Chapter Text
…ep5…
In all their 22 years of living, Jordan cannot say they’ve ever fucked up quite like this before.
And they mean, fucked up as in badly.
Like, super badly.
It had started with Jordan waking up next to a very naked Marie with absolutely no memory of how they’d gotten there. It’s not everyday you wake up next to someone you had thought you hated and very fully resented, but had sort of kissed in their room on a complete whim because they had just given you a shred of the respect you’d been craving for so long.
Jordan had taken one look at Marie’s panicked face, at the way her eyes had darted around the room in complete unbridled shock and confusion, that had done it for Jordan. They’d changed in complete silence after both admitting to each other that they’d had no recollection of the night before with their fucking backs turned towards each other. And then Marie had scurried out of the room with a mumbled apology and something about “needing to find Emma.”
And the jarring quickness of it all had left a completely sour taste in their mouth.
It was like, their makeout session in her room the day before had never even happened. Marie seemingly couldn’t get away from Jordan fast enough. And it made a sort of burn of hurt and deep rooted embarrassment fester in them; something they hadn’t felt since middle school. But they suppose Marie had a sort of knack for that at this point; being one of the only people besides Jordan’s parents (and maybe by proxy the population of bumblefuck Jacksonville) to make them feel inherently inadequate.
Because typically, Jordan was a fairly confident person. They were actually considered cool at college. Jordan had climbed up the rankings fast their sophomore year after becoming Brink’s TA, and it was like all bets were off after that.
Sure they weren’t necessarily popular with Betsy from Utah’s Republican great aunt, but they were popular with Betsy, the God U student who wanted to “experiment just once” before graduating.
To be completely honest, it had all gone to their head. They’d immediately befriended the top ranked supes at the school, who had surprisingly accepted them with no qualms. Girls at college wanted to fuck them, be them, be their best friend. And same with the guys. There was jealousy from all corners of course, but it fueled them, made them want to work even harder for that #1 spot.
Jordan didn’t date in college though. Never has and probably never will. And it’s worked out perfectly for them this far. They were known as the cold soulless heartbreaker for that reason. After freshman year, and once Jordan finally hit their stride as number 2 at the end of sophomore year, they had seemingly everything. They were the best at fighting (aside from golden boy), they had kickass grades in crime-fighting and the most coveted hero classes, and was Richard Brinkerhoff's fucking one and only TA.
They were conventionally attractive in both forms, they knew they were confusing, and used that to their advantage. They fucking liked it even, because it meant they could fuck with college kids and flip their prior expectations completely out of whack. It meant that they always had the upper hand. Almost overnight, they’d gone from being widely unaccepted to suddenly being this cool, powerful, mysterious being that everyone wanted to fuck.
It’s why people always wanted to get close, and all it did was remind Jordan of that time when they weren’t that cool, novel, shiny thing that people feigned to be in proximity to. People’s need to pry themselves into Jordan’s head and into their life reminds them of when they’d been weak enough to allow it. It reminds them of that time back in middle school where they’d wanted desperately to show their whole self to their first girlfriend they’d been head over heels for, only to be forced to hide. It reminds them of how helpless they’d been, how eager to please the people who would never fully accept or understand them, no matter how much they tried.
So yeah no, none of that falling in love or dating shit was even remotely on Jordan’s radar.
Never again, Jordan had decided after their senior year of high school. College was their chance to start anew. After working their ass off and hitting the top ten the beginning of their sophomore year all the way to #2 by the end of it, they didn’t have to be weak anymore. And while they definitely had Brink to thank for their newfound confidence, they also had to thank Luke for getting Jordan more into the party scene.
And they had Marie to thank for stomping over all of that confidence in one single night.
They suppose realistically speaking this— Marie, had been slowly swarming her way into Jordan’s head from the very beginning. It’s incredible how easily she was able to knock down each row of carefully placed and stacked block of self-assuredness they’d spent so long trying to upkeep and fortify since coming to God U.
With each subsequent accomplishment that had come so easy to Marie despite the fact that Jordan had rejected her from Brink’s class on the first day (for valid reasons), Jordan had felt themself grow more and more resentful towards her.
Everything about her immediately had put Jordan on edge.
She was frustratingly beautiful, she was annoyingly naive yet confident, she was determined and resourceful. She hadn’t backed down from Jordan or Brink when they’d first met even when most would have. And most of all, she hadn’t ran when someone’s life had been in danger.
She was the one who acted as a hero in that club while Jordan and their friends fucking left her.
In all of Jordan’s crime fighting courses, countless times spent in study halls and fight simulations at the gym, never had they ever saved someone and done what they’d been wanting to do since arriving at God U. While Marie fucking Moreau did it on her fucking first try.
She made them feel volatile. Scared. Weak. Jealous . And Jordan fucking hated her for it
And then Luke died, everything went to shit, and even when Jordan had been the first to show the first crumb of vulnerability they’d ever shown and begged the freshman to give them the credit for fighting Luke off for her, for finally being the hero they were meant to be, she turned around and threw it in their face. She lied. And Jordan fell to fucking number fucking five in the rankings.
Jordan hadn’t cared if she technically didn’t owe them anything. If she wanted to play the superhero, the least she could do was do the right thing and give Jordan some credit.
