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For as long as they have known each other, Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung have always watched the first snowfall of the year together.
It is not necessarily something they ever planned for; after all, nature is unpredictable and does as she pleases, making it a troublesome task to accurately predict her behaviour on the majority of days.
Sunny and warm summer days have brought unexpected showers in the past, and early spring days occasionally came with biting gusts of wind and sudden temperature drops that covered the newly sprouted wildflowers with a layer of frost. Alternatively, rays of sunshine managed to peek through the thick curtain of winter clouds on some early January mornings to warm the frozen ground and every creature that set foot on it as a belated holiday gift.
And yet, despite the unpredictability of Seoul weather, Jimin and Taehyung have somehow found that once the first handfuls of icy flurries descend from the grey mass of clouds overhead, they have always been there to witness it together. That much is a fact or a certitude, an accidental tradition of sorts, one that simply resulted from the two best friends being perpetually glued to each other’s side. Where Jimin goes, Taehyung follows, and vice versa. And so, whenever the temperature begins to steadily approach zero near the end of autumn and the first pairs of icicles start to cling together and fall to earth to herald the start of the colder seasons, the two of them naturally gravitate towards one another to celebrate an early winter together.
The first snowfall Jimin and Taehyung ever got to experience together had occurred not even six full months after they first met, when they were still exploring the early stages of a tentative friendship that would later transform into a lifelong bond that flourished on a deep sense of mutual respect and adoration.
That very day, in the first December week of 2012, the pair had stepped outside the company building after a particularly long and strenuous dance practice to pay their favourite restaurant a visit and indulge in a bowl or two of hearty sundubu jjigae. It was only seconds after the door had fallen shut behind them that a shimmery crystal of ice, dragged down by the incessant and powerful pull of gravity, came tumbling from the heavens above to land right on top of sixteen-year-old Taehyung’s nose, melting against the tiny mole there.
A string of giggles had left Jimin’s lips at the undoubtedly endearing sight of a perplexed Taehyung reaching for his nose to touch the evidence that winter was finally upon them.
Cute, Jimin had called him back then, before tilting his chin upwards to face the sky that was suddenly filled with the crisp scent of fresh snow. It was one he welcomed with a bright and uncontrollable smile. He threw his hands in the air to collect some of the tiny flurries, examining the different crystalline structures with childlike wonder.
When a hundred small snowflakes had turned into a million big ones, rushing down to Earth at an alarming pace, Jimin grabbed Taehyung’s hand and directed him to the small restaurant across the street.
The warmth of the cozy space was more than welcome after their time outside, brief as it might have been, had brought goosebumps to their arms and a rose-coloured blush to the apples of their cheeks. Limbs heavy from a long day of physical activity, they had dragged themselves to one of the tables near the wide window and waited patiently for the owner of the restaurant to come collect their orders.
Forty-five minutes later, with bellies that were warm and full from the delicious meal and the extra portions of rice and pickled radish the owner had generously snuck onto their table along with the stew, they were still enjoying the sight of their favourite city turned into one giant snow globe.
With the table now cleared, Jimin reached across to lace his fingers through Taehyung’s and give his hand a soft squeeze.
‘’It’s pretty, isn’t it?’’ he asked, nodding towards the downpour of icy confetti going on outside.
Bewitched more by the same-aged boy in front of him than the pretty sight on the other side of the glass, Taehyung simply nodded along. Then, when Jimin turned around to watch on as the snowflakes created a blank canvas on one of the city’s usually crowded streets, he finally answered,
‘’Very pretty indeed.’’
In the years that came after, they found themselves in a similar position every late November or early December. The location varied between years, and sometimes snowfall arrived a day or a week earlier than it had the year before. And one time, it was them who arrived a couple hours late.
It was around nine in the evening that the schedule of that particular day finally came to an end, no more workouts or vocal lessons in the very near future. Work day finally finished, Jimin and Taehyung regained their awareness of the world outside of their small company building and discovered that world was now completely covered in cold, thick sheets of snow that crunched below their shoes as they walked around the block to get some fresh air.
