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After a long deliberation, Neuvillette finally hardened his will and lifted his balled fist to knock on the door.
This had been a dilemma for over a month already. Every single trial, he would try to ignore the loud silence from above. The Archon who had looked after her people was now free—he should be happy for her. It spoke volumes how bad of a person he was that he wished she was still there, sitting above him and commenting loudly about everything that interested or amused her. How selfish he was, compared to she who had sacrificed herself and would always choose to sacrifice herself a thousand times more for her people.
It was damning, wasn’t it. The fact that no Archon, no Sovereign would ever be as strong as her. Neuvillette couldn’t even hope to compare. As he gazed up at her empty seat, he understood how different they were.
How strong she was.
Every single evening, he would go out of his office and tell Sedene that he was out for a walk. As the sun set, he would find himself walking this familiar road, gazing upon this familiar house, and then walk away. Only today…
Today, the door opened.
Neuvillette let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, and with the exhale came a whisper: “Furina.”
Every time he laid his eyes on her it was like the first time all over again. Furina didn’t look any different, but he found himself breathless. She looked surprised to see him, then gave him a smile that rivaled the thousand suns. “Oh, Monsieur Neuvillette! To what do I owe this visit?”
Only now did he realize that smile must have been fake. All these years, he wondered how many times her expression had been genuine to her feelings. Did she at least enjoy some parts of her day to day life? Or did she live every second in guilt and terror? No, knowing her, it would be the latter. Perhaps even the things she had enjoyed were simply things that she thought a god would enjoy, bar acting.
At least there was acting. Performing. Hopefully it wouldn’t hurt her anymore.
(He was selfish, he was so selfish).
After a while of staring at her face, he asked, “How have you been?”
“I have been well, thank you,” she replied, smiling. But her smile was even more obviously fake, because Furina didn’t return the question, didn’t move to the side to let him in. They both just awkwardly stood in front of her house for a few moments.
Neuvillette was a little surprised. He had done her wrong, the whole of Fontaine had, but he had apologized over and over again. He deserved wholly to be treated coldly, he just wasn’t ready for it. Rarely had anybody ever placed him in such a position.
“I… I’m here on a work trip. I’m wondering if I can stay for the night.”
Wow, he was a bad liar. He had never realized it, mainly because he so rarely lied. Today was definitely a day of new discoveries.
Not only was it not for a work trip, it wasn’t even that late at night yet. The sun was still peeking from beyond the clouds, its orange hue painting Furina beautifully. He could even just go to the nearest hotel, but he was still hoping Furina would take mercy on his pride.
She didn’t.
“The Hydro Dragon can’t fly back to the Palais by himself?”
It wasn’t said in a mocking tone, but Neuvillette had never felt more embarrassed in his long life. He pursed his lips, deciding that honesty was the best policy for someone like him. Apparently for someone who was called ‘cold-hearted’ by most people, he was very obvious. Maybe it was just Furina though. He had thought he understood her as she did him, but he was played as the fool. “If you allow it, I would like to catch up with you.”
“All right,” she agreed easily, but still didn’t move.
All right.
“I apologize for bringing you to trial. You didn’t deserve any of that at all.” He tried to sound as genuine as possible, even though it wasn’t the first time he apologized. Nor the second nor the third. Neuvillette just didn’t know how genuinity sounded in the form of an apology. Apologies weren’t happy, but they weren’t sad either; what expression should he put on?
Furina shook her head. “No, it was preordained. Neither of us could have stopped it. If you had, that would make you unworthy of being the Chief Justice, no? I’m glad it was you who did it.”
It was basically the same answer she gave all the times before, but he knew he would never be able to live with himself again. Gods, if the concentration of the Primordial Water hadn’t been lowered—
“You… Have you been all right?”
Furina tilted her head, furrowing her eyebrows. She looked cute like that. She was always so expressive. “Didn’t you already ask me that?” Then, she sighed and asked, “What are you really here for, Neuvillette?”
“Why are you still playing a role in front of me?” he asked, even though he knew it was unfair for him to say so. It wasn’t his right to ask for her honesty given what he had done, but he still wanted to know— he had to ask.
“I’m not.”
“But the way you act around me and the way you act around other people are so…different. No, you still act like you’re playing the Archon when you’re with me. I’m not— I know I don’t have the right.” Not to mention the walls she had built to shield herself against him. It was painful, and he wholly deserved it, yet— “I know it’s too late to salvage our relationship. You’ve already told me so, I know, but I just— Isn’t there anything I can do to fix it? I don’t mind begging for another five hundred years.”
“There’s nothing to salvage,” Furina said resolutely.
He briefly thought that he must have looked pathetic, to be rambling like that in front of a house he probably would never be allowed to enter. Maybe that was why she spoke up. For some reason, she didn’t seem like she was lying when she said that and that hurt even more. Because: “What do you mean? I was in love with you. I’m still in love with you.”
“Our relationship was built on lies. You don’t really know me.”
Neuvillette didn’t understand. “If given the chance, I’d love to get to know you again, but even so, I know enough about you to love you, Furina. Even hidden behind a mask, your actions have shown exactly the kind of person you are—empathetic, loving, self-sacrificing.”
Furina looked away, as if looking at him suddenly hurt. As if the expression he didn’t know he was making was hurting her. “I’m not such a perfect person. That’s just your idea of me.”
He wanted nothing more than to touch her, hold her close. Wipe away her tears, kiss her. “I’m not perfect either. No one is. And besides, I’ve known that for a long time now. You don’t need to be perfect around me. There are things about you I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean the things I knew before are wrong.”
Furina smiled wistfully, and he knew then that she didn’t believe him at all. “Thank you, but I still can’t accept this.”
He pursed his lips, gripping his cane so hard he was sure its lifespan was shortened by at least ten years. “All right, but can you tell me why? The truth, please.”
There was silence, then. Like she wasn’t sure if she could tell him what she was truly thinking. That was when Neuvillette realized that this was more than her insecurities talking. There was something else, something he hadn’t even thought about, somewhere he hadn’t even thought to look, and it was:
“Because I’m a mortal, Neuvillette. I know exactly what it’s like to wait endlessly. When I die, you’re going to be heartbroken. I can’t do that to you, so please stop doing this. Don’t make me do this,” she pled, sounding heartbroken.
Neuvillette froze.
Then, the door closed shut and the lock clicked.
Furina knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t dare push his way in. She cared about him enough to think about such a thing. After all he had done, she was still thinking about her own fear of hurting him. What?
How could there be someone so selfless?
Neuvillette wanted to knock on the door again, wanted to see her again, wanted to touch, to hold, to kiss, but—
If mortality was the problem, then he’d find a way to fix it.
He had to.
It was the least he could do. He couldn’t bear to let her go again.