Work Text:
“Where are you going?”
“Date.”
“You're wearing a new shirt. Why are you wearing a new shirt?”
“My old ones had been seen by every woman in London.”
“John.”
“Thank you for not disturbing my date, Sherlock.”
“I imagine your first date with a man was tense enough without my input.”
“Yes-um, well. Actually...”
“Fascinating. Successful first date with member of the same sex having had no previous experience with other men, correct?”
“That's...yes. Correct. I'm telling you nothing, Sherlock. In case that was your next question.”
“You will.”
“His name was Gavin.”
“Successful sexual performance?”
“Sherlock...”
“Fine. Did you have a nice evening?”
“Yes. He was intelligent,”-snort- “funny, he listened to me go on a bit about work, and he didn't care that it was my first...you know.”
“Of course he didn't care about that. He was likely looking forward to it.”
“We're done here, Sherlock.”
“And how did he react when you talked about me?”
“I didn't talk about you.”
“John.”
“I mentioned that I had a flatmate, then moved on.”
“No one 'moves on' after my name.”
“I didn't tell him your name.”
“Oh.”
“Right, okay, again. Done.”
“You wanted it to work this time. You didn't want to give him a chance to be threatened by us.”
“There is no 'us' to be threatened by, Sherlock.”
“Don't be ridiculous, John.”
“We're not a couple!”
“Stop being deliberately obtuse. We may not have a sexual relationship but our emotional needs are primarily satisfied through each other, to the exclusion of outsiders. Last I researched, that was a relationship.”
“I'm seeing him again tomorrow.”
“Fast. You must have done something right.”
“Did you say that you satisfy my emotional needs?”
Successful sexual experience? -SH
“Good morning, John.”
“Sherlock.”
“Did you have a nice evening?”
“Yes, thank you. Gavin cooked, and he's very good at it.”
To what point are you allowing sexual relations? -SH
Stop. I'm not telling you anything about it. I don't care if it's a unique situation. It's my unique situation, and not your data. -JW
“John?”
“No.”
“Just one question.”
“No.”
“It's not sexual in nature.”
“Fine, just the one then.”
“What made you say yes?”
“You assume he asked me?”
“You're deliberately being an idiot, aren't you?”
“A bit, maybe. He um, well, he seemed nice.”
“Nice?”
“He smiled and it just seemed like the right answer, okay?”
“Does anyone on the street have this power over you?”
“Alright, Sherlock. You said one question, you've had it.”
Tell Gavin I say 'hello'. -SH
I'm not out with him. -JW
Where are you? -SH
“John!”
“I went for a pint with Lestrade.”
“This rendered you incapable of replying to my texts?”
“We agreed on a tech-stop, to have a bit of a break.”
“Why would you need a break, John?”
“No reason, Sherlock. No reason.”
1 month, 4 days, 7 hours. -SH
What? -JW
Since your first date with Him. -SH
And? -JW
“I invited him round.”
“Interesting. When do I leave?”
“I rather hoped you'd stay.”
“Hmm.”
“You like him.”
“You're the one keeping track of how long we've been seeing each other. I thought that deduction would be clear.”
“It's not novelty.”
“Sherlock, based on your knowledge of me, would I date someone for novelty?”
“Are we cooking for him, or shall I order a curry?”
“That was-”
“Yes, alright.”
“He's very-”
“Leave it, Sherlock.”
“We should have done takeaway.”
3 months, 18 days, 2 hours. -SH
Leave him alone, Sherlock. -MH
“Off out, Sherlock, be late.”
“Send Gavin my regards.”
“Right. Yes.”
“John.”
“Yes?”
“You're meeting his parents?”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“You need to take a more expensive bottle of wine.”
On tube home, lost keys, unlock door? -JW
“A fight.”
“Yes, and if you let me in I might even talk about.”
“The first fight is very important, I've read.”
“Well, this may have been the last fight.”
“Oh?”
“Please don't pretend you haven't read it all in my trouser creases, or something, Sherlock.”
“I was attempting to be supportive.”
“Oh. Well. He said I wasn't letting him in.”
