Archive of Our Own ^beta

Kit watched Nahdar go into his robotics competition and sighed, slumping. Alone at last. 

This wasn't the first competition, and he was certain it would not be the last. It was just a school wide competition, from what Kit understood. He was still learning how every activity Nahdar was involved in worked.

Kit got out of his car and stretched. 

At least he knew what to expect. Which was that he was not needed until the end of the event when it was time for awards.

In fact, Nahdar preferred that he didn't stand and watch. 

Kit still liked to stay at the school to be sure that he was available, just in case.

He entered the school so that the teacher in charge of Nahdar’s team knew he was there and available, then found a place to sit and watch all the kids bustle around, without being in the thick of it. Not being in the thick of it was very important for Kit’s sanity.

"Oh, I see I'm not the only one who had this idea." 

Kit looked up. "You're... Anakin's brother, correct?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "You're here for your brother too?"

"Nahdar. Though, I am his guardian."

"Oh. Anakin told me about that. I'm sorry."

"It is what it is. We're making it work."

"You must be Kit, I'm Obi-Wan."

"Nice to meet you, Obi-Wan." Kit smiled at him. "What brings you here?"

"Oh, I had a bad break up, so naturally my dad thought it was a great idea to drag me here. Even though there's no point in me being here, at least before the main competition."

Kit nodded. "I know the feeling. There really isn't much for us to do right now besides just wait for it to actually start." Then he registered what Obi-Wan had said. "Oh, bad break up? You too?"

Obi-Wan looked at him, surprised, then sighed. "Yeah. We'd been dating for years, and he was cheating on me."

Kit winced. "I'm sorry. My ex didn't want children. She wanted me to put Nahdar into foster care rather than take him in. I would have been fine without having kids, but I could not abandon my brother."

"Of course not," Obi-Wan agreed, shaking his head. "I get why she might not want to have a kid in the house, though Nahdar is a teenager and it's not as bad as little kids, but asking you to put him into foster care is worse than just breaking up because you're not compatible anymore."

"No kidding. We could have parted amicably. It would have hurt but I was prepared to break up as soon as I found out my parents had died... but instead she showed her selfishness and cruelty. She said it in front of Nahdar, along with some… not some great things about teenagers."

"Oh no."

"I kicked her out immediately, of course. I'm just glad we were already signed up for therapy, because Nahdar certainly needed the help after that."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Understandable. From what I've heard you're doing a good job. Nahdar hasn't been acting out."

"We were somewhat close before, but this is bringing us closer together. Nahdar's closest friends are Anakin and Aayla, and that has helped. They're not bad influences even if their judgment is typically questionable."

Obi-Wan nodded. "That's why you're here though, isn't it." He gestured at the area they were in, away from the crowds of students and parents waiting for the competition to start.

Kit nodded. "I don't get much space from the grief," he admitted. "I'm either at work or with Nahdar. The opportunities to just quietly grieve are few. Nahdar knows I am grieving and we have cried together but I do not want him to be my support."

"Do you not have any support?"

"That was just my ex for a long time. I am... good at acquaintances, but not so good at friends."

"Ah, me too." Obi-Wan nodded. "It just seems impossible to get someone over that barrier between acquaintance and friend."

"Definitely. Why did your ex cheat on you?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "I was too needy and not meeting his needs enough. I am not good at being friends with multiple people and spreading out my problems between them, and... well. I'm asexual. That made things difficult, but I thought we could work it out. I wasn't good enough, and so he cheated to keep things good between us. I almost didn't break up with him when I found out, but then I realized that I had no trust anymore, so why stay?

Kit looked at him, a bit surprised. "I'm asexual too. It does make relationships quite a bit more difficult to navigate. I'm sorry you are dealing with that."

Obi-Wan sighed. "It is what it is. My family is worried. They haven't seen me like this since I was in high school."

"Of course." Kit nodded.

They fell into silence after that, neither having anything else to say.

Kit congratulated Nahdar afterwards and watched Nahdar smile brighter than he had in the month since their parents died. It was always good to see his brother smiling again.

He glanced around to see where Obi-Wan was, but he had to spot Anakin's father Qui-Gon, who was the tallest person in the room, to spot Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan was putting on a smile for Anakin and listening to him chatter excitedly about how the competition went.

Kit could tell though that Obi-Wan wasn't feeling it. Despite how calm Obi-Wan had been during their conversation, Obi-Wan was hurting from losing his relationship. It was no wonder his father dragged him to the robotics competition.

As he left with Nahdar, Kit realized he hadn't gotten Obi-Wan's number, and he really should have.

They could relate to each other. Maybe they could become friends.

Kit sighed and put it out of his head. That was a thought for another time.

He had to get Nahdar home and make sure homework was done before bed.

Kit was carefully not thinking about the chores. Every time they caught up, they were behind by days again.

Kit had no idea how their parents kept them on track before.

That night, he was thinking about Obi-Wan and how well they had gotten on. Kit hadn't felt an overwhelming sense of pity or worry for him, just a quiet understanding that he greatly appreciated. 

Kit hoped they would meet again. They most likely would; with Anakin being his brother. 

It'd be nice if a new friend came out of all the bad.

.

Obi-Wan sighed and hit his head on the table. 

Without his ex around (do not think his name, do not think his name) Obi-Wan was at loose ends. 

His income was stable, at least. 

Obi-Wan was not meant for a traditional job. He could not handle the hours, the people, anything. He did some part time work from home when he needed extra money or to build up his savings while he was in a good state of mind.

But mostly, Obi-Wan was a freelance editor and transcriber, which could be done from the comfort of his own home. He was lucky that the house was in his name. He could have had to move back in with his dad and brother and sister.

He loved his family, but they were better off at a distance. He had not been in a good mental state before college and every time he went back before finding and getting his own place (with his dad's help), he almost went straight back to that bad mental place.

When Obi-Wan wasn't editing and transcribing, he sold some crafts he made. In his spare time, he wrote, hoping to one day have a story good enough to actually publish, but he was still a long way off of that.

That day though, he had a creative block. He couldn't figure anything out.

All his writing had been depressing and dark because of his break up. It had helped quite a bit, but in no way was it the kind of story he wanted to publish.

