Chapter Text
• Zoro •
“Man, these drinks ain’t shit! ”
Zoro takes a sip from his glass, “Famous last words.” He says, staring into the lager their waitress had insisted was top shelf stuff. Unfortunately, Usopp isn’t wrong. Apparently, on an island covered in nothing but bars, they managed to pick the one brewing weak sauce.
To his left, Luffy takes one swig of his drink, and immediately scrunches up his face. “Wow, that’s really gross! Zoro, Nami, why do you drink this stuff all the time?”
Nami was being more subtle, but Zoro could tell she wasn’t impressed either. And it was her idea to go to this stupid island. Wait, that’s not fair. Nami isn’t having a good night either. She’s crammed in the middle of the booth, sandwiched between Usopp and Luffy, and directly across from the waitress, who apparently decided that Nami is the leader of their little group. She takes a sip of her drink and avoids making eye contact with the waitress. “It’s … pretty good. I still think we’d prefer something stronger.”
The waitress grips her tray, she seems really mad for some reason. “I’m sorry to hear that. This particular lager can sometimes be an acquired taste. All of our beers, ciders, and spirits are fermented and distilled in house, so-”
“Lady, you’ve said that like ten times, and we keep telling you, we don’t want your dumb fancy beers.” Zoro says. This waitress (she definitely said her name at some point, Vera maybe? It was something with a V sound.) is seriously getting on his nerves. “We need something with actual booze in it.”
The waiter kicks him under the table. Zoro glares at him. Oh, right, the stupid waiter’s here too. He’s been making heart-eyes at Maybe-Vera since they sat down, and she looks about as impressed as Zoro is.
“I apologize for my friends, they have no appreciation for the subtle pleasures of food and drink. As a connoisseur of fine dining myself, I can attest that your drinks have been works of art, and served by a work of art no less-“
Zoro kicks him back, shaking the table a bit. The waiter shuts up finally, only to kick Zoro again, harder this time, in the shin. Zoro hisses, that one actually hurts. Worse, the waiter still has that smug grin on his face. Zoro moves to stand up, reaching for Wado. If the waiter wants a damn fight, why keep it under the table?
Suddenly, Nami shoots forward, pushing Zoro back against the booth. “How about a round of shots? You guys have spirits, right?” She yells. Her palm is still firm against Zoro’s chest. “That’ll make everyone happy, right? What do you recommend.” She makes a big show of smiling at Maybe-Vera.
Maybe-Vera sighs, then goes into another spiel. She’s been sighing a lot for some reason. “Our liquor selection is more limited, you’ll find it on the final page of your menu. Though, if your interested, we have a number of experimental off-menu options that might be more-“
“When does our food get here?” Luffy says. He’s waving his hand in Maybe-Vera’s face, as if he doesn’t have her full attention.
“They don’t serve food here.” Nami explains.
Luffy blinks at her. Then he turns to Usopp.
“I think Nami’s confused, do you know when they bring our food?”
“Nah man, this is a brewery. Just beer.”
Luffy frowns, like the words aren’t registering. This time, he turns to Zoro. “What are they talking about?”
Zoro crosses his arms and sighs. “A brewery only serves alcohol. They don’t even have a kitchen, so they can’t cook you anything if you ask. No food. Only booze.”
Luffy stares at him blankly. Then he looks absolutely horrified.
”That is crazy ! What kind of person makes a restaurant that doesn’t have food!? What's the point!? ” Zoro can’t help but smile.
“The point is for brewmasters to have a sanctuary to perfect their art , Luffy.” The waiter again.
Zoro mutters, “I don’t think you get to call yourself an artist until you're serving the good shit.”
Maybe-Vera coughs loudly. “You know what? I think I know exactly what you all have in mind. I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.” Then she spins on her heels and leaves.
Well shit. Maybe they’ll get some decent booze after all.
The table is quiet for a second. Then Nami pipes up, “Real classy everyone.”
Usopp looks at Nami, offended. “What did I do?!”
“‘ These drinks ain’t shit!’ God, we’ll be lucky if she doesn’t poison us.”
“Well I was absolutely charming.” The Waiter says. Asshole.
“Oh yeah, she was super charmed by you trying to get into her pants. Or at least her sanctuary ” Zoro chimes in.
The waiter looks properly offended now. Finally, “I was not trying to get into her pants. I was showing appreciation for her craft, that you were insulting !”
“Oh shut it , she’s been serving us rat piss and you know it.”