Another time, it had been well into the night or early in the morning when snow had come, and the two of them had been sitting on an old, creaky set of swings in a nearby park. Even when the metal bars of the swings had numbed their gloveless hands, they refused to go back inside where they could no longer watch their favourite spectacle from their front-row seats.
Locations and timing changed each and every year, and Jimin and Taehyung changed along with them. But what always remained the same was the wonder in their eyes and two sets of fingers intertwined.
Until one day, when even those things changed, too.
---- present time ----
When, on the sixteenth of November, a week and a half earlier than predicted, the first snowflake finds its way to Taehyung’s windowpane and melts against the thick glass, it is no surprise that Taehyung instinctively turns to his right to look for his best friend the way he had done that first time when they were still trainees and all of those other times that had come after.
This time, however, there are no eyes for him to meet and no warm hand to slip his own into. There is no joy to be shared between him and his best friend, because this time, his friend is not there.
Instead of Jimin, he finds a cold and empty apartment that oozes longing for a person that is not there. There is only one indent on the couch where there are usually two. The couch had felt abnormally large when Taehyung had been stretched out mere minutes ago, watching some variety show he did not remember the name of as he gently petted Yeontan who had made a home for himself on Taehyung’s lap. He had not known what to do with all the extra space.
A forest green knitted blanket is left haphazardly on one of the cushions. While it had provided Taehyung some amount of comfort in his chilly apartment while the cold November winds howled outside, it had certainly lacked its usual warmth, all because he did not get to share it with Jimin this time around.
And forlornly on the wooden coffee table sits a half-empty glass of water, currently the only occupant of a surface that would usually be loaded with the rather impressive assortment of sweet and savoury treats Jimin brings along whenever he has time to stay the night.
Taehyung’s brow furrows. They each have their own homes where they spend the majority of their nights by themselves. And for the past year they have had their own, separate schedules, too. Ones that did not allow them to see each other as frequently or as long as they would have liked. He should be used to it by now, the unoccupied second cushion and the predominantly empty table, but his apartment still feels uncannily large and much too lonely in the absence of his best friend.
Without thinking twice, Taehyung reaches for his phone in the back pocket of his sweatpants and pulls up his most recent contact. Mere seconds later, he finds himself waiting for the video call to connect and his screen to show him that bright and beautiful smile that could instantly fill the entire room and all four chambers of Taehyung’s heart with the warmth he is craving so desperately on this cold autumn day.
Belatedly, he realises that he has no idea what time it is where Jimin is now. He tries to do the math in his head, but he feels so worried all of a sudden that the numbers float around in his mind and refuse to make any sense.
Will Jimin even be awake at this hour? And if he is, then will he not be busy? Taehyung has seen the schedule for Jimin’s next music video shoot, he knows it is a rather cramped one that involves very little time for breaks and a whole lot of moving in between sets and collecting as many shots as possible in the limited amount of time they have available.
Worry continues to flood his mind, telling him he is either disturbing a severely hectic day or – perhaps worse – a brief but much-needed moment of rest. But before he can press the red button to disconnect the call, a pixelated Jimin excitedly waving his hand appears on the tiny screen.
Despite the blurriness of the image – courtesy of poor hotel Wi-Fi and Jimin’s continuous wild arm movements – Taehyung thinks his best friend looks beautiful today. Much like how he thinks Jimin looks beautiful every other day as well.
Taehyung’s eyes flit between Jimin and his surroundings. Ninety percent of the background comprises a cream-coloured wall that gives away little about his friend’s whereabouts. But in the top left corner, Taehyung spots half of a painting displaying a little blue boat with red sails floating on a calm ocean.
The painting looks like it could be part of the decoration in a hotel room, so he assumes Jimin has not left for the first location of today’s shoot just yet. It must still be quite early in the morning then.
Now that Jimin has finally stopped moving and the image in front of him is a little more clear, Taehyung can tell Jimin’s eyes are a bit watery and circled by a hint of purple that gives away just how tired he is. Taehyung wonders if he did not sleep well, if he might be experiencing some trouble adjusting to the different time zone.