He couldn't focus on doing anything besides what had been ordered, and those were already fulfilled, plus he had a supply of the easier things on hand.

He couldn't focus on creating anything new because his brain just wasn't in the mood.

Obi-Wan huffed. He hated it when he was like this, and with his ex gone, out of his life for good, it was harder than usual to deal.

He couldn't do any of the things his ex would do to cheer him up. Because that just reminded him of his ex.

Obi-Wan decided his best option was to go for a walk. It was chilly, but it wasn't down to winter chill yet. He put on a sweater and his shoes and stepped outside. He looked around the area he lived and decided he was in the mood for a bit more nature. 

He got in his car and drove to one of the local parks so that he could walk the trail along the river and admire the changing seasons.

Obi-Wan walked the whole trail with headphones in, listening to his favorite songs.

He felt more relaxed and at peace at the end of his walk, but he still felt depressed.

He was still hurt from his ex breaking up with him. From learning about the cheating.

He wished that things had been better. That his ex had broken up with him when he realized their needs weren't compatible instead of letting him think they had found a good, acceptable solution.

Obi-Wan had always tried to communicate, especially as he got a handle on his mental health. He had always listened when his ex talked about issues, and he had always aimed for compromise except where it was impossible for him, usually for sensory reasons.

Obi-Wan started heading for his car when he spotted Kit, leaning on the overlook by the river the trail followed.

He hesitated then went to join Kit. He had enjoyed their conversation the other day. Kit had actually been quite nice, and sympathetic. He had listened, and he hadn't started talking about how bad a person that he was. 

Obi-Wan's family loved to talk about how nasty his ex was, how he was the worst person in the world and so on.

Obi-Wan was tired of it; his ex had been his whole world for five years. He agreed that his ex was not the person he thought he was. 

But Obi-Wan couldn't help but think that it was his own fault too. Maybe if he wasn't the way he was, maybe if he had a better handle on his mental health. Maybe if he needed less support... 

Obi-Wan shook his head.

Regardless, Kit had not bad mouthed his ex but had been sympathetic, and had even admitted to being asexual himself, and understanding the difficulties. 

Obi-Wan walked up to the overlook and leaned on the railing. "Hey, Kit."

Kit jumped and looked at him. He smiled, then turned back to watching the river. "Hey, Obi-Wan. How are you doing?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Alright. Surviving. It's not been easy... today is one of the bad days."

Kit nodded. "I hate those. I think I'm getting better, that I'm getting a handle on everything... and then boom, I can barely drag myself out of bed. If Nahdar didn't need me..." He sighed.

Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "You're going through so much more than I am."

"Sure, but that doesn't make your struggle invalid. And some people are more affected by things than others... a relationship is hard to let go of... I don't know what I would have done if my ex had turned out to have been cheating on me when we were breaking up. That's a whole different thing to deal with."

"But grief for your parents, being your brother's guardian, being cheated on is nothing compared to that."

Kit hummed. "Different angles, I think. Grief is about missing a person, about processing they won't be there anymore, about learning to live with them not there. The break up was rough and it was only made worse by learning that my ex fiancee was a cruel person, and I don't want to be around someone like that. I didn't really know her the way I thought I did, and while I miss her, and still love her, I am glad she showed herself like that so that I don't have to see her ever again. She's not someone I want in my life. But cheating..." Kit sighed.

 "I know what that's like. It was a relatively minor issue back in high school, we'd been dating for a month and she cheated with her best friend. The emotions that I felt are nothing to what I feel now, and I'm certain are nothing like what you feel. But I do remember questioning myself. Sure, cheaters are scum, no one should break commitment like that, but... it still made me wonder what it was about me. Who am I? Why wasn't I enough? And that was for a relationship that didn't last all that long. You were with your ex for a long time, weren't you?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Five years. We met and started dating in college... Still can't believe Anakin is in high school... The ten year age gap makes him seem so much younger than me, but I only just graduated from college last year."

Kit nodded. "I'm a few years out of college, and I'm glad my parents had everything sorted but I do have a steady job."

"Doing what?" Obi-Wan asked curiously.

"Studying reptiles and amphibians." Kit smiled. "I might work at a zoo eventually, but right now, the research I'm doing allows for regular hours that a zoo does not, so I'll have to put it off for another four years, maybe five if Nahdar wants a gap year."

Obi-Wan tilted his head. "So why are you here?"

"Nahdar has a club meeting today so he doesn't need to pick me to pick him up for another..." Kit checked the time, "half hour. Which means I should head out in twenty minutes. I just like being out in nature and seeing if I can spot any animals on my own. It's fun to find them in their natural habitat... but then I got here and remembered that was something I did with my parents and I couldn't bring myself to do it anymore." Kit sighed.

Obi-Wan winced. "That's rough. I'm sorry."

Kit wiped his eyes. "It's okay. The grief strikes at times I don't expect. But... now I know. Next time I'll be prepared."

Obi-Wan moved closer. "Anything I can do to help?" 

"I don't think so... it's nice talking to you. That helps."

"What about friends?"

"Off living their lives." Kit sighed. "I was the only one that decided to stay here, in our hometown. Everyone else wanted to get out, and did not return after college, unlike me. I'm in contact with them, and they have helped, some, but our lives are wildly different. Some are married with kids, even. And none of them have even lost one parent so they don't understand the grief very well, and... yet... you're treating me more how I want to be treated without needing to be told than they are."

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan said quietly. "I was adopted by my dad. I do remember my birth parents, but they died when I was three. That sort of grief is so different than the grief that occurs as an adult, but I still miss them. Everyone knows that Anakin is dad's kid, and I've always let them assume that I'm a kid by a previous relationship or something, rather than admit that the golden child younger brother is blood related."

Kit looked at Obi-Wan. "Golden child? Anakin?"

Obi-Wan hummed. "It doesn't look like it from the outside, does it? Let's just say that our father expected me to be perfect and to take the classes and join the teams he said, and it's because he just wanted the best for me. I knew Anakin was different for sure when Ani was five and dad didn't put him into the martial arts classes he did me, and as Ani got older, he's never put on the same pressure with him as me, and I know there's ten years difference between us, and he might have learned from his mistakes. But he's never even hinted at realizing he screwed up with me." Obi-Wan realized he'd been rambling. "...sorry."

