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Beca ran a hand through the hair as she stepped through the Emergency Room doors, looking around her as she tried to find the person who had frantically called her.
"Becs?"
"Chloe...." Beca breathed, stepping through the crowd of people towards her pale and trembling friend, a frown pulling at her eyebrows, "You're hurt."
"I'm fine." Chloe shook her head, tears in her eyes as she swallowed thickly, one arm in a sling and a dressing taped to her forehead, "It's just a couple of scrapes and bruises, it's nothing."
"Yeah, you're right, they just give slings away for fun." Beca snorted, "What happened?"
"I was driving her to the airport..." Chloe's voice was suddenly very quiet, looking down at the floor as Beca gently encouraged her to sit down again, "Like I always do, it's the same route we always take, I wasn't speeding or running stop signs or-"
"Hey." Beca felt her stomach knot seeing Chloe so visibly distressed, wanting to soothe her, "Chloe, no-one thinks this was your fault."
"He just came out of nowhere." Chloe shook her head bitterly, tears streaming down her cheeks, "He plowed right into us Beca, one minute we were talking, and the next everything was upside down and she wasn't moving or talking or anything..."
"I'm sorry Chloe..." Beca sighed, "That must have been really scary for you."
"It was." Chloe sniffled, "I... I'm really glad you came Becs, I didn't want to sit here alone."
"Of course." Beca shrugged, "Look, Posen and I might not be best of friends, but she's still family. I wanted to be here. The other Bellas are coming too, they're just finishing up their classes."
"She loves you in her own weird way, you know that right?" Chloe looked up from her lap, "She's just... closed off Beca. You get that right?"
"Yeah." Beca nodded, "I do Chlo. Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'll be fine." Chloe shrugged, "I'm just scared Beca. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my whole life. I'm a really safe driver, I pride myself on it, today's the first time I've ever felt unsafe..."
Beca sighed softly again, her stomach in knots. Chloe had been beside herself, almost incomprehensably hysterical when she had picked up the phone an hour ago, and no wonder. Aubrey had come down to visit the Bellas in Georgia for the weekend as she often did, freshly graduated but finding she still missed spending time with her sisters. Chloe didn't have any classes the morning she was due to fly back home, so she had offered her a ride to the airport, a chance for the two of them to spend a little one-on-one time together before Aubrey went home.
So when Beca got a call from Chloe that they'd been in an accident not twenty minutes after they'd set off, her heart had dropped like a lead weight. She could hear the sound of sirens in the background, Chloe sobbing into the phone, Beca able to make out words like 'unconcious' and 'blood in her ear'. She and Aubrey had their differences last year, but by the time the ICCA Finals had rolled around they had buried the hatchets, closer than Beca had ever thought she'd be to her type-A pain in the ass captain.
Beca had made quick work of alerting the group chat to what had happened, distressed text messages following her own, with promises that they would all join Beca and Chloe as soon as they could. She had spent the whole way there trying to wrap her head around events, trying not to think of the worst case scenarios, not just for Aubrey but for Chloe too. She had spoken to her, had been responsive and alert even if she'd been upset, Chloe was okay. She had to be okay.
"It's going to be okay." Beca mumbled, moving a little closer to Chloe, "This is Aubrey Posen we're talking about, she's a stubborn ass, no way she's letting a little car accident keep her down."
Chloe managed a small giggle, pursing her lips as her uninjured hand tugged at the hem of her t-shirt absentmindedly, "I'm really scared Becs. What if she's not? They took her in for brain surgery..."
"You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel safer." Beca gave her a small smile as Chloe looked up from the floor, "Or less scared or whatever... just don't tell anyone I offered, I have a reputation to maintain."
"Thanks Beca." Chloe reached and took Beca's hand, squeezing it tightly as she closed the gap between them, resting her head on her shoulder to boot, "I'm really glad you came."
"Of course." Beca could feel her cheeks turning red as she felt Chloe's breath on her neck, swallowing hard against the lump of unspoken feelings in her throat.
"Have you called her folks?"
