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Loki had disappeared; it wasn’t irregular. Loki and Thor were old enough to go wandering (or parading) about the universe. Frigga tended to worry, though, a protective mother through and through. Whenever her concern over Loki was high enough that Thor would suggest looking for him, Loki would reappear. Thor would ask Loki where he’d gone off to. A lie would slip unconvincingly from Loki’s lips. Thor had learned not to press, for on this, Loki would not budge. It was impossible to follow Loki, to find out whatever he was up to, for he left so randomly without warning or notice. And he always used magic to conceal any trace that one might be able to use to find him. Thor had other things to spend his time on besides worrying about his brother, such as finding a good time.
So when Frigga started to grow concerned about Loki’s prolonged absence, Thor reminded her that Loki would return, for he always did. Only, another week passed, and Loki still hadn’t returned. Frigga must have brought up her concerns to Odin, for suddenly, the king demanded Thor collect his brother to calm his mother’s concerns.
Thor knew finding Loki would be trouble, and his friends thought any effort would be fruitless. But Thor could not refuse under Odin’s orders, so he set out to find his brother.
Thor started with all the main hubs, populated places where perhaps someone might have heard or seen something. Some people knew of Loki but didn’t know where he was currently. Thor tried desperately, wondering if he should just return home and wait for Loki to return. But there was a small growing concern deep within the pit of Thor’s stomach that something bad might have happened to Loki this time.
Thor had somehow managed to stumble upon a man who’d heard rumours of a planet with a god named Loki, and it seemed most certainly worth a shot. Thor himself had spent some time on different planets worshiped as a god. It built up his ego some, but it was as it should be, for didn’t Father say they were gods after all?
The planet was in some empty backwater part of the galaxy, and Thor had to hitch a ride on a bucket of scraps that was a spaceship taxi. The pilot landed the ship in a field of grain of some sort. Two children ran to the ship, looking on in awe and curiosity. The children were very similar in all manners to Thor’s own appearance. They wore simple clothes, looking like burlap, and their faces were covered in intricate lines of red ink.
“Greetings.” Thor greeted them with a smile. “I’m looking for my brother, Loki. I believe he might be here.”
“Loki?”
“Yes!” Thor delighted at the recognition, hopeful. “Can you take me to him?”
The children didn’t seem to understand, and Thor tried a different language and hand gestures.
After waving about and trying different dialects, the children seemed to get the message and began to run off. Thor asked the taxi driver to wait for him, promising him a hefty fee if he did so and ran off after the children.
Thor made out some tall spires on the horizon, and the kids pointed to it. “Loki.” They announced.
“Thank you.” Thor patted their heads and set off in the direction.
He had to walk past many farm fields until a small city began to grow up around him. The spires in the distance glistened like some sort of metal, and Thor continued on. It was clear the planet was a poor one. The houses were mainly made out of mud. People stared at him curiously. They were dressed similarly to the children, and red ink intricately covered each of their faces. The locals didn’t seem hostile, which was a relief.
Finally, Thor could see the palace that the spires were connected to up ahead of him, a city square in front of its entrance. Thor walked past some more people in the town square, finding the front gates of the palace guarded by two guards.
“Loki?” He pointed inside.
The guards questioned him in a language he didn’t recognize.
“I’m his brother, Thor.” Thor tried to explain. “A guest.”
Some sort of understanding must have passed between them, for the guards began to show Thor inside the palace.
Thor was led into a grand room and stood right below the throne. The guards spoke loudly before someone came from behind the throne.
Thor heard the swishing of fabric before a stunning raven-haired woman greeted him. She wore a fine emerald dress with gold jewellery all about her. Her green eyes met Thor, shocked, and red lips parted.
“My lady.” Thor bowed, feeling as though this lady was important to these people, perhaps their queen. “My name is Thor, son of Odin. I come in search of my brother, Loki. I believe he may be here on your planet.”
The woman turned to her guards and called out an order, making them leave the room. Left alone with her, Thor felt apprehensive, unsure if she was a threat.
“Thor.” She spoke lowly. “How did you find this place?”
“It was quite some trouble.” He admitted, a touch confused as to if this woman knew him. “Do you know where my brother is? You see, our mother is very worried.”
“You don’t…” she stuttered.