“Like you would even know the difference, mosshead.”
“Oh my GOD! You four are insufferable! ” Nami yells, so loud and angry the entire room goes quiet; nobody brave or stupid enough to interrupt Nami’s silent fuming. Nobody, except Usopp.
”I’ll say it again, I did nothing wrong.”
There’s one more beat of silence. Then-
“ WHAT?!”
“Oh PLEASE- ”
Nami and Sanji both go ballistic, soon everyone is yelling at each other. With the tension broken, the rest of the bar seems to start up again, happy to ignore the vicious argument at its center. Zoro does his best to tune it all out.
He looks over at Luffy, who hasn’t said a word since Maybe-Vera left. He’s staring into the middle distance, looking shell shocked. Zoro feels a pang of concern, he’s never seen Luffy be this still or quiet for this long. Then he turns to Zoro,
“Do you think Nami would be upset if I left and found a real restaurant?”
Zoro glances at Nami, still yelling at Usopp and Sanji.
“I don’t think she can get any angrier than she already is, you’re probably good to lea-“
“Okayhavefunseeyoulaterenjoyyourgrossbeers.”
And then Luffy is climbing over Zoro, trying to get out of the booth, and Zoro’s brain comes to a grinding hault. Luffy, for a moment, is sitting on Zoro’s lap. He’s grabbing his shoulder for support, flush against Zoro’s chest, and Zoro is thrown back to the last time he was this close to Luffy. Back at the Baratie, after finally waking up from his fight with Mihawk, Luffy on top of him, hugging him so tightly and even through the white hot pain all Zoro could think was when was the last time anybody was this happy to see me, this glad that I was alive? And he know the answer but he couldn’t let himself think it,
And then Luffy is off of him, waving goodbye, leaving Zoro cold and embarrassed. He downs the rest of his terrible drink, hoping it can fix both.
• Nami •
This is the last time Nami tries to take the boys anywhere nice. Really, she doesn’t know why she tries. She expected this much out of Usopp and Luffy, obviously neither of them would behave through a pub crawl. But, their childish behavior was a known quantity, so was Sanji’s obnoxious flirting, these were things she could deal with. What she didn’t expect was Zoro being such a pain in the ass. If anyone else on their crew would appreciate a goddamn island of bars and distilleries, it would be Zoro. But no , he picks tonight of all nights to be a beer snob.
It had been hard enough to convince Luffy to detour, with his one track focus on the Grand Line. She won him over eventually, arguing that the crew hadn’t had a moment's rest since, well, the moment they agreed to be a crew. A night of uneventful bar hopping was exactly what they all needed to take the edge off. Effan-Isle wasn’t so off-course that it would delay them getting to the Grand Line. (And honestly, if there was one place they should take their time getting to, it’s the Grand Line)
They sailed into port just as the sun was setting, and by god . Nami had seen photos, but nothing compared to the real thing. Effan-Isle’s single town was a sprawling maze of cobblestone streets, adorable timber framed houses fitting snugly next to tall, brick and mortar ones. Everything looked warm and inviting, like a drawing in a picture book. Except this was better than any picture book because this place had booze! The second the Merry was secured in port, Nami dragged the boys into town. Sure enough, the roads were lined with pubs. After a moment of deliberation, Nami picked a modest looking bar called The White Lady. Might as well start small, they had a long night of drinking ahead of them.
She sat them down in an out of the way booth, and of course, this crew couldn’t make it twenty minutes without causing a scene and royally pissing off their waitress. ( Ventra. Nami was ninety percent sure her name was Ventra.) Nami was fairly certain she wouldn’t poison their drinks, but you could never be too careful.
The crew had fallen into another awkward silence. Usually it was Luffy that broke them out of these lulls, but when she wasn’t looking he decided to run off in search of real food (really, she should have seen that coming, she should have seen all of this coming). Nami sighed, I’m as much to blame as the guys, blowing up like that. She had cooled off, more embarrassed than anything now. Part of her wanted to apologize. Instead, she continued to stew in the quiet.
Nami gripped her glass. If she were honest with herself, it had been easier to talk with the rest of the crew when she was still with Arlong. She could pretend it was all an act, just a long-con to rob them blind and forget they'd ever met. Now though…
She takes another sip of her drink. God, she hated to admit it, but Zoro was right. These drinks were trash. Nami needed to be drunk, right now, and this wasn’t gonna cut it. Where the hell was Probably-Ventra with those shots?