And when Tek Knight came to campus and she finally did tell the truth, Jordan still somehow found themself angry. Because now she was being stupid and jeopardizing herself. And it didn’t make sense to Jordan.
Marie was smart and assured, surely there was some other motive for her actions. She must’ve been acting with some sort of agenda, with the intention to get back at Jordan, to make them somehow publicly fester in their guilt for being such a bitch to her.
But she wasn’t, because of fucking course she wasn’t. And Jordan realized this two seconds before their gaze had reflexively flickered down to a pair of lips that Jordan would never admit had haunted their dreams since the moment they’d met.
And somehow Jordan found themself being weak again, for falling into the depths of their deep doe eyes, for falling for the small crumb of genuine niceness Marie had shown to them. Jordan had told her they were scared, but Marie didn’t even know the fucking half of it. A part of Jordan still resented Marie then, but the stronger part, the part of them that knew the majority of this frustration had to do with an ugly and unkempt attraction towards her, had just needed to know what it would be like to be close to her in the absence of her usual ire Jordan had become accustomed to. For once. Marie had given Jordan an olive branch, had shown a nicety Jordan had never seen reserved to them, and somehow just that was enough for Jordan.
And then the next few moments were a blur. They’d shifted on instinct, because they knew it was what most girls wanted; it was second nature to Jordan, it was why they were so notorious for being good in bed, they knew what others craved deep down, what society expected of them. But their thoughts were so uncharacteristically jumbled at that point that the shifting was what they thought Marie wanted, or maybe they were projecting and Marie didn’t even want them at all, in any way. It didn’t matter then because Jordan was already moving closer. They hadn’t even had the chance to register the confusion that had flickered across Marie’s face before pressing their lips to hers.
And then they were stopping someone (Jordan can’t exactly remember who ) from blazing his path of destruction at Dr. Cardoza’s house. And Jordan was once again stepping in front of Marie on instinct, like it was second nature.
And then…nothing.
Until they woke up together, and Marie bolted.
And then they decided to head back to the dorms to regroup later on about Rufus after Cate got a handle on Andre…which leads directly to Jordan’s major fuck up.
Jordan had since shifted back to their male form; and they would rather not admit it, but it was because a part of them was afraid that their female form might scare Marie off again. That, and their male form tended to show up when they felt vulnerable, but it was comfortable, safe, and assertive when needed.
Assertive just enough to say something completely idiotic to Marie.
Jordan could sense the nervousness coming off of Marie in waves the minute Cate had bolted to find Andre, leaving the two of them alone to walk back to the dorms. Jordan’s dorm room was closer to Dusty’s place and on the way to Marie’s, but it meant nothing. It just so happened that cutting through the top 10’s college dorms was a closer shortcut to the freshman dorms, which meant Jordan and Marie were stuck walking together in baited silence.
Jordan almost felt sick to their stomach as they walked through their dorm hallway.
They couldn’t stop replaying the look on Marie’s face when they’d first woken up that morning; the shock, the way she had scrambled away from them after stammering over not remembering anything, like she couldn’t even conceive of a possibility where this would happen. Where Marie would ever have sex with them.
It was clear from her reaction that their kiss the day before had purely been a spur of the moment thing, a moment of confusion that had promulgated and spiraled purely from Jordan’s end. The details were sort of fuzzier now after the blackout, but now they can see it; Jordan had practically jumped her and slammed her into a bookshelf out of a desperation they hadn’t even known they’d possessed, sucking and moaning into her mouth like they’d die if they didn’t. And maybe they’d been too engrossed and pathetically desperate to notice that she wasn’t as into it as they were.
It makes a new ache of embarrassment rip through them as the two step through the long hallway in silence.
The fresh whip of mortification is why, before Marie can choke out some pathetic excuse as to why she couldn’t stand being around Jordan that morning, Jordan decided to strike first. Hard and fast, to protect the bundle of hurt and embarrassment that’s been steadily unraveling within them.
“Can’t believe Rufus thought this would be fucking realistic.”
They stop in front of Jordan’s dorm room door.
Jordan’s face is stony now, their lips turned downwards in a slight scowl. Their expression is impenetrable.
They won’t let her see anything on their face other than what they’re letting her. Jordan sometimes thinks Marie should follow suit, that she’s too expressive, too much of an open book. Every thought she’s ever had is always so clearly etched onto her face, the only issue Jordan has with this is reading them quick enough.
Jordan’s eyes track her expression closely as brown irises flits to theirs. Jordan watches her lip quirk in an almost half smile, her eyebrow furrowing in confusion. She shakes her head, obviously not understanding what Jordan could be referring to.
“W-what are you talking about?” She says with a slight laugh. Even despite everything, she’s still trying to be lighthearted and neutral. When Jordan’s through with her, that certainly won’t be the case.
“Why do you even bother to pretend at this point?” Jordan snaps, getting right to the point.
Their gaze is white hot on hers, and they can tell that the intensity of it takes Marie off guard.
It even almost takes Jordan off guard.
And it’s because it’s anger that floods over the embarrassment now. Jordan wasn’t about to let Marie get away with playing dumb. With hurting them like this. This was the first time in over four years that they’d been (at least physically) rejected by someone.