Thor felt as confused as ever as the woman breathed in a deep breath and sat on the throne.
“You were never supposed to see me like this. No one was supposed to find this place. That was the allure of this planet. How inconspicuous it was.” There was another sigh. “I never meant to worry mother.”
She met Thor’s eyes then, and suddenly, he recognized them. Realization washed over Thor with a touch of confusion. “Loki?”
“Yes, brother, it is me. Another form, but still me.”
Thor’s mouth gaped in shock, not sure what to say.
“I’m afraid I can’t come home yet,” Loki said. “But you will ensure mother that I am alright, will you not?”
“Why can’t you come home?”
“I can’t come home looking like this, can I?” Loki gestured down to themself.
“But you can change.”
Loki changed all the time. But Thor couldn’t remember the last time Loki changed to a woman.
“I can’t. This is different, Thor. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Perhaps you could help me understand.”
Loki sighed. “Seeing as you’re here, I might as well offer you some refreshments.” Loki got up and began crossing the room.
Thor followed, watching them closely. Loki moved so differently in this form. They held themself differently, too.
Loki led Thor to a grand table, which servants began adorning with food and drink. Thor quickly accepted them. He’d had little nourishment on his trip.
“Why a woman?” Thor asked. “I get the appeal of being treated as a god on a different planet. But why this form?”
“It’s not about the praise and affection,” Loki spoke.
Their voice was so light and feminine. It was so foreign. The being in front of Thor wasn’t his brother, but if he looked hard enough, Thor found traces of the Loki he knew and had grown up with.
“It’s more of an escape. A place to hide away.” Loki continued.
“I still don’t understand.”
Loki sighed. “Do you remember when we were small, and I just discovered my ability to transform?”
Thor nodded. They had such fun in those days.
“We used to play.”
Thor remembered.
“You always wanted to be the dashing knight, and sometimes I’d be the princess.”
“I remember.” Those days felt so far away, so long ago.
“Do you remember when father found out?”
Thor tried to recollect the memory, but it wasn’t there.
“He got angry over finding me as a girl. And so I stopped. Only, I never stopped wanting to change into a girl. And sometimes, the feeling was so strong that I began to feel like a girl, and the change would take place without me wanting it. I hid in my room, scared of Father finding me.”
“I didn’t know,” Thor uttered sympathetically.
“Eventually, I began to tell when the transformation would take over, and so I’d go away, somewhere else. Somewhere far away, where I could be unnoticed. I found this place, and they accepted me. It’s not much, but the people are lovely.”
“So you stay here while you’re like this.” Thor was still working out everything Loki had told him.
“Yes.”
“And you have no control over when you turn either way.”
“Yes.” Loki nodded again. “And so you see, that is why I can not come back, because I’m still a woman. I’ll go back once I change again.”
Thor mulled it over.
“Mother isn’t worrying too much, is she?”
“No more than usual. You know how mother worries over us like we’re still children.”
Loki smiled.
Thor worked a mug of strange liquid between his hands. “I wish you’d felt you could have shared this with us, Loki. I hate to think you ever felt this was something you had to hide.”
Loki’s head ducked.
“But you are alright?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Well looked after. Practically their queen.”
“I can see that.” Thor smiled.
“But now you must go, Thor.” Loki rose, smoothing out her skirts. “You must return to mother and father and be the dutiful son as always.”
“They do love you too.” Thor rose slowly.
“Mother, yes. Father….”
Thor had no response. He breathed a heavy breath but nodded. “I’m glad you are well, sister.” He reached out his arms to her and hugged her. “I’ll assure Mother you’re well, but perhaps you could send her a letter or something.”
“Alright.” Loki nodded, departing from Thor’s embrace. “I’ll see you soon, brother.”
Thor nodded and headed back towards where the space taxi would be waiting for him.
On his trip home, Thor remembered the days long since lost. The days long ago when he and Loki were small and closer than ever. When they’d laugh and giggle and play without a care in the world. Loki was always so happy. There were almost no secrets between them back then.
Snippets of memories surfaced back. Loki’s long dark hair whipping about, dress ends flying. Thor brandishing his sword, waving it about haphazardly. They were such warm memories, and Thor wondered when they’d grown so far apart, wondering if they could ever return to the way things were before.