Work Text:
The cracks of dawn’s light peeped through the blinds, crawling onto the wooden desk sluggishly in tandem with the sloth-like movements of a waking Matsuda. He jolted for a moment, forgetting for a moment where he was. Work.
He must’ve fallen asleep during his late shift- he had been working himself to dust in an attempt to appease Light. After all, Light was the chief’s son; this whole Kira affair was of grave importance, really. Affair, perhaps, was not the word … it was far more intense than some petty string of thefts, no, no. Alas, he had little time to dwell on it as he heard the sound of footsteps. Shooting up as though he’d been struck by an arrow, he whipped his head backward, the sound of his neck popping echoing throughout the mostly silent office.
“Who’s there?! Show yourself!” He shouted, weary and confused from his exhausted state, head spinning with a mixture of fear and tiredness.
As the shade-cloaked figure walked toward him, he could feel every muscle in his body tense. “Matsuda? What’re you doing here …?” The darkness of the room seemed to hide the figure’s features, although their upright posture and voice gave them away “Oh. It’s just Light,” Matsuda thought. He breathed a sigh of relief, the tension in his muscles dissolving for a moment.
“Haha, sorry… I guess I fell asleep here.” Matsuda nervously scratched the back of his neck, nails digging into his skin with a deep, singeing sensation of anxiety. Light raised a brow, staring at him wordlessly. The feeling of anxiety returned, renewed in a different flavour as he tensed once again, the hair on the back of his neck standing at attention. “God, I look like such a dumbass,” Matsuda thought to himself, avoiding eye contact. He was utterly mortified at the thought of how unprofessional this all seemed - he was sure to get an earful.
“Tch.” Light let out a noise of judgement, or perhaps disgust, Matsuda wasn’t particularly sure. “Well, it would be quite nice if you pulled yourself together.” Matsuda felt his chest begin to tighten. Finally meeting one another’s gaze, Matsuda jolted, straightening his posture.
“Yes, yes, right away!” He pushed himself up, knocking things off of his desk in a tizzy. Sheepishly, he leaned down to clean up the mess; while he did so, however, he could feel Light’s gaze boring holes into the back of his head. His palms began to sweat, his heartbeat jittering in place uncomfortably.
While Matsuda couldn’t see it, Light’s face held an expression of worry. His brows furrowed, lips pursed in a slight frown as he fixed his gaze. He wondered how exhausted Matsuda must’ve been, to fall asleep at his desk like that. He trailed into his throughs for a moment, absently staring at the back of Matsuda’s head; busying himself by taking mental note of the way the early morning sun bounced on his black hair. . . As Matsuda jumped to his feet, Light quickly averted his gaze, defaulting back to a look of judgemental contempt.
“Haha, sorry about that, I’m such a klutz!” Matsuda let out a stifled laugh, clearly anxious. He wondered how ridiculous he must’ve looked, making such a fool of himself right in front of Light’s eyes. He started to pace away, trying to find some way to make himself useful, until—
“Matsuda.”
“Oh, uh, yes?” Matsuda whipped around again, gaze rising to the object of his internal affections.
“Here, make yourself useful and move some papers around for me. I’m having to sort through them.”
“Oh! Haha, uh, I mean, okay!” Matsuda nervously laughed again, face slightly flushed — “Thank goodness for this lighting,” he thought to himself. Just the thought of spending time alone with Light filled him with butterflies, he was always nervous of making himself look like a fool- “As though I don’t always do that enough,” he would figure to himself.
Much like a sheep, Matsuda followed behind Light, looking up at him with pure adoration. Light was so intelligent, assertive, succinct and persuasive. . . he allowed his mind to wander as he toddled to the filing room. His eyes sparkled with pure devotion, his heart and mind guided only by his endless journey for validation; something, anything- even so much as a crumb of Light’s attention- would make him soar.
Light, Matsuda’s shepherd, walked with confidence in his stride. Though he may not have looked it, he was filled with just as much affections as his co-worker; he was simply never the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. He could feel Matsuda’s presence behind him, his footsteps following, syncing with his. A small smile formed on his face, cracking through his steel persona. He glanced behind him, gaze softening in the beams of sunshine bleeding from the windows. “Wait- what am I thinking?” Light thought to himself, flicking his gaze back forward, arms poised unmoving at his sides. He couldn’t let his mask crack, he refused to let his cold persona fade … no matter how warm his heart may have been, his callous exterior was a necessity.
