Archive of Our Own

You were the secret I loved to keep
The name I would only sing in my sleep
Would it be alright if we just lose ourselves tonight?

And if you let go, will you reach out again?
She said love only knows

Love only knows if we'll give in to fear
And choose life undercover
She said love only knows if it's special enough
That we'll choose one another, choose each other

I can't breathe without you and I don't
And I can't live without love and I won't
And I won't

April 2008

            The sound of gunfire spilled through the speakers in the theatre then a chorus of gasps at the action on the screen.  The strangled “Oh, my God!” to his right was the only one that really caught his attention.  Just as his character was shot onscreen, Chris’ right hand was squeezed in a vice-like grip.  Fighting back a smile, he ventured a glance to the seat next to him and found Cameron with her hand over her mouth and tears welling up in her eyes.  Two seconds later, he felt the punch on his upper arm that he’d been expecting all along and the heat of her breath on his ear as she hissed, “Damn it, Evans, you didn’t tell me you died in this one!”

            He chuckled as he leaned over to her and whispered, “Now why would I have wanted to give away a plot twist like that?”  He watched as she quickly dashed away a couple of tears that managed to leak out of her gorgeous gray eyes.  “Babe, are you crying?”

            “Hey, don’t judge.  I fucking loved your character!”  On Cameron’s right, actor Terry Crews chuckled and leaned over her to tell Chris, “Hey, man, I’d take that as high praise!”  Cam nodded as she patted Terry’s muscular arm.

            “I do take it as high praise, Terry,” Chris whispered back.  “I love it when she tells me stuff like that.”

            “Hey, you guys wanna pipe down back there?” Keanu Reeves, the star of the movie they were watching, said over his shoulder with a laugh.

            Cameron nailed Chris with a glare that clearly said she wasn’t done with him then went back to watching the movie.  When he ventured another glance at her, he found her crying even harder.  Well, even he had to admit it was hard to watch his death scene.  His character had been shot in the throat and he was literally choking on his blood.  And hell, given how close he and Cameron were, he would probably cry if he ever had to watch her in a death scene.  He lifted their joined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of hers.  A moment later, he felt her bump her shoulder against his.  All was forgiven.

            Ninety minutes later, at the premiere party for Street Kings, Chris nursed a beer as he watched Cameron speak to a couple of entertainment reporters she was friendly with.  God, she looked phenomenal tonight.  She was wearing a form fitting tank dress in royal blue (in his honor since he loved blue) with a hemline that came down a couple of inches below her knee but had a slit over her left leg that came up to mid-thigh.  When she was still, the slit was disguised by pleats but Cameron didn’t know how to stay still when there was music playing.  A musician to the core, her body was in constant motion, keeping time with the beat of the music, regardless of tempo.  Chris looked around him and found he wasn’t the only one admiring the insanely beautiful face and figure of Cameron Kennedy.  She had a body that rivaled the sexiest of the 1940’s pin-up girls.  She was often called the Irish Beyonce and that dress she was wearing, coupled with those sexy, strappy heels on her feet, made the comparison dead on.

            Chris watched as Cameron took her leave of the reporters and started making her way back towards him, only to be waylaid by a tall, dark-haired partygoer who may have had a little too much to drink.  Chris went on high alert, ready to intervene on Cameron’s behalf should the guy get pushy or grabby.  He knew that Cam could take care of herself – she’d had a number of years of martial arts training – but she was still his best friend (and, if he was completely honest with himself, the woman he loved) and he would step in front of anything or anyone to protect her.  He started to casually move towards Cameron and her would-be suitor.  As he got closer, he realized that Cam was already extricating herself from the situation and the guy shuffled off in search of an easier conquest.  She resumed her trek towards Chris.  When she reached him, she smiled as she promptly plucked the beer bottle out of his hand and took a long pull from it.  She handed it back and said, “Prepping to do your whole knight in shining armor bit, Christopher?”

            She knew him too damn well.  “I’m always happy to lend you a hand, if you need it, babe.  I know you can take care of yourself.”

            She nodded.  “Damn straight.”  She gazed into his eyes.  “Still, it’s nice to know you have my back.”  She reached for his beer again.

            “Always,” he said as he surrendered his bottle to her and snagged a fresh one from a passing waiter’s tray.

            “So, this film.  It’s not the type of action flick I typically go for but I really loved you in it.  You play a cop really well.  And I love that suit they put you in for the bathroom scene.  Your mam is right – you were born to wear suits.”  She clinked her beer bottle against his and they both took a pull.

            “I’m glad you liked my performance, Cam.  It was fun playing something a little different from the stuff I’ve been doing.”

            “I still wish you’d warned me about your death scene.  Even though all the signs pointed to it, it still took me by surprise – maybe because I was hoping against hope it wouldn’t happen.  I really liked your character.  And hearing your character choke to death like that was tough.  You played that beautifully, too.”  She gave Chris a smile full of both affection and admiration.  “You’re a hell of an actor, Christopher Robert.  You’re getting better with every film.”

            Chris felt his heart melt at her words.  This woman’s praise meant the world to him.  Hell, everything she said and did to and with him meant the world.  Yep, he had it bad.  “Thanks, babe.  I can’t tell you what that means to me.”  He slipped an arm around her waist and brought her close to his side for a hug.  She leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  Their eyes met and they shared a smile.

            Chris and Cam stood together watching the festivities around them, his arm still around her waist and her hand casually draped over his shoulder.  They’d finished their beer and Chris was just about to ask Cameron to dance when, out of nowhere, Terry Crews skidded to a stop in front of them, a huge smile on his face.  “Chris, mind if I borrow your lovely date here for a few minutes?  This jam they’re playing has Cam’s and my name on it!”

            Chris was disappointed that he’d gotten beaten to the punch but he put on a gracious smile and said, “Of course, Terry, I think I can spare Cameron for a few minutes.”

            “Oh, well, that’s mighty big of you, Evans,” Cam said with a laugh.  To Terry, she said, “I saw you tearing up the dance floor a little earlier and I was wondering when my turn was coming up.”

