Chapter Text
“It’s Christmas, Derek. It’s our season! We love Christmas. Or at least we used to,” Meredith overhears Addison desperately yell at Derek.
She didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Not at first, anyway. But as their argument progressed, their volume increased, and it became literally impossible for Meredith not to overhear. She watches Derek walk hastily away from Addison, and watches Addison’s perfect posture fall into a slouch.
Meredith carefully rounds a corner, not wanting to be caught. Derek and Addison were none of her business. Her and Derek are over since he had chosen Addison. Her and Addison, well, they were nothing. Addison was definitely none of her business. And the way Addison’s smile dropped and the way that made Meredith’s heart clench was definitely none of her business.
Meredith spends the rest of the day trying to distract herself from Derek and Addison and Christmas with work. Just with her luck, however, Derek finds Meredith in the elevator on her way home. She holds her breath for the desperate pleading she knows is coming.
“Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love,” Derek says, as if on cue.
Meredith knows exactly what Derek was hinting at. She can tell by the intensity and possessiveness in Derek’s eyes as he stares at her. And it makes Meredith uncomfortable and furious.
“Derek, I’ve moved on and so should you,” Meredith sighs. “And you need to stop hurting Addison back. You need to stop leading her on. She deserves the truth and she deserves to be with someone who loves her.”
The signature ding sounds and the elevator doors slide open. Meredith steps out, leaving behind a speechless and confused Derek.
Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love. If it had been just a few weeks ago, those words would have conjured Derek’s face on Meredith’s mind. But now, all she can think about is how Addison had been running around the hospital all day today grinning with her nose buried in a Christmas catalog. How the excitement fell from her face after Derek ignored her yet again. How cold Addison’s hand felt when they first shook hands in the hospital lobby. How Meredith’s heartbeat quickened at Addison’s quips like Good girl and Are you not into threesomes? How Addison saved Cristina’s life. How Meredith had drunkenly cried on Addison’s shoulder one night at Joe’s, and how Meredith wanted to know if it was Addison’s shampoo or perfume that made her smell like oranges and cinnamon. How Addison’s eyes lit up and cheeks flushed when Meredith gave her a cup of hot cocoa the day after as a Sorry and a Thank you.
Meredith is not a Christmas person, nor a holiday person in general, so Christmas generally doesn’t make her feel sentimental. But she does know that something is making her want to be with Addison. Something is making her want to do anything to be able to restore Addison’s eagerness for Christmas. Was it the love part of that statement that is making Meredith feel this way? No. It is much too soon for that. All Meredith knows is that she’s currently coming up with a plan to be with Addison for Christmas.
The next morning, Meredith is driving to Derek’s trailer. She had overheard from somebody at the hospital whose name she doesn’t quite recall that Addison and Derek had taken a few days off for Christmas. But knowing Derek, Meredith was sure he’d be at the hospital by now, hiding from his wife behind surgery. As she pulls into the driveway—or rather, the dirt trail—her suspicions are proven true by the absence of Derek’s car. Addison’s car sits alone on the land, with its trunk wide open.
As she walks towards the trailer, she takes note of the cardboard box inside Addison’s trunk, as well as a few boxes stacked on top of each other on the porch. Addison steps out of the trailer onto the porch, with yet another cardboard box in her arms.
“Meredith?” Addison says, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She sets aside the box and places her hands on her hips. Addison is dressed as casual as Addison can get casual—with a knitted cream sweater, loose dark brown trousers, burgundy loafers, and her hair half up with a few strands framing her bare face. “Are you looking for Derek? He isn’t here.”
“I know. I, um, I actually came to see you. Can we talk?”
“I’m kind of in the middle of…” Addison starts, but then changes her mind. “Okay. Come on in.”
“Actually… I was hoping we could go somewhere else. I’ll drive.”
Addison stands there unmoving for a beat. Her gaze upon Meredith is intense, like she was trying to read her mind, but it isn’t unwelcome. Unlike Derek’s possessive stare, Addison’s is curious, careful, considerate.
