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Sunset was fast approaching, and for the life of him, Guillermo could not concentrate on his dusting.
His nerves were all aflutter, much like the dust particles he was kicking up into the air with his carelessness. But it wasn’t his fault!
It was his master’s fault.
Nandor…A dreamy smile spread across Guillermo’s face as he leaned against one of the spiral staircases in the foyer, abandoning his efforts to clean. He was swept up in the memory of this morning…
It was nearly dawn, and Nandor was standing by his coffin in his frilly white pajamas. His mouth was ajar, his wide eyes fixed on the bloody stake clenched in Guillermo’s fist.
With a gasp, Guillermo wrenched his fingers apart and flung the stake down as though it had burned him. It clattered to the floor next to the corpse of the vampire he’d just killed.
He was shaking, terrified to meet his master’s eyes. Nandor had written off Carol’s murder as a mistake, but no such excuse could be made this time. He’d just witnessed Guillermo purposefully slay a vampire who had flown in through the crypt window.
Guillermo gulped, his mouth dry. His entire vocabulary had fled from his brain.
“Guillermo,” Nandor said slowly, lingering on each syllable of his name. “Is there something you haven’t been telling me?”
Guillermo’s words came flooding back so forcefully that he could barely get them out one at a time. “M-Master, I- I’m so, so sorry,” he stammered, reaching his hands out in a useless plea. “The Vampiric Council- They’ve been sending assassins to- They think you and Nadja and Laszlo killed the Baron and they want- Fuck- I couldn’t let them kill you- Any of you-”
“Whoa, easy there! Slow down, Guillermo!” Nandor took a few steps forward and Guillermo fought the urge to back away. He stared at the floor, his heart pounding.
“The Vampiric Council has been sending assassins to kill us?” Nandor asked.
“Yes.”
“In order to punish us for killing the Baron?”
“Yes.”
“And you have been slaughtering them…to protect us?”
Guillermo nodded hesitantly, peeking up at Nandor, and his heart leaped. His master looked thoughtful, not angry. He spent many long moments examining Guillermo like he was a bug under a microscope.
Abruptly, Nandor turned towards his coffin. “Come, Guillermo,” he said gruffly. “I am ready to slumber.”
Blinking in surprise, almost too nervous to breathe, Guillermo stumbled forward and took Nandor’s hand, supporting him as he climbed into his coffin.
But when Guillermo reached up to close the lid, Nandor’s hand shot out to intercept his wrist, gently tugging him forward so that he was leaning awkwardly over the edge of the coffin. Nandor propped himself up on one elbow so that they were mere inches apart. Slowly, giving Guillermo plenty of time to pull away if he wanted to, Nandor leaned in even closer.
“Thank you for saving my life, Guillermo,” he murmured. His cool breath rushed over Guillermo’s face, making him shiver.
“You’re welcome, Master,” Guillermo somehow managed to respond. His heart was beating a mile a minute, and of course Nandor noticed. He reached out to lay two fingers against Guillermo’s neck.
“How wildly your little heart is thumping now,” Nandor mused. Then he met Guillermo’s gaze with a teasing smile, his eyes sparkling with mirth. “It was not in such a hurry even when you were slaying that vampire a few minutes ago…Could it be my presence that is affecting you so?”
Guillermo wished he could come up with a witty, flirty retort, but it was taking all of his energy just to stay standing. He let out something between a gasp and a whimper. For once, Nandor decided to relent, mercifully ending Guillermo’s torment and closing the distance between their mouths at last.
Warm tingles of pleasure spread throughout Guillermo’s body and another soft, embarrassing moan escaped his mouth. But Nandor pulled away too soon, his eyes glinting with triumph as he took in Guillermo’s flushed cheeks.
“Good night, Guillermo,” he said casually, settling back on his pillow and reaching up to close the lid. Guillermo was left standing there, blinking slowly as he replayed the kiss over and over again, trying to convince himself that it had actually happened.
But it had to have happened! There were just so many wondrous details that Guillermo’s fantasies couldn’t possibly have filled in on their own.
Nandor’s mild growl of satisfaction, the way his calloused thumb had brushed back and forth over Guillermo’s hand, the faintest tang of iron on his lips…
“Guillermoooo!”