"Yeah, they're getting the next flight out from North Carolina." Chloe nodded, "I didn't tell them much, just that we'd been in an accident and Aubrey was on her way up to surgery. I didn't want to freak them out before they got here."
"That's a good call Chlo." Beca nodded, savouring the smell of Chloe's shampoo as she turned her head a little to rest atop hers.
She would never admit it out loud, but Beca had been stone cold terrified on her way here that something awful had happened to Chloe that she had played down over the phone. The idea that Chloe could be hurt or dying when she wasn't there to try and fix it made Beca feel more lost and scared than she'd ever been in her life. Whether it was just a schoolgirl crush or something more, Beca could no longer deny that the feelings she had for Chloe went beyond "she's my best friend", not after she'd had to pull her car over to throw up at the side of the road because the fear had turned her stomach.
"I'm staying right here until someone comes to tell us what's going on." Beca gave Chloe's hand a squeeze, "You don't have to be scared on your own. That's what family's for Chloe."
"I know." Chloe nodded a little, "Thank you."
Beca didn't say anything, simply holding Chloe's hand in hers and watching the hustle and bustle of the ER waiting around them. It wasn't long before she felt Chloe grow heavier against her shoulder, breathing deep and even as she still held her hand tightly. No wonder she'd fallen asleep, after everything that she had been through today Beca would probably have fallen asleep too. She hoped it was a testament to how safe Chloe felt with her here.
It was three hours of sitting in uncomfortable chairs, of Chloe snoring softly on her shoulder and the Bellas arriving in droves to sit with them, before someone finally came to give them an update.
"Aubrey Posen?"
"That's us." Beca gently stirred Chloe from her nap on her shoulder, "How is she?"
"You're family?" The doctor frowned a little as he looked around at the women staring expectantly at him.
"Yes." Beca's tone grew sharper and irritated as Chloe bit her lip, rubbing at her eye with her uninjured hand, sensing the panic that was already starting to radiate off her.
"We're her family. She'd say as much herself."
"Okay." The doctor nodded, "She's out of surgery now, and on her way to the ICU. We managed to stop the bleeding on her brain, and repair the lacerations to her spleen and liver too. We're still worried about her kidneys, and we won't know about lasting brain injures until she wakes up, but she's out of the woods for now."
"What are her odds on being completely fine?" Beca pushed, feeling Chloe's hand slide back into hers and grip it tightly.
"As of right now, about sixty percent." The doctor was calm as the Bellas seemed to crumple at the news, "I know that seems really low, but it's the best that we can hope for right now."
"Right..." Beca rubbed at her forehead with her free hand, "Can we see her?"
"Not right now." The doctor shook his head, "I'm sorry, but once she's been moved to the ICU we can think about visitors. I'll let you know when that is."
"Thanks." Beca mumbled, running her thumb over Chloe's knuckles as she felt her start to shake against her again, "We'll be right here."
The doctor left the Bellas to sit with the news, Chloe whimpering softly as she clung to Beca's hand.
"She has to be okay Beca..." She whispered, Beca able to feel her tears against her neck, "She has to be okay."
"I know." Beca mumbled, sighing heavily as she looked around at the Bellas, knowing they all shared the same sentiment, "She will."
Aubrey pursed her dry lips, brows furrowing as the world swam sluggishly into view. She felt heavy and slow, like she was wading through treacle as she tried to lift her hand to rub at her sore head.
"Hey... you're awake."
Aubrey managed to turn her head towards the familiar voice, finding a grinning Beca sat next to her, feeling her hand take hers.
"How are you feeling Bree?"
"Ow." Aubrey rasped, Beca's grin growing, "Water?"
"Uh, hang on, let me grab some ice chips, that's what the nurse said you could have." Beca quickly got to her feet, leaving the room for a second and returning a few seconds later with a cup full of ice chips.
She silently helped a few slide past Aubrey's cracked lips, fighting the malestrom of emotions inside at seeing her former acapella captain's eyes open again.