“Okay,” Addison finally says. “Let me just put these boxes in my car, then we can go.”
Meredith helps load the boxes for a few minutes. Two of them wouldn’t fit in Addison’s car anymore, so they left it inside Derek’s trailer. Then, they were ready to go.
Meredith opens her jeep’s passenger door and Addison steps in, then she quickly hops in the driver’s seat. She notices Addison’s knees touching the glove box. Damn her stupid long fabulous legs.
“You could adjust the seat, you know.”
Addison looks around for the handle.
“It’s under the— it’s right in front— here, just let me—” Meredith stutters. She leans over to place a hand on the back of the passenger seat, reaches underneath Addison’s knees for the handle, pulls up, and gently guides the chair back.
“Thanks,” Addison breathes out, her voice a little shaky.
A few minutes into the drive, Meredith switches the radio station from her usual pop hits station to a Christmas one. Meredith hates overplayed Christmas music, but the small smile that appeared on Addison’s face as she changed the music makes it bearable, even enjoyable.
Addison breaks the silence between them. “You’re not going to axe-murder me, are you, Grey?”
“No, I’m not,” Meredith replies with a light laugh.
“Ah, so Derek is going to kill me. And you’ll be there to help hide the body. I really wish you’d given me a heads-up. I really don’t want to die looking so… plain.”
Meredith rolls her eyes. “You look beautiful as always, Addison.”
She really didn’t mean for that to come out, but since there was no taking it back, she decides to change the subject instead.
“So, are you and Derek moving back to New York?” Meredith asks the question that has been on the tip of her tongue since she pulled into Derek’s property.
“What?”
“The boxes. You were packing.”
“Oh. He didn’t tell you,” Addison says quietly. Meredith glances at her and sees Addison looking down, twiddling her thumbs. “I signed the divorce papers. I’m moving out of the trailer and back into a hotel room. I don’t know yet if I’m— when I’m going back to New York.”
“Oh,” Meredith replies simply. She didn’t know what to say, and that news was definitely a surprise to her. She couldn’t say I’m sorry , because she knows Addison will simply reiterate that it wasn’t her fault, that Addison and Derek had long been over even before Meredith came into the picture. And if Meredith was being honest, she really wasn’t sorry. She’s glad that bastard finally stopped stringing her along to fulfill some need he had to be the good guy. Addison deserves so much better than that. And Meredith couldn’t say that either.
“He loves you, you know?” Addison says, pulling Meredith away from her thoughts.
“What?”
“Derek. He told me that he loves you. That you weren’t a fling, or revenge, or whatever. And then he had the nerve to tell me that I was supposed to just wait for it to pass. I told him I wasn’t willing to humiliate myself like that, then we signed the divorce papers.”
“Well, that’s too bad because he was definitely a fling for me. He was supposed to be just a one-night-stand, you know? Then he just kept bugging me and bugging me at work until I gave in. But I never felt anything… more with him,” Meredith replies. She looks over at Addison, who was listening to her with intent. Meredith locks her eyes with Addison’s for the next part, wanting to make sure Addison knows she’s being sincere. “It’s good you stood up to him. You should be with someone who wholly and unconditionally loves you.”
Addison simply smiles in response. This time, Addison’s gaze is filled with appreciation. Addison’s eyes start to fill with tears, and she breaks their eye contact by turning her head and blinking away the tears.
The Christmas music fills the comfortable silence between them after that. Addison softly hums along to some songs, which makes Meredith’s cheeks inexplicably warmer.
After about half an hour since they left Derek’s trailer, they finally arrived at their destination: An outdoor ice skating rink. As Meredith pulls into the parking lot, Addison couldn’t help the wide grin forming on her face.
“Meredith, what are we doing here?”
“Skating, I hope,” Meredith retorts. “We’re celebrating Christmas.”
