Chapter Text
Liam decided that, in the grand scheme of things, this all could have honestly gone to shit much sooner than it actually did. She sat on the couch next to Harry and Louis, who were cuddling under the large heavy quilts that Grace had dropped off when she initially came to this uni. Louis had to leave soon because quiet hours were to be in effect soon; 9:50 to 6:30 on weekdays, and 10:30 to 7:00 on the weekends or holidays.
By some strange stroke of luck - or something - they had all ended up at the same university in the center of London, Queen's University, the first of its kind. It believed that there was no reason why alphas, betas, and omegas couldn't all learn to grow, study, and thrive together safely into productive, well adjusted young adults. It had coed dorms, omega only, beta only, and alpha only buildings, as well.
Harry and Liam lived in one of the newest omega buildings, only about two or three years old, and were more or less happy with their living arrangement. Louis lived in an athletic coed building, but for all intents and purposes spent more time in his girlfriend's apartment than anywhere else on campus.
Niall was studying a little bit closer to home to help Jade with the baby. Jade, who never really liked school very much anyway, found a secretarial job that she did on the side to support herself and the baby. Their parents helped, as did their friends and the occasional neighbor or two.
Zayn lived in a co-ed dorm as well, with a beta named Louise.
Thinking of Zayn made the ice cream Liam was eating turn sour in her mouth. She set the small little bucket of cookie dough ice cream on the floor, still holding onto the spoon. She didn't even know what she was watching, to be honest. The program had been Harry's choice, some reality television program or another that they all really did enjoy, but that Liam found no particular delight in that evening.
To say that Zayn and Liam had simply broken up would be glossing over the issue. Liam bit her bottom lip, tears welling in her eyes as she stared at the young male omega confront his beta girlfriend, begging her to see the reason in what he was saying. The scene made her think of what had happened between her own lover and herself.
Shoshannah had, ever since Liam initially found out about her existence, always been a doubt that wiggled and nudged at the corners of Liam's already fragile emotional state. Zayn insisted that she wasn't a threat to their relationship, which was difficult for Liam to believe when Zayn spent an inordinate amount of time with the slender, svelte blonde. They had inside jokes, they talked constantly, and the focus of Zayn's art had shifted from Liam to Shoshannah herself.
Liam had struggled, but persevered nonetheless. She had wanted Zayn with her whole body, mind, soul, spirit - everything she had inside. She wished that she could make Zayn understand why her behavior was so hurtful and what it was about her newly rekindled friendship with Shoshannah that bothered her the most. Still, whenever she tried, Zayn shut the conversation and didn't really listen to what Liam had to say.
The breaking point for Liam had been when Zayn accused her of being insecure in their relationship, and asked Liam when exactly she'd ever given her a single reason to doubt the foundation of their relationship. She accused her of being a needy, clingy omega. Maybe not with those words, but the sentiment was clear. She said that she needed to spend time with Shoshannah because she was sponsoring Zayn's art and helping her make connections with art dealers and different galleries in cities like Manchester, Newcastle, and Bristol.
Liam then suggested, in a fit of anger, rage, frustration, and pain, that Zayn spend all her time with Shoshannah, and to forget all about Liam or whatever kind of future they could ever have together. She yelled, raised her voice at Zayn for the first time. While Zayn usually yelled at Liam during their arguments, Liam cried and blubbered and whimpered, but she never actually yelled at Zayn like that, or told her how she truly felt.
She also told Zayn that she could get well and proper fucked if she thought for two seconds that Liam could ever believe that she and Shoshannah had a purely professional relationship. There was too much history between them, she insisted, shaking in anger and fear. Zayn never hit her or laid a single abusive hand on her, but she was still afraid of her reaction.
Zayn looked at Liam with, for the first time in a very long time, raw emotion. The cigarette she'd been smoking fell from her mouth and onto the table where they had been eating lunch together. She said nothing, and simply stood up, tossed a few notes on the table, and went on her way.
That was that.
Liam told herself that she wasn't angry or disappointed in how it had ended. She was unhappy in the relationship, at least near the very end of it. Still, the tears she'd cried over the end of their relationship, the weight she lost because her grief would not allow her to eat, and the night sweats that plagued her all betrayed her true emotions. Liam was devastated, truth be told.
She had planned her whole life around Zayn already, and had their lives mapped out, together. By now, they would have been mated, and Liam would have worn Zayn's claim on her inner thigh proudly, with a soft, delicate collar or ring to match. Maybe both. They would move into an airy loft that over looked the river before uni started. Hopefully, they'd have a cute commitment ceremony somewhere stylish and kitschy, like Amsterdam. Their families would be over the moon. She'd already had several apartments lined up to go look at, little swatches of colors she'd like for the living room, kitchen, bathroom, their bedroom... a nursery, maybe.