The duster went flying as Guillermo jumped a foot in the air and whirled around. Nandor stood behind him, the duster caught in his outstretched hand, a bemused expression on his face. He was still in his pajamas, and his hair was mussed from slumber. Guillermo’s heart, already racing, picked up even more speed as he took in the beautiful sight.
“What is it, Master?” he asked, breathless.
Nandor’s thick black eyebrows drew together as he pouted adorably. “I called your name so many times and you did not come! There was no one to hold my hand when I disembarked from my coffin!”
Guillermo bit back a fond smile. “I’m sorry, Master. I was…distracted.”
He didn’t elaborate, instead tugging lightly on his bottom lip with his teeth as he remembered the nice daydream he’d been having. Nandor’s eyes narrowed as they fell to Guillermo’s mouth, and he let out a low, rumbling growl that made Guillermo’s stomach erupt into butterflies.
In the next moment, Nandor’s hand was clamped around Guillermo’s upper arm, and Guillermo was being dragged down the hallway into Nandor’s crypt.
He stumbled forward as Nandor released him to shut the door. “Master? What are you- Oh!”
Nandor had swept him off his feet and into a kiss. Guillermo yelped and froze for a moment, then melted into the embrace, letting out a hum of pleasure as he gripped Nandor’s shoulders for support.
He figured this was just the sweet way Nandor had decided to say hello to him this evening, but Nandor didn’t stop the kissing. Instead, he carefully lowered Guillermo’s feet to the ground and walked him backwards until Guillermo was pressed up against the closed crypt door, Nandor’s arms braced on either side of his head. The familiar coconut fragrance of Nandor’s hair oil was already sending Guillermo into a daze.
“I should punish you, Guillermo,” Nandor said in a raspy, intoxicating voice as he mouthed down Guillermo’s neck.
“Okay,” Guillermo sighed as his head fell back against the door. Nandor chuckled against his throat, and Guillermo’s cheeks burned as he realized what he’d said. “I- I mean, um, why, Master? Because I didn’t answer you earlier?”
“Mmm,” Nandor hummed in agreement as his lips found Guillermo’s again. Then he pulled away to answer properly. “And also because I did not get any slumber because of you!”
Guillermo blinked in confusion. “Me? What did I do?”
“‘What did I do?’, he asks, all innocent,” Nandor grumbled to no one. He buried his face in Guillermo’s hair and inhaled deeply. Guillermo whimpered, his eyes fluttering shut. His breath was coming in shallow pants now, and he was about to collapse from the riotous feelings coursing through him.
“You kept me up all day, you little rascal!” Nandor finally clarified, still brushing his nose through Guillermo’s curls. “I could not get a moment’s rest. My whole body was tormented by the memory of your lips and…your scent.”
“Master, please,” Guillermo gasped. He was unable to articulate anything further, his mind hazy with desire.
But Nandor understood. Just like he had this morning, he took mercy on Guillermo, bringing their mouths together.
He kissed Guillermo over and over again, relentlessly, coaxing Guillermo’s lips open so he could slip his tongue into Guillermo’s mouth. Guillermo shivered and clutched Nandor’s tunic to draw him closer, though their bodies were already fitted together so snugly. His head was spinning with want, with need, every one of his senses full of Nandor.
With a snarl, Nandor tugged Guillermo’s bottom lip into his mouth, sucking gently. Sparks went shooting through Guillermo’s body, and he would have swayed on his feet if he hadn’t been crushed between Nandor and the door.
He grew even dizzier, and he thought he would float away like a balloon if Nandor’s lips weren’t grounding him. The world wouldn’t stop shifting, and Guillermo clung more tightly to Nandor to compensate. A rushing noise was pressing in on his eardrums, like ocean waves, and black spots began to creep in at the corners of his vision.
When Nandor pressed down lightly against Guillermo’s bottom lip with one sharp fang, Guillermo’s legs finally gave out. He sagged against Nandor’s chest, humming with delight as Nandor’s arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace.
He could faintly hear Nandor calling his name before everything went dark.
***
Nandor was as close to heaven as he was ever destined to get.