            “Well, let’s do it then, pretty lady!” Terry said as he grabbed Cam’s hand and led her out to the dance floor.  Terry was one of the funniest, most joyous people Chris and Cam had ever met and that was the kind of person Cameron lived to be around.  Chris laughed as she and Terry both turned to him and waved while making goofy faces then proceeded to rock out to Dazz Band’s “Whip It,” an old ‘80s dance tune, just the kind of music Cam loved.  He watched as Cameron moved in perfect sync with Terry; the girl was a fantastic dancer, having taken lessons since she was a child and taking a class or two in dance while she was at Julliard.  Chris was mesmerized by the way Cameron’s movements were sinuous and sexy but not overtly so.  She always maintained an appropriate amount of space between herself and her partner and if she danced with someone who wanted to get in too close, she always knew how to sidestep them without missing a beat.  In fact, the only men she allowed to dance up against her were himself and their buddy Josh Groban.  Hell, the way Chris and Cam danced together – the way they stood together at any gathering – consistently fed the now constant rumors that they were dating.  While it was true that their relationship was now a bit more than platonic, if the three or four make out sessions they’d had since the Oscars earlier this year were anything to go by, they weren’t actually “dating.”  But they didn’t feel the need to have to explain any aspect of their relationship to anyone, least of all the media.  They referred to one another as “my best friend,” and they were content to leave it at that.  Let the press say what it wanted, they knew what they had and that was all that mattered.

            “Whip It” gave way to “At Midnight” by T-Connection and Terry went all but nuts on the dance floor.  Cameron simply laughed, shrugged, and went along for the ride.  Chris gave her a quick thumbs up.  He began to look around for a waiter with another tray of beer when a bottle suddenly appeared on his right.  He turned to accept it and found Keanu Reeves standing next to him.  “Thanks, Keanu,” Chris said as the two men clinked bottles and drank.

            “My pleasure.  Enjoying yourself?”

            “Oh yeah, the party’s great.”

            “I haven’t seen you out on the dance floor yet.”

            “I was just about to ask Cam to dance but Terry beat me to it.”  Chris and Keanu turned to watch Terry practically jitterbug his way around a giggling Cameron.

            “That is one happy dude,” Keanu said of Terry as both he and Chris laughed at the other man’s antics on the dance floor.  Cameron looked like she was having a tough time holding it together.

            “He’s certainly got Cameron charmed.  She’s gonna burst out laughing any second now.”

            Keanu took another sip of his beer.  “You and Cameron are pretty tight, huh?”

            “She’s my best friend.  There isn’t anything I can’t or don’t share with her.”

            Keanu nodded.  “That’s nice, to have someone that important, that special, in your life.”  He paused.  “Has it gone beyond friendship?”

            Chris frowned a little.  Why would Keanu ask that?  He wasn’t usually the nosy type.  “Um, no, not really.”  He looked Keanu in the eye.  “Why do you ask?”

            “Well, I would really like to ask Cam to have lunch or something with me and I didn’t want to step in between anything you and she may have going.  That’s totally not my style.”

            Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.  Keanu Reeves wanted to ask Cameron out?  Cameron, who was literally half his age?  Jesus.  As much as Chris liked and respected Keanu, he was tempted to tell the man there was no way on God’s green Earth he was going to let Cameron go out with him.  Keanu was handsome, charming, and smart, and he had long been one of Cameron’s Hollywood crushes.  If he was completely honest with himself, Chris would have to admit that he was terrified Cam would be swept off her feet by the older but still youthful looking actor.

            “Chris?”

            He realized that Keanu was still looking at him expectantly.  Is he waiting for me to give him my blessing to ask Cam out?  Oh, my God!  Chris suddenly felt trapped.  At that moment, “At Midnight” ended and Terry boogied back over to where Chris was standing with Keanu, a thoroughly amused Cameron on his arm.  “Here she is, none the worse for wear,” Terry announced to Chris as he turned to Cameron, picked up her hand and noisily placed a kiss on her knuckles.  “You are a superb dance partner, Cameron.  We’ll have to boogie again sometime soon.”

            “Anytime, Terry, anytime at all!” Cam said with a laugh as Terry kissed her hand again, saluted Chris and Keanu and wandered off in search of another dance partner.  “Wow,” Cam said as she once again swiped Chris’ beer and took a swig, “that was energetic!”  She handed the bottle back to Chris and smiled at Keanu.  “I really enjoyed your performance in the film, Keanu.”

            “Thanks so much, Cameron, but I’m thinking you enjoyed your boy’s performance even more.”

            Cam laughed and gave a one-shouldered shrug as she slipped her arm through Chris’.  “Hey, what can I say?  I’m totally biased when it comes to this guy.  He’s my best friend, after all.”  She gave Chris’ arm a squeeze.

            The opening strains of Paul McCartney’s “This Never Happened Before,” which was featured in Keanu’s film The Lake House, began to play.  Keanu smiled and held his hand out to Cam.  “May I have this dance, Cameron?”

            Cam couldn’t hide the surprise on her face as she looked from Keanu to Chris and back again.  Keanu Reeves was asking her to dance?  Oh, boy, she hadn’t seen that coming.  She felt Chris stiffen slightly then lean towards her.  “Go ahead, Cam,” he said softly.  “I’ll get a dance with you later, I promise.”

            She nodded and whispered back, “I’m holding you to that.”  She looked at Keanu and, with a bright smile, placed her hand in his and let him lead her to the dance floor.

            With a suddenly heavy heart, Chris watched Keanu take Cameron in his arms.  Cam, as usual, maintained some space between them but as they got more into the dance, she settled a bit closer to him.  They talked through almost the entire dance.  Chris kept an eye on Cam’s face and he could tell the exact moment when Keanu asked her out.  Her eyes widened slightly and her mouth formed a tiny ‘o.’  She looked just as surprised as he felt when Keanu asked him if he and Cam were a couple.  Chris looked away for a second then returned his gaze to Cam’s face.  He could see her give Keanu a small smile and read her lips when she said, “Yes, I’d love to.”  Chris closed his eyes against the sudden stab of jealousy – and pain – that lanced through his heart.  He took a deep breath then opened his eyes as he exhaled…and found himself looking right into Cam’s eyes.  In them he could read so many things: her amusement and disbelief at the situation she found herself in and her concern for his less than subtle reaction.  She had her “we’ve gotta talk” face on.  He sighed.  He couldn’t wait for that particular conversation.

