Chapter Text
Seungmin is always sure of himself, planning everything in advance and not questioning anything about the way things go. He doesn't let his emotions get to him and nothing ever surprises him. He planned his university life well, choosing a roommate that described himself as calm and said he wouldn't get in his way - as a response to Seungmin's specific question about it. Seungmin isn't a loner, per se, he has friends and goes out as often as a university student should, and he doesn't lock himself in his room to do work for days on end. He just wanted to be a bit careful about living with a complete stranger.
His flatmate is nice and sweet, and he has enough of his own work to get through that he never spends time annoying Seungmin when he is doing his own thing. He is open about his sexuality, telling Seungmin whenever he goes out on a date, not to worry him in case he doesn't come back home for the night. Seungmin appreciates that, and it never used to be a problem.
See, Seungmin always takes naps on the living room couch, because it is more comfortable than his own bed and Hyunjin said he's fine with it. What Hyunjin doesn't know, however, is that Seungmin is a very light sleeper, and wakes up every time Hyunjin covers him with a blanket and kisses his forehead. And maybe it should be weird, since they never talked about it, and Hyunjin is into men but Seungmin isn't... right?
But he doesn't find it weird. Every time it happens, his heart flutters and his cheeks burn, and he has to stop himself from showing his reaction. He never used to let his emotions get to him, and he's unsure of what to do now. He hasn't planned for this, for his roommate to kiss his forehead sweetly with his plump, soft lips, and act so gentle towards him. Of course, Hyunjin has never mentioned it, so why would Seungmin be the one to do it? He can't even pretend to be mad about it, because now, every time he naps, he looks forward to his roommate kissing him. He's embarrassed about it, because it's weird for a straight guy to want another guy to kiss him.
Maybe he just really likes him as a friend.
The thing is, the whole kissing problem has caused Seungmin to malfunction completely, and he doesn't know how to approach the situation. He used to be serious, composed. Now, he can't look Hyunjin in the eyes whenever they pass by each other, and when they speak, Seungmin stutters so much he has to excuse himself and end the conversation early. He knows the other has noticed, because he sees his face fall whenever he turns around, and his heart breaks with it. But it’s better this way, for both of them. He has decided to stop napping on the couch, and move to his room, so that he can distance himself from his roommate and stop being confused. This way, they should be able to go back to how they were before, without any feelings.
But that's not what happens.
As Seungmin distances himself, so does Hyunjin. He starts going on more dates and sleeping over at theirs, and he doesn't let him know when he isn't coming back home for the night anymore, which worries Seungmin so much that he waits on the sofa all night. When Hyunjin inevitably comes back the next morning, Seungmin can hear him walking up the stairs early enough so that he can go make coffee as if he wasn't just weirdly waiting for him. Because he shouldn't be so worried. He is the one who started this. Hyunjin is an adult who has his own life, and Seungmin doesn't have the right to act like a parent to him. But his stomach still turns every time Hyunjin mumbles a 'yeah, had another date', and he is just thankful he doesn't go into more detail.
Time goes by slowly this way.
It’s hours, then days, weeks, then it gets to an entire month since Seungmin hasn’t napped on the couch, a month since he had a full conversation with Hyunjin. They obviously haven’t talked about it, lord knows Hyunjin has tried, but every time they make eye contact, Seungmin makes a beeline for his bedroom, whispering about busy he is and how he doesn’t have time to talk.
He thought his feelings were going away at first, but that was until he saw Hyunjin in the kitchen and his eyes immediately went to his lips. It’s stupid, really. Feelings are normal, but he feels as if now it would be too embarrassing going up to his roommate to talk about it, to confess. He feels shame pool in his gut as he thinks about mentioning how much he likes him, after basically ignoring him for an entire month.
It’s worse when he knows Hyunjin tries to make an effort to mend things between them. They didn’t even fight, everything was fine before Seungmin realized he likes men – or before he realized he likes Hyunjin, – so the fact that his roommate doesn’t even know what’s going on makes him feel horrible. He has never been embarrassed about liking people. He has confessed to lots of girls before, not worried about being rejected, because even when he was, the world did not end.
But he thinks the world might end if he gets rejected by Hyunjin.
Having your first crush on a guy is difficult anyway, but when you care just so much about what he would think, and you do not want him to become a stranger you once had feelings for, it makes you reconsider if you want him to know.