As they reached the filing room, Light finally turned himself to Matsuda fully. “Don’t fuck this up.” He nearly spat out the phrase, though it almost hurt to spew with such vitriol toward Matsuda. He was clever enough to know that it would hurt- deeply hurt- Matsuda. Always seeking validation, wanting to make himself of use … Light felt a twinge of guilt after treating him with such stone-faced hard-heartedness. Light was never a guilty person, but something about Matsuda’s pitiful personality tugged at his heartstrings in an utmost peculiar way.
“I won’t!” Matsuda smiled- a warm, toothy grin- at Light, giving him a thumbs up. However, it was clear that it stung, just as Light had suspected it would. Matsuda’s eyes didn’t quite meet Light’s, staring at the floor instead. He could feel the anxiety stewing in him again, wondering if he had already done something else to agitate Light. The air was crisp and cool between them, the hum of an AC unit filling their silence.
“Alright.” Light said it without a hint of hate in his voice, tone softening. He awkwardly opened the door, fumbling at the handle for a moment as he allowed himself to be engulfed by his own thoughts once again. The guilt had won him over. He felt almost ashamed at allowing his mask to fall slightly- though it wouldn’t be obvious to anyone aside from himself, he figured. He turned to face Matsuda, giving him the crumb of attention he sought as he flashed a small smile. “Let’s get this over with.”
Matsuda’s heart set itself aflame in one beat- his chest filled with butterflies as he smiled back at Light. “Aye, aye, captain!” He let out a small giggle, allowing himself to be playful. He stood near Light, their gazes meeting as they lingered in front of the entryway for a moment that felt like forever. Matsuda could feel his eyes dilating as he kept eye contact with Light; he took tender note of the way the sun made his eyes look like drops of amber, failing to notice that Light’s eyes were just as full of puppy-love. Matsuda traced his eyes tenderly along Light’s neatly combed locks of honey-brown hair; his skin tan and without a single blemish. Jolting himself back to reality, he walked into the room, trying to shake off the feeling that perhaps- just maybe- he had felt a spark between them.
They pilfered through the files together, sorting them alphabetically. As they silently sorted through files, the air seemed no longer stiff … but instead, full of a particular sensation that neither wanted to name. They would swap the files with one another, hands nearly brushing- both of them jolting back from the electric feeling of the other’s touch. Soft smiles, quiet laughs, hands brushing hands — the room was full of good vibrations.
Light was beside himself. He had no earthly idea as to what had been possessing him throughout this interaction. The prolonged smiles he gave to Matsuda, the laughs he lent to his jokes (no matter how bad they were) … he was baffled by his own behaviour. The dust floating in the room, the thin lying carpeting, the rattling of filing cabinets and shuffling of papers — it all must have filled the room with that certain energy, that unnamed but known energy.
Matsuda had found himself in what he was sure was his version of heaven. Light’s attention- positive and undivided- lay upon him. He savoured every second, making sure to take as long as he was able, simply to prolong this moment. To hear Light’s laughter at his jokes, to see the smile forming on his face … it made Matsuda, for the first time, truly feel full of purpose. Perhaps it was his obsession with validation, his endless seeking of love pulling him to such heights — not as though it exactly mattered to him. He could feel his heart soar, chest bursting alive with butterflies in every breath, pulse racing as though he were fuelled by a rushing brook. His hands seemed to shake with that excitable feeling- that puppy-love which filled him so.
As the amount of remaining boxes seemed to dwindle, they could hear the footsteps of others arriving. The time seemed to have flown between them, and they both felt a twinge of embitterment toward the idea of having to spend time with anyone else. The light bleeding into the room gained intensity, though their chatter began to slow. The speech betwixt the two may have stifled, however, the energy in every fleeting touch and stare was as charged as before- stronger now. Finally, as the last box was fully sorted, they turned to one another.
“I’m glad that’s finished with.” Light lied through his teeth with a plasticine smile.