“I didn’t know you liked Christmas this much.”
“I don’t. But you do.”
Addison simply watches Meredith grab some things from the backseat.
“You’ll need these,” Meredith says, handing her a hat and gloves, then adds, “Do you want a scarf?”
Addison nods in reply. She expected Meredith to hand her the scarf, but instead, Meredith wrapped the thick green scarf around her neck. Her breath catches in her throat when Meredith’s fingers lightly graze her skin as she untucks her hair from underneath the scarf. She tilts her head down towards the fabric and catches a whiff of vanilla and lavender.
They walk together towards the booth with the rental ice skates. Addison offers to pay her share, but Meredith refuses, paying for both of their tickets and skates. They sit on an empty bench together, tying up their laces.
“Seriously, Meredith, why are we doing this?” Addison asks again.
Meredith looks up at her timidly. “I never thanked you. For Cristina. She’s alive and well because of you. So, you can think of this as a thank you, I guess.”
Addison nods, accepting Meredith’s answer. She knows that wasn’t the whole truth, that this isn’t only a thank you, but she lets it go. Meredith will tell her, once she’s ready. Or at least she hopes so. Or maybe she had been interpreting it all wrong. Misinterpreting that one drunken night at Joe’s and the hot cocoa that came the morning after. Misinterpreting the accidental touches in surgery and in the hallways. Misinterpreting the longing stares from across the room.
Addison awkwardly trails behind Meredith as they head towards the rink, not used to the lack of balance and support from walking on skates. Meredith enters the ice effortlessly, then spins around to face Addison. She hesitates, looking up at Meredith and then down at the ice.
“So, I should probably tell you now that I don’t know how to skate. In fact, I’ve never skated before. Not on ground and definitely not on ice.”
Meredith laughs—like, fully laughs, with her head thrown back and her hands on her belly—and if it were anyone else, Addison would’ve thought she was laughing at her, and not with her. But she doesn’t think that, because it was Meredith. “Are you serious, Addison? Why didn’t you tell me?! We could’ve gone somewhere else!”
“Okay, in my defense, you wouldn’t tell me where we were going during the drive here. And when we got here, I was just so excited! Just. Please help me, okay? Don’t let me fall on my face and crack my head open.”
Addison reaches a hand out and Meredith takes it. Meredith tightens her grip as Addison carefully steps on the ice.
“I did it!” Addison exclaims once she has both feet inside the rink.
“Yes, Addie, you did it,” Meredith says with a grin. “Now we have to get out of the way, we’re blocking the entrance. I’ll help you, okay?”
Addison nods and lets Meredith guide her, practically dragging her, towards the railing. She catches Meredith’s use of her nickname, but decides not to say anything about it since she was too busy trying not to die. She also decides that she likes the way Meredith says Addie , gentle and lighthearted, and she wishes Meredith would address her as such more often.
Meredith teaches Addison the basics of ice skating. She tells her to bend her knees slightly, to lean forward slightly instead of backwards, to balance by keeping her feet parallel with each other. She shows her how to march and glide and stop.
“I can’t believe that the Addison Montgomery doesn’t know how to skate,” Meredith says.
She was in the process of showing Addison how to do the swizzles. They are skating right beside the wall, Meredith going backwards as she guides Addison, holding both of her hands. By this time, they had both removed their gloves and stuffed them into their pockets, their activity making them feel warm.
With Meredith’s hands in hers, Addison can’t help but wonder if part of the reason Meredith took her here was to find an excuse to hold her hands. She doesn’t mind. In fact, she likes it. She likes how Meredith’s hands warms her perpetually frozen ones. She likes how her touch sends a jolt of electricity down her spine.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Addison counters.
Meredith shrugs. “You just seem like someone who knows everything, who’s capable of everything.”
“I’m not God, Mer,” Addison says, trying out Meredith’s nickname on her tongue. She decides that she likes it, and that she definitely likes how Meredith’s cheeks turn pink at the use of her nickname. “Actually, apparently I am Satan.”