"No, it's okay. It's nice to meet another who doesn't know when to shut up."

"Really?"

Kit nodded. "I was fine in high school with my group of friends but once I got to college, I realized that I could not make friends the way I was, because I ramble more than average person. I got hurt and learned not to ramble as much. Still do, sometimes."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I got hurt too, but my closest friends decided to stay in the area, and my ex was one of those who encouraged the rambling. And at least, it was not in his list of reasons to cheat on me."

"That makes sense. You do not mind if I ramble?"

"I like hearing people talk, and it helps with the anxiety. Especially when rambles involve passions."

"I do too." Kit smiled at Obi-Wan. "How about we exchange numbers?"

"You sure?" Obi-Wan asked, surprised.

"We both clearly need extra support, and we're not quite getting what we need with people we know... and... you're easy to talk to."

"So are you." Obi-Wan smiled with some relief as he pulled out his phone.

With numbers inputted, they smiled at each other and went back to watching the river, this time talking about the club that Nahdar and Anakin were doing.

"I didn't even know Nahdar was interested in art..."

Obi-Wan chuckled. "Anakin told me that they're really interested in the pumpkin carving next month and the gingerbread houses in December, so they decided they might as well commit to doing art club every month."

Kit blinked, then laughed. "I should have known. Those were always the most popular days in high school. Glad to know they never changed that."

Obi-Wan nodded, amused. "I always loved art. I liked the freedom of making things, and the teachers were always pleased with my work even when it wasn't perfect. Dad only cared that I kept my GPA up, and that I had enough credits and classes to appeal for colleges."

"What did you end up doing?"

Obi-Wan snorted. "I am not suited for traditional jobs, and as much as I love learning, doing those things for a job is not my cup of tea. I got an English degree and I'm an editor and transcriber for my main income."

"Oh, nice! Was it difficult to get into?"

"Transcribing is pretty easy to find jobs for, but editing is where most of the money is. I'm freelance and advertise in a few online spaces. And sometimes I stream when I'm editing. Not really much money in streaming, but people come to chat with me and then recommend me when friends are looking for editors at fair prices."

"Oh! That's pretty amazing! I've always been intrigued by what goes into writing books, but I've never been that creative. The best I can do is make good enclosures for my snakes. I had to rehome the others when I moved back into my parents' house to take care of Nahdar, and make pretty posters and signs." Kit still missed the creatures he had before he moved back into his parents’ house, but there simply wasn’t room for them.

"Hey, that's a skill on its own, especially if you didn't take any design courses."

"I did, actually. Graphic design was a fallback, just in case."

"So you can be creative!"

"Only when it comes to taking what needs to go on a poster or website and arranging it to be pretty and easy on the eyes."

"That's still plenty creative, more creative than some people can be."

"True." Kit smiled. "But editing takes a special eye, does it not? You have to find errors and smooth out the rough edges and make sure the plot is sound."

"That's true." Obi-Wan nodded.

"Have you gotten awful books?"

Obi-Wan groaned. "All the time. Some of them can be fixed but the author ends up needing a couple rewrites, others the author is furious at all the critiques, and there's somewhere I just want to delete it out of existence because nothing will save the cursed book I just read. Those people I usually just message with 'I'm sorry, this is out of my depth, I cannot help you' and give a partial refund based on how far my editing notes got. That's usually received well."

Kit nodded. "That makes sense. I'm not senior enough to have to read others' work when they get submitted but I have proofread some and I am so glad I'm just there to spot errors and I can say that it's not my job to correct them because there are some messes that I don't even want to touch."

Obi-Wan chuckled. "It is like that sometimes." 

Kit watched him, smiling. 

Obi-Wan noticed and smiled in return. "So... research papers then?"

"All the time. Worst part of the job and why I think I want to find a different job, but a lot of the ones I'm looking at require a schedule that is very different than what will work with Nahdar's school schedule."

Obi-Wan nodded. "That makes sense. You mentioned a zoo?"

"Zoo or educational person, you know, like those people that bring snakes to do. I'd love to do something like that. Amaze kids while explaining what I know about the snakes and other creatures I have with me."

"That does sound pretty cool. You mentioned you have snakes? What other creatures did you have?"

"I had a tarantula, a tegu, and a leopard gecko. As for my snakes, I have a ball python, a bullsnake, and a hognose."

"A hognose?" Obi-Wan asked. "I've never heard of those."

Kit pulled out his phone and found a picture of his hognose. "See how the nose turns up? Hognose."

"Oh... I've never heard of that before, that's actually cute."

Kit beamed. "They are adorable, especially as babies. One day I want to try breeding but my current snakes aren't good for breeding, they were all rescues."

"That's cool!"

Kit nodded, and the next several minutes were spent with him showing off pictures of his three snakes and explaining different cool facts about them.

Obi-Wan listened intently and asked questions whenever he got lost.

Kit was quick to answer them, and then suddenly, he realized that it was time to go pick up Nahdar. He waved and left.

Obi-Wan watched him go, feeling far better than he had all day.

...had he ever made anything with snakes before?

He had done a couple of spiders and lizards... but no snakes.

Time to see what he could come up with. 

Obi-Wan returned home and started looking up different snakes, and found himself fascinated by the varieties within the same species of snake, called 'morphs'. 

He ended up sending a text asking Kit more about morphs while he started sketching out some ideas.

Obi-Wan absently pet his cat while he checked out the different colors available. 

Sunburst hognoses were bright red and orange. Stormcloud was a mix of axanthic (looked like a snake in grayscale) and sable and was black and grey with a blue tint.

There were so many choices. 

In the end, Obi-Wan decided to stick with the most commonly known ones for ball pythons, bullsnakes, and hognoses, so no sunbursts or stormclouds, just the ones people expected, like albinos. 

He could always make morphs on demand. Maybe. He had to see how the different types of crafts came out first, and if he had to buy in bulk, he'd want a minimum of requests before he'd order them to sell. 