He was thoroughly enjoying the decadent taste of Guillermo’s plush lips and the heady smell of his blood and the feel of his soft, warm body. Why had it taken Nandor so long to do this?! Truly, it had been a stroke of good fortune that Nandor had caught Guillermo skillfully slaying that assassin this morning - otherwise Nandor might never have been shocked into realizing just how much he desired his familiar.
The best part was that Guillermo was ever so responsive. He was such a sweet, sensitive, eager thing, readily parting his lips for Nandor and letting out all sorts of intoxicating noises as his mouth was thoroughly ravished. Nandor delighted in every little gasp and moan.
It was all going very well - until Guillermo suddenly went slack in Nandor’s arms.
Reflexively, Nandor caught him and held him up. Alarmed, he pulled back to find that Guillermo’s eyes were half-closed. His normally warm complexion was unsettlingly pale, his skin sweaty and his head lolling back.
“Shit!” Nandor leaned Guillermo against the door, holding him up. He cradled one hand against Guillermo’s cheek and patted it gently a few times. “Guillermo? Come on, Guillermo! Wakey wakey now! Guillermo!”
But Guillermo didn’t stir. As Nandor watched, his familiar’s eyes slipped all the way shut.
Nandor felt the very unfamiliar sensation of cold fear clawing its way up his throat. Frantically, he hoisted Guillermo’s limp body into his arms and wrenched the door open, then ran down the hall, shouting at the top of his lungs.
“Nadjaaaaaa! Laszloooooo! There is something wrong with Guillermo!”
***
Guillermo awoke to the lovely soundtrack of Nandor’s panicked yelling.
He shifted, feeling soft cushions beneath him. Slowly, he blinked his eyes open, squinting as they adjusted to the candlelight.
He was lying on the couch in the library. Not far from him, Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo were in heated conversation.
“…seemed to be fine a few minutes ago!” Nandor was crying.
“Maybe he’s just being lazy,” Laszlo said. “Wouldn’t be the first time, I can tell you that much.”
“Perhaps he has just died?” Nadja suggested, shrugging. “Mortals do that, after all. How old was he, ninety? He probably didn’t have long left anyway.”
“Oh, no, do not say that, Nadja!” Nandor moaned, running his hands through his hair. “What if he is dead?! What if I have killed my sweet Guillermo with my excellent kissing skills?!”
As much as Guillermo’s stomach fluttered at hearing Nandor call him his sweet Guillermo, it was time to put an end to this. He cleared his throat.
All three vampires whirled around, and Nandor’s face went on a whole journey that ended in overjoyed relief. “Guillermo! You’re alive!”
He practically teleported to Guillermo’s side and helped him sit up, then crushed him to his chest. “Don’t scare me like that again!”
The sudden shift in position made Guillermo’s head spin again. “‘M sorry, Master,” he mumbled into Nandor’s chest. “I think I forgot to breathe.”
Nadja and Laszlo both made noises of disdain. Nandor pulled back to stare at Guillermo, looking scandalized. “What?! But Guillermo, you are a human! And breathing is very important for the humans, you know this!”
Guillermo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Yes, I’m aware, Master.”
“Wait a minute,” Nandor said, tapping his chin. “This is reminding me of something…”
Then his eyes lit up like two candles. “Yes, I’ve got it!” he exclaimed. “This happened to Bella in Twilight! Her squishy little human brain was so overcome by Edward’s kissing expertise that she forgot to breathe and passed out!”
He let go of Guillermo to speed across the room, looking up and down the bookshelves. “Now, where did I put my copy? Ah, yes, here it is!”
Guillermo groaned and flopped back down to the couch, exhausted. “Oh, great. That’s perfect. So when it comes to kissing, I’m just like Bella Swan.”
He heard a muffled wheezing sound. Frowning, he lifted his head to find Nadja and Laszlo doubled over, laughing so hard that they were barely making any noise.
He scowled at them. “I’m glad this is so amusing for you.”
That only made them laugh harder, their shoulders shaking. But Nandor looked up from his copy of Twilight, furrowing his brow as he met Guillermo’s disgruntled gaze. Then he placed the book on the coffee table and came back to kneel by the couch, cupping both of Guillermo’s cheeks in his large hands.
