Chapter Text
It all started at the end of fifth year.
Remus can still only recall it in pieces, like his brain won’t let him see the full picture, but he still remembers the worst parts. Waking up in the infirmary, James on his side, for a change, with a look on his face that sent a chill through Remus’s whole body. Uttering the words, “I’m so sorry, Remus,” finding out his best friend who he was in love with had used Remus as a weapon. That Sirius had risked all their lives when he told Snape how to get to the shrieking shack on the full moon, and only by sheer luck had James rushed to the shack and saved Snape in time before he was mauled by the wolf, by Remus. The aftermath. The tears and the fighting and Sirius pleading at Remus to forgive him. It ended with Remus hating Sirius. Or at least, really wanting to hate Sirius.
When the year ended, James had insisted he come over to the Potter house sometime over the break, and even though Remus said he might, he knew he wouldn’t. Because since Christmas, Sirius had been living at the Potter’s. So there was no way that Remus was going to step foot in that place, as much as he may want to see Peter and James. It just wasn’t worth the hurt to see Sirius everyday and be stuck in tight quarters with him.
James and Sirius still sent Remus letters everyday, though. James’s letters where pretty typical, describing recent events or things they had been doing over the summer, and then of course pleading Remus to come. There was always a small scribble at the bottom where James promised he wouldn’t make Remus interact with Sirius. A load of bull, really. James had taken Remus’s side during the “prank,” but Remus knew James desperately wanted Remus and Sirius to be friends again. He wanted his precious Marauders back. Remus couldn’t even blame him, but he wouldn’t do it.
Sirius’s letters weren’t that different, detailing the same events from James's letter, except with many more details on James embarrassing himself, and then, of course, pleading Remus to come to the Potter’s. But, instead of a scribble like James’s at the bottom, he was always saying sorry. Saying sorry in about 50 different ways. He was always promising to buy Remus a new record, or his favorite chocolates. Leave it to Black to think you can fix all your problems with money.
Remus wrote back to James, occasionally, always ignoring any details about Sirius or coming to the Potter’s, but he never wrote to Sirius.
There was a curious letter that came one day though, from James. Sirius didn’t even send a letter that week. The letter stated that Regulus now lived with the Potter’s. That Regulus faced a similar attack to the one Sirius faced last Christmas. He was tortured on the brink of death after refusing to get the dark mark. That was all James wrote. He quickly changed the subject in his letter and didn’t mention Sirius the entire time.
It was two weeks later when the letter arrived from Regulus.
***
Regulus had barely spoken to his brother since they both started at Hogwarts, except clipped conversations over summer breaks when Sirius wasn’t fleeing to the Potter’s, but now Regulus was stuck at the Potter’s to face, not only his brother, but his old crush, James Potter.
Regulus hates himself for ever liking James and hates himself even more for those slight lingering feels, and he hates James most of all, for all of it.
James had been strong and charming, and alarmingly good at quidditch, so, of course Regulus would like him. But he was also a Gryffindor idiot and his blood traitor brother’s best friend.
Not blood traitor. That's his parents way of thinking.
In his two weeks at the Potter’s, Sirius had taught him thinking like that, as well as numerous other things his parents taught him, was wrong. It was hard for Regulus to swallow, or change his mind, but it was undeniable that his parents were wrong and maybe there was a thing or two to be learned.
But just because Sirius was attempting to teach Regulus a few things, didn’t mean they were friends. Sirius still barely spoke to him, James tried, and Euphemia and Fleamont didn’t really know what to make of Regulus. Sure, they were nice, and helpful, and Regulus was very grateful for everything they had done, but he had just lost his home.
He missed his room, he missed being close to his friends, or even just seeing friends, and he missed Kreacher. Old, grumpy Kreacher. His only real friend back home. There for him more than Sirius ever was.
Regulus had gotten increasingly bored as his time at the Potter mansion went on. Sure, it was nice to have time to himself, not have to do every will and command his parents gave him, and spend all his days reading and writing, but he was also extremely bored.
He would just spend all his time lounging around in the den for hours, or tucked away by the fireplace where no one could see or hear him. Sirius and James weren’t so invisible or quiet. They were actually quite loud, even when discussing all their dirty little secrets, like their fight with Lupin.
After a few small weeks of listening in on their conversations, Regulus still wasn’t sure exactly what Sirius did to make Remus so upset, but it was clearly his fault, not James’s, or even their weasel friend’s, Peter.