Jimin has never been one to fall asleep easily, instead spending the first half of the night either tossing and turning or giving up on sleep altogether and ordering a midnight snack to munch on during a late night drama binge-watching session. There are certain things that do help, even if just a little, like the lavender pillow spray Taehyung himself is also an avid user of, or the soothing acoustics of a lullaby played on guitar. Still, most of Jimin’s nights start around five in the morning, when the sun is already well on its way to announce the start of another morning.
‘’Taehyung-ah,’’ Jimin breathes out, a slow smile lighting up his features as he takes in the face of his most dedicated and frequent caller.
He does not bother asking Taehyung why he rang, because they have never needed any specific reason to do so. Most of the time the two of them have spent watching each other through a screen was simply because they longed to be in each other’s presence, even if that could only be accomplished through the use of the Internet at certain times.
They have spent mornings wordlessly watching the sun climb upwards together, afternoons doing laundry or engaging in some kind of workout, and evenings chatting about their day and drinking a glass of wine or shot of soju (whichever the preference of that day was). Whenever they physically could not be together, they found a way to still have the other near for even the most mundane of activities. Like doing laundry or drinking wine. Or, like now, watching the snow fall.
‘’Jimin-ah, look,’’ Taehyung tells him now, approaching the large floor-to-ceiling window that shows the surrounding world becoming steadily more covered in fluffy white flurries. The dark rooftop of the building opposite Taehyung has now become a layer of white, and the people on the streets below are already struggling a little to tread through a thin but rapidly growing layer of snow.
The scenery looks cozy, and Taehyung longs for the later hours when the world has gone dark and the lanterns lining the pavement will illuminate the slow and elegant movement of the tiny flakes of ices as they waltz down to the frosty ground.
‘’It’s snowing.’’
Taehyung does not know who said it first. Perhaps it was him, perhaps it was Jimin on the other end of the line. And perhaps that telepathic soulmate connection they seem to share has now urged them to speak at the same time.
Taehyung watches as Jimin’s face goes slack with awe for the beauty that is unfolding a continent away. Taehyung may have always loved winter, written more than one song heavily inspired by the pure and wondrous magic of the season, but he knows that Jimin loves it even more. His best friend spends most summer days cursing out the heat, and during the rainy autumn months he never hesitates to voice his impatience and wishes for the coziest season of the year to arrive sooner.
Winter may be magical to Taehyung, but it pales in comparison to seeing Jimin light up with excitement, wholly and completely in his element once he realises he has finally reached those very days he spent the other three quarters of the year wishing and waiting for. The beautiful snowy landscape right outside of his apartment may be stunning, but Taehyung’s eyes are glued to the screen where his best friend is – rather loudly – cheering on the flurries of snow with eyes that sparkle and a mouth whose corners are stretched into the widest of smiles.
After several minutes of Taehyung showing several different angles of the sight outside of his home and Jimin responding with unbridled joy, the latter’s smile dims all of a sudden. Only a little, such a small amount that anyone else – anyone who is not so attuned to Jimin the way Taehyung is – would not be able to notice.
But Taehyung notices. He notices and a knot instantly forms in the pit of his stomach.
‘’Chim, are you okay? Is something wrong?’’
Jimin quickly nods, much to Taehyung’s relief.
‘’Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry. It’s just…’’
He lets out a heavy sigh.
‘’It’s so beautiful outside. I wish I could be there to see it with you. We always watch the first snow together.’’
Taehyung’s heart sinks at the hint of sadness in Jimin’s voice.
‘’I know it sounds silly, but it feels weird being away from each other right now. I mean, it always feels kind of weird not being with you, but this… This is something really special to me, something we’ve been doing together for years. This just feels wrong.’’
Jimin looks a little embarrassed at his own admission, like he might be wondering whether he said too much, whether Taehyung would feel even an inkling of a similar emotion. Fondness fills every crevice of Taehyung’s heart as he slowly shakes his head.
‘’That’s not silly at all. I feel the exact same way. When I saw that first snowflake, you know what I did? I immediately turned around to tell you that snow has finally come. It was strange not seeing you there. Felt empty.’’
He speaks those last two words softly, more silently, perhaps for the same reason that made Jimin embarrassed not even a minute ago.