His eyes were soft and warm, and Guillermo could feel his heart melting. “My dear Guillermo,” Nandor said gently, “even if I am very flattered that you are so affected by my kissing expertise, it does not mean that I wish for our making out to put you in danger! You must remember to breathe next time, okay?”
Guillermo’s cheeks burned under Nandor’s cool touch. This was possibly even more mortifying than the time that Nandor had thought Guillermo was eating his own dried poops. Well, no, maybe not as mortifying as that.
“Okay, yes, I will remember to breathe next time,” Guillermo grumbled.
Nadja and Laszlo started up their obnoxious chortling once more, and Guillermo threw them another dirty look. “Master, can you make them leave now?”
Laszlo raised his eyebrows. “Oh-ho-ho, a bit of sass from the boy!”
Nadja’s mouth was hanging wide open with indignation. “How dare you?! Nandor is the one who was screaming his head off like a little baby and carrying your lifeless body in here in the first place!”
“Nadja, Laszlo, that’s enough. Get out of here! Shoo!” Nandor stood up and herded them unceremoniously to the doorway. “Thanks for nothing!” he shouted after them.
By now, Guillermo’s embarrassment had faded enough for his desire to return. Carefully, he pushed himself up into a sitting position. “Come back here,” he said, reaching his arms out towards Nandor and batting his eyelashes. He hoped he looked at least somewhat alluring. “I think we were in the middle of something.”
Nandor hesitated and Guillermo’s heart sank. But then Nandor crossed the room to kneel down by Guillermo’s side again. Guillermo grabbed his tunic with both hands and tugged him down into a kiss.
Nandor let the kiss continue for all of three seconds before wrapping his cool hands around Guillermo’s wrists and gently pushing him away. Guillermo whined and tried to chase Nandor’s lips, but Nandor nudged him to lie back down. “Guillermo, we must not risk it any longer.”
Guillermo’s mouth fell open. “Are you serious? So, what, you’re not going to kiss me anymore because you’re afraid I’ll stop breathing?!”
“No-o-o,” Nandor said slowly, grimacing. “I am not saying that. We just have to be careful.”
Guillermo huffed. “Okay, fine, yes, I’ll be careful. Now come here.” He pushed himself up to try and reach Nandor’s lips again, and Nandor leaped to his feet.
“No, not now, Guillermo, you must rest!” he exclaimed, wringing his hands together as he glanced around frantically. “And I have many important things to do, like…uh…what was that, Laszlo?! You need me to come up there?!”
He craned his neck towards the hallway, then looked back at Guillermo with a nervous chuckle, pointing his thumb at the door. “Sorry, Guillermo, I better go see what Laszlo wants!”
With a poof, he transformed into mist and swept out of the room.
Guillermo glowered at the empty doorway, then at Nandor’s book where it still lay innocently on the coffee table. The sight made him even angrier. With a frustrated groan, he fell back against the cushions.
Of all the vampire media he’d dreamed of living in, he couldn’t believe he’d ended up in Twilight.
***
Nandor had never related to Edward Cullen as hard as he did now.
He managed to go almost one week without kissing Guillermo, and it was torture. It was even harder than all the years he’d spent resisting the urge to drink Guillermo’s blood! He was terrified of putting Guillermo in danger again. After all, mortals were such fragile things - even fierce, vampire-slaying mortals - and apparently Guillermo couldn’t remember the simplest of human necessities when Nandor’s lips were distracting him. But now that Nandor knew what kissing Guillermo was like, denying himself the pleasure was a torment of the highest degree.
And to make the situation even more dire, Guillermo was doing everything he could to break Nandor’s willpower.
The wicked little rascal had taken to wearing some sort of nice-smelling balm on his lips that made them all red and shiny. All week, he was taking every opportunity to pout them, or brush his tongue over them, or draw his plump bottom lip into his mouth while pretending to be in thought. But Nandor wasn’t born yesterday - he was born a long time from yesterday! He could see right through the ruse. Guillermo was using his devilishly seductive charms to break through Nandor’s defenses.
And it was working, damn it!
