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Teru sips his coffee. It's too bitter, but perfect for today as rain belts against the windows of the kitchen, loud, but also comforting in their sound. The flavor of burnt beans sits heavy on his tongue long after he removes the mug from his lips.
Shigeo has been gone for over a week. At first, Teru loved the fact that he could spread out on their bed. Stretching his limbs long, like he used to do when he lived alone. Like a cat stretching himself in the sun, taking up all the space he needed to sleep soundly.
The novelty faded after two nights. The spot on Shigeo's side grew bigger with each passing day, and Teru found himself curling up on his side, pressed to the edge, wrapping himself in all the sheets and comforters they had. The space next to him was vast, gaping, and loud.
The lack of body heat throws him back to his younger days when his eyes were alert and sharp. His ears always perked. His aura dancing on his shoulders, ready to leap up, fists ready, powers already pressing through his veins.
He presses his eyes closed, willing those old thoughts to disappear.
Teru slept hot too.
Shigeo's natural aura was cool, like fresh sheets on an autumn day. A cool breeze on a summer evening, crisp and inviting and comforting – stars shining overhead. He never slept warm since they moved in together.
Now he wakes up in a sweat, disheveled and sticky. Armpits uncomfortable and warm, the space between the back of his knees slick. It felt gross.
It was also 2am.
Teru has to go back to sleep. He has work in the morning. And eventually, he did. But the sleep didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel satisfying.
Last night he stayed up as late as he could, distracting himself with internet videos. He placed his phone on his nightstand, bringing all the blankets on the bed up around his shoulders to cozy into the mattress. He was in a good mental place, the distraction had helped. He was fine.
Without warning tears explode from behind his eyes, aggressive, and unwanted. The space beside him grows. Lemon drops and sickly green oil curls around his arms, down, spreading across the mattress.
It’s too quiet.
The space is too big.
It’s just an apartment.
But the space is too big.
Shigeo would be back, he was going to be home soon. Just a few more days. But the space yawned wider next to him, expanding across the rest of the room. The pillows had started to lose his scent. Same with the sheets. He needed to wash them, as he sweated through the cold nights.
He sips his coffee again. It's bitter on his tongue, but he welcomes it. His stomach flips in reaction to the acid.
Teru never realized how much love could make you hurt. He knew for a fact Shigeo would be home again, and they would kiss and snuggle as they once did. Shigeo’s aura would blanket him, dusky violets mixing with sunset yellows. He knew this. He knew this in his bones. Knew it deep down at the core of his being.
But this period, this time in between the day and night and floating between dead horizons, sunk claws into Teru's chest, stronger than he ever expected. He saw other people, he went to work—he wasn't alone. He had people around him.
But he is alone. He is lonely for just one single person. He knows that these feelings exist, he knows his feelings for Shigeo are strong. But when Shigeo left, fear and loneliness exploded like vines from his heart twisting around his throat, his eyes, and his fingertips.
He didn't realize how much his love was rooted deep into his soul. How painful it can be. How amazing it can be, that he can feel this, even as thorns press into skin.
And even though the knowledge that Shigeo would be home soon fills his chest with sunlight.
The coffee still tastes bitter.
Early afternoon of the following day comes, bringing filtered light through foggy shadows. Teru huddles close to the window, second (third? fourth?) coffee in hand. His hands shake, and he presses his emotions down. Presses down the giddy and the excitement.
His lemon aura shines on his shoulders, bright and crisp, like autumn leaves dancing in the air.
A text, one he had been looking forward to all week sat open on his phone on the windowsill.
Just landed, see you soon. <3
Teru grins into his coffee. The sheets are washed. His hair is clean. The apartment is…well, it is presentable.
Teru presses his face to the glass, leg tapping. He will sense Shigeo long before he can see the taxi but the eagerness staccatos his heart into his ribs and keeps his eyes glued to the street, blue eyes following each taxi, nearly expecting each one to be the one.
He pushes his aura out, down the block. He can’t go too far, he knows how much strain pushing his aura out does to him. His fingers dance over his mug, pressing into it, nails chipping off paint.
A bird flutters by the window, wings beating in time to a rhythm Teru isn’t privy to. He follows it, distracted for a moment, until he feels that deep comforting blue, that starry night, that whisper of summer evening breeze.
He flings himself to standing and quickly walks to the kitchen putting his mug in the sink before troting towards the door, sliding on his shoes. He leaps over the stairwell railing floating himself down the two stories. Teru tries to cover his enthusiasm but it isn't easy with his aura zapping around his shoulders like it is. He accepts that, perhaps, he may not be able to contain it.
He reaches the bottom of the stairs just as Shigo is giving a polite wave to the taxi driver, dragging his suitcase behind him. He looks up, raven hair fluttering as he lifts his head, a tired smile on his face.
Teru quickly reaches forward. “Need help?”
Shigeo accepts it gladly, handing his suitcase to Teru. “Thanks.”
Teru takes it happily. He rushed down here to help of course, but truthfully deep down, he just couldn’t wait in their apartment for Shigeo to walk the two flights up. Teru needed this, he needed to be right here. Right now.
They walk up the stairs, casual small talk whispering between them. How was the flight, did you have a good trip, was the conference interesting.
“I’m glad you're home.”
Shigeo responds with a smile. “Me too.”
With a flick of both their powers, the door opens, and Teru sets the suitcase down next to their sofa. His stomach curls, the anxiety from the previous cup of coffee stuttering in his veins. He peaks over his shoulder at Shigeo who is slowly taking off his shoes.
Shiego’s aura, which normally floated around him like a soft kaleidoscope, is currently pressed into his body, unusually tight and composed.
A whimper in Teru’s mind as he wants that aura everywhere right now. But Shigeo hates flying, and despises airports — it is no surprise his aura is like this. He is likely tired.
But Teru, Teru can only hold in his own needs so much, as his powers press and press and churn for comfort. He wants touch, he wants cool warmth (a sensation only Shigeo can give) he wants midnight blues to cover every inch of the apartment again, like they normally would.
He turns on the ball of his foot, ready to take action when he is crushed into long arms, twilight colors exploding and spinning around them, expanding and whispering, melding in with his yellow lemons to make sweet evening sunsets.
“The hotel room was cold…” Shigeo mutters into Teru’s hair, arms pulling him closer. “I didn’t sleep well.”
Teru nearly laughs but holds it in as he snakes his arms around a firm middle, his head just making it to Shigeo’s collarbone. “Funny because I was sweating through every night.”
He can feel the grin as arms pull him in close, close the gap, the silence taking on the breath and life of another human in the apartment. Teru breathes in deep, the scent of Shigeo filling him to the brim.
Previous emptiness dissolves away, loneliness is gone like a summer storm, far on the horizon. Warmth and cool breezes and soft touches linger and Teru sighs deeply, his body sagging, exhaustion pulling at his bones.
“Wanna take a nap?” He asks, voice muffled by how far he has pressed it into Shigeo’s shirt.
Shigeo nods into his hair.
The mattress is no longer gaping wide.