Jimin opens his mouth, and Taehyung knows can practically already hear what he is about to say. He has known Jimin for over a decade, has been his closest friend for the better part of it, so he is ninety-nine percent certain that the words about to leave Jimin’s lips are some kind of apology. An apology for not being in Korea right now to watch the snow with Taehyung. An apology for breaking a tradition that was never meant to exist in the first place. An apology for whatever else Jimin’s treacherous mind has convinced himself he is guilty of.
But Taehyung does not want to hear any apology. He is not owed one, and he does not want Jimin to feel bad at all about something that is not his fault in the slightest. So he interjects before Jimin has the chance to speak.
‘’I’m glad I get to watch the snow with you now,’’ he tells Jimin truthfully.
He means it. Even if it is not the way they usually do it, even if Taehyung cannot magically reach through the screen to lace his fingers through Jimin’s, they are still together now. That is all that matters to him.
‘’And we will have plenty more chances to watch the snow together when you get back,’’ he continues.
Jimin nods.
‘’I’m glad too.’’
Taehyung senses his friend is a little hesitant still, like he has not shaken off that feeling of guilt over not being physically present and wants to make it up somehow, but he smiles at Taehyung regardless.
‘’Can you switch to front camera?’’ Jimin suddenly asks. ‘’I kind of want to see your stupid face.’’
Taehyung rolls his eyes, but does as he was requested anyway without much protest. He sucks in his cheeks, his lips forming a subtle figure eight as he tries to look like the funniest fish in the sea. The things he does to make his best friend laugh.
‘’Here you go. My stupid face, only for you to see.’’
But Jimin does not laugh.
Taehyung has not washed up yet, was too tired and lazy to do so once he returned from the company, and his hair is messy from having laid on the couch for so long in various less-than-comfortable positions. He is fairly certain his makeup is smudged and he is more than aware of the dried grain of rice stuck to the neck of his plain white T shirt. Still, when the camera focuses, Jimin muses out loud with a dreamy look in his eyes,
‘’Always so handsome, my Taehyung-ie.’’
Heat rises to Taehyung’s cheeks almost instantly, painting them a bright shade of red. He is pretty sure his ears are sporting a matching colour, so his hands shoot up to make sure they are still covered by his wild mop of curls. He feels rather thankful he forgot to schedule an appointment for the haircut his mother had told him to get.
Taehyung finds it hard to imagine he looks anywhere near handsome right now, but he has always struggled to tell Jimin he is wrong about something – anything, really – so he mutters out a quiet thank-you and prays that Jimin cannot see the physical effects of his sweet and unexpected compliment.
They watch the snow together, even if Jimin technically can no longer see it now that Taehyung’s face has taken over the entire screen, and Taehyung asks about Jimin’s day. His heart feels heavy knowing that his best friend has such busy and exhausting days ahead, but he knows that Jimin will manage to push through. He tells Jimin he needs to hydrate himself well several times during the remainder of their conversation, and he urges him to make sure to get some rest whenever possible. He then reminds him to eat something delicious and wishes him a good night’s sleep in advance, with the promise that he can call Taehyung at any time of the day or night. Eventually, a knock on Jimin’s door signals the end of the hour-long phone call.
When Jimin’s face disappears from his screen and his soft voice no longer rushes through the phone’s speakers, Taehyung returns to his previous position on the couch. He wraps the fluffy blanket around himself once more and calls for Yeontan to come join him.
‘’Tan-ah. Guess who I just talked to?’’
He pulls the blanket even closer to his body and pats his lap for Yeontan to come sit.
Taehyung feels a lot warmer than he had an hour ago.
-
When Jimin returns to Seoul three days later, he is met by a medium dose of sunshine and a mildly overcast sky.
‘’How!?’’ he cries out the moment he lets himself into Taehyung’s apartment, having memorised the code ever since Taehyung purchased the home almost two years ago.
Taehyung looks up from his book, surprised to see his best friend only a couple of metres away from him.
He knew Jimin’s flight landed approximately twenty-five minutes ago because he made sure to check the arrival page on the airport’s website every ten seconds. What he had not known was that Jimin would ask his driver to go straight to Taehyung’s apartment. He figured Jimin would want to go home first, to wash up and unpack, or head to a restaurant for the pork belly he mentioned he had been craving for most of the five days he had been away.