Meredith simply laughs in reply.
They make a lap around the rink just doing swizzles. Most of the time, Meredith was holding both of Addison’s hands. But she lets go intermittently to allow Addison to become more confident in herself.
“Okay, Addie. By the end of today, I want you to be able to cut across the ice all by yourself. But before you can do that, I have to show you how to fall and then get back up. Are you up for that challenge?”
Addison’s eyes are wide, both with fear and excitement, and she nods in reply.
Meredith falls on the ice, and Addison knows it was on purpose, but she couldn’t help the way her heart drops. She proceeds to show Addison how to get up, kneeling on one knee, and then using the other leg to push herself up.
“Think you can do that?” Meredith asks.
Addison was nervous, and, if she was being honest, insecure because she doesn’t think she can do that. And when Addison is nervous and insecure, her coping mechanism includes inappropriate comments with a hint of a sexual innuendo. So, Addison smirks and says, “I think you just wanna see me on my knees.”
Meredith’s jaw drops slightly, and her whole face reddens, but she recovers quickly and says, “You are going to regret that, Montgomery.”
Before Addison could even think of a comeback, Meredith’s back is on the ice and Addison is on top of her. She can feel Meredith’s breath on her face, and she lets her eyes fall to Meredith’s lips, where her breaths form clouds. When she looks back up to her eyes, Meredith’s are on her lips.
Addison clears her throat. She pushes herself off of Meredith, but slips and ends up on her butt as well beside her.
“Ow…” Addison whines.
Meredith chuckles. “Now you really need to learn how to get up. Follow me, okay?”
Addison follows Meredith through each step of getting up from the ice.
They do another two laps around the rink, this time, Meredith lets go more often and Addison reaches out for the railing less often.
“Wanna do another lap, or do you think you’re ready?” Meredith asks.
All Addison knows is that Meredith’s smile makes her feel confident. “I think I’m ready.”
“Great!”
Addison watches Meredith swiftly and gracefully skate across the ice. She does a spin and grins as she gives Addison two thumbs up.
Addison takes a deep breath in and out. Her heart thumps heavily against her chest as she slowly makes her way across the ice. She echoes every bit of Meredith’s advice in her head. She looks up and sees Meredith watching her, her head tilted slightly to the left and a goofy smile on her face. Meredith was dressed warm and casually—the hat and scarf from the car earlier, a purple knitted sweater under a black coat, and her signature low-rise dark blue jeans that hugs her form perfectly and leaves a bit of skin exposed at the bottom of her stomach.
Almost losing her balance brings Addison’s focus back onto her own movements and away from Meredith’s figure. After what feels like an hour, Addison finally makes it across the ice, without falling, and reaches Meredith.
“You made it!” Meredith giggles and pulls Addison into an embrace. As soon as the shock wears off, Addison wraps her arms around Meredith’s waist in return. “I knew you could do it.”
Addison pulls away from the hug, but lets her hands stay on Meredith’s hips. She brushes a thumb on the exposed skin. “Well, I had a great teacher.”
“So the student becomes the teacher,” Meredith says, still grinning. “Or however that saying goes.”
They stand there for a moment, simply appreciating each other’s presence. Then, Addison’s stomach grumbles.
“Listen. This was really fun, but I think I’m getting tired and hungry. Do you want some hot cocoa?” Addison asks.
Meredith nods excitedly. “There’s a small coffee shop close to here.”
Meredith and Addison sit side-by-side on the barstools, facing the window. Both of them had a mug of hot cocoa, and both of them had their palms wrapped around it, seeking its warmth.
“How did you learn how to skate?” Addison asks softly.
Addison’s cheeks and nose are still pink from the cold, and she’s looking at Meredith with curiosity but also tenderness. Meredith’s lips form into a small sad smile as the nostalgia kicks in.