            The song finally ended and Keanu escorted Cameron back to where Chris was standing.  As they approached, he said something in her ear that made her smile then took out his phone and handed it to her.  Chris watched helplessly as Cam input her phone number into Keanu’s cell and handed it back to him.  As they reached Chris, Keanu said, “I’m getting the high sign from my manager.  He must have someone he wants me to schmooze.  I’ll talk to you guys again before the party’s over, yes?”

            Chris nodded mutely as Cam answered, “Sure.  We’ll look for you before we go.  I may not last too much longer since I’m still a little jetlagged.  As I told you, I flew here from London yesterday so my body’s still trying to figure out what freakin’ time zone I’m in.”

            Keanu laughed.  To Chris he said, “You’ve got a truly loyal friend here, Evans.  I don’t know of too many people who would fly half way around the world just to be someone’s date at a premiere.  Treasure that friendship.”

            “I do,” Chris answered as he reached out and took Cameron’s hand, “very much.”

            “Um, gotta go.  My manager’s getting frantic.  See you later,” Keanu said with a smile and a small wave.  Chris and Cam watched him walk away.  They stood there for a moment then Cameron squeezed Chris’ hand as she leaned into him.  “I don’t care what the next song is, Evans, you’re dancing with me.”

            “Of course,” he answered automatically.  That earned him a hard poke in his ribcage.  He looked at Cam with a raised eyebrow.

            “A little more enthusiasm would be appreciated, please and thank you.  After all, I am your date tonight, no?”  Chris looked away.  She tightened her grip on his hand until he winced in pain and looked back at her.  “We definitely have to talk, Evans.  I’m suddenly feeling like a leaf in the middle of a hurricane and I need you to ground me.”  She smiled at the curious look Chris gave her.  “You’re my rock, my sounding board, and I need you because tonight has turned into a shit storm of surrealism, my friend.”

            “Why?  Because a man twice your age on whom you’ve been crushing for years has asked you out?”  He winced inwardly; that might have come out a little more sharply than he’d intended.  Cam’s eyebrows practically jumped into her hairline.

            Dire Straits’ “So Far Away from Me” came on at that moment and Cam tugged on Chris’ arm, leading him to the dance floor.  They moved through the crowd to a spot in the middle of the floor and turned into each other’s arms.  They simply danced for a few moments, not saying a word, both enjoying the closeness they always felt when they moved together like this.  Cam rested her chin on Chris’ shoulder as she kept one hand on the nape of his neck while the other trailed back and forth over his shoulder blade.  Chris kept his hands pressed against the small of her back, his head bent so that his lips rested on the spot where her neck and shoulder met.  Finally, Cam sighed and said, “Chris?”

            “Hmm?”

            “I think I’ve had my mind well and truly blown tonight.”

            He lifted his mouth away from her skin and brought it up to her ear.  “How so?” he asked, as if he didn’t already know.  He wanted to see how much Cam would tell him.

            “Well, it would have been enough to simply dance with Keanu Reeves…”

            “The object of one of your longtime crushes.”

            She lightly swatted the back of Chris’ head.  “Kindly let me finish, please?”

            Chris smiled slightly and kissed the shell of her ear.  “Of course.  Please continue.”

            “Keanu asked me to lunch for later this week…and I said yes.  Part of me went total fangirl…and the other part of me was like what the actual fuck, Kennedy.  It was rather disconcerting.”

            Chris couldn’t help but smile.  “All that during one dance?”

            She swatted him again.  “This isn’t funny, Chris.  Number one, I’m only here for five days before I have to haul ass back to London and I had planned to spend those five days only with you and with the Grobans.  Number two, Keanu Reeves is a totally hot monster and a really nice guy…but he’s also twice my age and that’s so not my thing.  I’m not sure I can get past that little detail.”

            Chris chuckled.  “He asked you to lunch, Cam, not to marry him.”  What was he saying?  He sounded as though he wanted Cam and Keanu to get together.  That was actually the last thing he wanted.

            Without warning, Cam pulled back so she could look Chris in the eye.  “Hold on a second!  Before we came out here, you said something about Keanu asking me out.  I hadn’t said anything yet.”  She narrowed her eyes at him.  “How did you know he asked me out?”

            Chris felt his cheeks burn.  Busted.  “He kind of mentioned it.”  She arched an eyebrow at him.  He sighed.  “Okay, fine.  While you were dancing with Terry, Keanu came over and sort of asked me if you and I were a thing because he wanted to ask you to lunch and he didn’t want to step on any toes.”

            Cameron digested this for a long moment.  “So,” she said finally, “in essence, he sort of asked you for permission to go out with me.  And you gave it to him.”

            “Well, babe, I wouldn’t call it asking permission, per se.  It was more like…taking the temperature of the situation.”

            “But you gave him the go ahead.”

            Chris couldn’t gauge Cameron’s reactions to any of this.  But, he couldn’t lie to her, ever.  She had a way of seeing straight through any bullshit he threw out there.  “I told him we weren’t dating.”

            Cam went very quiet and put her chin back on Chris’ shoulder.  Dire Straits gave way to a slower song and they adjusted their tempo.  Chris brought his arms all the way around her back and put his mouth on her shoulder again.  She was thinking all this over; he could practically hear her mind clicking and whirring.  He admitted to himself that he was a little worried about the outcome to all this.  Her going quiet like this was usually a bad sign.

            “I don’t really know what’s wrong with me,” she said finally.  “I should be thrilled out of my mind that Keanu Reeves asked me to lunch.  Fucking thrilled!  And, truth be told, part of me is.  But I can’t seem to get the age difference out of my mind.  And I really can’t believe you all but handed me over on a silver platter.”

            Now Chris pulled back to look at her.  “What would you have wanted me to do?  Lie to the man?”

