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Taehyung stares into the mirror, watching the steam curl around him, and the gush of the shower running not quite drowning out his thoughts. He reaches up and presses his fingers against the purple bruising against his neck and winces at the sting of it. There are several more along his shoulder, mixing with the bite marks, and more bruising peaking out over the hem of his boxers, like fingerprints.
Jeongguk always did love marking him.
His whole body is littered with the proof of their night together and he trembles, tears rushing to his eyes so quickly it leaves him breathless, and he pulls on the white sweater quickly as though out of sight really could mean out of mind.
He hears the twist of the shower handle and the water cuts off. The silence is terrifying, and Taehyung holds onto the soft plink of stray water droplets as they hit the tile. He takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself before Jeongguk can see.
The shower door opens with a creak and Jeongguk steps out, in all his well-muscled glory, wrapping a towel around his waist, before looking up and pausing midstep.
“You’re up,” Jeongguk says, obviously taken off guard. But there’s something gentle in his voice, almost desperate, like he’s both glad and frightened that Taehyung had woken up to see him like this.
“Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?” Taehyung asks, too worn to play games. Something like guilt flashes across Jeongguk’s face, and he steps closer. His dark gaze cuts through Taehyung when he slides his eyes up Taehyung’s body, and Taehyung grips the counter to keep from shivering.
“You’re wearing my sweater,” Jeongguk murmurs, and Taehyung’s heart jolts. He looks down, and it’s true-- it’s one of Jeongguk’s old sweaters from college, when he’d been in his street fashion phase. The sleeves are worn and the graphics are fading from years of wear and tear, mostly on Taehyung’s part. Because Taehyung always loved wearing Jeongguk’s clothes, so much that they almost became his, and he didn’t realize, even after all this time--
“I was... wondering if you still had it.” Jeongguk’s face is blank, but his eyes flicker with hesitation.
“I-I-- I didn’t realize--” Taehyung stumbles on his words, feeling something lump in the back of his throat. He tugs at the hem of the sweater, both wanting to be rid of it, and swallowed by it. “I shouldn’t have--”
Jeongguk grips his wrist, and Taehyung winces, because there are bruises there too. Jeongguk immediately loosens his hold. “It’s okay,” he says softly, but it’s not okay, nothing about this is okay, not when, even after a year, Taehyung is still holding on, carrying a piece of Jeongguk with him. Jeongguk had been so much a part of him that it wasn’t even a conscious effort. Even when he was gone he was still there, and somehow Taehyung had tried to fill the void. He had sworn he would move on, forget Jeongguk and everything they had, but how could he? When he had several other sweaters in the back of his closet, the ones he’d pull on when he was drowning in loneliness, and only the comfort was the feeling of the fabric against his skin, almost like Jeongguk was still there with him.
Even though Taehyung was the one who left.
“Taehyung…”
He swallows, barely finding it within himself to look up, up at this dangerously handsome man who had settled himself so comfortably in Taehyung’s heart that even after he was gone, he never really left. Jeongguk’s voice is so full of longing, thick and deep, like he's trying to keep the feelings from spilling over.
Taehyung remembers when Jeongguk used to say his name like that-- how Jeongguk used to hold him close and stroke his hair and press his name into his temple with his lips. How Jeongguk would groan his name into Taehyung’s throat when he fucked him in his lap. How it would slip out, like a quiet sigh, when Taehyung would curl into his chest at night and whisper goodnight, Jeonggukie, I love you, into his neck and Jeongguk would wrap around him whisper back, goodnight baby, I love you too.
Jungkook takes the final step forward, until their bodies are brushing, and Taehyung can see how nicely Jeongguk’s golden skin glows from the shower, the little droplets of water that slide down his neck, and the strands of hair that stubbornly fall out of place from where Jeongguk had swept his hair back.
“Can I--” Jeongguk starts, hesitating. He brings his hand up to brush lightly against the hickeys on Taehyung’s neck with the back of his knuckles. “Can I see them?”
Jeongguk had always always loved marking Taehyung. When they were together, there wasn’t a time when Taehyung’s body wasn’t marked in some way, most of them hidden where no one but Jeongguk would be allowed to see. Jeongguk would spend ages sometimes, lying in bed, staring at the bites and the bruises, feeling the hum of satisfaction and pure reverence for the beautiful man beside him, bearing his marks.
Taehyung whimpers softly, body wracking with shivers at Jeongguk’s touch. He could never say no to anything Jeongguk asked of him, not when everything Jeongguk wanted Taehyung did too, desperately.
Jeongguk traces his fingers down Taehyung’s neck, and curls them around the collar of the sweater, tugging it down to expose Taehyung’s shoulder. He smooths his hand across the supple skin, admiring it. Taehyung’s toes curl into the damp tile of the floor, feeling the weight of Jeongguk’s gaze on him.