And besides, the anger was easier to hold onto. It was good. It was protective in a way.
Jordan sighs loudly, growing more exasperated the longer Marie stares at them in confused silence, as if Marie’s in the wrong for not being able to put Jordan’s no-context wording together.
“Rufus dumped us in bed together thinking that us hooking up would be a good alibi for both of us blacking out. Except, one, I don’t ever blackout, and two I would never willingly be with someone who repeatedly screwed me over rankings. Much less a freshman,” Jordan spits out that last part, recalling how completely against it they had been when Andre had first suggested that a freshman join them for the group of junior's first outing of the year.
Marie pauses, and Jordan takes the opportunity to push into their dorm room. And they’re fully ready to slam the door into her face, but she’s catching the door with her foot and shouldering her way into their room this time.
“Where is all this coming from? I thought we were good? I-I told the truth already—“
“—Yeah and I’ve just decided that it’s kind of not fucking good enough. I mean, when I really think about it. You cost me number two, and you haven’t done jack shit to deserve it other than accidentally blow up a dick by being dumb enough to talk to someone like Rufus. Who ended up mind-raping us into bed together, so thanks for that,” Jordan talks quickly here.
Anything to distract from the fact that they had been the one to forgive and kiss her in her room before any of the mind fuckery with Rufus happened.
“You’re blaming me for this?”
Marie’s voice has gone up a few octaves in incredulity, and Jordan can’t help it, but seeing that familiar spark of fury light in her eyes has Jordan’s heart speeding in anticipation.
But Jordan won’t let her know about that perverse and sick thread of excitement that’s jolted down their spine at the bite in Marie’s voice. Instead, their face stays stony and cold.
Then for good measure, they scoff. Because obviously Jordan would be blaming her. Who else would they blame for the mess they’re in now? For the hurt and embarrassment Jordan’s feeling now?
“The only reason I decided to talk to Rufus was because Andre roped my roommate into his mess. You know, Emma? The girl you didn’t give a fuck about or even bother to help look for because you’re apparently too selfish to think about anyone but yourself?”
“You didn’t think I was so selfish when I was saving your ass from Golden Boy!”
Jordan gets in her face then, happy to be in male form if it meant they could crowd her space, make her cower. But much to Jordans chagrin, she doesn’t cower, she remains still, with her chin tipped up in defiance. All shiny big doe eyes and furrowed brows.
“Yeah, that must’ve been a fluke, obviously. How stupid of me to have thought that there was something even remotely redeemable about your personality.”
“Yeah? Is that why you were sucking my dick like a groupie in Brink’s office trying to get into crime-fighting 101?”
Marie went silent then. Her mouth snapped closed with flamed cheeks, and it made the burn of satisfaction in Jordan’s chest burn that much brighter. Jordan had officially won their little verbal spat. And now, all that was left was to show Marie to the door.
Except, Marie didn’t turn around like Jordan expected her to. Instead, Marie took another step closer to Jordan, and suddenly the air shifted. The air between them felt thick, weighted.
And it was almost suffocating, the difference one single step had made.
It was dangerous.
And suddenly Jordan was the one who felt like shrinking.
Jordan was used to snapping or playing apathetic at people until they broke, but Marie was someone who refused to give.
A sense of dread filled Jordan when instead of giving up, a new flicker of determination sparked in Marie’s eyes, her lip turned up in a half-smirk. And here, Jordan can tell that she’d been thinking hard about her response before digging her heels in past the point of no return.
“Don’t act like you weren’t enjoying it, Jordan. Even this morning, when you saw me in bed next to you, I could feel the blood rushing through your body.”
Something in Jordan’s heart sank even lower at Marie’s words. But it also made them a little bit fucking dizzy, maybe because Marie was standing so close to them and all they could focus on was her stupidly good smelling perfume. And the way her eyes had darkened in challenge. It made Jordan feel unstable, and volatile once again. They needed to get a grip on themselves before they spiraled again. Jordan was not letting Marie win this time, the embarrassment flaming in the depths of their stomach wouldn’t allow it.
So fucking what if Marie had sensed that Jordan was maybe into it for a brief moment. Jordan wasn’t about to let Marie think this shit was one-sided even if it fucking was in fact one-sided.
If Marie wanted to try to humiliate Jordan, they would give just as much as they got.
If Marie wanted to go low, they’d go lower. By any means necessary.
“I wasn’t lying to you, Marie,” Jordan’s voice had gone deceptively soft and casual, and that was when you knew they were fucking ramped up to all hell.
Their gaze is fucking searing on hers when they speak next. The half-smirk marring their porcelain face almost deadly.
“I still find you insufferable to be around,” Jordan doesn’t even give Marie time to gasp in offense, “and the more you try to accuse me, the more it’s starting to feel just a little bit like you’re fucking projecting.”
For good measure, Jordan settles the most pitying look they can muster then, one they know will drive Marie crazy.
“And considering you’re still here even after I tried to kick you out of my room, I can tell that you’re clearly desperate for some closure, which I’d be happy to give.”
