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No one in this place as ever been worthy of me. I’ve known that since I was young- and I have to assume everyone else knew it too. Sure, Ale and I were meant to be married at some point, but I don’t believe there was a single person who thought he was the one stooping in that situation.
I would have been fine if we did get married- I would have crushed society under my foot, like I always did, and Ale would have let me. I was ready for it. Excited, even. But that didn’t mean that I thought it was what I deserved.
I’ve always been someone who dreamed big, I guess.
Someone who knew her worth.
And nothing in that small, ungrateful place ever would have been worth me.
The point is- I ever thought about love in any other way that worship, and when I thought about worship, I, of course, thought about the delicious, bitter reward of jealousy. What’s the point of everyone knowing how above them you are, if they don’t care enough to want to tear you down to their level? I was good at jealousy. It seemed like a pretty good prize. It seemed like the best thing to aim for, instead of stupid dreams of people who would only disappoint or bore me. Why wait around for something that obviously didn’t exist?
And then.
Blood. Power. Secrets. Death.
And then.
You.
So good, you. So pure white and heroic, so beloved and wide eyed and lying you.
And I knew what it was to be hungry, right then. I’d never felt it before- a yawning, needing pit, a hand reaching out that only wanted to bruise and hold and grab. I wanted you with my teeth. I wanted you beneath my thumb.
Everyone made an art of talking behind their teeth and biting their tongue. I knew that language.
But you bit back.
I know love like worship and I know worship like soft, still hands. You weren’t on your knees, you were on your feet. You weren’t clasping hands, you were digging into my skin and unraveling me. You were pressing your teeth to my throat so you could feel me say amen.
That moment of breaking before the mask slips, and I get to see the blood on your gums. The throne that you sit on like there’s never been any question of it. Your mouth around my name.
No one in that place was ever worthy of me. Everyone knew it.
But I never expected you.
You were made to take me apart, and I was made to take apart you. Spikes to spikes, blood to blood, crown to crown.