What Regulus could gather, was that Sirius had crossed some sort of line with Remus. There was a “prank” that had apparently “dehumanized Remus” (James’ words), and now Lupin wouldn’t even talk to Sirius.
James and Sirius would constantly mention “the letters.” Apparently, they had been sending him letters all summer trying to get him to come to the Potter mansion, but nothing was working.
So, curious and bored, Regulus decided to read one of these letters. One from James.
Moony!
That was their weird nickname for Remus.
We all miss you greatly over here. Peter is begging for you to come over so he actually has some competition when he plays chess, and so he has something to do when Sirius and I play quidditch. Sirius misses you too. A lot. He’s really sorry, and I know you don’t want to hear it, but he’s losing his mind Remus. He’s gotten sick of everything and keeps whinging that he wishes you were here. But he’s not alone in that. Please come over.
Love, James
Ps. You don’t even have to talk to Sirius if you come over. I think we all just want to see you Moons. I really mean it when I say I miss you. We all do.
While reading the letter, Regulus had an idea. What if he sent Remus a letter?
What if he got Remus to come to the Potter mansion, to piss off James and Sirius. He knew it was petty, so petty. But Regulus had been looking for a way to get back at his brother for all the shit he put him through over the years, and, well, Regulus wouldn’t mind making James jealous. Not because he liked James, but because he hated him.
So, he wrote a letter.
Dear Remus Lupin,
I am sure you have become aware that I, Regulus Black, am now living with the Potters. Well, during my time here it has become increasingly obvious that you got into some sort of argument with Sirius. I’m not writing to learn about the argument, because truly, I do not care. I’m sure my brother was in the wrong, as usual. I am writing because it seems we are both in a curious position and I have an idea to fix this. A way to get back at Sirius, if you may. Don’t worry, it’s nothing too cruel. I’ll explain it all if you come to the Potter’s soon.
Sincerely, Regulus Black
And… a week later, a response.
Regulus.
I am not too eager to return to the Potter’s, but I am curious about your little proposal. I will come next Monday. I would prefer it if you did not tell James, or anyone else, as I only plan on stopping by.
Sincerely, Remus
A week. In a week, Remus Lupin would arrive and the whole plan would be set into action.
***
They were all sitting at the table eating dinner, when the doorbell rang. Sirius sprang up. He always did when the doorbell was rung, with some silly hope that Remus would be waiting on the other side of the door. He never was.
“I’ll get it!” He said, rushing over to the door.
Sirius swung open the door and-
Remus.
Remus.
Remus!
Sirius felt butterflies in his stomach as he stared at his friend. At the scars he had memorized. The little freckles hidden around the scars. His brown eyes with hints of yellow and green. Sirius wanted to wrap his arms around him, feel the comfortable wool jumper under his fingertips, and smell that distinctly Moony smell. Chocolate, tea, and the musty scent of books.
Sirius was so happy he could cry. He thought he may have lost Remus forever, but now, here he was, standing in his doorway.
“Remus,” Sirius said, his breath knocked out of him.
Remus’s expression was inscrutable. Blank. Sirius’s felt a chill go down his spine. Something was wrong. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked to see James standing right behind him.
“Remus, I- I didn’t know you were coming. I mean- we’re so glad you’re here, but I wasn’t sure…”
“Regulus wrote me.” Remus said, his voice deep and dry.
Sirius turned around to see Regulus standing with a smug smile on his face.
“Remus.” Regulus said.
“You- you did that for me? For us? Regulus, wow, I- Remus. I’m so glad you’re here, I-“
“I’m here to speak to Regulus.” Remus said.
Sirius’ mouth felt dry, this was all wrong.
“Right.”
Remus brushed past them, and into the house, toward Regulus. Sirius felt the words rise up in his throat, and fall out.
“I’m sorry. Remus- I’m so sorry. I was horrible. Terrible. And I’m so-“ Sirius’s voice broke, his eyes brimming with tears.
“Okay.” Remus said, walking behind Regulus toward the guest room.
The words were tumbling out faster and faster as Remus walked away from him, tears streaming down his face.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
And then the door was closed, and Remus was out of sight.