This whole trip was a mistake. We should just go back to the ship-
Then, finally, the waitress shows up again, a tray of shot glasses in one hand and a bottle in the other. Nami peeks at her name tag. “Vesper.” FUCK. At least I didn’t say it out loud. Vesper seems to be in a much better mood now, her smile seems a lot more authentic as she presents them with a generic looking liquor bottle. Odd, every other bottle at the bar had bespoke, hand drawn labels with fancy calligraphy. This one has a plain, printed label, no decoration at all.
It read, “FREE SPIRIT- MK:09.”
“This rum is one of the newest creations of our house brewmaster. It’s incredibly potent; I think you’ll enjoy it immensely.” She glances at the spot where Luffy was sitting as she pours the fifth shot. “Where’d your little friend go?” She asks Nami.
“He… went to find something to eat.”
Vesper seems legitimately disappointed. “Aww, what a shame. He would have liked this one.” She pours a fifth shot anyway. “Just in case he comes back. Nami doesn’t bother correcting her; there probably isn’t a spirit in the world that Luffy would enjoy. “This is, as your friend called it, ‘the good shit’.”
Nami examines her shot glass, everything looks fine… Still, you can never be too careful. I should ask the bartender about-
Aaaand shit. Zoro already drank his. Usopp and Sanji aren’t far behind, slamming their shot glasses on the table when they finish. Whatever, Nami is probably overthinking this. She had asked for something stronger. She downs her shot in one gulp.
The first thing she notices is that it’s sweet. Like, way sweeter than any liquor has the right to be. The good shit my ass. Zoro drinks Luffy’s shot for good measure. Nami isn’t sure why she was expecting more, this whole night has been a massive dissapoint-
Woah.
Woah.
Wooaahhh…
This is… this is the good shit. Vesper didn’t hold out. Nami could kiss her. Nami really wants to kiss Vesper. Yeah. She should kiss her.
Nami needs to find Vesper right now so she can say thank you with kissing; she tries to get up but all of the sudden the room gets spinny and her arms and head are twice as heavy as they were a minute ago. She tries to stand up and suddenly her face smushed into Zoro’s shoulder.
Shit, Nami totally forgot, Zoro is here. Correction: Zoro’s shoulder is here.
“Nami?” Zoro’s voice is also here. Hmm, shoulder and voice are accounted for, what about the rest of him? Nami decides that of all of his body, it is most operative that she find Zoro’s face. Moving her head is a no-go, so she gathers all her strength into her left arm, and tries to discover how much of Zoro is present. She feels a torso, then a neck, then- Success! The face is in fact here! She pats him for good luck.
Then, suddenly, she is no longer leaning on Zoro’s shoulder, because Zoro is holding her up by the head and staring into her eyes and holy shit when did Zoro’s face get right next to me?! She does a mental catalog, Zoro was not staring into her eyes before. Can he teleport? Overpowered bastard.
Nami tries to tell Zoro what an overpowered bastard he is, but she’s still figuring out how to make her tongue work again, all she can think about is how dumb his dumb stupid face looks when he’s all focused and serious like this. She opens her mouth, and instead of articulating any of this, she giggles. And now she can’t stop giggling. For some reason, this makes Zoro look even more dumb and worried, and fuck that just makes Nami laugh harder.
Someone else is laughing. Two someone elses. Coming from her left. Nami turns to look (hell yes, head turning achieved) and sure enough those two someones are Usopp and Sanji, laughing uncontrollably. They look flushed, and are leaning pretty heavily on each other. Sanji has his arm around Usopp, and both of them are clutching their empty shot glasses. Oh right! They also drank the good stuff. Then Nami makes the connection. We’re all wasted, aren’t we? All of us except-
Zoro is also staring and Usopp and Sanji, he still looks dumb and serious and not wasted at all, stupid heavyweight. Then he’s staring at Vesper and - what the fuck has Vesper been here the whole time, godDAMN it I’ve been staring at Zoro this whole time when I could have been giving Vesper thank you kisses-
“What the HELL was in those drinks?” Oh fuck. Zoro sounds really mad. He’s still holding Nami’s face, she tries to grab his hand, she needs to tell him to shut up, if you keep yelling at her she won’t make out with me. Zoro turns to look at her again, she thinks he might be about to say something when-
She can see the exact moment the drink hits him. One second he’s all worried and focused and coordinated, and then his face goes all slack. He sways like he’s in a current, and braces himself against the table with his elbow. He almost pulls Nami down with him, and now they’re both leaning on the table, hands intertwined.