“Now, do you mean physically, or emotionally? Because for a predominately straight male taking the penetrative position is often not-”
“Sherlock! Emotionally! Emotionally. No sex talk, okay? Just...no.”
“Has the sex been satisfactory, then?”
“This is impossible. Do you practice 'listening face' in the mirror, or just delete the things I say that quickly?”
“Delete.”
“God, Sherlock. Why do I bother?”
“So, he doesn't understand why some things are difficult for you to share with him?”
“I guess I've always been a little private, but this is the longest I've had in a while, and I suppose I'm out of practice.”
“Are you truly at ease with him?”
“I thought so, until tonight. The things he said. He made me sound like...a machine.”
“Irony noted, John.”
Bring home Thai? -SH
40 mins -JW
“I'm not sorry I tried, you know?”
“4 months, 5 days, 9 hours is commendable, John.”
“For damaged goods, you mean.”
“For your first same-sex relationship.”
“Thanks, I guess?”
In for Bond marathon tonight? I don't care if you read during. -JW
Yes. -SH
“The mess today, you'd never believe it. Wheel spokes in palms, herpes, plasters in noses, other things in other places...do we still have some of that brandy you bought?”
“Below the sink.”
“Is it safe?”
“No more so than any other alcohol, John.”
“Sherlock. Is it contaminated?”
“Of course not. I only used it as a propellant.”
“How was your day?”
“What?”
“Your day. I told you about mine, I asked about yours. Traditional greetings among flatmates and friends.”
“Dull.”
“Right.”
Gavin Held passed checks. -MH
Thank you. -SH
Shame it didn't work out for the Doctor. -MH
Haven't you got calories to count? -SH
“John.”
“Hmm?”
“Please give me a chance to explain before you say 'no'.”
“This sounds promising, Sherlock. Really.”
“I'd like to hear whatever you will tell me about the sexual aspect of your relationship with Gavin.”
“No.”
“You said you'd give me a chance to explain.”
“No, I didn't.”
“It was...different.”
“Were you able to achieve an orgasm with him?”
“Jesus, Sherlock. Just. Less, okay? I'm trying.”
“We know you felt an initial attraction to him. Did this continue?”
“Yes. He, hang on, are you taking notes?”
“Obviously.”
“No notes.”
“Honestly, John. How will I record the data?”
“In your brain.”
“Continue.”
“He always seemed warm, and open. Comforting.”
“Continue.”
“I was finished.”
“What?”
“I'm not giving you details, Sherlock!”
“You say 'open'. You assumed the penetrative role?”
“Oh my god. We're not having this conversation.”
I apologize. Chinese? -SH
You're buying.- JW
“Why do you want to know the particulars anyway?”
“You know sex is a strong motivator in crime, John. ”
“That in no way answered my question.”
“Learning about all different kinds of sexual congress is useful to me. For example, knowing the average time span between first meeting and first kiss. From first kiss to first intercourse, if applicable. All these sexual acts are considered milestones in relationships, and hence they can assist me in deductions. If I'm able to correctly deduce the extent of sexual activity a couple has engaged in, it allows me to infer within a small margin of error the amount of time they've been together. If they've been together for a long time without sexual milestones, this is also useful information.”
“My situation was so specific. How does an abnormal case study help you theorize regarding general trends?”
“John, talk science to me again.”
“Eat your Chinese, Sherlock.”
“Four days.”
“Until intercourse?”
“No! No. First kiss, Sherlock.”
“Interesting.”
“Mycroft's here.”
“Make him go away.”
“I'm going upstairs, Sherlock. The two of you can fight without me.”
“Mycroft.”
“Sherlock.”
“Dr. Watson seems perturbed with you.”
“What do you want?”
“To check on you, as usual.”
“Go away.”
“You can tell him, you know.”
“There is nothing to tell, Mycroft.”
“Text me if you need anything, Sherlock.”
“John!”
“I'm fine, Sherlock.”
“Stay here.”
“Wasn't planning on running.”
“Lestrade has him.”
“Sherlock, get off, I'm fine.”
“Head wounds can be serious.”
“I'm the doctor here, Sherlock.”
“You're using my name a lot. You could have a concussion.”
“Lestrade, John needs medical attention.”