            “Like that’s never been done in the history of mankind.”

            Chris rolled his eyes.  “I thought maybe you’d like to go out with him.  You’ve had a crush on him for years.”

            Cam shook her head.  “I know, I know.  Ugh.  I need to have my head shrunk.”  Her eyes lit up suddenly.  She pulled out of Chris’ arms and grabbed his hand, towing him through the crowd back to where they’d been standing earlier.

            “Cam, I would have liked to have finished our dance.  What the hell?”

            “Go mix and mingle.  I have a phone call to make.”  She leaned up and brushed a quick kiss across his lips then turned on her heel and hurried away, leaving a thoroughly bewildered Chris in her wake.

            Cameron had been to this restaurant before and knew exactly where the bathrooms were.  She stopped in front of the wheelchair accessible bathroom and knocked on the door.  No answer.  She quickly yanked the door open, stepped inside and locked the door behind her.  She pulled her cell phone out of her evening bag and dialed the one person who could help walk her through the myriad of feelings swirling around in her head.

            “Hey, Cam!  Aren’t you supposed to be playing Chris’ arm candy right about now?”

            “Hey, Gia, yeah, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing but I’ve got some stuff I need you to help me work out.”

            “Oh?  Like what?”

            “Keanu Reeves just asked me out to lunch for later this week…”

            “Oh my God!” Gia squealed, causing Cameron to pull the phone away from her ear.

            “Jesus Christ, Gia, dial it down a notch, yeah?”

            “Sorry, sorry, but oh, my God!  Keanu Reeves?  Well, what did you say?”

            “I said yes…but that was before I found out he’d gone to Chris to find out if Evans and I were dating.  Chris told him no.  Pretty much gave Keanu the go ahead.  I find that I’m kinda, sorta annoyed by that…but I don’t really know if I have the right to be.”

            “Evans pimped you out to Keanu Reeves.”

            Cam gave a short laugh.  “Gia, come on, I wouldn’t say that.”

            “He didn’t tell Keanu that you were otherwise occupied, did he?  Gave him the go ahead, he did.  Evans pimped you out.”

            “You’re right, Evans pimped me out.  But that’s not the only thing, Gia.  Keanu’s like forty-three years old.  He is literally twice my age.  That’s kind of freaking me out.  I mean, he looks fantastic and he’s hot and, God, he smells so good…”

            “When did you get close enough to smell him?”

            “He asked me to dance.  That’s when he asked me out.”

            “Other than the age difference, Cam, I’m not really seeing a downside here.”

            “Gia, see if you can follow this.  I’m twenty-two.  Keanu will be forty-four in September.  Twenty-two plus twenty-two equals…?”

            “I get it, genius.  But, come on, Cam, it’s only lunch.  He hasn’t proposed marriage or anything.”

            “That’s exactly what Chris said.”

            “See?”  Gia chuckled.  “Go to lunch with the hot, sexy older man and have a great time then, if he seems like he wants to make it a regular thing, shut him down as gently as only you know how to do.  I mean, you have a gift for turning guys down and still have them think you walk on water.”

            Cam smiled.  “I kinda do, don’t I?”

            “Totally.  I mean, look at Chris.  You’ve been turning him down, consciously and unconsciously, for the last two of the three years we’ve known him and he’s still there, ever vigilant, ever hopeful.  Please, God, Cameron, when are you going to give that poor boy a break and rock his fucking world?”

            “I so don’t want to get into this with you, again.  Our someday isn’t here yet.  I mean, come on, I’m about to leave for London again in four days and I won’t be back until September, at the earliest.  He’s going to be in Hong Kong or Shanghai or wherever the fuck for God knows how long while he films Push.  If we’re lucky, we’ll both be in New York in time for your first anniversary party in November.  How is that craziness conducive to having a relationship, us being on two different continents for months at a time?  G, please, you know better than to get me started.”

            “Cameron, believe it or not, I totally understand and I’m on your side.  But Chris is absolutely perfect for you and you for him.  And you both know it.  I mean, come on, I know you have feelings for him.”  She paused.  “Don’t you?”

            Cam sighed.  If she couldn’t be honest with Gia, who could she be honest with?  “It’s just about there, for sure, but I’ve told you, G.  What we will most likely have will be total and all-consuming and I’m just not ready for that.  I haven’t…tried the buffet, you know?”

            “Oh, sweet baby Jesus…”

            “Come on, G.  I don’t want to commit to him then, ten years down the road, kick myself and say, ‘What the fuck was I thinking?  I should have waited, I should have played the field, I should have done anything but allow myself to pledge eternal, undying love to this terrific guy who doesn’t deserve having his heart ripped out of his chest by the love of his life.’  Chris is four years older than me; he’s led an entirely different life than mine.  He’s had time to have relationships, be with other women, have a long-term thing that didn’t work out but that he learned from.  How many boyfriends have I had since Da gave me permission to start dating?”

            “A whopping two.”

            “Right.  Two boyfriends in the six years I’ve been ‘on the market,’ so to speak.  And both those relationships withered and died because I simply wasn’t around to make them work.  Chris very well could be my one true, great love of a lifetime.  I won’t hurt him, or myself, by going into it before I’m really ready.  So I guess that’s why I said yes to Keanu’s invitation.  He’s too old for me, yes, but I need to experiment a little, you know?  I need to put myself out there, for a little while, at least.  Variety is the spice of life, they say.  How will I know what I have is the real thing if I don’t know what I’ve missed?  Shouldn’t I be allowed to sow a few wild oats before I make any kind of commitment to anyone?”

           “Cam…”

           “I’ve worked so hard all these years and I’ve had a pretty good time doing it, but when it comes to romance, I ain’t got squat to talk about…”

           “Cam…”

           Cameron rolled right over Gia as she warmed to her topic.  “I’m not looking to become tabloid fodder, you know?  I’m not looking to be one of those girls whose mere name conjures up images of her being with every eligible famous guy.  I just want to be able to test the waters, have some fun, kiss a few frogs, so to speak.  I need to make time for that.  I’ve never really made time for that, Gia!”  An ear-splitting whistle coming through the phone finally shut Cameron up.  “Ow!  Gia, what the fuck?”