"Better?" She asked as Aubrey sank back into her pillows, looking utterly exhausted.
"Mhm." Aubrey mumbled, eyelids fluttering shut for a moment, "Thanks."
"No problem." Beca settled back in the chair next to her bed again, the same place she'd been sat for almost a week now, "It's good to see you awake Posen, you scared the crap out of us for a minute there."
"What happened?" Aubrey's eyes opened slowly again, Beca scooting her chair a little closer.
"What do you remember?"
"We set off for the airport..." Aubrey huffed out a sigh, "Chloe was telling me about your setlist for the ICCAs and then... nothing."
"You were in a car wreck." Beca took her hand again, "It was pretty bad Bree, like brain surgery bad. You've been in a coma for almost a week."
"Chloe." Aubrey's hooded eyelids flew open as realisation hit her, "Is she okay?"
"Um..." Beca swallowed thickly, eyes flicking down to her feet again, "Not really. We thought she was, that it was a couple of cuts and bruises and a dislocated shoulder but... there was a bleed that they missed, it didn't show up on any of the scans they did."
"What... what happened?"
Beca looked up, stomach in knots as she saw the tears in Aubrey's eyes. She'd never seen Aubrey cry, never seen her look so scared and so lost, and she hated it. She was the strongest person Beca knew, if Aubrey fell apart she didn't know how she'd keep herself together.
"They rushed her in to operate and repair the damage but um... she... she didn't make it off the table."
Beca felt sick again as she relived the moment that the surgeon had somberly stepped out of the operating room, how her legs had gone out from underneath her, how she had let out a scream so painful and tortured it felt like she had ripped herself open. It felt like she had, like losing Chloe had robbed her of part of herself too. She didn't remember much of the immediate aftermath, just snatches of sobbing and numbness, of Stacie cradling her in her arms as she cried herself sick, of the Bellas grief as raw as her own.
Beca hadn't left the hospital since that day, telling herself and the Bellas it was because she had to be there to tell Aubrey what had happened when she woke up, but it wasn't the whole truth. She couldn't go back to the house, couldn't walk past Chloe's bedroom knowing she wasn't in there and she wouldn't ever be again. Aubrey's parents would have told her about Chloe, would have arguably been far better at comforting her than Beca would, but she didn't want that. It had to be Beca that told her.
"No..."
Aubrey's expression crumpled as her hand tightened around Beca's, tears starting to run down her cheeks.
"Beca it's a mistake."
"It's not." Beca felt her own tears burning at the corner of her eyes again, "I wish it was Bree, I'm so sorry."
Aubrey opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to find her words but none came. Instead, she started to sob harder, Beca getting up from her seat and onto Aubrey's hospital bed, careful of the wires and tubes as she embraced her. Beca hated hugging people, hated people being in her personal space, but she knew that if Chloe were here she would never forgive her for not comforting Aubrey like this. Beca wasn't a hugger, but Chloe was, and right now Aubrey needed Chloe and not her.
"I'm sorry." Beca whispered into her hair, voice thick as her own tears starting to take over, "I wish it was me instead, I'd give anything to switch places with her."
"She- she l-loved you." Aubrey sobbed against Beca's chest, "It's n-not fair, she was supposed to t-tell you, y_you were supposed to- supposed to-"
"She did tell me." Beca's words stuck in her throat as she tried to soothe Aubrey, "It... it was the last conversation we had."
-----
"What's taking them so long?" Chloe grumbled, head resting on Beca's shoulder as they stood in front of the vending machines.
"I don't know." Beca sighed, looking at the contents of the machine in front of her, "You'll be able to see her soon Chloe, they'll be making sure she's okay to have visitors."
Chloe simply sighed, her good hand still holding Beca's. She hadn't relinquished her hold of her hand since Beca had offered it to her for more than a few seconds, Beca surpisingly not saying a word about it. Maybe she needed the comfort as much as Chloe did.
"We were talking about you."
"What?" Beca's attention was torn from the selection of snacks in front of her, "Why, what did I do this time?"