“I'm fine! Look, walking, jumping-”
“John!!”
“You're an idiot.”
“Good to see you, Sherlock.”
“You agitated a head wound.”
“So it seems.”
“Can I expect more of this behaviour?”
“When do I get out of here?”
John's ready to leave. -SH
Ten minutes. -MH
“May be late, Sherlock.”
“She's going to be bored by the film.”
“She suggested it.”
“To have you refute it, and you did not.”
“Hang on, you weren't there when I asked her out!”
“Of course I was there.”
“No spying. You agreed. I'm entitled to privacy outside the flat, at least.”
“You should have taken her for Ethiopian.”
“I don't like Ethiopian.”
“Obviously.”
“Don't say it, Sherlock.”
“I told you it was a waste of time.”
“She seemed nice, alright?”
“You said that about Gavin.”
“Gavin was nice. Jane just seemed nice. There's a difference.”
“Perhaps you should stop looking for 'nice', John.”
“And look for what? Evil?”
“No, you'd likely become involved with someone we'd soon prove guilty of a crime.”
“I'm making tea. You want?”
“Yes.”
“She's cheated on her last four partners.”
“Thanks.”
“You're welcome.”
“You're an idiot.”
“John, you're the one repeating the same actions and hoping for a different outcome.”
“You're calling me insane?”
“All the data would suggest that your date tonight will be a failure, and if we project the data into the future, subsequent dates will also be failures.”
“So what then, Sherlock? Never date, never try at all?”
“Try what? You're not a virgin and you're not new to dating.”
“This is insane. I'm going. Don't text me.”
You meant finding 'the one'. -SH
Well done. And I told you not to text me. -JW
Fiction created to manipulate us. There isn't one correct person for any of us. -SH
Because you speak from experience. -JW
“Mycroft.”
“Took me to his club this time. Guess it's better than old factories or warehouses.”
“And what did he want?”
“You don't know?”
“I thought it more polite to ask.”
“The usual, I guess. Checking up on you, also...offering me money to leave.”
“What?”
“He offered me a job, and a flat.”
“Ah, of course.”
“You knew?”
“No, but I suspected he'd do something like this eventually. Just another test, John.”
“So you don't want me to leave?”
“Why would I want you to leave?”
“Okay. That's. Good, then.”
“Quite.”
“Did you throw away my liver?”
“Seriously, Sherlock?”
“Mrs. Hudson!”
“Stop yelling, she hasn't touched your things since you had that head in there.”
“Then where is it?”
“Look behind the casserole dish she brought up the other day.”
“That would have been four weeks wasted, John.”
“Found it then?”
“Obviously.”
“You're welcome.”
“This...casserole. Would you like some?”
“Are you having some?”
“I might be persuaded.”
“Then yes, thanks.”
Come home. -SH
At work. -JW
Gavin is here. He claims he'll remain until he speaks to you. -SH
I'd rather not see him. -JW
Shall I encourage him to leave? -SH
BE NICE -JW
“Can't believe he waited for me out there.”
“Hmm. He sounded quite desperate.”
“Heard it all then?”
“From the second step.”
“He's got some nerve. I'll give him that.”
“You don't miss him?”
“You heard me tell him to bugger off, Sherlock.”
“It's been four months, 20 days since your last date.”
“Well, as you kindly informed me, I seemed to be failing.”
“The lack of sexual gratification has led to an increase in masturbation, but seems to have produced no other ill-effects.”
“Sherlock! Can we pretend I have some privacy?”
“I don't understand why you're so repressed about it, John.”
“It's not repressed to hope you don't know everything about my sex life.”
“How could I possibly? You had partners before I met you, and as you yourself proved, I'm not infallible, just predominately correct. I haven't deduced all the particulars of every sexual partner you've had since you began your residence here.”
“Just ninety percent of it, right?”
“I'd say less, particularly your recent time with Gavin. Too many variables to decide what acts occurred without a doubt.”
“Please, no questions Sherlock.”
“Lestrade is here anyway.”
“What-What was that Sherlock?”
“A kiss.”
“No-Why, Sherlock?”
“Really John, I assumed you were aware of the motivations behind kissing.”