           “You maybe want to shut up and listen to me for a second?  I’ve got a few things of my own to say on this subject.  I mean, you did say you called me to help you through this, right?”

           Cam sighed.  “Yes, right.  So what do you think?”

           “I hear you, Cam.  I really do.  I know you’ve worked your ass off since you were a little kid to get where you are and it’s only been in the last few years that you’ve been able to let your hair down a bit and have some fun.  Unfortunately, you’re never around in one place long enough to have a boyfriend but you know what?  That might not be an entirely bad thing.  There are a shit ton of losers and leeches out there, Cameron.  What’s so wrong with just getting with a guy who knows you inside out and who thinks the sun rises and sets on you?  Why go out and look for someone who may not appreciate you the way you should be appreciated and who may hurt you so bad that you’ll be gun shy about love and turn away from the one who really wants you?  And one more thing:  if you can make time to have some fun and see other guys, how can you continue to tell Chris you don’t have time to get with him?”

           Cam recoiled as though she’d been slapped.  She hadn’t really thought of it that way.  She felt tears well up in her eyes.  “G, I…I didn’t really think about that.  I was just thinking that I didn’t want to tie myself down to the first man who said he loved me.  I mean, Chris hasn’t actually said I love you to me in a romantic sense, but I know he feels very deeply about me…”

           “He’s been in love with you from practically the day you guys met, Cam.”

           “Really.  Is that why he continued with Jessica for almost a full year after he and I met?  Is that why he’s dated around like he has?  I have two words for you, Gia:  Minka Kelly.”

           “Cameron, you told him you weren’t ready to get with him.  You said ‘someday.’  Have you seen the man?  He’s fucking gorgeous and women put themselves in his path every chance they get.  He’s only human, Cam.  If he can’t have the one he wants, then he’s going to love the one he’s with.”

           “Gia…”

           “Goddamn it, Cameron, I can’t believe what a selfish bitch you’re being right now!”

           “What?”

           “You’re taking Chris to task for having done exactly what you’re talking about doing right now!  How is it okay for you to do it but not him?  Jesus Christ, you must really be jetlagged or else your enormous IQ has taken over the part of your brain that houses simple common sense.  When you and Chris are together, you behave more like boyfriend and girlfriend than you do best friends.  You hold hands and you talk to each other in those cute little whispers that couples share; when you dance together there’s not enough room between you to slip in a sheet of paper.  He puts his arm around you and you do nothing to discourage that.  Yet, you push him away whenever he brings up the subject of you two getting together.  How’s that for the epitome of mixed signals?  How’s that for fucking with the poor guy’s head and heart?  Make up your mind, Cameron…or as my father says, shit or get off the pot.”

           Cameron stayed silent for a while.  After a minute or so, Gia said, “Cam?  You still there?  Talk to me, honey.”

           Cam dashed away the tears that slipped over her lower lashes.  “I really haven’t been fair to Chris all these years, have I?  What I thought was concern for him has just been selfish behavior on my part.  I want to keep him around, I want to get with him eventually, but on my terms, with no thought to how this must be affecting him.  How has he put up with my shit all this time, Gia?  Why has he put up with it?”

           “Because he loves you and he knows you are the one for him.  He knows that once he has you, all the waiting will have paid off big time.  You may be stubborn and hard-headed and too smart for your own good, but you are also one of the most wonderful people in the world and he sees that, he wants that…he loves that.  He’s amazingly patient, that one.  But I wouldn’t count on that patience lasting forever, though, Cameron.  I mean, he’s taking a page out of Groban’s book and is making like a monk for now but…”  Gia paused.  “Hey, like I said, he’s only human.”

            “G, I don’t want to make things permanent with him until I know that I can be there for him all the time.  We both need that, we both deserve it.  And I just can’t do it right now.  There’s too much happening, too much going on.”  Cameron let out a sob.  “Shit.  Shit!  I just can’t keep doing this to him.  He’s the best guy I’ve ever known, next to Josh, I mean.  Chris is going to be an amazing boyfriend…lover…husband.  But I’m not ready to make that commitment.  Oh fuck, Gia.  I’m beginning to wish I’d never met him.”

            Gia gasped.  “Cameron, you don’t mean that!”

            “Gia, come on.  Now that I’m really cognizant of what’s happening, how can I go back to just being his best friend?  How can we truly be comfortable around each other anymore?”

            “Just like you’ve always been, Cam.  Just stop leading him on.  Stop with the kissing and the handholding and the romantic stuff.  That’s got to be torture for him.  And maybe you should tell him you want to hang out with other guys.  Prepare him for that, just in case it happens.”

            “Well…” Cameron trailed off.

            Gia immediately picked up on Cam’s hesitation.  “Well, what?”

            Cameron sighed.  “I think I may have met someone…in London.”

            “You may have met someone?”

            “Yeah.  Ben Barnes, one of the leads of the Miss Marple movie I’m doing for the BBC, he’s been…chatting me up.  And I’ve been chatting back.”

            “Why does that name sound familiar?”

            “Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian…” Cameron let Gia fill in the blanks.

            “Wait!  Is he that utterly gorgeous creature we saw in the trailers?  The one who’s playing Prince Caspian?”

            “Yes.”

            “Niiiiiiiiccce!” Gia stopped abruptly.  “Shit, what am I saying?  Does Chris know yet?”

            “No.  I just got here yesterday, Gia.  When would I have had the chance to say anything?  ‘Oh yeah, hi, Chris, thanks for picking me up at the airport.  You’re the best, as always.  By the way, I think I’ve got the hots for some other guy.’  That would have gone over big.”

            “Oh shit.”

            “Yeah.”

            Gia thought for a moment.  “Cam, have you ever thought of proposing an ‘open relationship’ to Chris?”

            “Beg pardon?”