Marie’s eyes had both brightened and narrowed like fucking clock-work at Jordan’s insinuation, and at their ability to twist Jordan’s issues onto them. But they could also tell from the wrinkle in Marie’s forehead that Marie didn’t know where Jordan was going with this. She would soon enough.
“If you wanted to suck my cock that badly, all you had to do was ask,” Jordan says with a shrug. And then, the final blow, “We both know from the way you acted in Brink's office that you’re really not above begging.”
And Jordan knew the moment the words had left their lips that they’d gone too far. Because Jordan could actually fucking hear the outraged gasp that had left Marie’s mouth before she was raising her hand at lightning speed to slap Jordan in the face.
Unluckily for Marie, Jordan was too fast, even in their male form, and immediately gripped onto her wrist, halting the swing. And they gripped on hard . Hard enough to leave her left arm completely immobile while she struggled to rip herself out of their grip. She tried in vain to slap Jordan with the other hand, but they caught that too, fingers closing around her tight like a vice, causing Marie to cry out part in pain and part frustration.
And there was something about it, about the visceral reaction Marie had had, the way Jordan could see her cheeks burn and her face flush in anger that had Jordan’s blood pumping immediately all the way down to their cock.
They knew before she did that they were actually losing this battle.
The walls were closing in, and Jordan had one split second to back away before they did something even more utterly stupid.
But the moment passed in the blink of an eye.
And instead, Jordan found themselves roughly yanking Marie towards them with both hands locked on her wrists and swallowing her infuriated yelp with their lips.
And all bets were off after that.
They clawed at each other like fucking animals.
This time felt much more depraved than their first makeout session, where Jordan had moaned and shoved her against her own bookshelf. Maybe because they knew they were utterly alone this time; there was no roommate to walk in and interrupt them. Maybe because their frustration with each other was at an all time high.
Jordan’s hands were roaming and gripping anywhere they could find. Enclosing around her throat, digging their nails into her jaw and dragging it open so they could plunge their tongue deeper into her mouth. Marie’s hands tugged at Jordan’s hair and scraped along their sides, inadvertently making their sweater peel upwards. Until Jordan got so frustrated they shoved Marie’s hands off of them and yanked their black sweater over their head.
Jordan didn’t even wait for Marie to remove her own top, they gripped at Marie’s collar and yanked downwards, ripping the cropped fabric completely in half. They didn’t let Marie let out a cry of outrage then either, because Jordan’s lips were already back on hers, but this time with their hands kneading at her breasts.
Jordan felt Marie’s breath come out stilted and sharp as Jordan sucked and licked along the column of her slender neck. They shoved Marie’s stupidly tight jeans down her body, pausing only for a second for Marie to step out of them before Jordan’s lips were back on hers. Sucking and taking.
Taking what should’ve been theirs from the very beginning, but Marie just had to be so difficult and confusing about every goddamn thing. Jordan knew Marie wouldn’t be so confused about how much they wanted her, if their dick straining against their jeans and prodding into her bare stomach was anything to go by.
Jordan’s hands immediately go to grab two handfuls of Marie’s bare ass, spreading and kneading the fatty flesh there. And just the fucking feel of it causes a tortured string of moans to leave Jordan’s mouth.
Their hands aren’t even able to cover the full mass of them, but they’ll damn sure try to. Her ass is absolute perfection, and it’s driven them crazy ever since they saw her in those stupid leather pants at their first outing.
And so obviously, Jordan had much more in store for Marie’s ass, but that would have to happen later, when they had more time. Not here, not now while Jordan’s so wound up that they feel like they’re going to implode if they’re not inside of her in the next 20 seconds.
Marie makes it easy for them. She unbuckles Jordan’s belt and they have to bite their lip to prevent themself from crying out like a fucking thirteen year old when her fingers skim along the heated flesh of their waistband.
Jordan kicks their pants off of them while Marie makes quick work of her underwear, and then Jordan’s on her again. Hot and heavy, shoving their warm tongue into her mouth and moaning like a fucking porn star at the feel of their bare cock dragging its precum against the hot skin of her stomach.
Jordan grabs at Marie’s forearms and spins her around, and then they’re shoving her forwards, so that her stomach is folded over their mattress, and their feet are still on the ground.
Jordan hunches over her back, all lined up and ready, but halts.
“Before I do this, are you on birth control?”
“I-ye-yes,” Marie barely manages to breathe out, and the fact that she’s this off kilter already, when Jordan’s not even inside of her yet, makes a new flush of arousal spiral straight to their already rock hard member.
The only thing Jordan can think of selfishly as they begin to push their cock into hot slickened velvet, is that they truly genuinely would not have cared if Marie were on birth control or not.
They would’ve fucked her anyways, and maybe made a half assed attempt to pull out. But with the way they’re practically salivating over the feel of not even being all the way inside of her, Jordan can confidently confirm that they most likely would not have done so.
And normally, Jordan would be smarter than this, their number one rule to being a fuckboi was to always use protection, never have an STD or pregnancy scare, and they had managed perfectly thus far.
But something about Marie made them fucking crazy, and unable to even fucking think properly. Jordan was typically so calculated and measured with each and every action they took, from the year the compound V in their system showed itself until now. But Marie made them throw that characteristic that was so intrinsic to their personality out the damn window.