Obi-Wan hadn't finalized any designs by the end of the day, but he felt quite good about his progress. He hadn't made such progress since before he found out about the cheating.

It was after midnight by the time he was able to pull himself from his creative haze and get himself to bed.

At least he'd remembered to eat before sitting down to be creative.

.

Nahdar worked on his homework at the kitchen table while Kit cleaned up the kitchen. 

Kit finished up and munched on a cookie. Picking up cookies had been a good choice.

"Kit?" Nahdar asked.

"What's up?" Kit responded, turning to him. 

"Did you meet someone?"

Kit almost choked on his cookie. "What makes you ask that?"

"You're happy. You were humming. Like you did with Elise."

"I have a new friend, but he is nothing more."

Nahdar gave him a look that said he didn't believe it. 

Kit sighed and pulled up a chair. The worst part about being in charge of his little brother was trying to figure out what was age appropriate for different discussions. 

"I am still grieving our parents, and dealing with being alone for the first time in years," he began. "I am not ready to try another relationship. Maybe in a few months, I will be, but right now I am content to just be friends."

"Why?" 

"It's better to get into relationships when more emotionally stable to prevent them from being unhealthy. There are very few rebound relationships that end up working out. I do not want to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons."

"Oh. Okay." Nahdar fell silent and worked on his homework for a bit.

Kit was just thinking about going to get Artic, his bullsnake, to spend time with him, but then Nahdar had to speak up.

"Ani said his brother just broke up with his boyfriend." 

"I see."

"Ani says his dad is really worried, so he's been trying to listen in when his dad talks to others about Obi."

"Why are you telling me this? It sounds like it should be private."

Nahdar shrugged. "I guess Obi is depressed and Ani's dad is worried about him hurting himself. 'cause he's not good at being alone."

"I see." Kit raised an eyebrow at Nahdar. "Are you trying to play matchmaker?"

Nahdar ducked his head. "Sorry."

Kit sighed and reached over to squeeze his shoulder. "It's okay, Nahdar. I appreciate that you care. I'm just not ready for a relationship." He stood up and started walking towards the door to go to the basement. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder.

"Although, I suppose you should know, my new friend is Obi-Wan."

Kit chuckled at the way Nahdar whipped around to gape at him as he started down the stairs.

He checked on the snakes in their enclosures, making sure the light was as it should be, that they were warm enough, and that there were no problems before he opened Artic's tank and picked up his bullsnake.

Kit smiled at the way Artic started curling around his arms, no hissing or threatening. 

Artic had come a long way from the angry bullsnake Kit had adopted.

Kit took Artic over to the couch and put on a movie, occasionally checking his phone. He responded to Obi-Wan's queries about morphs; someone must have been doing some research. 

Kit loved it when he made friends that were willing to look into things like that on their own.

He went to bed on time; Nahdar was already asleep by then. 

The next morning he realized he needed to warn Obi-Wan about the matchmaking and that their brothers were gossips, so he sent off a text about it. He hesitated, then added the other details Nahdar had revealed.

Obi-Wan deserved to know what Anakin was picking up, so that he could be prepared for questions.

Kit started his day, and did not get a response until hours later. 

Obi-Wan thanked him for the info, expressed surprise that Qui-Gon was concerned, and mentioned that Anakin had been trying to convince him to go to more school events.

Then they moved on.

Conversations continued.

Obi-Wan showed Kit what he was working on once he was ready.

Kit was amazed and pointed him to other resources to try for other types of snakes and then reptiles as those designs proved popular.

Obi-Wan was happy to have something to sell again. 

Kit talked to Obi-Wan about the woes of having to parent his brother, with Obi-Wan suggesting that they spend bonding time together so Kit didn't have to be the parent every time.

It helped, a bit. 

One month passed, then two.

Both were handling things as well as they could be, slowly sharing more and more of themselves with each other.

Winter was settling in, with Christmas right around the corner. No snow was on the ground, but it was only a matter of time.

Anakin came over for his sleepover with Nahdar the Saturday before Christmas, shaken.

"Obi and Dad had a huge fight and Obi was crying and he left and he's not responding to texts!"

Kit was worried; he sent Obi-Wan a couple texts himself.

Then he got the two teens set up with the video games they wanted to play, ordered their pizza, and checked.

It had been a half hour, and no response.

That was a bit alarming. Obi-Wan didn't like leaving alerts on his phone, but if he didn't respond to texts after reading them, he would forget, so it was rare for a text to sit that long during the times he was usually awake.

Kit tried calling him. No answer. He waited a few minutes, no answer. He sent another text asking if everything was okay.

There was no answer. 

Kit went to check on the teens.

Anakin was still worried.

Kit decided to go check on Obi-Wan himself, trusting Nahdar and Anakin to handle themselves alone for an hour or two.

Neither seemed to even register that he was leaving as they were once again focused on their game.

Kit decided the first stop would have to be Obi-Wan's house, just to be certain that Obi-Wan was not there.

He arrived shortly after and let himself in.

"Obi-Wan?" he called, uncertain, as he looked around around.

Obi-Wan's cat, Mercury, started yowling at him.

Kit stared at the little gray tabby and followed her to the bedroom, where Obi-Wan was curled up on his side. 

He was quiet aside from the occasional sniffle.

"Obi?" Kit asked quietly, reaching for his shoulder.

Obi-Wan jumped and twisted, trying to cover his arms.

Kit gasped at the sight of the mess. He went into the bathroom to find a washcloth, got a bowl of water and came back to Obi-Wan to start cleaning up the blood.

Obi-Wan stared at him, confused.

"What happened?" Kit asked gently as he started working at cleaning it up. "Anakin said you had an argument with Qui-Gon, and that you were crying."

"I know he didn't hear what we were arguing about... he would never have gone to the sleepover if he had," Obi-Wan whispered.

Kit nodded. "I can imagine... what was it about?"