Taehyung lets Jeongguk slip his other hand under the hem of the sweater, barely pulling it up and tugging the waistband of Taehyung’s boxers down with his thumb. Taehyung knows what he’ll see there-- the deep purple marks of Jeongguk’s fingers, tight on Taehyung’s thrashing hips as he fucked into Taehyung for hours.
Jeongguk slips his hands under the boxers, running his hands across Taehyung’s ass. Taehyung screws his eyes shut, trying desperately not to let himself go, but when Jeongguk tugs him close, pressing their foreheads together, Taehyung melts so quickly against him it’s almost humiliating.
“Baby…” Jeongguk breathes against Taehyung’s temple, and Taehyung shakes to the core. “You look so beautiful like this, Taehyung. I missed you so much.”
Taehyung feels the dangerous tightness form in his chest, the beginnings of a sob working his way up his throat. Taehyung remembers how lovingly Jeongguk used to say his name, how Jeongguk would look at him like Taehyung was his entire world. But Taehyung also remembers night after night sleeping alone, cooking dinners that went cold, sitting alone in restaurants just waiting for Jeongguk, only to get a text saying sorry i missed dinner. went to get drinks w/ boss. think i see a promotion coming ;)
Because while Jeongguk loved Taehyung, he loved his job more. And of course Taehyung understood. He understood how important it was to Jeongguk that his business succeeded. That dream far outdated them, and Taehyung. But it was so hard, being content with someone who was always looking for more. Jeongguk always wanted bigger and better, and it was about time before he found someone better than Taehyung.
“Why did you have to leave me?” And for all of Jeongguk’s confidence and intensity, he sounds so broken, right then, and it hurts Taehyung. It hurts him so much. Knowing that Jeongguk is in pain, because of him. Especially right now, with Jeongguk nuzzling his nose against his cheek, heart thumping against Taehyung’s hand. But then again, Taehyung is in pain too, because of Jeongguk.
“Don’t say it like that,” Taehyung sobs out, splaying his hands on Jeongguk’s chest and pushing. "You know why." Jeongguk steps back, looking like he’d been slapped. Taehyung can feel his eyes watering. “You were going to leave without saying goodbye,” he accuses. And it takes Jeongguk a moment to understand what Taehyung means.
Taehyung can tell how difficult it is for Jeongguk to keep his face from betraying any feeling, but he does-- his face is flat, so devoid of emotion, and it makes Taehyung furious, because he was always the more expressive of the two-- crying when they fought and yelling and letting everything he was feeling out into the open. But Jeongguk always went quiet, cutting himself off. It always made Taehyung feel so much weaker than him.
“I figured you would want me to,” he says quietly, and fire inside Taehyung goes out. He's right. This wasn’t supposed to happen like it did. This wasn’t supposed to happen at all.
They’d ran into each other at a local coffeeshop. Taehyung loved going there to write lesson plans for his second grade class and to have a cup of hot chocolate. Jeongguk happened to be in that area after a business meeting. Taehyung remembers how he had almost dropped his drink when he realized it was Jeongguk, his Jeongguk, who he had bumped into by accident, how the apology died on his tongue when their gazes locked, and everything came crashing down.
They sat together and talked. Of course they would. They could be civil adults and have a conversation. When they broke up there hadn’t been much of a fight. Jeongguk had seen the determination, the hurt (the hurt because of him) in Taehyung’s eyes, sighed, and said, “Okay, if that’s what you want,” and that was it.
They caught up. Taehyung was still a teacher, and his life hadn’t changed much after Jeongguk was gone except that Jeongguk was gone. Jeongguk, however, seemed like a different person. He had always been restless, never quite satisfied, always on edge, like if he didn’t work harder, everything was going to be taken away from him. But now, he looked settled. His suit was Versace, his shoes Italian leather, and his demeanor spoke of a man who was finally satisfied with life. Because you’re not holding him back anymore, whispered the voice in Taehyung’s head.
It should have ended at that. They were supposed to be two strangers. Whatever connection they had was to be severed, and this meeting was just a coincidence. They should have gone back to their lives.
But they hadn’t.
Because five years of being together warranted more than just a chat over coffee, hesitant smiles, and a place in a locked box at the back of their minds and their memories, never to be opened again.
Jeongguk had offered Taehyung a ride home. He’d opened the passenger door of his slick black Audi, and his and Taehyung’s knuckles had brushed when Taehyung slipped inside. They had sat inside the car in silence for longer than proper when Jeongguk reached Taehyung’s apartment. Taehyung had invited Jeongguk for tea (or coffee, or something). Jeongguk had said yes.