Chloe giggled as she shook her head, lifting it from Beca's shoulder as she grinned at her.
"Why do you think it was bad?"
"I dunno." Beca shrugged, "It's Aubrey, she's nit picky, I always assume I did something wrong."
"You're so dramatic Beca." Chloe rolled her eyes, "You didn't do anything wrong, not this time anyway."
"Okay..." A smirk started to pull at Beca's lips, "So why were you talking about me then weirdo?"
"Because I love you." Chloe's grin dropped to a smile, squeezing Beca's hand as she lent into her, "Because I've loved you from the moment we met and Aubrey was trying to convince me to tell you rather than keeping it bottled up."
"Oh." Beca had gone bright red, brain short circuiting as she tried find any words that were better than 'oh'.
"And it's okay if you don't feel the same." Chloe shrugged a little, "Because I still want to be your friend Beca, even if you don't feel the same. But life is way too short to... to not..."
Chloe had started to sway slightly, a frown starting to pull at her expression as the colour drained from her face.
"Chlo?" Beca frowned, letting go of Chloe's hand so she could Chloe's face in her hands, finding her brilliant blue eyes to be hazy and unfocused.
"I don't feel good..." Chloe mumbled, starting to crumple in Beca's arms.
"Chloe?!" Beca caught her, lowering them both to the ground, "Hey! Someone help!"
Beca's attention turned back to Chloe as she shook her gently, trying to keep her awake as she heard people scrambling around her to find some help.
"You're okay." Beca shook her head, lips pursed, "Chloe wake up, you're going to be fine, c'mon. You don't get to say something like that and then die in my arms, that's dramatic even by your standards."
"I..." Chloe was trying to find her words as her eyes searched Beca's, "I..."
"It's okay." Beca shook her head, brushing her her from her eyes, "Chloe it's okay, I love you too. I love you, please don't die on me."
"Beca..." A small smile tugged at Chloe's lips as she grew heavier in her arms, Beca frantically looking around them for someone that was coming to help, "I k-knew it. I knew Aubrey was right... I... love... you..."
"This one's for you Chlo." Beca mumbled, hand rising up to briefly clasp the necklace she wore.
It was almost six months since Chloe had died. Six long, achingly empy months that Beca had endured while trying to navigate this new normal. Aubrey had needed extensive physical therapy to learn to do basic things again, teaching herself to eat and walk and put her own clothes on from scratch. Beca and the Bellas had been there every frustratingly small step of the way, putting up with Aubrey's mood swings and her short temper no matter how often she snapped at them.
The Beales had arrived in Georgia not long after Aubrey had woken up, and things had progressed quickly from there. Far too quickly for Beca as she watched them pack up Chloe's room, removing every trace of her from the Bella House, wanting all the pieces of their daughters life to grieve over. That was what she had thought anyway until Chloe's mom had quietly entered her room with a large box in hand, setting it next to Beca on the bed and then holding her as Beca had sobbed into her chest.
Chloe had told them all about Beca, about everything she felt for her best friend, and neither of her parents had any desire to take Chloe away from her. So a box with some of Chloe's jumpers, her CDs, her journals and some other sentimental items were Beca's to keep, as was a part of Chloe herself.
She had been cremated, and Beca was given a necklace that had a portion of Chloe's ashes stored safely within an intricate heart design. Beca hadn't taken it off since she had been given it at the funeral. Somehow having a part of Chloe like this had lifted some of the crushing weight from her chest.
Chloe was still with her, still with their family as they all returned to the rountine of college, and eventually of the ICCAs. Beca hadn't wanted to at first, hadn't wanted to perform without Chloe by her side, couldn't face the prospect of having to fill the hole in their choreography or their vocals that had been left.
But when Aubrey had insisted that Beca continued with their plans for this years competition, had bullied and all but dragged Beca out of her bed and into a rehearsal, Beca realised she didn't have to. Not this year anyway. The gap in formation would remain, the missing layer from their vocals wouldn't be restored, and that was okay. It was their way of honouring Chloe, of grieving a loss too big for words. There was no filling Chloe's spot, and that was okay, because no-one could ever fill that gap for them. They would always be a family member down, and pretending otherwise would do none of them any good.