Luke, Cate, and Andre had all gotten close, had always told Jordan to stop thinking so much, but Jordan was never able to just not do so. And so this, this unhinged side of them that reared its ugly head only when Marie was in their vicinity was just another reason as to why they were perpetually frustrated with her.
Marie was the one person who was able to make them think purely with their instincts and not with their brain, which made her the most dangerous of them all.
When they push in, they push in slowly, and they feel like they’re going to fucking die. Because she’s so, so tight and hot and wet that it almost makes Jordan’s eyes roll to the back of their skull.
They let out an outright filthy moan instead.
“--So goddamn tight, baby”, Jordan just barely manages to grit out.
They’re going to lose their fucking mind if she keeps clenching around them like that. The way she’s whimpering and whining at the fullness even though they’re not all the way in makes them want to wrap their hands around her pretty throat and show her just how bad it can get.
But still, they cling on to the last bit of self restraint they have left; there will be time to break the freshman later, right now they need to focus on literally breaking her in. They can tell her cunt hasn’t been used like this ever, at least not with a cock as long as Jordan's. So they let her adjust, just for a few seconds, just to make sure they’re not splitting her in half, so they can start doing what they really want to do. And staying still while inside of something so perfect is almost the most painfully unbearable and mind-numbing thing Jordan has ever had to do in their life.
When she finally adjusts and Jordan starts fucking into her, they set a brutal pace despite themself, because how dare she feel this good to them? How dare she have them fucking unraveling and ready to snap after just being inside of her for a few seconds? The hurt feelings from before start to flood back into them, and they start to lose it a little. The intensity in which they pound into her is now simply out of revenge. Like a fucking punishment.
They’re punishing her for making them feel this way about her, for making them feel so fucking stupid, embarassed, off-balanced, obsessive, and resentful and every other fucking feeling they’ve tried so hard not to feel for the past three years.
It’s why they need to know, they need to hear her say it, that she wants them. And needs to hear her say it over and over again, so at the very least they can hold this over her fucking head. At the very least, Jordan won’t feel so fucking pathetic for wanting her and obsessing over her this fucking badly.
So Jordan decides to hunch over her from behind; their hips shift and now the entire length of them is fully sheathed inside of her, their hips are plastered to that glorious round ass of hers. They get their face into her fucking ear, and hold her delicate jaw still in between their ringed fingers so she won’t be able to turn away from them. Jordan’s cock continues to move, dirty and fucking frantic, except because they’re buried in her to the fucking hilt, so that this time she can feel all of them. Every last fucking movement.
And there’s no fucking escape.
And Jordan can practically feel the moment she realizes this, when her breathy moans get more stilted and almost panicked, like she’s quickly becoming overwhelmed, and in the way her cunt fucking clenches around them.
“Yeah, you like that shit, freshman?” Jordan growls into her ear as they continue to hump into her like a fucking dog. Marie cries out, a pretty little wail that makes Jordan want to lose their fucking mind.
Jordan can see several times in which Marie tries to speak, to answer Jordan, but fucking can’t because she’s too overwhelmed and keeps getting cut off by her own helpless gasps. Jordan watches Marie squeeze her eyes shut and nod, and then like clockwork, that sick perverse pleasure at seeing Marie at their mercy is back. It’s so so back.
But Jordan takes pity on her here, and doesn't bother pushing Marie for a better answer even when they very well could. Because after all, she’s clearly new to this.
Poor inexperienced freshman Marie. Bless her soul. Jordan’s probably reaching places inside of her that she never even knew existed until now.
So they decide to take mercy, just this once, and stand back up, this time so they can see their balls smack against her cunt as they slide in and out of her. And this way is almost worse. At least for Jordan that is. They can feel the heat rushing through them, the buildup that’s gaining on them fast. Jordan’s already so close to fucking exploding, which means they won’t have much time. They’ll have to get her to beg for their cock and cry over how much she wants them later.
Jordan wants to savor the little time they have left before they fully lose it.
So they stare unblinking, almost fucking possessed with hands gripped hard around her hips, as their cock slips out of her almost completely just to slam back into her straight to the hilt.
Jordan’s never focused so intently on something in their life. And it’s because they want this image seared into their fucking brain, especially after forgetting the first time they fucked. So Jordan just watches fucking slack jawed and speechless as it happens over and over again; a wet cock glistening with slick sliding almost completely out of a body just to disappear as hips slap so hard against two mounds of fatty flesh, that Marie’s entire fucking body jolts forwards.
And Jordan hopes perversely as Marie’s shocked and gasping cries fill the room, that this will be enough. That Marie won’t be able to not think of them after this.
That Jordan Li has now fucking ruined sex for her with anyone else.
That she’ll never be able to deny how much she wants them ever again.
…ep 7…
Jordan’s been clenching and unclenching their fingers seemingly all fucking day.
It’s been two days since they’d had sex, the second time, that is. Since the wild goose chase with Rufus that had happened directly afterwards, had led them straight to Cate. And straight to her betrayal.
It’s been a few hours since Cate had given them their memories back, and one day since Cate had forced them to reveal and relive their deepest darkest regrets to one another inside of her own mind.