Sirius crumbled. He felt James catch him, and knew he was whispering small words of comfort, but Sirius couldn’t hear them. His mind was stuck thinking about how wrong this all was. How Remus should be here. Remus should be the one Sirius is holding on to. How they should be laughing together. Talking to each other. Something. Anything. Just not this.
***
A constant thread of why am I here, why am I here, why am I here, repeated in Remus’s head as he sat down on the foot of Regulus’ bed.
“Remus?” Regulus asked, interrupting his thoughts.
“Sorry, what?”
“Wow you really are smitten,”
“Excuse me?” Remus reared back, staring at Regulus.
Regulus rolled his eyes, “Look, I brought you here because I have a proposition. Something that I think will benefit both you and me…”
Remus nodded, Regulus had already mentioned some sort of idea or proposal before, in the letter, but he was still suspicious of the whole thing.
“I think we should, well, I think we should fake a relationship. You and I. Dating. Me pretend dating you.”
Remus’ brain seemed to just sort of stop functioning. A strange laugh burst out of him, but beyond that, he couldn’t do much besides stare at Regulus incredulously.
“Why- why would we do that?”
“Well, from what I’ve gathered, you are quite mad at Sirius, as am I. You are also quite mad at James, as am I. But you’re also quite mad for Sirius,”
“I-“
“Still talking. I believe the best way to solve your little predicament is to make my brother jealous. Who would he be the most jealous and upset over? Me. So, you date me to make Sirius upset, jealous, and all of that. Except we wouldn’t actually date.”
Remus’s head was reeling, “First. I’m not mad at James, even though I’m not exactly sure how he fits in with any of this. Second, wouldn’t that just make Sirius mad at me? And third, how does any of this actually benefit you?”
Regulus was silent for a moment, “I do wish to upset my brother, but I also have problems of my own. People that I’d like to upset besides my brother. And yes, maybe Sirius would be a little mad at you, but I think it might help him realize that he’s also quite in love with you.”
“You’re making some bold statements baby Black.”
“Don’t call me that-“
“Listen. It’s not a bad plan. I mean it definitely needs some shaping, but it’s not too shabby. But I don’t really think it’s… right. I mean, it might just make everything a lot worse before it makes anything better. I just- I don’t know, Regulus.”
“At least think on it?”
“Fine,”
“In the meantime, since you're not exactly getting along with your own friends, you’re welcome to hang out with my group. Yes, yes, we’re all Slytherins, except Pandora, but we’re better than you lousy marauders. You’re also welcome to stay in my room, if you chose to stay at the Potter's for the rest of holiday.”
“Thanks Regulus, really. That’s- that’s really nice.”
“Don’t thank me, I’d help anyone trying to escape my brother. Besides, you’re the best of them, Lupin.”
Remus smirked, before opening the door to leave Regulus’s room.
Remus’s stomach dropped the second he caught sight of what was going on downstairs.
Mary bounded in through the front door, sweeping Sirius into a grand hug. Sirius slowly hugged her back, before stepping away. Mary was all smiles and energy, and Sirius seemed to just... warm up around her. James was standing to the side watching everything go down before spotting Remus upstairs.
He gave Remus a weak wave before registering the expression on his face and dropping his hand. Mary pulled Sirius up the stairs and suddenly Remus felt as if the walls were closing in on him, the air growing tight and stiff. He couldn’t move away as they came up the stairs toward him, he couldn't run. Mary passed him, heading to Sirius’s room, and throwing out a “Hey Remus!”, but Sirius stopped dead in his tracks.
Any sort of pleasant expression dropped from Sirius’s face.
“Moony-“
Remus felt tears prick his eyes- No. He would not cry. Not here. Not in front of him.
Sirius seemed to be holding back another round of tears, as well. He looked so stricken. His eyes were watery and red, he had dark circles deep under his eyes, and his hair was lifeless and limp. Remus would be sad to see the glorious Sirius Black in such disarray, if he didn't hate him so much.
Sirius reached for Remus, before thinking better of it, and letting his hand fall. Remus almost wanted Sirius to go for it. To reach for him.
“I'm so, so sorry-“
Right. Sirius didn’t actually miss him or even want him, he just wanted Remus to make him feel better. Sirius just wanted attention. Affirmation. He didn’t want to feel guilty anymore.
Remus walked off to Regulus’s room and shut the door. Regulus looked up from his bed, startled.
Remus tried to ignore the tears sliding down his cheeks as he said, “Alright, I’ll do it.”