But here he is now, fresh off his flight and ranting about the sudden change in weather and insulting lack of snow, so all Taehyung can do is jump up from his seat and rush over to his best friend to pull him in for the tight hug he has been wanting to give Jimin for days. Their bodies are pressed together impossibly close, so much so that breathing has become somewhat of a difficult task, but neither of them seems to mind one bit.
‘’You’re back,’’ Taehyung says, feeling just slightly ridiculous at stating the obvious. It has only been a handful of days, not even a full week, but still he marvels at the chance to be able to hold Jimin again.
‘’I’m back,’’ Jimin confirms happily, nuzzling Taehyung’s neck and letting out a contented sigh against soft, warm skin. ‘’I’m glad to be home.’’
Home. Taehyung has no idea what exactly Jimin is referring to. Home as in their home country of Korea, home as in Taehyung’s apartment, or home as in right here in the arms of his best friend?
‘’And I’m so happy to see my favourite boy again!’’ Jimin exclaims.
‘’I’m so happy to see you t-‘’
Taehyung is unable to finish his sentence for Jimin has pushed him away and is currently crouched on the floor, welcoming an excited-looking Yeontan into his arms. Jimin lifts the Pomeranian off the floor and twirls him around in mid-air.
‘’Oh how I’ve missed you,’’ he tells Yeontan before smothering his cute little face with a million tiny kisses and allowing the small dog to lick his nose in a display of reciprocated affection.
Taehyung watches them with that specific kind of fondness that is reserved solely for Park Jimin and his furry child. He should want to scoff and stomp his feet like a petulant little kid and demand Jimin take back his words because of course Taehyung, his literal best friend and soulmate of many years, should be his favourite boy. But Yeontan is tough competition, Taehyung admits, and a worthy victor. And the sight in front of him warms his heart to the point that any urge to protest or even show a low level of dismay at the turn of events melts away instantly. Instead, he joins the two of them and weasels their way into their cuddle session.
When, after a minute or a dozen the three of them finally let go of one another, Taehyung offers Jimin his shower, which the older gratefully accepts. He then offers Jimin to borrow a pair of his clothes, which his friend had already picked out for himself.
‘’Presumptuous, much?’’ Taehyung comments jokingly.
‘’What’s yours is mine, baby,’’ Jimin replies with a wink before disappearing behind the bathroom door.
Taehyung shakes his head, smiling at his friend’s audacious behaviour and remark. He returns to the living room to grab his phone and place an order for dinner because his fridge is looking awfully empty and he would rather not have Jimin get food poisoning from his abysmal cooking skills. He makes sure to get all of Jimin’s favourite side dishes, enough rice to last the both of them for days, and four large portions of pork belly.
By the time Jimin returns from the bathroom, smelling like strawberries and vanilla and looking rather cozy in Taehyung’s favourite hoodie and a pair of sweatpants that he is swimming in – they may share their food, their homes, and one single communal brain cell, but they unfortunately do not share a size of clothing – their dinner is ready on the coffee table along with a set of plates and two pairs of chopsticks. Taehyung brought out a bottle of his finest (and only) pomegranate-flavoured soju, and Jimin does not even bother asking him how he had known it is the exact drink and flavour Jimin has been craving.
As they stuff their mouths with food and Taehyung prompts Jimin to share all kinds of stories about his trip to Budapest, the room grows increasingly dark. When the Jimin showcased one of the most difficult sequences of steps in his newest choreography and spoke of the beautiful old building with the mirrored walls and glass ceiling they filmed the dance scenes in, the sun had yet to dip below the horizon.
But when he describes, in great detail and with obnoxiously loud moaning, his new favourite traditional Hungarian dish, the night sky has gone fully dark and the street lights have flickered on to guide pedestrians, cyclists, and drivers alike toward the right destinations.
Taehyungs fails to take notice of the way the day is slowly creeping towards its end, for he is fully immersed in Jimin’s stories and, well, Jimin in general. It is Jimin who eventually figures out that night has fallen when he looks away from his best friend for what seems like the first time that day. He is in the middle of another story when that happens and he cuts himself off mid-sentence when something in the dark outside of Taehyung’s apartment catches his eye.
