuck-
Sunghoon giggles, seemingly pleased with himself, but doesn't explain what the hell just happened. It feels so electrifying. Sunoo's eyes widen. No, this isn't right. He doesn't want it-
The second time, it lasts a lot longer. The tip of the dildo is angled upwards, continuously rubbing at his prostate, and Sunoo feels dizzy - he never thought about how intense it would feel. It's too much. He has to make it stop-
"Good?" Sunghoon asks, pressing the toy harder against the sensitive bundle of nerves inside Sunoo.
"N-no," Sunoo gasps, wrapping his fingers around Sunghoon's wrist, trying to push him away, "No, stop-"
"Don't stop?"
No, that's not it- but all Sunoo can do is writhe and cry as Sunghoon continues his abuse on his hole. He fucks the dildo in and out of Sunoo's hole, ignoring his whines of discomfort, and Sunoo hates it. He hates how Sunghoon won't listen to him, and he hates how his body betrays him. He's hard now, his little cock dripping precum all over his naked tummy. Pathetic.
Sunoo gasps as Sunghoon leans over him, folding his leg closer to his chest. The flicks of his wrist slow down as he stares into Sunoo's teary eyes, before catching his cherry-red lips into a bruising kiss that Sunoo doesn't respond to, simply continuing to whimper against Sunghoon's mouth, useless pleas getting swallowed by him.
With Sunghoon still on top of him, Sunoo feels when the dildo is completely removed and his hole flutters dumbly around nothing, as if asking to be filled again. Sunghoon makes quick work of pulling himself out of his briefs, panting like a dog when he slaps his rock hard cock onto Sunoo's sensitive entrance, before pushing the tip in.
Sunoo yelps when the head slips in - he didn't even get to have a look at what's going inside him, and it feels too big to ever fit in. His mind is fuzzy - he can't believe his first time, which he's been saving himself for in all this time, fantasising about how perfect it would be, has completely shattered in front of him.
Maybe… Maybe it's meant to be like this.
"Is this good?" He hears Sunghoon ask. The latter takes hold of his other leg, wrapping both of them around his waist. Sunoo registers the words slowly, and he recognises a stinging ache where Sunghoon's cock is trying to make sure he's ruined for anyone else.
Sunoo winces, "P-please, wait a bit," he stutters, both of his hands flat against Sunghoon's chest to put some distance between them
Sunghoon does as asked. He only moves when he feels Sunoo loosen and relax around his cock, and keeps his pace slow and gentle. He buries his face into Sunoo's neck, inhaling the natural scent of his skin.
He moans, low and guttural next to Sunoo's ear, feeling him shudder and tighten his grip where he's holding tightly onto Sunghoon's shoulders.
"Hy-hyung," he gasps, digging his nails into Sunghoon's skin when the latter's cock rubs at his swollen prostate again and again. There's that part of him that tells him he's not actually enjoying this, that it's not right, but it's becoming difficult to rationalise as Sunghoon thrusts into him.
"So- so good, sweetheart. You're so good for me, Sunoo," Sunghoon praises him, and the words go straight to his cock. He nods, fresh tears replacing the salty tracks that have barely dried out.
It feels good, but why does his heart ache so much?
"I'm- I'm scared, hyung," he cries, his own feelings confusing and overwhelming him.
When Sunghoon looks at him, Sunoo's chest feels empty. It's different from before, when even the mere thought of Sunghoon would have his heart racing, now there's only a dull, aching void, "I'm never gonna hurt you, baby. It's just hyung, hm? You know I love you," Sunghoon reminds him, as sweetly as ever.
Sunoo cries harder. His head already hurts so badly after sobbing himself dry. He nods anyway, "I lo- ngh, I love you- I love you too, hyung, mmfgh-!"
He feels Sunghoon's cock so deep inside him, stirring him up, rearranging him from within. Sunghoon pounds more forcefully into Sunoo's small body, making sure to leave his mark on him, "Yeah, I know. I can- I can feel it, baby. I can feel your love," Sunghoon gasps into his mouth, his thrusts becoming sloppy and uncoordinated. He slows down as he gets closer to his orgasm, wrapping a hand around Sunoo's neglected cock.
"Don't you love it, my Sun?"
Sunoo's brain momentarily stops working as he tries to process the question. He's stuck between shaking his head and nodding, fucked out of his mind. He's so tired.
"Hyung is the only one you need, right?"