He’s surprisingly thankful when Hyunjin tries again, after having had enough. “Are you ready to tell me what I did wrong, or will you run away again?” He looks up from his bowl of cereal as the other walks into the kitchen.
Seungmin freezes, then relaxes as he questions his own reaction. He looks up from his phone that he has been pretending to scroll on. “What do you mean?”
Hyunjin blinks. “As much as I’d love to pretend it’s normal for you to avoid me this much, I’m getting tired of it.” He exhales through his nose, looking as if he’s about to cry. “Look, if this is about me being gay or something, I can just move out, I don't have to keep making you uncomfortable. But if it isn't, then I need you to finally talk to me, because I can't live like this anymore.” Hyunjin stands up, giving Seungmin space. Seungmin, who's trying not to cry, biting his wobbly bottom lip. When he hears the other's bedroom door shut, he runs to his own room, crying in his bed for the rest of the night.
Seungmin agrees with Hyunjin's words, but rather than telling his roommate he's having a sexuality crisis and he's the one who caused it, he decides to nap on the couch again. He lays there with his eyes closed, calming his breathing. He struggles to not actually fall asleep, and he almost fails until he hears Hyunjin walk into the living room. He whispers a soft ‘Oh,’ as he walks over, looking at Seungmin for a while. He focuses on his long eyelashes and pretty lips, and has to force himself to look away from Seungmin's mouth as he sighs.
He grabs the blanket from the back of the sofa, covering him with it, then leans down. Hyunjin brushes Seungmin's hair off his forehead and kisses it softly. Turns out, Seungmin doesn't think well when he's tired, so he mumbles “Mmm, one more,” freezing when he hears himself. He doesn't open his eyes to see the surprise on Hyunjin's face, or the way he smiles so brightly his eyes turn into crescents.
He kisses his forehead again. “Is that enough for you, or do you want more?” He whispers, teasingly. Seungmin turns over, whining, and Hyunjin laughs as he leaves the room, letting him actually nap.
For a second, when Seungmin wakes up, he thinks the interaction was a dream. But when he checks his phone, his face burns again.
Hyunjin (roommate)
seungminnie
come to my room when you're awake
we should talk
Seungmin chews on his lip as he paces outside Hyunjin's room, not sure what to expect. He jumps when the other opens the door, giggling at him. “You know I can hear you walking outside my door, right? Seungmin opens his mouth, then closes it. Opens it again, looks down at Hyunjin's lips. Closes his mouth, then swallows, feeling his cheeks turning pink. When Hyunjin smirks, Seungmin knows he stared for too long. He makes eye contact again, and Hyunjin's expression softens when he sees the worry on his face. “Come in.”
They sit on Hyunjin's bed in silence, with Seungmin looking around his room once he realizes this is the first time he has actually walked in. It’s decorated with the other's paintings, flowers, and other trinkets. It's pretty, just like Hyunjin; he doesn’t mention that. His roommate clears his throat. “So, are you ready to talk?” Seungmin gets nervous again, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he thinks of what to say.
“I... I'm sorry. I know, I have been avoiding you, and it was horrible of me, and-“
“Why?” Hyunjin interrupts him. “Why have you been avoiding me?”
Seungmin bites his lip, decides to be honest. “You... do you know how beautiful you are?” Hyunjin is taken aback, obviously shown on his face. “I am straight. Or, I thought I was. I had my life planned out, fine with the thought of not having time for feelings, or relationships. I thought there was something wrong with me, Hyunjin. You had me stuttering, blushing, changing my routines. Turns out, I... I like it when you kiss my forehead and don't realize I'm awake enough to feel it. Because I like you.” Seungmin whispers the last three words, looking down. When Hyunjin doesn't reply, he looks up, and notices him grinning stupidly.
“I like you too, Seungmin.” Hyunjin giggles. “And here I thought you were homophobic or something, but turns out you're just gay.”
Seungmin laughs at that. “So, you’re… not mad at me?”
Hyunjin shakes his head. “No. I mean, not anymore. I was upset when I saw you were avoiding me, but honestly, you aren’t that good at pretending to not be flustered, so I just hoped my guess wasn’t wrong.”
They end up talking for the rest of the night, about everything they've been too scared to say until now, as well as what’s next for them. They decide to take it slow, not wanting to rush anything considering Seungmin’s inexperience with men, yet still knowing they like each other.