‘’Oh my God, Taehyung, look!’’
If the sudden increase in volume was not enough to startle Taehyung, the unexpectedly hard slap to his arm would have most certainly sealed the deal.
‘’Look, Taehyung!’’ Jimin repeats, the enthusiasm growing in his voice.
Taehyung follows Jimin’s line of sight to the edge of the room where Taehyung’s personal space ends and the outside world begins beyond the brick walls and glass windows.
Up until a few seconds ago, Taehyung had fully believed it to still be late in the afternoon, or very early in the evening perhaps. Whenever he is in Jimin’s presence, it seems that simple matters such as time and space slip his mind completely. A quick glance at his watch confirms what the astonishing, suddenly very noticeable absence of sunlight has already told him: it is well into the evening by now, just past 9 pm to be more exact. Usually, he would have long drawn the curtains by now and retreated into his own bubble where city lights and traffic noise can no longer reach him.
He is grateful for his lack of time awareness now, because it has given them the opportunity to take in this marvellous sight from the comfortable warmth of home.
Jimin nearly launches himself off the couch and dashes toward the window to press his nose against the cool glass as if doing so might allow him to see the icy crystals better, to discover the patterns in which they cheerfully dance on the gentle gusts of wind. He feels an urge tug at his stomach, one that is telling him to dance along with them, to float on the breeze and see where the forces of nature will tell him to land. He is pretty sure he knows just where he would like for that to be.
Taehyung joins him by the window so they can watch the snowfall together like they had wished they could have just a few days ago. When Jimin turns to face him, Taehyung finds his eyes shimmer with a peculiar mixture of glee at the unforeseen but much welcome surprise and a hint of wistfulness that Taehyung does not know the origin of.
‘’It’s snowing, Taetae.’’
Taehyung nods, reciprocating the soft smile Jimin sends his way.
‘’First snow of the year,’’ he tells Jimin, using his elbow to gently nudge his friend.
Jimin lets out a displeased huff. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and tears his gaze away from Taehyung to look at the floor instead. It is a much less pleasant sight, a stark contrast to the person he loves looking at most, so he huffs again.
‘’It’s not, though. It already snowed days ago when I was still in Budapest.’’
He knows it is silly to bring it up again, especially since they sort of got to see the snow together through the magic of the internet and mobile phone cameras. But as much as he has been trying to convince himself that it is no big deal he was not there for their special moment that happens only once every year, and that they will have another chance to experience it together the next, Jimin cannot help but feel like he missed out on something big. Something important.
Taehyung shakes his head. He cups Jimin’s cheeks and says softly,
‘’Look at me, Min-ah.’’
Jimin mumbles something under his breath that sounds a lot like I don’t wanna, so Taehyung carefully lifts his chin so their eyes can finally meet. He wants Jimin to be able to both see and hear his sincerity as he speaks his next words.
‘’It’s the first snow I get to witness with you right here by my side this year, so it’s the only first snow that matters to me.’’
Jimin’s eyes widen. His cheeks burn under Taehyung’s touch and the weight of the words he is slowly trying to process. Afraid the younger can feel the sudden rush of heat or hear the loud beating of his heart, Jimin takes one small step backwards.
‘’Oh,’’ is all he manages to say.
Taehyung feels awkward at the lack of a verbal response and the tiny amount of distance that Jimin placed between them. His face fell when Jimin stepped just out of reach, and he is pretty sure the other man noticed. He plasters a sheepish grin on his blushing face to hide the anxious feelings brewing inside of him. Scratching his head and trying to appear casual, he asks out loud,
‘’Was that too much?’’
Jimin shakes his head and curls his fingers gentle around Taehyung’s wrist to let him know that his comment was not too much, that the words did not scare him away. The opposite was the case, to be completely truthful. The only reason Jimin stepped away was because he did not trust himself to do something unthinkable, something he could not simply take back. In a way, he supposes Taehyung’s words and the softness with which they were spoken had, in fact, scared him in some way. But they also made his heart flutter and the butterflies in his stomach go berserk with excitement.
‘’No,’’ Jimin assures him.
He bites his lips to hide the small smile that is slowly threatening to grow bigger every second.