Obi-Wan swiped his eyes. "Quin, Aayla, and their dad were in an accident this morning. Tholme didn't make it. Quin and Aayla had to have surgeries. I spent most of the day at the hospital; Quin's got me down as his secondary emergency contact, he won’t change it to anyone he’s dating until they’re married. I was supposed to spend the day doing holiday traditions with my family but I was so shocked when I got the call, I woke up to being told my best friend was rushed into surgery, that I didn't tell Dad why... and he laid into me as soon as I got there about it, and he didn't notice I was already crying, and I told him what happened... and I wanted to tell Ani because Aayla is one of his best friends but Dad said no, he didn't want Anakin to miss out on his sleepover, I called Dad selfish, we argued about... well. Everything we've ever argued about, all the resentment I'd held back came pouring out, and he still refused to tell Ani, and I had just faced potentially losing Quin, he's stable now, his boyfriend his sitting with him, we're going to take turns at night, and Dad didn't seem to care so I ran off..."

Kit hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry. Is anyone with Aayla?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Quin's bio grandparents showed up, and decided they'd be better than Fox at her side. One of them will be with her each night... I want Ani to be able to visit her, but I think Dad might want to let him find out at school on Monday and that's... that's horrible." 

"Good thing I'm not returning Anakin until bedtime tomorrow then," Kit decided. "We can take both Anakin and Nahdar." 

He didn't question Quinlan's grandparent's showing up. Quinlan had two sets of biological grandparents. One set had murdered his parents and were likely still in prison. The other set could not take care of him, but tried to be part of his life, and make sure Tholme had the money to take care of him. 

Obi-Wan nodded. "That's a good plan. Thanks." 

"No problem." Kit finished cleaning up the cuts and winced at how haphazard they were.

They were not the deliberate cuts of someone following a habit, but the cuts of someone desperate for whatever the pain gave them.

He started drying them and then he got the antiseptic cream and bandages.

Obi-Wan wasn't meeting his eyes now.

Kit finished up and pulled Obi-Wan into a hug.

Obi-Wan sniffled and leaned on his chest. 

"Do you want to talk about the self harm?" Kit asked gently.

"Um..." Obi-Wan hesitated, fidgeting, not quite looking at Kit.

Kit kissed his temple. "You don't have to if you don't want to, Obi. But I think you do need someone to talk to right now."

Obi-Wan sighed. "You're not wrong.... I just... there's a lot. Some things I haven't had the chance to tell you yet. And just... things I haven't come to terms with, even though it's been months."

"Take your time. It sounds like you went from worrying about Quin to an argument with your dad... I'm not surprised you are struggling right now."

Obi-Wan nodded quietly, leaning on Kit and listening to his heartbeat.

Kit hummed and held him, trying to be patient.

His patience paid off.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Quin was the only one who ever truly supported me," he began quietly. "I've told you a bit about Dad's expectations over the years... without Quin's help, without his friendship when I struggled with friendships and life in general. He was the one that taught me how to relax, how to figure out the best way to focus and study without making things worse. I was self harming in high school, and suicidal as well, but I never did it because I was scared of what would happen if I failed; how much more disappointed in me would Dad be?"

Kit nodded.

"And then I got into college, I tried dating a couple times, never stuck with anyone. Second year, I met my ex... I met Matt. He was great, at first. We got along wonderfully, he understood that I had started therapy and was working on my mental health as well as getting diagnosis to figure out just what was making the depression go, just depression, or something else?"

Kit rubbed his back and waited.

"And he helped me work through it. I wasn't in a place to have a healthy relationship at that time, I needed a place to be safe so that I could work on getting better and pushing myself, and he said he was okay with that.  We were... we were good together. We tried. He realized how much Dad was causing me distress, how much Dad could set me back in working on my mental health, and started helping me stand up for myself and seeing just what my Dad was doing for me. Even when my therapist recovered and I went through a period of bad therapists and struggling on my own, Matt was there for me. I relied on him."

Kit nodded slowly. "Where was Quin?"

"That was when he was going through his period of toxic relationships who liked to isolate him, so we weren't very in contact for most of the time I dated Matt..." Obi-Wan sat up, eyes wide. "When I started connecting with Quin again is when Matt started pulling away a bit, I thought he was just stressed, and then I found out he was cheating and I knew that was why he was distancing himself... but I hadn't realized that was at the same time I started talking to Quin again and hanging out with Quin..."

"So he was jealous."

Obi-Wan nodded. "That explains why he started feeling like I wasn't meeting his needs... I was no longer only occasionally talking to friends, let alone meeting up with them..."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay, that's... that's actually a bit of a relief. It wasn't truly my fault. He got jealous. He didn't talk to me. It was more than just my clinginess and neediness, how bad our dynamic could be, it was that he liked that I needed him, isn't it?"

"That's a good theory. I'm not sure we'll ever know for sure."

"Of course... I've just been thinking so much about what I did wrong that I hadn't considered that it was just him being jealous or controlling... that he was actually toxic and maybe abusive. He'd helped me so much with my mental health, he'd helped me so much with standing up to my Dad with things that I'm still using, that meant I was able to actually argue with him instead of shutting down and walking out like I would have even four years ago. I never considered that there was anything wrong with him, like yeah, cheating is the worst betrayal and we can't trust people who do that, but... that was the worst he'd ever done to me."

Kit nodded. "But now you're realizing there were things you never noticed because you relied on him so much?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "I'll need to spend a lot of time reflecting on it but... on the surface... yeah. He was a bit more intense and didn't like it when I went out more than once a week, and he was thrilled when I quit my retail job for the last time to start doing work from home. I thought he was just happy I was doing something for myself... but maybe he was actually happy I was deciding to stay at home where he had easy access to me at all times."

"That makes sense. He helped you, built you up, and then he pulled the rub out from under you and it undid a lot of the work you had done on your mental health, and with your other support injured and needing you there to advocate for him, and then your dad confronting you for something small comparatively... of course you went to self harm."

Obi-Wan winced. "I've always been ashamed of it. It's not something I should do. I don't want to hurt those around me because I'm hurting myself and people think it's stupid and..."

Kit hugged him tightly. "Why don't you tell me why you do it?" he asked gently.

"Oh um... I give myself something to cry about, basically. Like, the emotional pain isn't good enough, I need to feel the pain physically to properly deal with it, to have an actual, visual representation of how much I hurt."

Kit winced. "That makes sense."

"It does? You've never been like this before."