They still didn’t really know what it all meant. Jordan had seen something deeply personal about Marie. And Marie of Jordan. And now, although Jordan may have had it on slightly good authority that Marie was actually okay with them in their female form, they still didn’t know what it meant for sure.
Cate had given them back their memories from the night of the party. And even though Jordan remembers what had happened, they’re still left more confused than ever as to where they stand with Marie.
After fucking the second time, Jordan hadn’t even had the chance to decipher whether the reason Marie couldn’t make eye contact with Jordan now was because she was embarassed or because she was shy or some other third fucking reason. After they’d finished fucking that second time, Marie had sort of grimaced at them before leaving to change in hers and Emma’s room, and then she was finding fucking trackers in all of them, and then promptly being dragged by Jordan to kill Rufus.
And even when Jordan thinks back to what really happened the night of the party, they’re still left fucking confused.
In terms of the actual events of that night, Cate had gone to all of them one by one as the party progressed, encouraging them to “get fucked up”, and to forget about Sam and The Woods.
Marie maybe took a few too many shots with Emma, Jordan had taken so much bean to the face their eyes had turned bloodshot.
Marie had gotten so drunk that her body had been swaying as she’d gotten onto the dance floor and Jordan had watched with a burning rage as some frat boy prick put their hands around Marie’s waist and danced with her. And then before Jordan could think better of it, they were shoving the guy off of Marie and pulling Marie down to their lips.
And then they were gripping and sucking at each other like their lives depended on it. And Jordan had kicked down the door to some random bedroom upstairs and proceeded to give the sloppiest head known to man in their femme form. So sloppy it had Marie moaning and crying and begging to the point of squirting on her in the process.
And it was fucking glorious.
And to make matters worse, their second time together in male form had been just as good. Which unfortunately meant for Jordan that they weren’t giving that up for shit. And while Jordan was left with that experience not exactly knowing where Marie stood in all of that, whether it was the alcohol talking or whatever, Jordan knew at the very least that Marie’s body at least physically wanted them, in both forms.
You don’t fucking squirt like that with your name on their tongue for absolutely no reason, right?
It’s why they now can’t think of anything else but the need to be inside of her. In both forms.
They needed to watch Marie crumple and cry while their femme form made her come undone with their tongue and fingers. That taste Jordan had two days ago and the night before wasn’t enough. They wanted Marie to experience them in all ways. It felt like they’d explode if she didn’t.
They felt like a fucking fiend.
And they were never like this. Ever.
Jordan was known for one night stands, they rarely ever had fuck-buddies. Tyler barely counted.
They were typically the hit it and quit it type; when they had sex with someone once, they really never thought of them ever again. But of course things were different with Marie.
Of course Marie was the one who would get them addicted.
And even worse, there was a smaller, more feeble part of Jordan that just wanted to be with Marie.
They wanted to be with her and only her, they desperately wanted her attention on them, and they wanted to claim her for themself. Somehow, after being able to see into Marie’s mind, Jordan felt closer to her.
A lot of things about their prior arguments suddenly made sense to them, and Jordan felt themself finally understanding her. All the prior resentment and anger towards her had all but dissipated. Because it all made sense now. And in fact they were actually really fucking impressed with her, especially because even after everything she’s experienced, she still wanted to be a hero. She was so similar to Jordan in that way, more similar than Jordan had ever realized was possible.
Her perseverance and humaneness was commendable as hell, and Jordan actually liked that about her.
This is the closest Jordan has been since middle school to liking someone, to actually wanting exclusivity with them, and it was fucking disgusting.
And thinking about it was terrifying, so terrifying that Jordan let’s the frustration of not being able to fuck Marie seep over them instead. It’s more infuriating, but easier that way.
Especially because it was just Jordan’s luck that sex was very clearly just about the farthest thing from Marie’s mind.
With everything going on, Jordan can’t blame her. The Shetty and The Woods reveal was mind-numbing in of itself. And Cate was too much of a wild card to let them all go back to campus acting like nothing had happened. Their priority now was exposing Shetty before more people got hurt.
But all of that still didn’t stop Jordan from squirming uncomfortably in the diner seat as another flush of arousal coursed through them from staring at the little vein poking out of the side of Marie’s slender neck.
Jordan needed nothing more than to suck on that vein like a fucking vampire.
No, what Jordan actually needed to do was to leave Marie’s vicinity before they did something stupid. And not to mention, get away from Cate’s prying mind, who most likely heard the not so appropriate thoughts Jordan was having about Marie.
Shit was fucked. Life in general was fucked.
And Jordan felt so sexually frustrated they could actually cry.
They feel like they’ve been cramped together in that diner booth for an eternity, and Jordan has to physically shift their leg away from Marie to prevent it from touching hers.
If Marie notices Jordan’s internal struggle, she doesn’t say anything as Cate tries to relay her plan for talking to Shetty.
But it all becomes a bit too much, Jordan’s on fucking edge.
They’re dangerously horny and still buzzing with adrenaline from almost dying inside of Cate’s head, feeling slightly sick over the prospect of potentially liking Marie, still feeling slight shame from what happened with Brink and Luke, and from seeing all the snake shit Cate had done with Luke for Shetty.
And the more they try to shove down thoughts of the potential feelings they have for Marie, the more, unbidden thoughts of pounding her into the shitty diner seat plastic starts to appear.