Nami can’t help but remember watching Zoro fade out of consciousness after his duel with Mihawk. His eyes have that same unfocused glaze, he looks like he’s gonna pass out. Oh fuck Zoro’s dying again , Nami might cry, fuck fuck fuck I can’t cry right now not in front of everyone not again they’ll know how weak I am and then I’ll…
But thankfully Nami doesn’t have to finish that thought. Because Zoro snaps up, not dead, and very focused. Specifically, focused on his and Nami’s still joined arms. He is staring, intently, and then he’s… grabbing her hand? He shuffles in the booth, so he’s facing her head on, and he’s trying to do, something. He’s holding her hand really tight, and he’s pushing on it, like he’s trying to lay her arm across the table and, wait a second, they're arm wrestling! Nami smiles big, thank you Zoro, for getting with the drunken program.
On any other day, Zoro could easily beat Nami at arm wrestling. However: Nami has long since mastered control over her left arm. She is the Left-Arm-Coordination-Master while Zoro is still struggling to keep his head upright, Nami destined for victory. A Pyrrhic victory however, because when Nami pulls Zoro’s arm off the table with her superior Left-Arm-Coordination, Zoro completely loses his balance and headbutts Nami. It hurts like a bitch, and Nami has no choice but to grab Zoro for balance but Zoro, like a jerk, provides no balance so they both go careening further into the booth and- oh fucking damn it now they’re all tangled up and they’ll never have that rematch and...
Zoro is giggling. Holy shit holy shit holy shit Nami didn’t think Zoro knew how to giggle, but there it is! All high pitched and happy like he doesn’t have a stick up his ass. That makes her start giggling again. This is the greatest night of Nami’s life. She pulls herself and Zoro, who is still hanging limply from her shoulders (no help at all, but he gets a pass tonight) so they’re at least perpendicular with the table. She registers Sanji and Usopp again, they are also laughing hysterically, and everyone is laughing and having a great time, especially-
Nami pushes Zoro back against the booth, and refocuses all her attention on Vesper who has appeared in front of the table again. (Nami considered that Vesper might be a witch, they’ll have to stay on guard.) Vesper has pulled up a chair, and she is practically howling. “Like I said, it’s the strongest stuff we’ve got!” She’s still got the liquor bottle, what was it, the free spirit? Vesper must be really nice if she’s giving us the good shit for free. Vesper must be the nicest person in the world besides Luffy and Nojiko and Usopp and Sanji and Genzo and-
“And I mean strong. As in, ‘we still aren’t sure how to calculate the proof’ strong.” Vesper starts to stand up. Everybody’s looking at her now, except Zoro, who is sinking into the booth, still laughing. “Don’t worry, I won’t let anything happen to you jackasses, I just…” and she says some other stuff Nami doesn’t catch because she’s trying very hard to remember what it is she wanted to do to Vesper and she can’t remember. Then there’s a hand waving in her face and Vesper is a way closer than she was before. “Do you even know what I’m saying? Probably not.” Nami spots the bottle with the good stuff again.
“More.” Nami surprises herself and Vesper, apparently her tongue is working again. She points at the bottle. “More please. Of the spirit. For free please.”
“Me too, I would would also like sm’more of the good stuff.” Damn, Usopp learned how to talk again too! Sanji isn’t talking yet, but he is nodding very fast and pointing at Nami, so she thinks he agrees too.
Vesper stares at them both. Then she starts laughing again. “Oh fuck no, that would melt your brains. The hangover alone would probably-”
And then Nami remembers what she wanted to do to Vesper so badly.
And then Nami vaults over the table and tackles Vesper to the floor. Dumb waitress doesn’t know what hit her. Although she probably figures it out quickly because Nami’s tongue is in her mouth and Nami’s fingers are running through her hair. She has very soft hair. Vesper makes a weird humming noise, but is otherwise totally stiff underneath Nami. She hears someone whistle behind her, she’s pretty sure it was Usopp. “Oh come on, I wann’ed t’ kiss’r first! ” Sanji can talk again. Damn, there goes the fun.
Nami breaks away so she can tell Sanji off, then she sees it; the bottle, the good stuff, on the floor by Vesper’s hand. Cat burglar Nami strikes again , she thinks, grabbing the bottle and leaving Vesper stunned on the floor.
Nami stands, turns around so she’s facing the booth. She holds the bottle above her head like a trophy.
“Round two, everyone!”