"I've never deliberately harmed myself like that, no. But I have had periods of time where pain felt good, so I was purposefully reckless so I would get hurt. It didn't always work."

"Oh." Obi-Wan stared at him. "But... you said that one of the reasons it was so hard to deal with your parents' death is because you haven't really experienced such things before."

"There were a couple of periods of time where bullying got to me," Kit admitted. "I never received therapy for it, and the periods of bullying were gone as soon as the interest in whatever they were bullying for was gone. So I never had a full reason to deal with it, and I buried it deeply. It's one of the things my therapist wants to visit now that we've mostly worked through my grief for my parents and we're working on my feelings about breaking up with Elise."

Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "Oh. That makes sense. Sometimes it's easier to pretend it didn't happen when it didn't last long than to try to deal with... especially when there's no real closure because it didn't stop because someone stepped in, it didn't stop because you stood up for yourself, it didn't stop for any reason besides a lack of interest and then there was never an apology, was there?"

"Lack of closure is definitely something that makes it harder for me to visit feelings. I think, now that we're going into my feelings on Elise and our break up... I don't think I would have been as okay with it as I thought I would be if she had not revealed herself to be cruel in front of Nahdar. She gave me a reason and closure with that, so that I never had to try to pretend it was okay that being incompatible because of me raising my brother and her being child free was why we broke up. Because I shouldn't blame her for that but I wanted to, because Nahdar is fourteen, he's not a little kid, he is a teenager and only four years away from college. Getting closer to three years now that he's almost done with ninth grade. But... I don't want to ignore you, you're the one with the real issues right now."

Obi-Wan groaned. "I like being distracted from my thoughts," he admitted. "But it's not always the best for dealing with things." He stared down at his bandaged arms and pulled the sleeves of his hoodie down to cover them. "I hadn't self harmed in years. I wanted to when I found out that Matt broke up with me, but I wanted to prove that I'm stronger than I was when we started dating, that our time together wasn't a waste. But I've been struggling with everything, you know how I have that craft shop, and that I do want to write my own books? I had no creative juices for anything besides accomplishing what was absolutely necessary... until you started telling me about your snakes, that inspired me. That was a nice distraction. I don't think I would have even done anything if it was just Quin's accident. But Dad..."

"He had to get on you on some perceived overstepping?"

"Something like that, yeah." Obi-Wan sighed. "I don't know how to explain it. He believes in traditional jobs. The obvious ones like retail, or trades, or working 9-5 in an office, having to leave the home. The fact that my main job is freelancing from home and I don't even need to dress up unless I'm doing a video call with a client, and do sometimes need to supplement my income with a part time job, usually with a call center, that I also do from home... It's not his picture of a steady, safe job. But I've built up a steady income, I don't even need to supplement my income all that much anymore, I just do it now when work is slow to have the extra buffer, especially with how well things sell in the store and the extras I make with transcribing... and sometimes the income isn't bad from streaming either, which is also a bonus."

"But your dad thinks you need something more stable, not realizing that would make you completely unstable."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I told you that I have ADHD and autism, yeah? Well, Anakin also has ADHD. And dad got that diagnosed and catered to what Anakin needs for that, but if I bring it up, that's wrong. Even though I do have an official diagnosis from when I started therapy in college, and I think it does affect me in more ways... maybe if he'd gotten me help and listened when teachers expressed concerns, I would be able to handle more traditional jobs. I just wish he'd see me for me, though. I'm happy with the set up for my job, and in the aftermath of learning Matt was cheating one me, I couldn't have held a traditional job. I wouldn't be able to hold a traditional job right now either."

Kit nodded. "And then he continued arguing with you even after he knew what had you so upset... of course you'd come back here and lose control. I don't blame you. That sounds like a lot to deal with, and everyone has a breaking point."

"I seem to have many breaking points," Obi-Wan muttered.

Kit nodded. "The important thing isn't how easy it is to hit those breaking points, but what you do with them after. You're not going to continue with this, you're not going to take it out on anyone, you're going to pick yourself up, and work past it, aren't you?"

Obi-Wan stared at him then sighed. "Yeah, I hate hurting others. If I did, I would apologize... that's why I tend to run when I get emotional. I'd rather hurt myself than others, but I don't plan on doing this again... I wasn't thinking straight, that's for sure."

"Of course. I don't blame you."

Obi-Wan was quiet for a bit. "Kit?"

"Hmm?"

"Does your therapist know any good ones that specialize in ADHD and autism, emphasis on the ADHD. Most of the therapists I've tried that say they do both refuse to focus on my ADHD, when those symptoms more outwardly affect my life than the autistic ones, beyond the sensory issues, anyway."

"I'll ask," Kit promised. "I'm sorry you dealt with that. That sucks. No wonder you struggle with finding therapists."

Obi-Wan nodded. "But I can't put it off anymore... This shows that I need help dealing with it, and I can't rely on Quin all the time... nor can I always put it on you no matter how much I love-" Obi-Wan stopped, then covered his face to hide how red it had gotten.

Kit stared at him then cracked a smile. "Well, I find that I'm developing feelings with you too. Would you like to go on a proper date sometime?"

Obi-Wan nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, I'd like that. But... I'm a mess. I don't want another Matt situation."

Kit hummed. "I can see why that would concern you. We'll both be getting therapy, and as long as we're always communicating, there will be little issue."

"That's true." Obi-Wan looked down then took a deep breath. "I'm not ready to try dating while I feel this miserable, but... since we both feel the same way, and we will properly date once I'm in a better state of mind... we can do some dates, and see how those go, so that transitioning into dating goes better?"

Kit nodded. "That sounds like a good idea. No kissing, I take it?"

"No, not until we're properly dating, I don't think. But hand holding and cuddling is fine. And hugs, always gotta have hugs with friends."

"Of course." Kit hugged him tightly. "Just let me know if anything changes, okay?"

"So long as we do the same." Obi-Wan hesitated. "And... where are you at with dealing with your break up?"