So on top of everything swarming in their brain, they’re now tasked with trying to keep Cate from hearing all the dirty and depraved fucking thoughts about Marie. But it’s not fucking working. They can practically feel the judgment wavering off of Cate every time they make eye contact.
And Jordan wants to fucking scoff.
Because it’s as if Cate has the fucking right to judge, not when her dirty little secret Andre is sitting right next to her.
But the longer Jordan sits there, the more they feel like they’re suffocating, and the cherry on top of the all-consuming cake is that Marie seems like she’s actually about to give into Cate’s bullshit pleading with them to trust her.
So Jordan snaps.
“Stay out of our fucking heads, then maybe we’ll trust you,” and then they’re leaving the diner, just so maybe they can breathe a bit better.
Marie’s calling after them immediately, but they can barely hear her outside of the flooding of thoughts in their head. And as Marie catches up to them, it becomes more clear, Marie’s actually defending Cate again and Jordan can’t fucking stand it.
Jordan’s never been so frustrated before, with Marie, with Cate, with the fact that despite everything, Marie’s still on her side, especially when Marie never seemed to give anyone else the benefit of the doubt like this. Definitely not to Jordan.
They’ve actually to date had more arguments than cordial conversations. For fuck’s sake, they haven’t even properly talked about what they were.
So when Jordan yells at Marie this time, they don’t hold back, and Marie’s giving just as good, like she always does. But there’s a small standstill between them, when Marie calls them out for “turning into a dude to make a point”, and it makes Jordan pause.
Jordan hadn’t even realized that they’d done that, but they’d supposed it was instinctual.
But more importantly, Marie was right.
And so for once, they don’t deny it, they don’t try to argue with her.
Because there was something in that claim that Marie made, something that seemed almost like there was finally, finally, a breakthrough between them. That feeble and small part of Jordan’s mind that they’d so hard to tamper had reappeared instantly. Because they think this may be it.
This was the proof that Marie knew Jordan, and she knew them well.
That, maybe it wasn’t just the sex that had connected them, there was something else there.
Something that had compelled Marie to go after Jordan even when they didn’t need to, even after seeing what Jordan had done to Luke. The same something that had made Jordan apologize to Marie and only to her for their past actions. And for her to forgive them.
And so, Jordan tries to shift closer to Marie, to gauge the still shakey ground they’re on.
But her eyes aren’t on theirs anymore, they’re trained at the ground, and then flicking back to theirs before opening their mouth to talk about Cate and The Woods again.
And Jordan wants to fucking punch a wall.
… ep 8 …
Jordan feels…nothing.
Except there’s something that almost feels good about the emptiness.
There’s no outside or inside voices telling them they’re not good enough, doubting them and their abilities, telling them that the people at Vought don’t really care about them, and neither do the people driving their social media engagement. There’s no internal guilt, shame, fear of what they’ve done in the past to move up the rankings. No fear over the shit show they’ve witnessed in the past few weeks.
And most importantly, no thoughts, no jumbled ball of feeling when it comes to her.
They know exactly what happened. What has gotten them to feel this way. And yet, they don’t feel outraged by it. Because again, there’s no guilt, no fear.
There’s just…nothing.
When just a few moments earlier, they had seemingly felt everything.
They had been in the thick of it all.
One second, was wrapping their fingers around one of the escaped Woods patients and squeezing until the life drained out of them, and then the next second, was screaming at Marie to save the Vought board members in the helicopter.
And then, they were up, they could finally breathe again. Their vision had tunneled onto Marie and only her.
As far as Jordan was concerned, there were no perceived threats surrounding the two of them, not when Marie was looking at them like that. Not when Jordan could so easily read the relief coloring her face at the fact that Jordan was still alive. That they were ok, that they were both okay.
Jordan had thought that this was their moment, to finally tell Marie how they felt about her. How they truly felt.
Not to throw digs at her and voice their frustration at her as they’d done in the past out of self-preservation. Not to tell her how they were annoyed by her determination, but to actually be able to admit that they were really in awe of it. And how she made them want to do better.
And be better.
With her.
But Jordan didn’t get that far.
Because one minute, they were walking towards Marie like she was the only light illuminated in a dark, desolate field, and the next minute, they felt an ungloved hand press into Jordan’s neck, coupled with a whisper of “ feel nothing ”, in a voice eerily familiar to that of Jordan’s ex friend.
And then had watched with no feeling as said ex friend’s hand blew up in a bloody flurry of flesh and sinew.
Later on, Jordan would find out Cate’s actual intentions with them.
She had wanted Jordan to be free of guilt before asking them to turn around and kill all of the board members in the helicopter, and if not, would have made Jordan incapacitate (but not kill) Marie from still trying to save them.
But Cate didn’t get that far. Obviously because Marie had blown her hand to smithereens. But also because Homelander had landed before anything else could happen.
And Jordan could only watch in sheer apathy as Homelander touched down before them, like a God on earth.
But there was no excitement or relief there at seeing their childhood hero, only a sense of morbid curiosity.
Jordan didn’t react when Homelander lasered still the remaining rogue Woods supes running around, brutally ending their lives in the span of seconds before disappearing back into the blue skies where he’d fallen from.