She'd stay at home with the babies - three - and Zayn would do... her art and things, and they'd be one big, happy family. Maybe they'd move out to a suburb, or a nice country home where Zayn could paint outside and their children would have enough space to run around and play.
That dream had sunk, surely, and along with it, all her other hopes and dreams and aspirations for what her life would have been with Zayn. She had so many plans for them both, so many rich dreams and idealizations, but it seemed like Zayn wasn't on board with it at all. She was far more occupied with Shoshannah and her art, anyway.
Furthermore, things were now awkward between the group. Niall, who had always heavily disagreed with their relationship, had done his best to support Liam along with Jade, having her over for dinner, including her in family nights, camping trips, et cetera. Louis did support Zayn because they were very, very close - some may say closer than Harry was to him - but, Harry was his soon to be mate, and she firmly supported Liam, so his loyalties occasionally wavered in one direction or the other.
Doing things with Liam or Zayn always resulted in a strain. If Zayn was invited, Liam either couldn't or wouldn't go, and vice versa. They hadn't directly sought each other out since the breakup, or spoken to one another, and so, produced a tension in the group. This tension faded with time, however, and soon, the group regained their sense of normalcy and went about their daily lives with the girls, careful not to mention one to the other and not upset the careful, fragile progress they had both made.
Still, it all hadn't massively gone to pieces. It wasn't so bad. Liam found a lot of activities to distract herself from the pain of losing Zayn to someone else. She began to read a lot more, learned to knit, and threw herself into, of all things, solving puzzles. Something about solving those 500 and 100 piece jigsaw puzzles calmed her, and they required so much attention and focus that it didn't allow her to dwell on Zayn too much. And her classes were going well, weren't they? She was majoring in biology, which she really did love and take a shine to. Her social life wasn't... well, she didn't have much of a social life anymore but she was happy nonetheless.
"Liam? Liam...? Earth to Lee," Harry said softly, nudging the girl with her elbow. She startled, slightly, dropping the spoon from her mouth and onto a block of floral patterns on the quilt. She passed Liam her phone, which was buzzing dully on the coffee table. Embarrassed, Liam picked it up and turned the reminder off, tucking the phone into one of the sweater's pockets.
The only serious downside, amongst all the emotional ones, to their breakup was the fact that Liam now had to face her heats alone.
Having grown accustomed to almost a year of uninterrupted access to an alpha whenever she wanted had spoiled her, surely. She could have sex with Zayn whenever she wanted. And up until the very end, Zayn did take remarkable care of Liam during her heats. No matter what, the one area Zayn never disappointed Liam in was sex. She didn't even track her cycle anymore, because Zayn usually did and reminded her to take off school, to stock up the little mini fridge in her heat room, clean her toys, prep herself, and all those good things.
The first heat Liam had after the breakup was probably as bad, if not worst, than her first heat. She cried and thrashed about and actually thought she was dying for a brief spell. It was physically painful, made her ache from the roots of her brown curls all the way down to the tips of her toes. She was sensitive, feverish, nauseated, hot all over, and no matter what, could not seem to find any true satisfaction, and only achieved, in all that time, a handful of true orgasms. That week was, to put it lightly, miserable.
Harry's remedy had been simple. When Liam told her what had happened at their weekend sleepovers, which had become somewhat of an unspoken tradition, Harry sighed sympathetically before reaching for her black purse. She pulled out a black wallet, then a stack of business cards. With a small smile, she passed Liam a black, glossy business card and told her to give them a call.
Liam blushed, whacked Harry with a pillow, and stuffed her mouth with a couple bites of pizza. It was basically an alpha escort business. Harry apparently used to solicit their services quite often during her own heats before she'd become a regular thing with Louis. She highly recommended them for being professional, clean, discreet, and kind. They had both male and females, intersex... the works. Though Liam never called, she did save the card. Just in case.
Still, the horrors of that heat were too much to bear. Liam wanted to avoid a repeat of that if she could help it, so she solicited Louis' advice. She needed suppressants. Her father wouldn't sign the consent, and until she turned 21, she wouldn't be able to purchase them herself at the pharmacy. Alphas, however, could at the age of 18, which she thought was really stupid, but, well. In any event, Louis was the only alpha she really talked to or trusted with such a delicate issue.
Liam could probably find some on the black market, but those were probably a little too strong and could do more damage than good. Granted, suppressants were all around bad for omegas, because they suppressed natural body chemistry and forced the body to shut down the hormones and pheromones responsible for provoking a heat in the first place. They were only recommended for short term use, but Liam foresaw that she would be using them for much longer than the usual three to six months.
Surprisingly, Louis supplied them to her, a whole year's supply without any foul words or hard feelings. He even promised not to tell Zayn, who would probably have a tit if she knew Liam was on them. Not that she should care what Liam did or didn't do anymore, but still.
