Chapter Text
Sylvie couldn’t help the words echoing in her head on repeat.
“You go, I go.”
Just four words, barely even a sentence.
“You go, I go.”
She would have never thought any words able to change her like that, especially not so few. So simple. And yet…
“You go, I go.”
There was a power that lay in these words, there were memories, emotions connected to them.
“You go, I go.”
She sighed. “Then where are you? I’m going a lot of places and you still aren’t there!”
She knew her mumbled words weren’t true even before she spoke them, he was always with her. Sometimes just in her thoughts, but there were other times when it seemed like she could feel his gaze on her, as if he were watching over her on her chosen timeline from the citadel at the end of time… or at least, what was left of it.
The thought was somewhere between comforting, creepy and painful. She wanted him to know she was alright, she wanted him to see all he had given her. But if he did know, if he did see, that meant she had no control over it, which kind of freaked her out a little – Sylvie wanted to be in control of as much as she could, especially when it came to sharing her life. Still, better she couldn’t control what he saw than he didn’t see anything at all. The mere thought of him being gone completely, out of reach forever, twisted her stomach in a way she hadn’t felt it being twisted before.
Sylvie’s eyes settled on the TemPad she wore every day like a wristwatch. She knew it could take her to where he was. Sometimes, when a sudden suspiciously luring glow appeared on it, it even seemed to her as if the small disk was trying to lead her to that damned citadel. Almost as if it wanted to make her do what she so badly wished for, since she couldn’t muster up the strength to do it herself. She was too scared of what might await her. Of the true cost he had to pay each day to allow her and everyone else on every timeline to live and to have their own free will. And of whom he had become…
Countless of nights had she lain awake, imagining how he was coping with the fate he had chosen for himself, his glorious purpose, his immense burden. Was it really worth all the suffering he had to be going through, only to give them all a chance, and her a life?
Another sigh escaped Sylvie’s mouth. Of course she had thought about following him, more than anything did she want to be with him, hear him laugh again, find the mischief in his eyes that she knew well from her own. She wanted to see his cheeky grin, feel his hand on her shoulder once more, hear him say her name as fondly as no one ever had before. There had always been so much love and care in his voice when he had spoken of, or to her.
And she wanted to say all the words that had stayed unspoken, wanted to regain all the possibilities that had lain in front of them. There had to be something she could do to free him from that damned citadel, anything!
Had she ever told him how much she adored the way he knitted his eyebrows together when he was worried or confused, or how proud she was of the path he had chosen, and how thankful for his support to help her choose her own?
“Of course not, idiot”, Sylvie scolded herself and through the noise of her own words immediately became aware of her surroundings again. She was still in her apartment, the one that had spaghettified some time ago. She still had no idea how he had managed to make this timeline grow back. Her timeline. Although it didn’t feel like the home it had once been anymore, not after she had finally admitted to herself that not a place, but a person was her first real home since she had been a small child. Him, that was, of course. Loki.
Suddenly, Sylvie shot up from the sofa she had been sitting on. It was true, Loki was her home, and why would she waste any more time wondering about his fate, wishing for what he could give her after being on the search of a home for so long, when she could just go and have a look for herself? After all, she still had the TemPad.
With a sick feeling in her stomach, she pressed a finger on the small disk as she thought of Loki and whatever remained of the citadel he had gone to. Immediately, a time door appeared in front of her, glowing in a promising orange. She stepped towards it tentatively. Then, for just a moment, she closed her eyes and took a breath. The rectangular portal would lead her where she desperately wanted to go, but what would it show her? There were many fears that had a not so small chance of becoming true as soon as she would set a foot through that glowing orange rectangle in front of her. Would Loki be in pain? Would he be reduced to nothing more but another temporal loom? Would he have changed for the worse, the many possibilities of using all his powers too tempting, making him become somewhat similar to the dead He Who Remains, drunk on power? Would his body be gone, dissolved into all the timelines to give them life while taking his own?
No.
Loki had to be okay. And still himself, still in control of his senses.
Sylvie opened her eyes with a last, shaky breath. She was scared of what was to come, but she didn’t want to run away any longer. Often enough had she hidden in apocalypses to now come face to face with another possible disaster. Even if Loki wasn’t okay, she would make sure he would be. And hadn’t even Mobius found the strength to face his fears and visit his doppelganger a few weeks ago? Just from afar, of course, but still… If he could do what he dreaded the most, Sylvie could, too.
Willing her voice to sound confident, Sylvie raised her head high and spoke.
“You go, I go.”
Without another thought, she walked through the time door.