Giving into the deep desire that claws at his neck and tells him this is perfect and it's what he was made for, Sunoo nods. It's true, he doesn't need anyone else. He doesn't want anyone else. Never did. Sunghoon has always been a constant in his life, and he always imagined Sunghoon in every bit of his future…
"Heh, don't worry, sweetheart. I'm slowly, but surely, getting rid of anyone who wants to take you away from me," Sunghoon mutters against his ear, burying his face into his neck and deeply inhaling his scent. Sunghoon feels drunk on Sunoo, "After all, who loves you more than me?"
There's a hint of concern in Sunoo's chest - a sudden prick at his chest, taking his breath away. He… doesn't fully understand what Sunghoon means, but… It must be a good thing. Sunoo… Sunoo has always felt safe with Sunghoon, so whatever he's doing must be good. It must be out of his love. Still, something feels off in Sunoo's aching heart, but he decides to ignore it.
"Nobody… Hyung… Hyung loves me the most," Sunoo nods to himself, closing his eyes as Sunghoon begins kissing his neck and jaw, picking up the pace once again.
It feels so good. Why was Sunoo so against letting Sunghoon love him? This is all he's ever wanted, after all.
"I'm- I'm yours, hyungie," the younger boy whines, holding tightly onto Sunghoon as the latter fucks into him with all of his love.
He lets Sunghoon pull his hair, he lets Sunghoon mark his body, lets him confess all of his twisted fantasies into his ear, quietly, as if anyone else would hear and judge him. He lets Sunghoon remind him who he belongs to. He lets Sunghoon love him, as he always should have.
Darkness begins to swallow Sunoo's field of vision as pleasure overwhelms his senses. He hears Sunghoon sighing out his name, and his insides filling up with warmth before he's completely out.
Sunghoon looks at Sunoo’s dishevelled body, pleased with his work. His sweet, gorgeous boy. His, and only his…
… Whether he wants it, or not. Sunghoon’s smile fades, expression hardening. He won’t have it any other way.
.
When he next wakes up, Sunoo feels hot, drained and has a throbbing headache. It’s… Probably the middle of the night, if not later, judging by the darkness of the room.
Fuck, why is it so hot-
Sunoo freezes as he realises there’s a body against his back, trapping him in a warm cuddle. As flashes of earlier events rush into his mind, Sunoo begins to panic. Sunghoon kissing him, Sunghoon telling him he loves him, Sunghoon- NO!
No, no, no. Why did he let it get this far? Why did he let it happen? Why did- why did Sunghoon-
He has to get away from Sunghoon.
As expected, it’s not an easy task. Sunoo holds his breath as he tests the waters, poking at his arm, holding it up, waiting for some kind of sign or movement, before carefully removing Sunghoon’s arm from where it’s loosely thrown across his torso. He’s snoring softly, not showing any hints of discomfort, so Sunoo sighs victoriously as he grabs his phone and slowly stands up onto his feet, wincing as his bed and floor creak in the dead silence of the night. After nearly collapsing a couple of times due to the weakness in his legs and the ache in his lower back, Sunoo makes it to the locked bedroom door. He has to leave. He’ll… He’ll talk to Jay, and he’ll get it all sorted out.
Shakily, he turns to look towards the bed one last time at where his hyung sleeps peacefully, seemingly unbothered and blissful. His I love you’s resound in Sunoo’s mind, clear as day, but they feel so empty. His heart aches, quietly whispers out to him, asking him to stay back in Sunghoon’s warm embrace, but his brain uses whatever’s left of his sanity to set him straight. This isn’t love, hyung.
Love… Love shouldn’t scare him, surely…
Sunoo gulps, looking back at the door.
His fingers reach out for the lock. It’s cold against Sunoo’s fingers. Slowly turning it, its click echoes - piercingly loud into Sunoo’s ears. He holds his breath and screws his eyes shut, heart threatening to pound out of his chest.
It’s quiet, then. Sunghoon’s light snores halt. Sunoo breaks into a cold sweat, ears ringing as his fingers brush over the doorknob. If he just-
“If I were you, I wouldn’t do that.”
Sunoo’s breath gets caught in his throat at the sound of Sunghoon’s husky voice, and he slaps a hand over his mouth. Okay, if he just doesn’t act suspicious…
He gulps, lowering his hand, not daring to turn around and face Sunghoon just yet, afraid he will blow his cover, “D-do what, hyungie?” He replies in the sweetest, most naive voice he can fake, hoping Sunghoon doesn’t catch the anxiety it’s basically dripping with.
There’s a breeze behind him that distracts him, and before he knows it, he feels a familiar hand wrapping itself around his waist. He gasps, whimpering as he then feels something sharp pointed right against the pulse point on his neck, wordlessly threatening him to not make another move.
“Leave,” Sunghoon whispers his reply into his ear - he can feel the warmth of his breath... Yet it sounds faint and distant as the knife pierces his fragile skin.