‘’Not at all. It made me happy to hear you say that actually. I’m happy we have our little tradition, even though I don’t even know how exactly that all started.’’
Flashes of restaurant walls covered his black-and-white photographs rush through his mind, along with the image of a much younger Taehyung sitting across from him. The phantom scent of gochujang and rice fills his nostrils temporarily. Jimin smiles at the faint memory. Perhaps he does know, after all. They might not have intended for it to become a ‘thing’ back then, when they did not even know whether they would still be together, orbiting around one another, in a year’s time, it still became something of importance to the both of them.
‘’Me too,’’ Taehyung admits honestly. ‘’People always call spring the time of new beginnings and summer the time of possibilities. Maybe then the start of winter can be a time to appreciate the things you have now? The people you…’’
He swallows the final words of that sentence, opting instead to start a new one.
‘’We could make winter our own special season, just for us. One that starts when the first snow begins to fall.’’
That proposition might not contain the most sound logic as it is neither impossible nor unprecedented that snow could fall during any month of the year, even when winter is still many weeks or months away.
Still, Jimin finds himself nodding.
‘’The first snow has fallen,’’ he reminds Taehyung with a nod to the world outside of the apartment. ‘’Does this mean it’s time for us to appreciate what we have? To appreciate the people we… love?’’
He finishes the sentence that had previously suffered from an open ending, and judging from the look of recognition that appears in Taehyung’s eyes, he got it right.
He can tell Taehyung is not about to say anything, though. He is not going to verbally confirm that he got it right, nor will he be the first to say anything else on the topic. It has been eleven years since they first watched the snow fall together; Jimin thinks maybe it is time he gathers his courage and takes the leap he did not dare take any of the years before.
Because it is winter now. Not officially, not meteorologically at least. But their season of winter began when the first snowflake hit the ground, and the time has come for Jimin to appreciate who he has right in front of him.
‘’I love you, Taehyung.’’
He glances up to catch his friend’s immediate reaction. It is one of slack jaws and wide-open eyes. One of surprise and shock, and if Jimin is not mistaken, if he is not being some idiot who lets wishful thinking cloud reality, then he thinks he maybe spots a glimmer of hope in his best friend’s eyes. It is that glimmer of hope, that may or may not actually be there, that gives Jimin all the encouragement he needs to go on.
‘’I love you like I love the first snow of the year. It’s something that brings me more joy than I ever thought I could feel, something that never fails to make me smile and something I’m always longing for, even when it is right in front of me. It’s something sacred, something shared between only the two of us.
‘’All other seasons might be crappy to me, but I want them all as long as I have you by my side. I’ll gladly suffer through the sweltering heat and annoying mosquito bites of summer, because I want all of those new possibilities with you. I’ll happily accept springtime’s lack of public holidays because I am excited to learn what new beginnings await for you and me. And I have not a clue what autumn brings except for rain and a rise in sweet potato latte sales, but hell, I want those autumn months with you too.
‘’But most importantly, I want you with me every single winter. I want to watch the first snowfall with you, even if that usually happens when it’s not actually winter yet. I want to bake Christmas cookies with you and watch cheesy holiday movies. I want to make snowmen and snow angels and I want to take you ice skating because you’re a real-life Bambi and I’ll take any excuse to hold your hand.
‘’I want to take my time appreciating the things and the people I love. Because they… Because you deserve to know exactly how much I cherish you.’’
A single tear rolls down Taehyung’s cheek the moment the final three words leave Jimin’s mouth. They are out into the world now, or at least the world they have made for themselves in this apartment where no one can examine them or pick them apart aside from the one person Jimin wants – no, needs – to hear them.
‘’You love me?’’ Taehyung asks.
Jimin nods. Taehyung bites his lip.
‘’You once told me your ideal date was baking cookies together and watching sappy romcoms. Preferably Christmas-themed, you said. Does this mean… Do you love me like that? Like I am the person you want next to you on your ideal date?’’
Jimin steps into Taehyung’s space.
‘’I love you like you are the person I want next to me always.’’
For the sake of absolute clarity, he adds,
‘’And, yes, that includes cliché, Christmas-themed dates. But any other date as well, because all of them would be ideal as long as you’re there with me.’’