“You're unbelievably impossible.”
“It's been seven months, five days since your last sexual act with a partner, John.”
“We're not having this conversation, Sherlock.”
“You mean you wish us not to continue? Since we are already having this conversation.”
“Yes.”
“Too bad.”
“What?”
“It's been two weeks since I kissed you, and I'm still waiting for your response.”
“I responded at the time!”
“With confused shock only. You've had ample time for reflection now.”
“There is nothing to reflect on, Sherlock.”
“It wasn't an experiment, as I'm sure you've been telling yourself.”
“What the hell was it then?”
“I-there's-”
“Sherlock? Where are you going?”
Bart's, immediately. -SH
10 mins -JW
“I need a slide.”
“That. Is it, Sherlock!”
“Wait.”
“This had better be bloody amazing, I'm serious.”
“John. I want to have the conversation.”
“Conversation...what? Sherlock, that was weeks ago.”
“And?”
“I thought it had been resolved.”
“As did I. Your lack of desire seems to have had little impact on my desire to kiss you, however.”
“I'm leaving, going back to work, we can talk about this late-”
“-See? Particularly when you're being difficult, it seems.”
“You cannot just keep kissing me!”
“Twice hardly seems worth a cease and desist order, John.”
“Alright. What do you think you want, then?”
“Beyond kissing?”
“Yes, Sherlock. Beyond kissing. Because this is our friendship, our lives, we're talking about here.”
“I don't like you dating.”
“I figured that much out. Haven't been, which you've obviously noticed.”
“Yes, thank you.”
“And?”
“Your willingness to stop dating and discuss this at all seems to indicate a positive reaction to possible changes in the nature of our relationship.”
“Say it, Sherlock.”
“I want us to be more than flatmates, more than friends. I don't want anyone, ever again, to be for you what I want to be for you.”
“Jesus, Sherlock.”
“You asked, John.”
“All those questions about Gavin.”
“Eight hours. Where did you go?”
“You weren't interested for science.”
“I didn't lie, if that's what you're implying. Sexual information is very helpful to me.”
“You were deducing my sexuality!”
“Really John, one could hardly call it that.”
“Oh, really? Just deducing if he'd got there first then?”
“Honestly, it was plain to see you hadn't-”
“Stop. Now.”
“I told you how I feel. I'm told that communication in these matters is expected and polite.”
“Have you ever even been in a relationship?”
“Yes. With you.”
“Not, what I meant. Sherlock.”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“Sorry.”
I'm not a virgin, as Mycroft implied. -SH
I didn't ask -JW
Not out loud. -SH
“Did you seriously think I could leave a major facet of human experience unexplored?”
“No, I suppose not.”
“Relationships were unnecessary, however.”
“Right. Feelings. Why would you bother with those?”
“I have feelings, John. Please don't condescend.”
“How can you possibly think this will work, Sherlock?”
“I assume you're about to tell me all the reasons it won't.”
“Christ. Living with you is difficult, Sherlock.”
“Is this the part of our fight where we uselessly state facts as if that accomplishes something?”
“Dammit Sherlock! I'm trying to talk to you. If you haven't tried a relationship and you know you're a difficult person, are you really willing to attempt more with me?”
“More what?”
“More, Sherlock.”
“I have no reservations sexually, John. I find myself very attracted to you and you are to me. I see no issue with our compatibility.”
“That's...good. Not what I meant though.”
“Feelings.”
“Feelings. Emotions, support, consideration of another before oneself. The things that define a relationship over time, not just the initial attraction.”
“I believe its safe to say we've moved past the initial attraction, John.”
“-Stop! Kissing is not the answer.”
“Why not?”
“-Sherlock!”
“John. I will not stop my experiments. I will not stop my work-”
“I never asked you to-”
“But I will commit to this, to us. I understand the societal expectations of a relationship, and will give them to you, but please don't expect me to change.”
“You have to occasionally buy milk.”
“Is that your primary stipulation before we begin the sexual aspect of our relationship?”
“You're the most insane, ridiculous man I've ever known.”
“-John?”
“Bedroom, Sherlock?”
“-Mine.”