            “Have you ever thought of suggesting to Chris that you two could date casually when you’re in the same place at the same time, but that you’re both free to see other people when you’re apart?  That could work, you know.  You guys are kind of half way there already.  I know you two have been sucking face from time to time since the night of the Academy Awards.  At least with this plan, Chris will kinda, sorta get what he wants and can keep himself occupied when you’re not around – if he chooses to, that is – and not feel guilty about doing so.”

            “Uh, no, the thought never crossed my mind.  Do you think he’d go for an idea like that?”

            “He might, especially if he thinks it will bring him one step closer to the ultimate goal, which is to have you all to himself until death do you part.”

            “Really?  You honestly think he’ll agree to that?”

            “Cam, the only alternative would be for you to walk away from each other entirely.  With an open relationship, you guys get to see each other as more than friends, but you’ll be able to hang with other people and agree that there will be no recriminations if you do.  You’ll just have to keep your other booty calls away from him and vice versa.  That’s gotta be an ironclad rule for this to work.”

            “Excuse me, Gia, but if I see Ben or anyone else, even Chris, there will be no booty calls involved.  You know why.”

            “Okay, okay, calm down.  So, when you go back to London, you gonna keep chatting this Ben guy up?”

            “That’s the plan.”

            “Then you need to talk to Chris about this idea.  If he agrees – and I think he will because, to him, having you part-time is better than not having you at all – wait until you get back to London then tell him about Ben.”

            “That’s kind of dishonest, don’t you think?”

            “Would you rather tell him this week and really fuck with his head?”

            Cam sighed.  “Point taken.  You know, this thing with Ben, it’s in its infancy and it may not even go anywhere.  We haven’t spent tons of time together yet, just talked on the phone, really.  We sat next to each other at a group luncheon Julie Andrews, who’s playing Miss Marple, hosted a couple of weeks back but you can’t go by something like that.  I don’t want to tell Chris about something that may not ever get off the ground.  You’re right.  Once I’m back in London, if things progress, I’ll talk to Chris ASAP.”

            “So you’ll talk to Chris about this open relationship thing tonight?  Preferably before you suck his tongue right out of his mouth?”

            “Ugh, Gia, that’s grossly vivid.  But yes, I’ll talk to him about it.  Then I’ll let him kiss me senseless.  That boy can kiss like it’s nobody’s business and I deserve a spectacular kiss whenever I can get it.”

            “That’s my girl…I think.”  Gia sighed.  “Sometimes you make my hair hurt, Cameron Kennedy.  But you’re my best friend and I love you…God help me.  Enjoy the rest of tonight and have a great time on your lunch date with Keanu Reeves.  I expect photos and a detailed description of everything that went on, understood?  I’m a married woman now so I have to live vicariously through you.  Don’t ever tell Dominic I said that.  Oh, and tell Chris I said hey and congrats on the new film.  Oh fuck, I forgot to ask.  Was it good?”

            Cameron laughed, feeling lighter than she had in a long while.  “It was good.  A little violent for my taste but the sort of thing Dominic and his brothers would eat with a spoon.  Chris is bloody wonderful in it.  And he looks wonderful in it.  Chris really is one gorgeous man.”

            “Oh, here we go.  Go on, get out of the loo and go back to the party.  Have fun and be safe.  Good luck with Chris.  Love you, Cam.”

            “Love you, Gia.  And thanks for everything.”  Cam ended the call then turned to check herself out in the mirror.  She repaired the damage from her tears and put on some more lipstick then left the bathroom in search of her best friend.

            After fending off a few more unwanted advances, she spotted Chris on the other side of the dance floor, having what looked like a very deep discussion with Naomie Harris, one of the female leads in Street Kings.  She hesitated, not wanting to walk over there and interrupt their conversation.  She didn’t want to give anyone the impression that she had any control over Chris.  This was his film, his premiere, and he could talk to anyone he wanted to.  Wasn’t that going to be the basis of the plan Gia had just proposed?  So what if watching Chris and Naomie, with their heads bent close together as they talked and laughed, felt like a punch in the gut?  She had no rights there, after all.  Not yet, at least.  As she stood there, watching them, she began to dread what Chris’ reaction would be when he found out about Ben.  Would it bother him as much as seeing him with Naomie bothered her?  Yeah, it probably would.  Shit.  Suddenly, she felt she couldn’t deal with what she’d just promised Gia she’d do.  That was one hell of a heavy duty conversation to have after a night like this.

            She looked around as she decided what to do.  She was tiring pretty quickly.  Her energy levels had been slowly flagging over the past couple of hours and right now, all she wanted was her hotel room with its enormous soaker tub and lovely big comfy bed.  She was even willing to forego the goodnight kiss from Chris she’d been so eagerly looking forward to all evening just to get out of there right now.  She needed more time to think and to plan what she was going to say.  And, fuck it all, she needed sleep.  She turned to head for the exit and practically ran into Keanu.  “Oh, hey!  Sorry about that.  Wasn’t paying attention.”

            “I’d say you were paying attention but not to your particular surroundings,” Keanu said with a knowing smile on his face.

            Cam just stared at him for a moment, knowing full well what he was saying, then decided to deflect with humor, something she’d become very good at over the years.  “You speak in riddles, oh wise Neo.  I’m just starting to fade really fast here and thought a quick exit would be best, lest I start slurring my words and have the tabloid reporters thinking I’ve hit the vodka a little too hard tonight.”

            “I thought Chris was taking you home.  You came with him and he seems like the type of young man who likes to do things properly.”

            “Oh, he is.  His mother raised him right but he’s busy and it is his night, not mine, so I can make my own way home.  I’m a tough chick, man, I’m from New York!”

            Keanu laughed.  “I can take you to your hotel, if you’d like.”

            Cam shook her head.  “Nope.  It’s your night, too.  Stay, have another drink for me.  I gotta go crash.  I look forward to hearing from you about our lunch date.  We’ll talk tomorrow, or should I say, later today?”

            “Absolutely.  I’ll call you in the afternoon.  Give you a chance to sleep in and recharge those batteries.”

            “Sounds like a plan, Keanu.  Enjoy the rest of your night.”  She opened her arms and Keanu stepped into her embrace.  They hugged for a few seconds then Keanu kissed Cam’s cheek and pulled away.