"Not very far," Kit admitted. "Grieving my parents with little support hid how much the breakup affected me beyond losing the support I had relied on from Elise. We're just now starting to untangle how hurt I am that she apparently found my brother to be an annoyance even as a teenager, how angry I am to learn that she is not the kind person she pretended to be, and how devastating it was to lose her support when I needed it most. If she just couldn't handle kids, fair enough. A bit questionable that teenagers is a bit too much, but still fair. Not everyone is good at kids or teenagers, and she could be one of them. But to ask me to put Nahdar into foster care when I could easily take him in and be his guardian? To act like I was asking too much of her when I was fully prepared for her to leave anyway? That freaking hurt." Kit sighed. "And it was hard enough to accept that maybe she couldn't handle having a kid in the house with us, that we would break up just because she is not able to handle kids, but... that?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Some people can't handle kids, but respecting that doesn't mean you can't have feelings about it."

"That's what my therapist said," Kit replied, a bit amused. "So I'm working having my feelings without blaming here there. Of course she acted like Nahdar was poisonous or something so that meant we were instantly done. Never make me choose between my family and anything else. I will choose my family."

Obi-Wan nodded. "No matter how exasperated by Anakin I get, no matter how jealous I am, I will always choose my baby brother. I love him too much to abandon him."

Kit smiled at him. "Exactly. Elise should have known that. I know there was no predicting losing both my parents at once, but she should have known that once it happened I was not going to abandon my brother, no matter his age."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I get that."

Kit sighed. "But then beyond that... there's grief about our relationship. We had never been perfect, but we always tried to work through problems together. We tried to find the best compromise, we tried to make sure that even if we weren't happy, we understood why things had to happen that way and we didn't feel like we weren't heard. We tried. I tried. I wanted her to be happy. Maybe I sacrificed more for her than I should have, but she always seemed to listen and understand, and she'd reciprocate most of the time. She never made me get rid of my reptiles, so long as she could have her dog, so my reptiles stayed in a room away from the dog. It was fine, we were happy." Kit fell silent.

"You're seeing flaws too?"

Kit nodded. "I don't think there's any relationship that is truly without issue, but I told myself I was happy as long as my reptiles were taken care of and she was happy... but.. she took advantage of that. Most of her effort towards me, was towards the reptiles, she didn't do things for me, even when I had requests. We didn't... we didn't always see eye to eye but... I thought we were working things out okay. But the more I do with Nahdar, the more I do for myself as self care for the grief and as a break from playing parent and trying to balance that with being big brother, the more I realize I sacrificed too much for Elise, only for her to drop me because I refused to give up my brother... and that's doing me in. I think I would have been happy for a while, if we kept on that path, but the first time something bad came along that I needed her support 100% and I wouldn't have enough for her in return, things would have gone downhill fast and taken me by surprise. With my parents' death, I don't think things would have lasted even without Nahdar being around. Poor Nadhar still feels guilty, but I've talked to him about how it's not his fault and we wouldn't have lasted anyway with her attitude. I'm glad we broke up before marriage, because that would have been so much worse. I was already going to have to move into my parents' house to take care of Nahdar, so that made the house situation easier and..." Kit shook his head. "It's been a lot."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I can imagine. But you're working on it, and it won't affect you forever."

"It won't." Kit agreed. "But you did want to know."

Obi-Wan chuckled. "I did. You should get back to Nahdar and Anakin."

"You should come with. You can give them the news, since we're bringing them to visit Aayla tomorrow."

"Right, good point."

"Do you want to stay the night as well?"

Obi-Wan looked down at his arms and sighed. "That's probably for the best. Let me gather some clothes. I'm not up for more driving, you okay with that?"

"Of course. I'll go downstairs to wait for you. Will Mercury be okay?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine." Obi-Wan said. "I'll want to stop by to get what I need for overnight at the hospital tomorrow anyway."

Kit nodded. "Let me know what I can do to help, okay? I can take care of (cat) if you need me to."

"Alright, thank you."

.

They arrived back at Kit's house and found that Nahdar and Anakin were still deep in playing video games and laughing together. 

Obi-Wan smiled and grabbed a slice of pizza; he had hardly eaten all day and he really needed to eat something.

Anakin noticed him. "Obi! Are you okay?" he demanded.

Obi-Wan sighed. "No. I need to tell you and Nahdar something. Dad didn't think it was a good idea to tell you but you both deserve to know."

"Obi?" Anakin asked, exchanging a confused look with Nahdar.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and let it out. "I got a call this morning, and I was at the hospital all day. There was an accident. Aayla and Quin are in the hospital and their dad didn't make it."

Anakin jumped up. "What? We have to go see her!"

Obi-Wan hugged him. "We will go tomorrow. Visiting hours are over now."

Anakin huffed and sat back down. Then he sat up, frowning. "Why did Dad not want to tell me?"

"He wanted you to enjoy hanging out with Nahdar. I don't think he wanted you to find out until school Monday."

Anakin frowned. "Why?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "I don't know. Dad can have strange ideas on how best to help us."

"He was angry you didn't show up... but you were at the hospital all day with Quin, weren't you?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "I was. I didn't want to miss it, but Quin just lost his dad and he had to have surgery."

Anakin fidgeted. "Dad should've let you talk and he should've let you tell me."

"He should have," Obi-Wan agreed. "But he didn't, so this is the situation we have to deal with."

Anakin sighed. "Not fair." 

"No, it's not."

"...are you staying here tonight?" Anakin asked pleadingly.

Obi-Wan smiled and ruffled his hair, chuckling as Anakin swatted at his hands. "Yes, I am. Kit already offered."

"Okay. I'm sorry Dad made you cry."

"It's okay. I cry a bit easier than most people."

Anakin frowned. "But you had good reason to cry this time! I can't believe he chased you off."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "You know Dad." 

"I don't think I do." Anakin frowned. "He'd never treat me like that."

"I know, and I'm glad he doesn't. You don't need to know what it's like."

"But you shouldn't have to deal with it either!"

Obi-Wan hugged Anakin. "It's okay, Ani. Let's worry about Aayla and Quin right now, okay?"

Anakin sighed. "Okay."

Obi-Wan ruffled his hair again and looked up. 

Nahdar was crying in Kit's arms, talking about how it's not fair that Aayla has to know what it's like too, that they both lost parents in the last year. 