“Aha, me too!” Matsuda followed suit, trying his best to grin through the sting. “Of course,” he thought to himself, “he doesn’t really like me.” He leapt to his feet with false pep, dusting his hands off with satisfaction. At least for a fleeting moment, he got what he wanted, for him, that was more than enough.
L’s slim figure stood in the doorway, stiff as a mannequin, back hunched. “What’re you two up to?” He asked the question flatly, tying knots between them with his eyes.
“Oh, we just needed to sort through these files.” Light answered back with equal flatness, albeit, his harsher.
“Right!” Matsuda’s voice was chipper, full of pride at having been able to help Light.
“Ah … I see.” L’s voice seemed to trail for a moment. He read their stances as though they were children’s novels, and he had the feeling it was more than just file sorting they were so happy about.
“Now that that’s over with, could you fetch us some coffee, Matsuda?” Light asked the question with as much malice as he usually would, though even Matsuda could tell that it was not Light’s usual brand of begrudging.
“Oh, yes, right away!” Matsuda blazed out the door, set aflame once again with determination to please.
“Hm. He seems more excitable than usual,” L bluntly pointed out.
“Well, I have no idea why that would be, L.” Light answered in his usual snarky fashion, though he was a little off-put by the observation. He was sure, though, that the changes in his character were completely imperceptible- even to someone like L.
“Just making an astute observation. No need to be rude,” L shot back. He looked at Light contemplatively. “Something is definitely up with the both of them,” he thought.
“Here you go!” Matsuda held the plain white mug out to Light- much to Light’s distain, however, Matsuda made the coffee incorrectly. It seemed as though no matter how many times he was told, Matsuda was never able to quite recall exactly how Light liked his coffee.
“Ah, erm—“ Light stopped himself, scoffing. “You made it wrong again, Matsuda. Ugh. Let me just show you.” He made his way toward Matsuda’s hand before jerking his own away, deciding to simply gesture for Matsuda to follow.
“Oh, uhm, okay!” With his hand lingering out toward Light, Matsuda nodded, once again having Light shepherd him. He ambled on behind Light sheepishly, stealing the occasional glance toward him before jerking his eyes away.
As they reached the coffee machine, Light allowed Matsuda to pass him.
“Okay, show me what to do!” Once again, he seemed as bright and happy as ever; he was at least able to savour a little bit more time alone with Light.
“Here, go ahead and get out a mug.” Light stood behind Matsuda, staring at his hands.
“Matsuda has nice hands …” The thought bubbled into Light’s psyche without any warning, nearly causing him to jump. Once again, his own feelings seemed to surprise him. As he looked to Matsuda’s grasp, he could feel his face flush ever so slightly. He absently rested his hand on Matsuda’s shoulder.
Matsuda was on fire. He slouched his head as to avoid Light’s stare- his face was bright pink; he was more than surprised by Light’s sudden decision to touch him. Light has never been a touchy sort of person, so Matsuda was very much taken aback.
“Okay, I want you to add one of those pods to the machine.” Light said it with a slightly shaking voice, still a little more flustered than he would like to admit toward the sight of Matsuda.
Matsuda took out the pod from its container — some sort of fancy blend, he figured.
“What next?” He asked it with an excited air, as if knowing how Light took his coffee was the most coveted knowledge in the world.
Light paused, leaning over Matsuda’s shoulder and looking at him with a small smile.
“Now we wait.”
They both stared at the coffee filling the cup, a soft silence brewing between them. While they both could think of a plethora of things to say, they were too discomfited to say a word- instead choosing to look to one another in the tranquil emptiness of the corner that they stood in. As the cup filled to the top, they both seemed to drift back to reality from their own separate trains of thought.
“Okay, just add a cube of ice. That’s it. No sugar, no milk, nothing of the sort.”
Matsuda held the cup to the ice dispenser, intently watching the singular ice cube plop into the cup before setting it on the counter.
“There. Now you’ll know how to make it next time.” Light’s hand grew heavy on Matsuda’s shoulder before he slowly pulled it away, grabbing his mug with both hands off the counter.
“Got it!” Matsuda nodded, turning on his heel to follow Light with yet still an eager air- as though simply being in his company recharged him.