            “Goodnight, Cameron.  Be safe.”

            She gave him a quick salute.  “Will do.”  She turned and continued toward the exit, hoping that Chris was too engrossed in his conversation with Naomie to notice her departure.

            She made it out of the restaurant and a block and a half away before she heard, “Cameron!  Wait up!  What the hell?”  She stopped short, sighed deeply and turned to watch Chris jog up to her.  “All right,” he said as he reached her, “you want to tell me what the fuck you’re doing?”

            “Watch your mouth, Evans, and keep your bloody voice down.  I was able to slip past the paparazzi, as you were, it seems, and I’d really like to not call their attention to us.”  She huffed out a breath and resumed walking.  “In answer to your question, I’m taking myself to my hotel.  The jetlag has finally caught up to me and I’m rapidly approaching walking dead status.  I wasn’t sure where you were and I didn’t feel up to searching for you so I left.  I would have called you once I got to the hotel.”

            “I can’t believe you expect me to buy that crock of shit, Cam,” he said as he fell into step beside her.  “You saw me with Naomie, didn’t you?  Same way I saw you with Keanu.  That hug you gave him looked nice.”

            “And your conversation with Naomie looked…intense.  Didn’t want to interrupt, you know?”

            They fell silent as they kept walking.  A couple of blocks later, Chris put his hand on Cam’s arm and stopped her.  “I’m sorry, Cam.”

            She looked up at him.  “I’ve no idea why you’re apologizing.  Seriously, no clue.”

            “I should have told Keanu you were with me, that we were more than friends.  I should have told them all.  Then it could have been just you and me the whole evening and we would have had a really good time.”

            “But I did have a good time.  And I think you did too.  Besides, why would you lie to them about that?  We really aren’t together, not in that sense.”

            Chris gazed steadily into Cam’s beautiful gray eyes.  “We will be, someday.”

            Cam’s heart did a slow roll in her chest.  God, Chris was just…perfect.  “Oh, God,” she said on a sigh.

            Chris frowned at her.  “What’s wrong, babe?”

            “When we get to the hotel, can you come up to my room for a little while?  I really would like to have a talk with you.”

            “Uh oh.  That sounds serious.”

            She smiled.  “Well, it might not be so bad.  Come with?” she asked, slipping her hand into his.

            He squeezed her hand.  “To the ends of the earth, babe.”

            Fifteen minutes later, Chris was sprawled on the couch of Cameron’s suite, his suit jacket lying across the arm of one of the wing chairs in the room, his shoes near the door where he’d abandoned them the moment they walked in.  Cam, who’d gone straight into the bedroom to exchange her heels for a pair of ballet flats, came over to him, lifted his feet and slid onto the couch under his legs.  She let his feet drop onto her lap.  He adjusted the throw pillow he’d put behind his head so he could see her better.  “So, talk to me, babe.  What’s up?”

            “Chris…” she wiggled around so she could sit facing him while tucking one of her legs under her, all the while keeping his feet on her lap.  “I know we’ve been talking about us having a ‘someday’ for a while now…”

            Chris widened his eyes in alarm.  “Are you telling me you’ve changed your mind?”

            “Ah, no.  Where did that come from?”  She swatted at his foot.  “Could you maybe let me finish before you jump to all kinds of crazy conclusions?”

            “Yes, ma’am,” he grumbled.

            “And don’t pout at me, you’re not five years old.”  That got him to crack a small smile.  “Chris, since that kiss we shared at the Oscars, and the few we’ve had subsequently, I’ve been thinking.  You and I have gotten closer than ever and we…well, what I mean is…why the fuck is this so hard to say?”  She shook her head in frustration.

            “Sweetheart, just say what’s in your head.  We’ll sort it out,” Chris said gently.

            “Alright then.  Chris, I’d like to propose…”

            “Marriage?” Chris asked delightedly, a goofy grin on his face.  “It’s about fucking time, Cam.  I was afraid I was going to die an old maid.”

            Cameron glared at him for a moment before bursting into helpless laughter.

            “Sorry, sorry,” he said, holding up his hands, his expression not the least bit apologetic.  “I just had to do it.  The moment absolutely begged for it.”

            “It’s okay, a ghra,” she said amid her giggles, “at least you broke the tension.  Thanks for that.”  She laid her hands on one of his feet and started to absently massage the arch.  “Chris, what would you think of us having an open relationship?  One where we go out on dates whenever we’re in the same place at the same time, but that’s not exclusive, you know?  You can see whoever you want when I’m not around and I would be able to do the same, should we, you know, meet other people we’d like to get to know.”  She looked up from his feet and met his eyes.  “Do you think that’s something you could, I don’t know, live with?”

            Did she think he could live with the thought of her going out with other men whenever she felt like it even while seeing him in a non-platonic way?  Chris called upon every acting skill he possessed to keep his face carefully composed even though his gut was tied up in knots.  An open relationship?  Was she fucking kidding?  As caveman as he knew this sounded, Chris wasn’t big on sharing his toys, much less his woman.  And Cameron, whether she knew it or not, was his woman.  An open relationship.  Where the fuck had that idea come from? Jesus.

            Chris thought for a minute, all the while watching this amazing, beautiful girl who’d wrapped him around her finger with practically no effort three years ago.  Cameron was great, she was just a fun-loving, happy, warm human being; people loved being around her, men in particular, but that wasn’t just because of her sterling personality.  She had a body that could make the strongest man weep.  But despite all those wonderful attributes, she sometimes had trouble forming connections.  She grew up without any real friends until Gia came along.  People of all ages were either put off by her truly staggering genius and musical abilities…or they only wanted to be around her because they wanted something from her.  Her parents did a fantastic job of keeping Cam away from those opportunistic assholes but by the time she met Gia, there had been considerable damage done to Cameron’s ability to trust people easily.  She became a better judge of character as she got older and was able to spot a kindred spirit when one crossed her path – hence her intense and deeply loving relationship with Josh Groban – but when it came to potential boyfriends, well, Cam was still bad at spotting the assholes.  Gia had told Chris about the few times Cam did date – things never went very well – and about the two guys she dated long enough to call them boyfriends – those guys were nice enough but she wasn’t around enough to see where things could go with the relationship.  So, Cam stayed alone and seemed totally okay with it.  This is why Gia said it was such a total shock that Cameron took to Chris the way she did and as quickly as she did.  The only explanation was that Chris was a kindred spirit – like Josh – but unlike Josh, who met Cam when she was twelve and he was seventeen so a romantic relationship between them wasn’t in the cards, Chris came along when Cameron was an adult and, whether she knew it or not, was ready for a little romance.  But her grueling career was in the way.