“My father, actually. I remember it very clearly. It was the last Christmas I had spent here in Seattle before he and my mother separated, and my mother took me with her to Boston. My mother had always prioritized work—which I don’t blame her for—but that Christmas, she had promised to be home. And when she didn’t come home, when she stayed at the hospital instead, well I was upset and so was my father. So he took me to that ice skating rink, the one we just went to, in hopes of cheering me up. And, well, I did cheer up. It takes very little to cheer up a kid, you know. You just had to be there for them. As I grew up, I made sure to skate a few times every winter with my friends. I never took lessons or anything like that. It’s just for fun.”
Addison gives her an empathetic smile. Meredith knows that Addison knows she doesn’t want a sappy response, but her eyes say Thank you for telling me.
“I took three years of tap dancing lessons,” Addison says instead.
Meredith giggles. “I would kill to see little Addison tap dancing.”
Their laughter is interrupted by the server’s arrival with their food. They both ordered crepes—Addison’s had chocolate and strawberries while Meredith’s had peanut butter and bananas.
“You two picked a good spot,” the server says, looking up at the ceiling and then winking before walking away.
Meredith looks up. She sees a mistletoe hanging from the ceiling and her heart skips a beat. She looks back at Addison, who was smirking at her.
“Did you plan this?” Meredith asks incredulously.
“How could I have possibly planned this?” Addison retorts. “I’ve literally never been here before.”
“You picked this seat!”
“I wasn’t looking at the ceiling when I did!”
“Then why are you looking at me like that!”
“Like what?!”
“Like— like you want to kiss me!” Meredith is sure everyone in the cafe is staring at them now. She probably has a crazy look in her eyes.
“Don’t you?” Addison asks, lowering her volume.
“I…” Yes. Meredith wants to kiss Addison. Meredith has been wanting to kiss Addison. But is now the right time? Is this the right place? Does Addison really want to kiss Meredith?
“Come on, Mer. You took me out with the purpose of doing Christmassy things, didn’t you?”
“Kissing under the mistletoe would be very Christmassy,” Meredith says.
When Addison replies, her voice is deep and low, filled with need, passion, hope.
“Kiss me, Meredith Grey.”
Addison’s lips are soft, and Meredith could taste the hot cocoa on her lips. Meredith pulls away, micrometers away, to catch her breath. The familiar scent of cinnamon and oranges is back. She opens her eyes just slightly to gauge Addison’s reaction. Addison’s eyes are still closed, her eyebrows upturned, her cheeks pink, and her lips slightly open. Meredith kisses her again, harder this time. Her fingers are in Addison’s soft red hair and Addison’s on are her hips. Meredith traces her tongue along Addison’s bottom lip, and Addison slightly widens her mouth. She feels Addison’s tongue with her own, then nips at her bottom lip, and places one last gentle kiss where she bit.
Meredith rests her forehead on Addison’s. “We need to stop before we give these people a full on show.”
Addison giggles back. “It’s not my fault you’re an amazing kisser.”
Meredith grins at Addison, and then the two of them laugh lightly. Meredith clears her throat. “Our food and cocoa are getting cold.”
They exchange more Christmas stories as they finish their cocoa and food. They sneak little touches with each other throughout the meal, like Meredith nudging Addison’s leg with her knee and Addison brushing her knuckles on Meredith’s arm. Once they are done, Meredith makes sure to leave a big tip as an apology for the scene they caused earlier.
They walk back to Meredith’s jeep holding hands. Meredith is about to open the passenger door for Addison, but the latter pushes her up against the car and kisses her.
“There’s no mistletoe out here, Addie,” Meredith breathes, once they pull away from each other.
“No, but I wanted to kiss you anyway,” Addison replies. “I want to kiss you, mistletoe or no mistletoe.”
Meredith never really cared about Christmas, but she thinks it’s starting to become her favorite.
“I want to kiss you too, mistletoe or no mistletoe.”