So now, in front of the judges, their fellow acapella singers, and fans, the Barden Bellas would perform in the ICCA finals for Chloe. They would bring home the trophy for the woman who had always believed in them, even when they didn't believe in themselves.
As they sang and danced, performing their hearts out, Beca felt as though Chloe was watching, that if there was some kind of heaven she was sitting on a cloud somewhere and cheering them on with an enthuasism that far outpaced the packed crowd in the theatre. She looked up in the seconds before her solo, half convinced that she could see the beaming grin of the woman she loved shining back at her before she stepped forward.
This one was for Chloe.
"One by one, only the good die young... they're only flyin' too close to the sun, and life goes on... without you..."
Beca had made it through qualifiers and regionals and the quarter and semi finals without shedding a tear, too numb with loss to register the emotions behind her choice for this set as the fast paced number mellowed and sombered. But in the bright lights of the Lincoln Centre, knowing this was her last time performing this set, performing for Chloe so openly, she felt them welling in her eyes with such a force that she was amazed she could still sing.
"Another tricky situation, I get to drowin' in the blues, and I find myself thinkin', well, what would you do?"
"Ooh..."
As the Bellas harmonised around her, Beca let her head drop for a moment, trying to pull herself together to finish. She had to finish, this was for Chloe, she had to keep going.
"Yes, it was such an operation...
"Ooh."
"Forever paying every due.. "
Beca looked gratefully to Stacie who had picked up her solo, breaking formation to stand with Beca and shore her up. She gently wiped a tear from Beca's cheek, her own falling as freely as Beca nodded that she was okay to continue.
"Hell, you made a sensation! You found a way through..."
Beca poured everything she had into her next lines, head high as she belted the lines not to her audience but up high into the air, up to Chloe who she knew was watching them.
"Touch my tears... with your lips... touch my world... with your fingertips... and we can have forever... and we can love forever... forever is our today!"
Beca didn't care if she permanently damaged her vocal chords as she continued to belt out her lines, suddenly so raw and emotional after months of trying to put all her feelings to one side so she could get out of bed. The whole world fell away, Beca left on stage alone as Chloe stood in front of her, tears in her eyes as she reached for Beca, Beca's hand streched out for the hand she knew she wouldn't be able to grasp, desperate to touch Chloe, to hold her hand, to be with her just one more time.
"Who wants to live forever? Who wants to live forever? Forever... is our today..."
The Bellas had joined Beca again, their choreography tossed aside as they moved into a tight line either side of their openly grieving sister, Stacie and Amy practically holding her up as Beca's shaking body managed to produce the final line of their set.
"Who waits forever anyway?"
The lights went down, plunging the stage in darkness, the audience erupted in applause and cheers, but Beca didn't notice any of it, sobbing hard as her legs finally gave out underneath her. It was Stacie that lifted her from the ground, carrying her backstage as Beca fell apart, every ounce of emotion that she had poured into their set tearing her soul to pieces.
"I w-want Chloe." Beca choked out as Stacie held her tighter still, now sequestered backstage with the Bellas around her, "I w-want her b-back!"
"I know." Stacie whispered into her hair, "I know Becs. She'd be so proud of you, that was incredible."
"I want Chloe." Beca whimpered, "I want Chloe."
There was nothing any of them could say, and they knew it, her family instead choosing to move around until all of them had huddled together in a tight embrace, Beca cocooned in the centre of them, raw and bereft as they came together to comfort the one person who had not once fallen apart on them until now.
"I'm here Becs."
Beca knew Chloe wasn't really there, that she wasn't really stood their with them, but in that moment she didn't care, screwing her eyes tighter shut so that she could cling to this illusion a little longer.
"I love you."
Beca could've sworn she felt fingers gently slotting with her own, felt a head pressed against her temple.
"It's okay Beca. You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel safer."