Jordan didn’t react either when all the Homelander hype had settled and Marie’s eyes had focused, wide and panicked back on Jordan, as if just remembering what Cate had done to them.
Marie had barely had the chance to call out for Jordan, they could see her mouth forming over their name, but they were interrupted again. Vought ambulance helicopters were spawning from the sky, as if out of nowhere, and latched onto the students on the field, one by one. Jordan was lifted, had a gas mask wrapped over their face, and immediately fell to sleep.
When they woke up in the God U infirmary a few days later, they knew immediately that everything had changed. That Vought had tilted, twisted, and swept the ugly truth under the rug yet again.
The story was now this: rogue supes in the health center unit of the school were experiencing mental breaks; they had ‘mental health issues’ due to the stress of school (which is why God U will now be bringing back mental health days during exam week). The supes got out and killed a bunch of students, taking off Cate’s hand, injuring Andre, Jordan, Marie, Maverick, and others. Homelander came and saved the day, of course. And now a new administrator was being hailed to run the school in ‘bigger and better’ ways.
Cate, Sam, Jordan, and Marie were considered heroes for fighting off the rogue supes, while Andre was bumped down a peg for being knocked out for the majority of the time. Also apparently because he was secretly experiencing health issues, he’s been needing to take routine trips to the school’s infirmary for recovery. In other words, Andre didn’t have the time or optics to be ranked so highly.
And now, the school was running with the narrative that the four of them (Cate, Jordan, Sam, and Marie), were the new “Guardians of Godolkin”.
Vought had completely brushed over Cate and Sam’s thinly veiled murder frenzie, had all but hid Cate from the public as she continues to be in ‘recovery’.
But Jordan supposes they didn’t really care about any of that, especially because at the very least they weren’t screwed over in the process.
Before the administrators had okayed Jordan to return to school, they’d threatened them.
That if Jordan did anything out of line this time besides graduate and show up to press and social conferences like a good little ‘guardian’, they’d be expelled and sent to Vought’s adult facility, and the same went for any of the other students who had any idea about The Woods.
Cate had ‘smartly’ not told anyone about what she’d done to Jordan or Sam. And before Cate had been shipped off to a different supe hospital facility that had more ‘high tech’ healing aids, she had asked both Sam and Jordan to keep an eye on Marie and Emma. To make sure neither of them came up with anything else that would potentially get in the way of Cate’s plans for “supe domination.”
Whatever that fucking meant.
But Jordan didn’t really care either way what Cate’s incentives were for that, Jordan would be keeping an eye on Marie either way. For a different reason now.
Andre was number one before the whole rogue supe event happened, but would be booted probably even from the top ten when the list refreshes next month. And now that Andre was no longer a threat Woods wise, or ranking wise because he’d be in and out of the campus infirmary too often to deal with his own issues, Jordan felt freer than ever.
But don’t get them wrong, they didn’t care about Marie, not now. In fact, they found that they didn’t really care about anything, other than optimizing their self-preservation.
That just happened to include being ranked first. Especially because they actually had a shot again at being number one now.
Their incentives had changed. Where once they’d wanted to be in The 7 to be a hero, they now just wanted it to have power. The same type of power that Homelander had, where they didn’t have to answer to anyone, not to rankings, or their parents, or social media populace. No one.
So Jordan had mentally gone down the list of their competitors.
Sam’s powers were too simple, sure he was strong, but he had absolutely no social media presence, even less so than Marie, and something tells Jordan from the little they’ve interacted, that Sam is not exactly the charmer. He’s been cooped up at The Woods for too long to really excel with the social skills. Emma was at number 76 last time they’d looked at the rankings, and Cate was MIA getting her hand repaired at a hospital for at least a few months, which was prime time for Jordan to climb the ranks.
The only one standing in their way yet again, was Marie. Which is why Jordan planned to keep a close eye on her.
She had garnered good press for herself in the past few weeks, and if she kept it up, she’d be able to far surpass Jordan. And unluckily for Jordan, it seemed as though Marie was making dramatic strides with her power as well.
The first thing Jordan thinks of the night before fall midterms start, is how they can best go about sabotaging her.
They think first about what they know about her; she murdered her parents and got sent to God U as an orphan. Except, if Jordan tries to expose Marie for this, the world would likely take pity on her, see her as this poor orphan girl who’s trying to prove herself to be a hero for her sister and avenge her parents accidental deaths.
Yawn.
There isn’t really anything else that Jordan had on Marie for potential blackmail material other than everything with The Woods, but that was forbidden territory for all of them, and self-preservation came first.
Always.
There’s not even a nasty hookup Jordan can point to to get at Marie, Jordan thinks that they may have been the only person they’ve been with at the school.
There really isn’t anything Jordan can do to sabotage her other than to break her down mentally, to make the idea of competing with them so unappealing that they take themself out of the race completely.
But that would be easier said than done. Marie was just as if not more stubborn than Jordan. It would take a lot for her to break. And Jordan almost wants to feel self-conscious about that.
Almost.
They have the rest of the month after all, and if not that, then the rest of the school year to do this.
It’s their only option at this point, so they suppose they’ll give it their best shot.