            Chris cared about Cameron in a way he’d never cared for anyone before her and he knew he would probably never again feel that way about anyone else.  She was everything he’d ever wanted in a woman and then some.  He’d always hoped he’d end up with a smart girl who was family-oriented, down to earth, funny, and truly good to the core, but to find a woman like Cam, who had everything he wished for plus that phenomenal IQ, those musical abilities, and that face and figure, was truly a gift from God.  If he vetoed this idea of hers – this desire for an open relationship – he was liable to drive a wedge in their relationship that could never be overcome and he would lose her altogether.  If he agreed to it, however, he could finally wind up on the road to winning her heart and having her be his forever.  At the very least, he could finally be with her as more than just her best friend.  There was definitely no downside to that side of the equation.  He just had to learn to deal with any competition that might come down the pike.  It would be hard – it would be just shy of impossible, if he was honest with himself – but he would just have to think of it as a means to an end.  He loved her enough to be patient and to take these weird baby steps on the way to their someday.

            Cameron felt her nerves slowly fraying at the ends.  Chris stayed quiet for a long time, his face not giving away whatever he was thinking, his beautiful blue eyes watching her until she blushed and looked back down at his feet.  She moved her hands to his other foot and started massaging.  She started when he finally said, “What made you think of this, Cameron?”

            Uh oh.  He used her full name.  That might not be such a good thing.  “It’s just something that’s been floating around in my head,” she said with a half-hearted shrug.  “Look, I know you want to date me and, deep down, I know I wouldn’t mind that but we’d have to keep it casual since we’re not around each other as much as we’d like.  However, I saw your reactions tonight when Keanu asked me out.  And I saw how into it you were when you were talking to Naomie.”  She shifted in her seat.  “I don’t tell you this, but I do get asked out from time to time.  I don’t always accept the invitations.  Part of it is the lack of time, the other part is, well, fear of offending you.  If I have the time, I’d like to go out with other people now and then.  But I want to be on the up and up about it, with you, I mean.  Doesn’t mean I won’t devote my time and attention to you when we see each other.  And if you meet someone you’d like to go out with, I’d like you to feel free to do so.  I mean, up until this year, you’d been doing that anyway.”

            Chris slowly pulled his feet away from Cameron and sat up.  He wrapped his long fingers around her upper arm and gently tugged her towards him.  She scooted over to him and let him take her in his arms.  She closed her eyes and sighed softly when he brushed his lips over her temple and into her hair.  They sat like that for a few moments then Chris said softly, “I’m not going to lie to you, babe.  Not that I ever could anyway but that’s beside the point.  I get a little jealous when other men approach you.  I try not to but sometimes I just can’t help it.  But then I think about how you must have felt when I went out with other women.  I mean, I’d like to think you were at least a little bit jealous…”

            She smiled and snuggled further into his embrace.  “Well, maybe just a little.”

            Chris grinned and kissed the top of her head.  “I know you haven’t had much in the way of a romantic life, you little workaholic, you.  But maybe you should have a chance to…explore, if you will, before you decide our someday has arrived.  I like the thought of finally being able to hold your hand or put my arm around you or kiss you the way a guy does with his girl.  I’m not completely loving the thought of sharing you, but in the long run, I’d be happier knowing that you had a chance to see what’s out there before you ‘settle’ on me.”

            Cameron pulled back in his arms.  “Don’t.  Don’t you ever say something like that, Christopher.  No woman in her right mind would ‘settle’ for you.”  At his arched eyebrow, she blushed furiously and quickly said, “No, wait, that came out all kinds of wrong!  I’m sorry!  What I meant was that if any woman – if I – chose you, it would be because you were the best man out of all the men on the planet.  It would be because no one could ever be better than you.”

            “Sweetheart, I know what you meant,” Chris said with a soft, loving smile.  “I love that you get so defensive of me.”  He pulled her back against him.  “So, as of tonight, we’re dating casually.  Right?”

            “Right.  Which means you can’t give me shit about my lunch date with Keanu.  But it also means that whatever time I’m not with the Groban family this week, I’ll be with you and you alone.  Deal?”

            “Deal.”  He pulled away slightly and looked into her eyes.  “So, I guess that means I get to do this pretty much whenever I want.”  Before she could respond, he lowered his head and captured her mouth with his.  Cameron melted into the kiss and opened her mouth when she felt his tongue sweep across her lower lip.  She shivered as their tongues met and mated in a soft, sensuous dance.  Oh, yeah, Chris Evans was a world class kisser.  She sighed and tightened the arm she had around his waist while she brought her free hand up to slide into his short cropped hair.  After a long while, he pulled away to brush his lips against her cheek and jaw.

            “Oh, God,” she said softly, “that is so good.”

            “Wait,” he said as he worked his way back to her lips.  Just before he captured her mouth again, he said, “It’s just gonna get better from here…”

            An hour and a half later, Cameron lay in her big, comfy hotel bed, reading the text from Chris telling her he’d gotten home safe.

From Christopher:       Thank you for coming with me tonight.  You flying in from London just for this meant the world to me.

From CEKennedy:        Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.  Loved you in that role.  I mean that.

From Christopher:       I know you do.  I know you’re tired so I’ll let you get to sleep.  Love you, Cam.  See you later today.

From CEKennedy:        Love you, too, Chris.  See you this afternoon.

From Christopher:       By the way, your kisses just keep getting sweeter and sweeter.

From CEKennedy:        As do yours, a ghra.  Goodnight.

From Christopher:       Goodnight, babe.