Obi-Wan winced. He hadn't thought about Nahdar being able to relate to Aayla's grief.

Kit was comforting him, reassuring him.

Obi-Wan smiled slightly at the sight. One of the reasons he liked Kit was seeing him with Nahdar. Kit was good with his little brother and was doing a good job.

Once Nahdar was calmer, they settled in to watch a movie together. 

.

Obi-Wan hung back at the door while Nahdar and Anakin swarmed Aayla's bedside, talking over each other and trying to make sure she was okay.

She was happy to see them, despite her injuries and grief.

Kit winced. "That looks painful."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Quin looks worse, front of the car took the worst of the damage... From what I understand, he could have died too. Aayla is lucky. Poor Quin is going to take months to recover."

Kit nodded. "I can imagine."

It wasn't long before Quinlan's grandparents were ushering them away to go see Quinlan while they kept an eye on the teens.

Kit let out a breath when he saw Quinlan. 

He was heavily bandaged, with many monitors, and far too still and sad.

But he was happy to see them and happier to hear that Anakin and Nahdar were visiting Aayla.

They talked about his plans. Quinlan asked Kit for advice, and how he handled it, and they promised to support him in any way they could.

Quinlan seemed a bit happier after a while.

And Fox assured them that he had no plans of leaving Quinlan at this time, and he love Aayla, so that was not a problem either. 

Kit was relieved to hear that. He didn't want Quinlan to go through that at the same time as everything else.

While Quinlan recovered, Kit kept an eye on Obi-Wan, careful of boundaries but worried about how he had found Obi-Wan that one day.

Obi-Wan found a therapist thanks to Kit asking his therapist for recommendations, and he was able to start recovering. 

By the time the kids were on summer break, Obi-Wan was doing a lot better.

It helped that Quinlan was on his way to recovery, with Fox refusing to leave his side. It helped that Aayla had the support of her friends, and that they had support.

Kit entered the coffee shop after work and smiled when he spotted Obi-Wan in his usual booth, working away.

He didn't always work at the coffee shop, especially depending on his agreement with the clients he was editing for, but it was always a nice chance of scenery for him.

Kit bought himself his favorite fall coffee and then two scones. He set one in front of Obi-Wan and sipped his coffee.

Obi-Wan looked up and smiled at him. "End of chapter, shouldn't take more than five minutes." He took a bite of scone and got back to work.

Kit nodded and waited patiently.

Obi-Wan finished and stretched, rubbing his forehead.

"That bad, or migraine?" Kit asked curiously.

"Not that bad, but... not my cup of tea as a story. And forming migraine. We have a storm forecast for tonight, so that's probably it."

Kit winced. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. What brings you here?"

"I finished work early today and thought I'd surprise you." Kit smiled at him. "And I like our coffee dates. I don't mind just hanging out and doing my own thing while you work, here or at your home."

"Or yours?" Obi-Wan teased, smiling.

Kit smiled. "That too."

Obi-Wan finished his scone. "You know... I was talking with my therapist... and I think I'm ready."

"Ready?" Kit asked, hopeful.

Obi-Wan nodded. "Ready for truly dating. We are close enough to dating anyway. Close enough that Quinlan won't stop teasing me about when we're going to actually date or if we are and hiding it."

Kit beamed. "That's great! ...you could tell him the truth you know."

"Where's the fun in that?" Obi-Wan then sighed. "Besides, it's making him happy to have something to tease me for. And... you know how much he's been struggling with recovering from that accident."

Kit winced. "Yeah, I know. Anything that cheers him up is good." He let out a sigh. "He doesn't know me as well... he's doing okay, truly?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Between Fox and his grandparents, he's getting the support he needs to recover and make sure Aayla gets to all her school things without missing out. I'm glad she had a full recovery and I know he is too."

Kit nodded. "And how are you? Have you reconciled with your dad yet?"

Obi-Wan grimaced. His father had not been happy when he learned that Obi-Wan and Kit had brought Anakin and Nahdar to see Aayla. He was even less happy with Anakin's anger at him, and now they were having a strained relationship.

"He's stubborn. His ways are best, you know? And the worst part is he's not even wrong a lot of the time. Sometimes he just has the wrong age group- that plan would have worked if Anakin was younger. Sometimes he just doesn't understand that everyone is different handles things differently. He believes, like some of the bad therapists I had, that since I did have success in school and I am successful at handling things on my own, I don't have ADHD and I shouldn't need accommodations. Even though my worst symptoms are usually within social situations so it doesn't really affect school or work. And there's a reason I work solo. Group projects always got my worst grades for a reason."

Kit nodded and put his hand over Obi-Wan's. "But you do have me now. I hope I can be everything you need."

Obi-Wan turned over his hand squeezed Kit's. "I hope I can be everything you need as well, no matter what it is." 

Kit smiled. "That's great. So... dating?"

"I don't think it really changes much. It just means we're certainly no longer just friends, and we can kiss and consider the physical beyond cuddling now."

Kit nodded. "Works for me. And Nahdar comes first for me."

"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything less."

"Great." 

"So... does this count as our first date?"

"It can..."

"Great." Obi-Wan joined him on his side of the booth. "Pick up your coffee, I'm going to take a picture and say we're on a date and ask Quin if he's happy now."

Kit laughed. "He'll love that."

"Exactly." Obi-Wan grinned. "How are you telling Nahdar?"

"Oh, I never told you..." Kit chuckled. 

"What?"

"Apparently, Nahdar and Anakin were attempting to play matchmaker. That's why Anakin wanted you at those competitions."

Obi-Wan snorted. "So I suppose there's no worries there. I guess they thought it would be great if their brothers dated, then."

Kit nodded. "Nahdar does like you now and has told me that I should date you and shouldn't let him hold me back. Which was good to hear, knowing he would want you more permanently in his life."

Obi-Wan smiled widely. "That is good!"

They started chatting about a timeline; how long before they would consider moving in together, when to communicate certain things, when they'd want to consider getting married, if their relationship lasted that long, and so on.

They stayed in that booth at the coffeeshop until it closed, talking and laughing.

They finally felt happy, and that was more than enough for the both of them.