As a last resort, Nandor had taken to avoiding the temptation of Guillermo’s presence altogether. But tonight he needed Guillermo’s help getting some blood off of his favorite cape. Warily, he called out Guillermo’s name.
“In here, Master!” Guillermo’s voice floated over from the library. Nandor followed it to the doorway, where he froze, enthralled by the delectable sight before him.
Guillermo was lounging on the couch, watching something on his little telephone. On the table in front of him sat a half-eaten plate of strawberries. As Nandor watched, Guillermo picked up a plump, red strawberry and bit into it, moaning brazenly as the juice squeezed out of the berry and coated his lips.
“Oh, hi, Master!” he said, blinking up at Nandor innocently. “Did you need something?”
Nandor clenched his fists, his mouth watering as Guillermo licked the juice off of his lips. “I know what you are doing, Guillermo,” he growled.
Guillermo widened his eyes. “What do you mean?” He popped his fingers in his mouth to lick them clean one by one, maintaining eye contact the entire time.
Nandor’s abdomen was a tight coil of desire. “I mean, I know why you are doing…that,” he said through gritted teeth, swirling his hand around to indicate Guillermo’s indecent display.
Guillermo gave Nandor a sinfully sweet smile, his cheeks dimpling. “Oh, I’m sorry! I would offer to share, but I know you can’t handle human food. Although, maybe you could get a taste another way…?” He tilted his head to the side, a challenge in his eyes.
The last thread of Nandor’s willpower snapped.
“You cheeky little shit,” he snarled, striding across the room. In one smooth movement, he took Guillermo’s face in his hands and caught up Guillermo’s mouth with his.
Guillermo hummed with delight and shifted to lie back on the couch, pulling Nandor down on top of him and immediately tangling his hands in Nandor’s hair. They both sighed in relief as Nandor blanketed Guillermo’s body with his own. Why, oh why had Nandor kept himself away from this pleasure for an entire week?!
Eager to make up for lost time, Nandor attacked Guillermo’s mouth in a frenzy, the sweet flavor of strawberries bursting on his tongue. Guillermo was already letting out such melodic, needy moans, arching up into Nandor’s body and parting his lips eagerly. Nandor groaned, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss.
And then Guillermo’s hands slipped from Nandor’s hair as his body went slack. Shit. Not this again!
Nandor pulled back a bit and grasped Guillermo’s chin. “Guillermo! Hey, Guillermo! Breathe!”
Guillermo sucked in air obediently, his eyes hooded as he gazed up at Nandor with a dazed, blissed out expression. “Why’d you stop?” he slurred out.
Nandor wanted to be happy that Guillermo looked so undone from less than a minute of kissing him, but guilt and anxiety were swirling around in his chest. “Guillermo, you did it again!” he scolded. “I cannot believe I let you seduce me into this!”
He made to get up, and Guillermo flung his arms around Nandor’s neck. “Master, wait, I’m sorry! It’s my fault. I won’t forget again.”
Nandor sighed. “This is what you said the last time!”
“But I really mean it this time.” Guillermo batted his eyelashes as he ran his fingertips teasingly over Nandor’s lips and beard.
Apparently, Nandor’s will had about as much integrity as creepy paper. He sighed again, this time in resignation. “Do you promise that you will be a good boy this time and remember to breathe?”
Instantly, Guillermo’s pupils blew out wide, his eyes going glassy. “Yes, I’ll be a good boy, Master,” he whispered.
Nandor fought back a smirk. Interesting. Perhaps I can work with this.
He leaned down to press their lips together again. This time, he didn’t let himself get carried away, instead remaining cognizant enough to break away from Guillermo’s lips after a good number of seconds had passed. He trailed light kisses across Guillermo’s cheek to his ear.
“Breathe, Guillermo,” he ordered in a rasp. Guillermo shuddered, taking in air in hitching gasps as Nandor pulled back to watch.
“Very good,” Nandor praised, gently brushing a lock of hair from Guillermo’s forehead. “Such an obedient boy for me, aren’t you?”
Guillermo whimpered and nodded, his cheeks flushed as wonderfully pink as the juice from the strawberries, his eyes shining with undisguised want. Nandor smiled and rewarded him with another kiss.
Yes, he could work with this.