Taehyung slaps his hands over his mouth.
‘’Jimin-ah,’’ is what Jimin assumes he is saying, although he cannot be fully certain when the sound is muffled by warm skin.
Ever so gently, Jimin pulls Taehyung’s hands away.
‘’Jimin-ah,’’ Taehyung repeats, each syllable spoken more clearly now. A lot more loudly, too, like Taehyung is afraid Jimin might not hear him unless he practically shouts his words.
‘’Jimin-ah, I love you too. So, so much.’’
His hands make wild gestures in the air to emphasise just how massive an amount of love he feels. The uncontrolled excitement makes Jimin smile.
‘’I want all of those things too. Maybe not the summer heat and no holidays, but definitely all of the cute dates. And I’d be honoured to rub calendula on your mosquito bites and hop on the sweet potato coffee trend with you even though coffee objectively sucks.’’
Now that the truth has left the corner of his brain it has been locked up in for years to remain as a secret only for himself to know, Taehyung cannot keep himself from sharing all of the other truths that had previously been unsaid.
‘’You know how you always ask me to watch you dance but I tell you no because it’s late and I want to go home after practice? The actual reason I don’t watch you dance is because I don’t think I could handle looking you in the eye as you dance for me. I never dared stick around to watch because I just knew everyone would be able to tell how pathetically in love with you I am. I always asked one of the staff members to discreetly film you so I could watch you dance and fall pathetically in love with you over and over again in the privacy of my own home.’’
Jimin’s eyes are comically large as he struggles to process all these new pieces of information Taehyung is providing him, each painting a memory shared between the two of them in a vastly different, significantly more rose-coloured light.
‘’When we fought over that stupid dumpling, I cried myself to sleep because I could not bare the thought that you might not love me anymore. When I sent you the first demo of Winter Bear, I stayed up all night waiting for your reply because your opinion is the one that matters most to me. When Seokjin-hyung made a joke about playing the Pepero game among the seven of us, I threw out any packet of Pepero I could find in our kitchen because the thought of having you that close to me but not being able to kiss you terrified me.’’
Taehyung’s final confession contains none of the earlier cheerfulness, and instead feels more like a painful memory he is hesitant to bring up.
‘’Sometimes I wished we actually did play that stupid game because I knew it was the only way I would ever get to learn what your lips would feel like against mine.’’
Jimin never knew that this was something that Taehyung desired, something that kept him up at night. But he loathes himself for not having noticed he had his best friend had been upset. For not having been able to comfort him and tell him things were going to be okay. That in just a few years’ time, they would be standing in front of a snow-covered Seoul telling each other the things they had been desperate to say and craving to hear.
‘’Taehyung-ah, hearing you say this breaks my heart. But I can’t tell you how glad I am that you threw all of our Pepero out and we didn’t get to play that game. Because now I get to look into your eyes and tell you how badly I want for you to kiss me. And not because of some game gone wrong, but because I love you too. And maybe because I’ve also spent a lot of time thinking about kissing you too.’’
When their lips connect at long last, it feels a little like seeing the first flakes of snow descend from the sky after months of summer heat and autumn rain: a long wait, but worth it every single bit.
Taehyung’s lips are a lot warmer than snow, though, something Jimin is happy to discover. They are soft against his own, and they taste a lot like the pomegranate soju they had earlier. Jimin is eager to drink from his lips.
When they break apart after an eternity condensed in just a handful of seconds, Jimin soon finds himself leaning in for more. As the snow continues to fall outside, they share quick and gentle pecks and languorous, more sensual kisses. And when the first snowfall of the year has finally come to an end to make way for a watery morning sun, the two of them are still tangled up in one another.
Winter is certainly off to a good start, the perfect season for appreciating the wonderful bond shared between the two of them. (‘’Appreciation comes in the form of words, cuddles, kisses, and making a hot water bottle for your freezing boyfriend, Jimin-ah.’’)
-
‘’So now that we had our grand confession and kissed and all, surely I am your favourite boy, right?’’
‘’Shut up and kiss me.’’
(Taehyung is definitely Jimin's favourite boy. But Yeontan will always remain a close second.)