And when Jeongguk pressed Taehyung back into his pillows, stripped him down, and asked if this was okay, it was Taehyung who had said yes. And he’d said yes and yes and yes so many times last night, when Jeongguk fucked him against every surface of his home, bending him in ways Taehyung thought his body couldn’t go. It was desperate and painful, as if they both knew that they only had until the sun rose over the horizon to be together. So they had spent every moment of darkness pressed against each other, loving and fucking and loving again.
And it was supposed to be over. Jeongguk was supposed to go. He was supposed to slip out without saying goodbye because it would be painful, but not as painful as having to watch him go, watch him slip through Taehyung’s hands again.
“But you’re wearing my sweater,” Jeongguk says, voice turning into a whisper, and he clenches and unclenches his hands, like he doesn’t know what to do with them if he’s not touching Taehyung. “You still have my sweater and you don’t want me to go.”
Taehyung does sob that time, shoulders sagging as he presses the heels of his palms over his eyes. There had been a time in the beginning when Jeongguk was totally clueless about emotions, about them. But after so many years together, Jeongguk had learned how to read Taehyung like an open book, and right now Taehyung wishes for the time when Jeongguk couldn’t see right through him.
Jeongguk is pressed against him in a second, wrapping his arms around Taehyung and tucking him into his body. Taehyung fits against Jeongguk so perfectly and Taehyung wonders if there could ever be anyone who he could curl into the way he could with Jeongguk, whether anyone could hold him the way Jeongguk always did.
“Taehyung I miss you. So much. It hurt when I had to walk away and it hurt every day after that and it still hurts now. I don’t want to walk away again,” Jeongguk murmurs into Taehyung’s hair.
“Why did you w-walk away the first time?” Taehyung chokes out, face pressed into Jeongguk’s neck, and even with all of the hurt and the confusion, Jeongguk is so so warm against him and he feels like he's home.
Jeongguk pulls Taehyung away so he can look him in the eyes. “Because I could see how much I was hurting you.” He brushes Taehyung’s hair away from his face, his hands tender and careful. “I fucked up so bad. I hurt you and you deserve so much more than I knew I could give you then.”
Taehyung’s face crumples, bringing on a fresh wave of tears, but Jeongguk just brushes them away with his thumbs, cradling Taehyung’s face in his hands. “A-and now? How can I know you won’t do the same thing again?”
Jeongguk sighs, leaning in to press their foreheads together. “Things are different now, love. I always thought that the worst thing that could happen was not getting the job of my dreams, and working so hard only to watch everything crumble. But...”
Jeongguk kisses the tears away, mouth soft against Taehyung’s wet eyelashes and cheeks. “I lost my dream job before getting it back again. And I can tell you that that was nothing compared to how it felt when I lost you. I would give up everything a million times over if I could have you by my side.”
Taehyung feels like his heart is going to burst from his chest. Wasn’t this what he’d wanted to hear, a year ago when he thought he wasn’t ever going to be as important to Jeongguk as his career? What he’d wished so desperately for last night, while Jeongguk fucked into him, slow and deep, pinning his wrists with his hands and kissing him like nothing else mattered?
He shakes again, another sob clawing up his throat, but this time from disbelief. He feels Jeongguk pull away again, and watches in shock as Jeongguk gets on his knees and holds Taehyung’s hands inside his own.
“Guk what are you d-doing?”
Jeongguk looks up at Taehyung, face set in determination. “Begging for forgiveness,” he says, without a trace of embarrassment.
Taehyung opens his mouth to say something, but he’s at a loss for words. He doesn’t know what happened to the prideful Jeongguk, the one who swore never get on his knees for anyone.
“I messed up, Taehyung. I fucked up so badly with you but--” He swallows, looking down for a moment like he’s trying to collect his thoughts, before staring up at Taehyung again. “--things are different now. I’m not the same person I was a year ago, Tae. I can treat you the way you deserve, Taehyung. I hurt you so much but I can love you better now. Please give me a chance to show you.“
Taehyung breathes out shakily, tugging one hand out of Jeongguk’s hold to wipe his eyes with the back of the sweater sleeve.
“Tae?” Jeongguk asks hesitantly, when Taehyung doesn’t say anything for a while.
“Get up babe, you look r-ridiculous,” Taehyung says, giving Jeongguk a shaky smile. Pure relief and hope breaks out across Jeongguk’s face, and Taehyung doesn’t think he’s ever seen him like that before. Jeongguk leans in to press his face against Taehyung’s stomach, and Taehyung instinctively curls his fingers into Jeongguk’s hair.
“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk murmurs into the sweater. Taehyung sighs, wanting to cry again but maybe he’d used up all his tears. He tugs Jeongguk away a little so he can get on his knees too, and cups Jeongguk’s face, before kissing him deeply.
“I forgive you.”