It was time for Liam to take her suppressant. If she didn't take them regularly and follow her strict schedule, it would provoke a heat that would send her into a toxic shock. She'd have to go to a hospital, where they'd find out about her suppressant use and start asking too many questions. So, she got up and went to the loo, dug out the small pill bottle that was in the first aid kit, and took a small pink pill with a swig of water.
While she was freshening up, she heard Louis and Harry talking. The door was slightly open, so if she strained her ears, she could hear them fairly well.
"I'm starting to really worry about her," Harry confessed. Liam frowned at herself in the mirror. Harry had always worried about Liam, even more so now than ever. She was fine. Wasn't Harry convinced she was fine? "She woke up crying this morning."
"Again?" Louis' voice didn't sound surprised, just curious. How often had Harry heard Liam crying and told Louis? Liam didn't cry around Harry. She did it in the privacy of three places and three places only. Her shower, her bedroom, or the bathroom on the fourth floor of the building where she took her basic organic chemistry class because it usually was abandoned since most people didn't know about it and offered her a special measure of privacy.
"Yeah, again." Harry's voice sounded contrite, serious, worried. "I don't know what to do."
"Yes, you do. Just call her." Call who? Zayn? Liam's eyes burned in anger. She was fine without Zayn, happy, and was starting to adjust. She needed time before she'd be completely normal again. What was so difficult to understand about that?
"I can't do that. Liam's... she's making baby steps. She needs time to do this on her own. But I'm just worried that she won't be able to cope, you know? She really cared about... you know who."
"Maybe she needs to get out of the flat, babe. She never goes out. Except to class and stuff. She needs some fresh air. That's what it is."
"Liam doesn't like to go out. You know that. It makes her uncomfortable. Remember the last time we tried taking her to a party?"
"That's different. That was then. I'm talking about now. Clearly, all your fussing hasn't done anything for her because she's still pale and not eating and crying and carrying on like the world has ended - "
"It did for her, Louis. You don't understand, you could never really understand, but Liam was in love with her. You can't just turn that off over time. Imagine if we broke up, boo."
"We aren't Liam and Zayn," he said softly. The weight of that statement weighed heavily on Liam. She could hear them kissing, the old couch creaking with their weight. Liam opened the faucet to wash her hands, eyes leaking hot, salty tears once again. What was that supposed to mean? Was their relationship really so awful? And did Harry think that Liam was in such a state that she couldn't even go out for a night and have a good time? Who gave them the right? Who gave anyone the right to assume things about Liam that weren't even true?
She splashed her face with lukewarm water. Liam decided then, as she dabbed at her face with a hand towel and shut the tap off, that she'd had quite enough of feeling sorry for herself and having other people feel sorry for her. It was bad enough to have Harry fussing and clucking after her like a worried mother hen. She didn't want or need anyone else doing it, too.
With that, Liam walked out of the bathroom and padded down the hall in her wooly socks and sweats. Louis and Harry had since pulled away from one another. Harry was standing near the coat closet with Louis, tying his scarf for him as she looked into his eyes with love and adoration very clearly radiating from her. She loved Louis with all her heart, and Liam knew, despite appearances, that Louis was truly, deeply in love with Harry as well.
Harry's pulling on Louis' hat and fussing at him about being careful not to catch a cold when Louis noticed that Liam had joined them again.
"Love, are you busy this weekend? We're throwing a party in the basement of my dorm. Are you up for it? It'll be pretty low key, you know? Just a couple of friends, a few kegs, and some bangers." Louis looked pretty convincing. The typical handsome young alpha, to be sure. Despite his friendship with Zayn, which Liam knew was as strong as ever, Liam still liked him because he was always honest with her and never sugar coated the truth.
"Liam and I are going shopping, darling," Harry said, making a face at him. "Didn't I tell you?"
"Yeah, but the party is Saturday night, not Sunday. I'll even take you to the shops myself," Louis offered. "And I'll let you drive." He had bought himself a Range Rover before school started. Harry had driven it /once/ and had since begged Louis to let her drive it more often. The fact that this was on the table let Liam know Louis was being serious. "And I'll treat you guys to lunch, yeah? It'll be nice."
"Okay, yeah," Liam said, nodding a little as she adjusted the ponytail she'd gathered her hair into. "Sure. I'm game." Louis looked self assured and grinned down at Harry, who made a small face. He kissed her nose before kissing her lips, whispering something against her parted pink lips. He soon took his leave, and then the announcement came over the P. A. system - quiet hours were in effect and all students were to either retreat to their dorms or the library for the night.
A party. Okay. Liam could handle this, right? She could. She loved parties. Or she used to love parties, anyways. It would be nice to get back into the swing of things, she told herself, walking into the kitchen to do the dishes since it was her week to do them. Regaining a sense of normalcy for herself would be difficult, but Liam felt that this party would be a very good start indeed.